1.
He's wearing a t-shirt with bright lettering, “Mexican's have THREE problems.”Just a few moments later the Mexicans surround him and say, “Hey, you know what you're wearing is insulting?”The Texan responds, “This is your first problem: You're so easily o
He's wearing a t-shirt with bright lettering, “Mexican's have THREE problems.”Just a few moments later the Mexicans surround him and say, “Hey, you know what you're wearing is insulting?”The Texan responds, “This is your first problem: You're so easily o
2.
A middle aged guy and his teenage daughter were riding a motor bike and taking a shortcut through a darkened park when they were stopped by a gang of muggers.
They searched them and took the guys wallet, his watch and the motorbike but couldn’t find an
A middle aged guy and his teenage daughter were riding a motor bike and taking a shortcut through a darkened park when they were stopped by a gang of muggers.
They searched them and took the guys wallet, his watch and the motorbike but couldn’t find an
3.
After a while, One guy looks at the other and says, “I can't help but think, from listening to you, that you're from Ireland.”The other guy responds proudly, “Yes, that I am!”The first guy says, “So am I! And where about from Ireland might you be?”The oth
After a while, One guy looks at the other and says, “I can't help but think, from listening to you, that you're from Ireland.”The other guy responds proudly, “Yes, that I am!”The first guy says, “So am I! And where about from Ireland might you be?”The oth
4.
Six engineers and six mathematicians are attending a conference and are traveling by train.One by one, each of the mathematicians goes up to the ticket counter and buys a ticket to the conferenceBut only one of the engineers doesThe math majors started la
Six engineers and six mathematicians are attending a conference and are traveling by train.One by one, each of the mathematicians goes up to the ticket counter and buys a ticket to the conferenceBut only one of the engineers doesThe math majors started la
5.
One of the priests said, “Sometimes it feels like such a burden to always be the one who listens to other people's problems – I can only talk about my sins with the bishop, and he just visits once a year…”The others nodded in agreementSuddenly, one of the
One of the priests said, “Sometimes it feels like such a burden to always be the one who listens to other people's problems – I can only talk about my sins with the bishop, and he just visits once a year…”The others nodded in agreementSuddenly, one of the
6.
Late one evening a Marine pulled into a little town, only to find that every hotel room was taken.When he finally got to the last hotel, he pleaded to the manager, “You've got to have a room somewhere, or just a bed, I don't care where.”“Well, I do have a
Late one evening a Marine pulled into a little town, only to find that every hotel room was taken.When he finally got to the last hotel, he pleaded to the manager, “You've got to have a room somewhere, or just a bed, I don't care where.”“Well, I do have a
7.
Two wives finally find some time to have a night out, just the two girls.
After a night of happy drinking, they decide to wobble home, but on the way both have a desperate need to pee.
They nip into a cemetery, do the deed and realize they have noth
Two wives finally find some time to have a night out, just the two girls.
After a night of happy drinking, they decide to wobble home, but on the way both have a desperate need to pee.
They nip into a cemetery, do the deed and realize they have noth
8.
* Half of us are going to come out of this quarantine as amazing cooksThe other half will come out with a drinking problem.* I used to spin that toilet paper like I was on Wheel of FortuneNow I turn it like I'm cracking a safe.* I need to practice social-
* Half of us are going to come out of this quarantine as amazing cooksThe other half will come out with a drinking problem.* I used to spin that toilet paper like I was on Wheel of FortuneNow I turn it like I'm cracking a safe.* I need to practice social-
9.
A rather old fashioned lady, always quite delicate and elegant, especially in her language, was planning a weeks holiday in Sydney with her husband, so she wrote to a particular camping ground and asked for a reservation.She wanted to make sure that the c
A rather old fashioned lady, always quite delicate and elegant, especially in her language, was planning a weeks holiday in Sydney with her husband, so she wrote to a particular camping ground and asked for a reservation.She wanted to make sure that the c
10.
Mike was driving home from a long business trip in Northern Arizona, when he saw an elderly Navajo man walking on the side of the road.As the trip was a long and quiet one, he stopped the car and asked the Navajo man if he would like a ride.With a silent
Mike was driving home from a long business trip in Northern Arizona, when he saw an elderly Navajo man walking on the side of the road.As the trip was a long and quiet one, he stopped the car and asked the Navajo man if he would like a ride.With a silent
11.
A doctor, a lawyer, a little boy and a priest were out for a Sunday afternoon flight on a small private plane.Suddenly, the plane developed engine troubleIn spite of the best efforts of the pilot, the plane started to go down.Finally, the pilot grabbed a
A doctor, a lawyer, a little boy and a priest were out for a Sunday afternoon flight on a small private plane.Suddenly, the plane developed engine troubleIn spite of the best efforts of the pilot, the plane started to go down.Finally, the pilot grabbed a
12.
A huge muscular man walks into a bar and orders a beerThe bartender hands him the beer and says, “You know, I'm not gay but I want to compliment you on your physique, it really is phenomenal! I have a question though, why is your head so small?”The big gu
A huge muscular man walks into a bar and orders a beerThe bartender hands him the beer and says, “You know, I'm not gay but I want to compliment you on your physique, it really is phenomenal! I have a question though, why is your head so small?”The big gu
13.
A man and his wife are discussing what they think their son will be when he grows up.
“I have an idea,” says the father. He puts a ten-dollar bill, a bottle of whiskey, and a Bible on the coffee table.
“If he takes the money, he’ll be a banker. If h
A man and his wife are discussing what they think their son will be when he grows up.
“I have an idea,” says the father. He puts a ten-dollar bill, a bottle of whiskey, and a Bible on the coffee table.
“If he takes the money, he’ll be a banker. If h
14.
An insurance company asked for more information regarding a work-related accident claim
This was the response:
“I put ‘poor planning’ as the cause of my accident
I am an amateur radio operator and was working on the top section of my new 80 foot
An insurance company asked for more information regarding a work-related accident claim
This was the response:
“I put ‘poor planning’ as the cause of my accident
I am an amateur radio operator and was working on the top section of my new 80 foot
15.
A mother took her little boy to church.While in church the little boy said, “Mommy, I have to pee.”The mother said to the little boy, “It's not appropriate to say the word ‘pee' in church.So, from now on whenever you have to ‘pee' just tell me that you
A mother took her little boy to church.While in church the little boy said, “Mommy, I have to pee.”The mother said to the little boy, “It's not appropriate to say the word ‘pee' in church.So, from now on whenever you have to ‘pee' just tell me that you
16.
A woman runs into a doctor's office and says,“Doctor! You have to help me! Everywhere I touch on my body it hurts!”The doctor replies, “Show me.”So the woman pokes her ankle and screams in pain.She pokes her knee and yells again.She pokes her forehead and
A woman runs into a doctor's office and says,“Doctor! You have to help me! Everywhere I touch on my body it hurts!”The doctor replies, “Show me.”So the woman pokes her ankle and screams in pain.She pokes her knee and yells again.She pokes her forehead and
17.
Johnny’s dad told Johnny to take a shower.
“I’m scared, can I take a shower with you?” Johnny said.
“No, son, that would be weird,” his father replied.
“Please?” he cried.
“Okay, okay, but just don’t look down..”
Johnny, being the curious b
Johnny’s dad told Johnny to take a shower.
“I’m scared, can I take a shower with you?” Johnny said.
“No, son, that would be weird,” his father replied.
“Please?” he cried.
“Okay, okay, but just don’t look down..”
Johnny, being the curious b
18.
The husband wanted more than a written report; he wanted video of his wife's activities.A week later, the detective returned with a video. They sat down together to watch it.Although the quality was less than professional, the man saw his wife meeting an
The husband wanted more than a written report; he wanted video of his wife's activities.A week later, the detective returned with a video. They sat down together to watch it.Although the quality was less than professional, the man saw his wife meeting an
19.
Two zebras are talking and one asks the other,
“Am I black with white stripes or white with black stripes?”
The other replies, “Well I don’t know.
You should pray to God about that and ask him.” So that night he did
and God replied, “You are w
Two zebras are talking and one asks the other,
“Am I black with white stripes or white with black stripes?”
The other replies, “Well I don’t know.
You should pray to God about that and ask him.” So that night he did
and God replied, “You are w
20.
There is a town in France, which was flooding.Some people escaped to the roof of the church.The priest, however, stayed and said, “Let God come.”Someone came to save him but the priest said, “God will save me.”He refused to get in, maintaining that God wi
There is a town in France, which was flooding.Some people escaped to the roof of the church.The priest, however, stayed and said, “Let God come.”Someone came to save him but the priest said, “God will save me.”He refused to get in, maintaining that God wi
21.
A woman comes home and tells her husband, “Remember those headaches I’ve been having all these years? Well, they’re gone.”
“No more headaches?” the husband asks, “What happened?”
His wife replies, “Margie referred me to a hypnotist.
He told me to
A woman comes home and tells her husband, “Remember those headaches I’ve been having all these years? Well, they’re gone.”
“No more headaches?” the husband asks, “What happened?”
His wife replies, “Margie referred me to a hypnotist.
He told me to
22.
One winter morning while listening to the radio, Bob and his wife hear the announcer say, “We are going to have 4-6 inches of snow today.You must park your car on the even numbered side of the street, so the snowplow can get through.”Bob's wife goes out a
One winter morning while listening to the radio, Bob and his wife hear the announcer say, “We are going to have 4-6 inches of snow today.You must park your car on the even numbered side of the street, so the snowplow can get through.”Bob's wife goes out a
23.
A farmer had just gotten a new rooster for his hens and the old rooster of many years was worried he would be replaced.
However, he had a cunning plan on dealing with this young rival.
He went up to the new rooster and said, “Right, I’ll make you a
A farmer had just gotten a new rooster for his hens and the old rooster of many years was worried he would be replaced.
However, he had a cunning plan on dealing with this young rival.
He went up to the new rooster and said, “Right, I’ll make you a
24.
The first guy goes in and kicks as., best job interview he's ever done in his lifeEnd of the interview comes around, the interviewer says:“By the way, do you notice anything strange about me?”“Yeah,” says the guy… “You don't have any EARS, man!”“I'm sorry
The first guy goes in and kicks as., best job interview he's ever done in his lifeEnd of the interview comes around, the interviewer says:“By the way, do you notice anything strange about me?”“Yeah,” says the guy… “You don't have any EARS, man!”“I'm sorry
25.
As MrSmith was on his death bed, he attempted to formulate a plan that would allow him to take at least some of his considerable wealth with him.He called for the three men he trusted most, his lawyer, his doctor, and his clergyman.MrSmith told them, “I'm
As MrSmith was on his death bed, he attempted to formulate a plan that would allow him to take at least some of his considerable wealth with him.He called for the three men he trusted most, his lawyer, his doctor, and his clergyman.MrSmith told them, “I'm
26.
A couple went on vacation to a fishing resort up north.
The husband liked to fish at the crack of dawn; the wife preferred to read.
One morning the husband returned after several hours of fishing and decided to take a short nap.
The wife decided
A couple went on vacation to a fishing resort up north.
The husband liked to fish at the crack of dawn; the wife preferred to read.
One morning the husband returned after several hours of fishing and decided to take a short nap.
The wife decided
27.
Two blondes were working on a house.
The one who was nailing down siding would reach into her nail pouch, pull out a nail and either toss it over her shoulder or nail it in.
The other, figuring this was worth looking into, asked, “Why are you throwi
Two blondes were working on a house.
The one who was nailing down siding would reach into her nail pouch, pull out a nail and either toss it over her shoulder or nail it in.
The other, figuring this was worth looking into, asked, “Why are you throwi
28.
Three guys were sitting in a biker bar.A man came in, already drunk, sat down at the bar and ordered a drink.The man looked around and saw the 3 men sitting at a corner table.He got up, staggered to the table, leaned over, looked the biggest one in the fa
Three guys were sitting in a biker bar.A man came in, already drunk, sat down at the bar and ordered a drink.The man looked around and saw the 3 men sitting at a corner table.He got up, staggered to the table, leaned over, looked the biggest one in the fa
29.
An elderly couple, a priest, and a doctor walk into a bar
As they are sitting down and drinking, they eventually start talking about conception and the question of
“When does life begin”.
The priest said in the Bible states that life begins at co
An elderly couple, a priest, and a doctor walk into a bar
As they are sitting down and drinking, they eventually start talking about conception and the question of
“When does life begin”.
The priest said in the Bible states that life begins at co
30.
A blonde was summoned to court to appear as a witness in a lawsuitThe prosecutor opened his questioning with, “Where were you the night of August 24th?”“Objection!” said the defense attorney“Irrelevant!”“Oh, that's okay,” said the blonde from the witness
A blonde was summoned to court to appear as a witness in a lawsuitThe prosecutor opened his questioning with, “Where were you the night of August 24th?”“Objection!” said the defense attorney“Irrelevant!”“Oh, that's okay,” said the blonde from the witness
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