1.
3 men are playing golf at a Country Club: Obi Wan Kenobi, Darth Maul and a very old man.
Obi Wan tees off and hits his ball in the sand trap. He mind controls his caddy to mark it a hole-in-one.
Next Darth Maul hits his ball and it lands in the roug
3 men are playing golf at a Country Club: Obi Wan Kenobi, Darth Maul and a very old man.
Obi Wan tees off and hits his ball in the sand trap. He mind controls his caddy to mark it a hole-in-one.
Next Darth Maul hits his ball and it lands in the roug
2.
Hoping to try another career where skillful hands would be beneficial, he decided to become a mechanic.He went to the local technical college, signed up for evening classes, attended diligently, and learned all he could.When the time of the practical exam
Hoping to try another career where skillful hands would be beneficial, he decided to become a mechanic.He went to the local technical college, signed up for evening classes, attended diligently, and learned all he could.When the time of the practical exam
3.
The bartender said, “You can't bring that monkey in here!”The man said, “Don't worry, he won't cause any trouble.”Within seconds the monkey jumped on the pool table and swallowed the cue ball.The bartender yelled, “Hey, he just ate my cue ballNo one can p
The bartender said, “You can't bring that monkey in here!”The man said, “Don't worry, he won't cause any trouble.”Within seconds the monkey jumped on the pool table and swallowed the cue ball.The bartender yelled, “Hey, he just ate my cue ballNo one can p
4.
The villagers were delighted.A sadhu who performed miracles, had come to their village.Every morning and evening they would gather at the temple with specially prepared delicacies as offerings to the sadhu.When Tenali Rama heard of this, he smelt a rat.He
The villagers were delighted.A sadhu who performed miracles, had come to their village.Every morning and evening they would gather at the temple with specially prepared delicacies as offerings to the sadhu.When Tenali Rama heard of this, he smelt a rat.He
5.
… complaining about their biggest regrets on getting old.The first old man said, “I'd give anything to take a good piss like I did when I was young. Every morning I get up it takes me 5 minutes to take a piss, and then it's only a small dribble.”The seco
… complaining about their biggest regrets on getting old.The first old man said, “I'd give anything to take a good piss like I did when I was young. Every morning I get up it takes me 5 minutes to take a piss, and then it's only a small dribble.”The seco
6.
Kenny, a city boy, moved to the country and purchased a donkey from an old farmer for $100.
The farmer agreed to deliver the donkey the following day.
The next morning, the farmer drove up and said,
“Sorry, son, but I have some bad news. The donk
Kenny, a city boy, moved to the country and purchased a donkey from an old farmer for $100.
The farmer agreed to deliver the donkey the following day.
The next morning, the farmer drove up and said,
“Sorry, son, but I have some bad news. The donk
7.
Little Johnny was on a park bench stuffing all of his Halloween candy in his mouth.
An old lady came over and said.
“Son, don’t you know that eating all of that candy will rot your teeth, give you acne, and make you sick?”
“My grandfather lived t
Little Johnny was on a park bench stuffing all of his Halloween candy in his mouth.
An old lady came over and said.
“Son, don’t you know that eating all of that candy will rot your teeth, give you acne, and make you sick?”
“My grandfather lived t
8.
After 37 years of marriage Jake dumped his wife for his Young secretary.His new girlfriend demanded that they live in Jake and Edith's multi million dollar home and since the man's lawyers were a little better he prevailed.He gave Edith his now ex-wife ju
After 37 years of marriage Jake dumped his wife for his Young secretary.His new girlfriend demanded that they live in Jake and Edith's multi million dollar home and since the man's lawyers were a little better he prevailed.He gave Edith his now ex-wife ju
9.
There was a party in the woods and, all of a sudden there was a downpour of rain.Two young men ran for about 10 minutes in the pouring rain and finally reached their car just as the rain let up They jumped in, started it up and headed down the road, laugh
There was a party in the woods and, all of a sudden there was a downpour of rain.Two young men ran for about 10 minutes in the pouring rain and finally reached their car just as the rain let up They jumped in, started it up and headed down the road, laugh
10.
A lady goes to the bar on a cruise ship and orders a Scotch with two drops of water.As the bartender gives her the drink she says,“I'm on this cruise to celebrate my 80th birthday and it's today…”The bartender says,“Well since it's your birthday, I'll buy
A lady goes to the bar on a cruise ship and orders a Scotch with two drops of water.As the bartender gives her the drink she says,“I'm on this cruise to celebrate my 80th birthday and it's today…”The bartender says,“Well since it's your birthday, I'll buy
11.
A pastor, who shall we say was “humor impaired,” attended a conference to help encourage and better equip pastors for their ministry.Among the speakers were many well known and dynamic speakers.One such boldly approached the pulpit and, gathering the enti
A pastor, who shall we say was “humor impaired,” attended a conference to help encourage and better equip pastors for their ministry.Among the speakers were many well known and dynamic speakers.One such boldly approached the pulpit and, gathering the enti
12.
A dog ran into a butcher shop and grabbed a roast off the counter.Fortunately, the butcher recognized the dog as belonging to a neighbour of his.The neighbour happened to be a lawyer.Incensed at the theft, the butcher called up his neighbour and said:Hey,
A dog ran into a butcher shop and grabbed a roast off the counter.Fortunately, the butcher recognized the dog as belonging to a neighbour of his.The neighbour happened to be a lawyer.Incensed at the theft, the butcher called up his neighbour and said:Hey,
13.
A noted psychiatrist was a guest speaker at an academic function where a politician happened to appear.
The politician took the opportunity to schmooze the good doctor a bit and asked him a question with which he was most at ease.
‘Would you mind te
A noted psychiatrist was a guest speaker at an academic function where a politician happened to appear.
The politician took the opportunity to schmooze the good doctor a bit and asked him a question with which he was most at ease.
‘Would you mind te
14.
… noticed that they were getting a lot more forgetful, so they decided to go to the doctor.The doctor told them that they should start writing things down so they don't forget.They went home and the old lady told her husband to get her a bowl of ice cream
… noticed that they were getting a lot more forgetful, so they decided to go to the doctor.The doctor told them that they should start writing things down so they don't forget.They went home and the old lady told her husband to get her a bowl of ice cream
15.
The Catholic priest in a small town had become very perturbed, and he decided to lay it on the line to the congregation.“Brothers, sisters,” he said solemnly, “it has come to my attention that there are tales to the effect that immorality is rampant in ou
The Catholic priest in a small town had become very perturbed, and he decided to lay it on the line to the congregation.“Brothers, sisters,” he said solemnly, “it has come to my attention that there are tales to the effect that immorality is rampant in ou
16.
Desmond, who was a real town dweller, drove his car into a ditch when out on the country roadsLuckily, a local farmer came was passing by with his big strong donkey called Dobbin.He hitched Dobbin up to the car and shouted loudly, “Pull, Dolly, pull!” Dob
Desmond, who was a real town dweller, drove his car into a ditch when out on the country roadsLuckily, a local farmer came was passing by with his big strong donkey called Dobbin.He hitched Dobbin up to the car and shouted loudly, “Pull, Dolly, pull!” Dob
17.
A young man asked an old rich man how he made his money.The old guy fingered his worsted wool vest and said,“Well, son, it was 1932, the depth of the Great Depression.I was down to my last nickel.I invested that nickel in an apple.I spent the entire day p
A young man asked an old rich man how he made his money.The old guy fingered his worsted wool vest and said,“Well, son, it was 1932, the depth of the Great Depression.I was down to my last nickel.I invested that nickel in an apple.I spent the entire day p
18.
A fire started on some grasslands near a farm. The county fire department was called to put out the fire.
The fire was more than the county fire department could handle.
Someone suggested that a nearby volunteer bunch be called.
Despite some doub
A fire started on some grasslands near a farm. The county fire department was called to put out the fire.
The fire was more than the county fire department could handle.
Someone suggested that a nearby volunteer bunch be called.
Despite some doub
19.
A very proper business lady was on the lot of a Mercedes dealership in her local town.
She strolled through the vehicles until she found a car that caught her eye.
After looking it over for a while she noticed the car was unlocked.
She opened the
A very proper business lady was on the lot of a Mercedes dealership in her local town.
She strolled through the vehicles until she found a car that caught her eye.
After looking it over for a while she noticed the car was unlocked.
She opened the
20.
The day after his wife disappeared in a kayaking accident in the Bay of Fundy, Nova Scotia, a man answered his door to find two grim-faced Mounties.
“We know it’s late, sir, but we have some information about your wife,” said one of the Mounties.
“T
The day after his wife disappeared in a kayaking accident in the Bay of Fundy, Nova Scotia, a man answered his door to find two grim-faced Mounties.
“We know it’s late, sir, but we have some information about your wife,” said one of the Mounties.
“T
21.
Bob, a 70-year-old, extremely wealthy widower, shows up at the Country Club with a breathtakingly beautiful and very sexy 25-year-old blonde-haired woman who knocks everyone's socks off with her youthful appeal and charm and who hangs over Bob's arm and l
Bob, a 70-year-old, extremely wealthy widower, shows up at the Country Club with a breathtakingly beautiful and very sexy 25-year-old blonde-haired woman who knocks everyone's socks off with her youthful appeal and charm and who hangs over Bob's arm and l
22.
A man was talking to one of his friends named Jim when another friend walked up to them.
The friend showed them that his head had become a giant pumpkin.
The two friends were awestruck as they watched their friend with the giant pumpkin head move st
A man was talking to one of his friends named Jim when another friend walked up to them.
The friend showed them that his head had become a giant pumpkin.
The two friends were awestruck as they watched their friend with the giant pumpkin head move st
23.
After a tiring day, a young lady settled down in her local train seat and closed her eyes.As the train rolled out of the station, the guy sitting next to her, pulled out his cell phone and started talking in a loud voice “Hi Sweetheart, its Rajaram I'm on
After a tiring day, a young lady settled down in her local train seat and closed her eyes.As the train rolled out of the station, the guy sitting next to her, pulled out his cell phone and started talking in a loud voice “Hi Sweetheart, its Rajaram I'm on
24.
I remember one time when I was home visiting my folks.My mom asked me to set the table for dinner.I opened the refrigerator and taped to the inside of the door was a risque picture of a lovely, slender, perfectly built young woman.“Mom, what s this?” I as
I remember one time when I was home visiting my folks.My mom asked me to set the table for dinner.I opened the refrigerator and taped to the inside of the door was a risque picture of a lovely, slender, perfectly built young woman.“Mom, what s this?” I as
25.
The Chief Rabbi of Israel and the Pope are in a meeting in RomeThe Rabbi notices an unusually fancy phone on a side table in the Pope's private chambers.“What is that phone for?” he asks the pontiff.“It's my direct line to the Lord!”The Rabbi is skeptical
The Chief Rabbi of Israel and the Pope are in a meeting in RomeThe Rabbi notices an unusually fancy phone on a side table in the Pope's private chambers.“What is that phone for?” he asks the pontiff.“It's my direct line to the Lord!”The Rabbi is skeptical
26.
A woman who is constantly embarrassed by her husband falling asleep in church goes to the priest to ask for help.The priest says, “Look love, if he falls asleep again, poke him with this hat pin.I'll nod to you as a signal to poke him.”.The woman agrees t
A woman who is constantly embarrassed by her husband falling asleep in church goes to the priest to ask for help.The priest says, “Look love, if he falls asleep again, poke him with this hat pin.I'll nod to you as a signal to poke him.”.The woman agrees t
27.
Ole and Sven go out squirrel hunting one afternoon.Ole needs to toss a whizz so he steps behind a tree to take care of business.All the sudden Sven hears a bone-chilling cry.He checks on his best friend Ole and there he is, lying on the ground.“Sven, a ra
Ole and Sven go out squirrel hunting one afternoon.Ole needs to toss a whizz so he steps behind a tree to take care of business.All the sudden Sven hears a bone-chilling cry.He checks on his best friend Ole and there he is, lying on the ground.“Sven, a ra
28.
There was a woman who had a dog that snored.
She called her vet to find out if there was anything that would stop the snoring.
The vet suggested that she tie a ribbon around the dog’s testicles.
So, she went to her sewing basket, found a length o
There was a woman who had a dog that snored.
She called her vet to find out if there was anything that would stop the snoring.
The vet suggested that she tie a ribbon around the dog’s testicles.
So, she went to her sewing basket, found a length o
29.
Two guys are speeding through Texas when a state trooper pulls them over.
The trooper walks up to the drivers side of the car, gets out his billy club and smacks the driver across the face.
Stunned, the driver asks, “Why did you do that??”
The tr
Two guys are speeding through Texas when a state trooper pulls them over.
The trooper walks up to the drivers side of the car, gets out his billy club and smacks the driver across the face.
Stunned, the driver asks, “Why did you do that??”
The tr
30.
A farmer had a three legged pig and his neighbor asked him why the pig had only three legs.“Well, I'll tell you” the farmer replied.“One day I was plowing my field and the tractor turned over and pinned me underneathThat pig ran for helpHe saved my life.”
A farmer had a three legged pig and his neighbor asked him why the pig had only three legs.“Well, I'll tell you” the farmer replied.“One day I was plowing my field and the tractor turned over and pinned me underneathThat pig ran for helpHe saved my life.”
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Eng Jokes
