1.
I went to the liquor store Friday afternoon on my bicycle,
bought a bottle of Scotch and put it in the bicycle basket.
As I was about to leave, I thought to myself,
“What if I fell off my bicycle, the bottle would break”.
So, I drank all the S
I went to the liquor store Friday afternoon on my bicycle,
bought a bottle of Scotch and put it in the bicycle basket.
As I was about to leave, I thought to myself,
“What if I fell off my bicycle, the bottle would break”.
So, I drank all the S
2.
One day a beggar knocked at the door of a house, and when a woman opened the door, asked her for alms.“I've nothing to give you,” said the woman“Please go!”The woman, who was newly married, lived with her mother-in-lawWhen her mother-in-law heard her refu
One day a beggar knocked at the door of a house, and when a woman opened the door, asked her for alms.“I've nothing to give you,” said the woman“Please go!”The woman, who was newly married, lived with her mother-in-lawWhen her mother-in-law heard her refu
3.
A man went to confession in St. Patrick’s Catholic Church.
‘Father’, he confessed, ‘it has been one month since my last confession.
I had make love with Fanny Green twice last month.’
The priest told the sinner, ‘You are forgiven. Go out and say
A man went to confession in St. Patrick’s Catholic Church.
‘Father’, he confessed, ‘it has been one month since my last confession.
I had make love with Fanny Green twice last month.’
The priest told the sinner, ‘You are forgiven. Go out and say
4.
Bob works hard and spends most evenings bowling or playing basketball at the gym.
His wife thinks he is pushing himself too hard, so for his birthday she takes him to a local strip club.
The doorman at the club greets them and says, “Hey, Bob! How y
Bob works hard and spends most evenings bowling or playing basketball at the gym.
His wife thinks he is pushing himself too hard, so for his birthday she takes him to a local strip club.
The doorman at the club greets them and says, “Hey, Bob! How y
5.
I was looking for my keysThey were not in my pocketsA quick search in the meeting room revealed nothing.Suddenly I realised I must have left them in the carFrantically, I headed for the car park.My husband has scolded me many times for leaving the keys in
I was looking for my keysThey were not in my pocketsA quick search in the meeting room revealed nothing.Suddenly I realised I must have left them in the carFrantically, I headed for the car park.My husband has scolded me many times for leaving the keys in
6.
I was sitting at a bar last night and this Asian looking fella sits down next to me and takes a sip of beer.I glance over at him and ask if he knows any of those martial arts like Kung fu, or Karate or Ju Jitsu.He says, “No, WTF man!? Are you asking becau
I was sitting at a bar last night and this Asian looking fella sits down next to me and takes a sip of beer.I glance over at him and ask if he knows any of those martial arts like Kung fu, or Karate or Ju Jitsu.He says, “No, WTF man!? Are you asking becau
7.
The mother-in-law arrives home from the shops to find her son-in-law Paddy in a steaming rage and hurriedly packing his suitcase.“What happened Paddy ?” she asks anxiously.“What happened!! I'll tell you what happenedI sent an email to my wife telling her
The mother-in-law arrives home from the shops to find her son-in-law Paddy in a steaming rage and hurriedly packing his suitcase.“What happened Paddy ?” she asks anxiously.“What happened!! I'll tell you what happenedI sent an email to my wife telling her
8.
A little lizard is walking through the Australian bush when a voice calls“Hey lizard”The lizard looks up and perched in the tree is a koala smoking a joint.“Come on up and join me in a joint”So the lizard climbs the tree and the koala rolls him a joint an
A little lizard is walking through the Australian bush when a voice calls“Hey lizard”The lizard looks up and perched in the tree is a koala smoking a joint.“Come on up and join me in a joint”So the lizard climbs the tree and the koala rolls him a joint an
9.
Paddy McCoy, an elderly Irish farmer, received a letter from the Department for Work & Pensions stating that they suspected he was not paying his employees enough and they would send an inspector to interview themOn the appointed day, the inspector turned
Paddy McCoy, an elderly Irish farmer, received a letter from the Department for Work & Pensions stating that they suspected he was not paying his employees enough and they would send an inspector to interview themOn the appointed day, the inspector turned
10.
Two men leave a store. One man walks to his Corvette, the other walks out to his moped.
The guy with the moped admires the Corvette and the owner lets him take a look at it.
The he gets on his moped, the other guy gets into his ‘Vette, and they both
Two men leave a store. One man walks to his Corvette, the other walks out to his moped.
The guy with the moped admires the Corvette and the owner lets him take a look at it.
The he gets on his moped, the other guy gets into his ‘Vette, and they both
11.
The Little Johnny, his uncle, and a cat on a farm.So, a father comes home to Little Johnny one day and says that they'll have to move for a while.He's going out on a business trip and his mother is in hospital for a car accident, so Little Johnny has to s
The Little Johnny, his uncle, and a cat on a farm.So, a father comes home to Little Johnny one day and says that they'll have to move for a while.He's going out on a business trip and his mother is in hospital for a car accident, so Little Johnny has to s
12.
A mother was driving home from the shops when she decided to stop by at her son and daughter-in-law's house.She knocked on the door, there was no answer.She tried the door, which was unlocked, so she decided to walk in.She was shocked to see her daughter-
A mother was driving home from the shops when she decided to stop by at her son and daughter-in-law's house.She knocked on the door, there was no answer.She tried the door, which was unlocked, so she decided to walk in.She was shocked to see her daughter-
13.
His parents look at the truck and ask, “Where did you get that truck?!”“I bought it today,” he says.“With what money?” says his mother arching an eyebrow.They knew what a new F150 cost.“Well,” he says, “this one cost me just fifteen dollars.”The father lo
His parents look at the truck and ask, “Where did you get that truck?!”“I bought it today,” he says.“With what money?” says his mother arching an eyebrow.They knew what a new F150 cost.“Well,” he says, “this one cost me just fifteen dollars.”The father lo
14.
Scottish couple wants their kids to visit on Christmas EveHowever, there are some methods that make things easier…A man in Scotland calls his son in London the day before Christmas Eve and says, “I hate to ruin your day, but I have to tell you that your m
Scottish couple wants their kids to visit on Christmas EveHowever, there are some methods that make things easier…A man in Scotland calls his son in London the day before Christmas Eve and says, “I hate to ruin your day, but I have to tell you that your m
15.
Husband comes home drunk and breaks some crockery, vomits and falls down on the floor:
His wife pulls him up and cleans everything.
The next day when he gets up he expects her to be really angry with him.
He prays that they would not have a fight
Husband comes home drunk and breaks some crockery, vomits and falls down on the floor:
His wife pulls him up and cleans everything.
The next day when he gets up he expects her to be really angry with him.
He prays that they would not have a fight
16.
Two zebras are talking and one asks the other,
“Am I black with white stripes or white with black stripes?”
The other replies, “Well I don’t know.
You should pray to God about that and ask him.” So that night he did
and God replied, “You are w
Two zebras are talking and one asks the other,
“Am I black with white stripes or white with black stripes?”
The other replies, “Well I don’t know.
You should pray to God about that and ask him.” So that night he did
and God replied, “You are w
17.
A game warden was driving down the road when he came upon a boy carrying a wild turkey under his arm.He stopped and asked the boy, “Where did you get that turkey?”The boy replied, “What turkey?”The game warden said, “That turkey you're carrying under your
A game warden was driving down the road when he came upon a boy carrying a wild turkey under his arm.He stopped and asked the boy, “Where did you get that turkey?”The boy replied, “What turkey?”The game warden said, “That turkey you're carrying under your
18.
Pete and Larry had not seen each other in many years.
Now they had a long talk trying to fill in the gap of those years by telling about their lives.
Finally Pete invited Larry to visit him in his new apartment.
“I’ve got a wife and three kids an
Pete and Larry had not seen each other in many years.
Now they had a long talk trying to fill in the gap of those years by telling about their lives.
Finally Pete invited Larry to visit him in his new apartment.
“I’ve got a wife and three kids an
19.
One day, Einstein has to speak at an important science conference.
On the way there, he tells his driver that looks a bit like him:
“I’m sick of all these conferences.
I always say the same things over and over!”
The driver agrees: “You’re rig
One day, Einstein has to speak at an important science conference.
On the way there, he tells his driver that looks a bit like him:
“I’m sick of all these conferences.
I always say the same things over and over!”
The driver agrees: “You’re rig
20.
A very loving couple had been married for over 10 years without any child and it was becoming their 11th year.
Steve and Sarah stayed with each other and greatly hoped that they will have a child before their 11th year of marriage runs out because they
A very loving couple had been married for over 10 years without any child and it was becoming their 11th year.
Steve and Sarah stayed with each other and greatly hoped that they will have a child before their 11th year of marriage runs out because they
21.
One day a lion was sleeping in front of its cave.At that time a little mouse playing nearby by chance ran over the lion's body.Lion woke with very angry and start searching for who disturbed the sleep.He found the little mouse nearby and said, “How dare y
One day a lion was sleeping in front of its cave.At that time a little mouse playing nearby by chance ran over the lion's body.Lion woke with very angry and start searching for who disturbed the sleep.He found the little mouse nearby and said, “How dare y
22.
A man was telling his co-worker one day that the company was transferring him to Chicago.He explained that he was going to quit before he had to move there.When asked why, he replied that he was just too afraid of all the crime even though he would be pas
A man was telling his co-worker one day that the company was transferring him to Chicago.He explained that he was going to quit before he had to move there.When asked why, he replied that he was just too afraid of all the crime even though he would be pas
23.
An arab and his wife are at mid point on a long trek across the desert when suddenly their camel sits down and refuses to get up.The arab beats it with his stick, pulls with all his strength on the reins, swears at it, and invokes Allah's help. All to no
An arab and his wife are at mid point on a long trek across the desert when suddenly their camel sits down and refuses to get up.The arab beats it with his stick, pulls with all his strength on the reins, swears at it, and invokes Allah's help. All to no
24.
A teacher is writing on board and suddenly students laughsTeacher: “Why did you laugh?”Boy 1: “I saw a strap of your corset.”Teacher: “You are punished to stay out of school for one week.”Boy 2 laughed… Teacher: “Why did you laugh?”Boy 2: “I saw your cors
A teacher is writing on board and suddenly students laughsTeacher: “Why did you laugh?”Boy 1: “I saw a strap of your corset.”Teacher: “You are punished to stay out of school for one week.”Boy 2 laughed… Teacher: “Why did you laugh?”Boy 2: “I saw your cors
25.
Three nuns died in a car accident. They reached to the gates of heaven but the person who let’s people in said “so I know you are people of the cloth but I decided that I am not going to just let people in, I’m going to give you a test”.
So he goes to
Three nuns died in a car accident. They reached to the gates of heaven but the person who let’s people in said “so I know you are people of the cloth but I decided that I am not going to just let people in, I’m going to give you a test”.
So he goes to
26.
A guy driving a Yugo pulls up at a stoplight next to a Rolls-RoyceThe driver of the Yugo rolls down his window and shouts to the driver of the Rolls, “Hey, buddy, that's a nice carYou got a phone in your Rolls? I've got one in my Yugo!”The driver of Rolls
A guy driving a Yugo pulls up at a stoplight next to a Rolls-RoyceThe driver of the Yugo rolls down his window and shouts to the driver of the Rolls, “Hey, buddy, that's a nice carYou got a phone in your Rolls? I've got one in my Yugo!”The driver of Rolls
27.
The librarian handed the chicken a book and the bird left.Ten minutes later, the chicken returned, tossed the book on the desk and said: ‘book, book, book, book'.The librarian handed the chicken a different book and the chicken left.Ten minutes later, the
The librarian handed the chicken a book and the bird left.Ten minutes later, the chicken returned, tossed the book on the desk and said: ‘book, book, book, book'.The librarian handed the chicken a different book and the chicken left.Ten minutes later, the
28.
A woman runs into a doctor's office and says,“Doctor! You have to help me! Everywhere I touch on my body it hurts!”The doctor replies, “Show me.”So the woman pokes her ankle and screams in pain.She pokes her knee and yells again.She pokes her forehead and
A woman runs into a doctor's office and says,“Doctor! You have to help me! Everywhere I touch on my body it hurts!”The doctor replies, “Show me.”So the woman pokes her ankle and screams in pain.She pokes her knee and yells again.She pokes her forehead and
29.
In a dark and hazy room, peering into a crystal ball, the Mystic delivered the grave news:“There's no easy way to tell you this, so I'll just be blunt.Prepare yourself to be a widowYour husband will die a violent and horrible death this year.”Visibly shak
In a dark and hazy room, peering into a crystal ball, the Mystic delivered the grave news:“There's no easy way to tell you this, so I'll just be blunt.Prepare yourself to be a widowYour husband will die a violent and horrible death this year.”Visibly shak
30.
After 37 years of marriage Jake dumped his wife for his Young secretary.His new girlfriend demanded that they live in Jake and Edith's multi million dollar home and since the man's lawyers were a little better he prevailed.He gave Edith his now ex-wife ju
After 37 years of marriage Jake dumped his wife for his Young secretary.His new girlfriend demanded that they live in Jake and Edith's multi million dollar home and since the man's lawyers were a little better he prevailed.He gave Edith his now ex-wife ju
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