1.
A policeman was interrogating Paddy, Murphy and Mick who were training to become detectivesTo test their skills in recognizing a suspect, he shows the Paddy a picture for 5 seconds and then hides it.“This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?”Padd
A policeman was interrogating Paddy, Murphy and Mick who were training to become detectivesTo test their skills in recognizing a suspect, he shows the Paddy a picture for 5 seconds and then hides it.“This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?”Padd
2.
Two nuns were shopping at a 7-11 storeas they passed by the beer cooler, one nun said to the other, “wouldn't a nice cool beer or two taste wonderful on a hot summer evening?”The second nun answered, “indeed it would, sister, but I would not feel comforta
Two nuns were shopping at a 7-11 storeas they passed by the beer cooler, one nun said to the other, “wouldn't a nice cool beer or two taste wonderful on a hot summer evening?”The second nun answered, “indeed it would, sister, but I would not feel comforta
3.
A man drove past a traffic camera and saw it flash.He couldn't believe he had been caught speeding when he was driving below the speed limit for once!He turned around and drove past again, this time even slower.But as he passed the camera, it flashed agai
A man drove past a traffic camera and saw it flash.He couldn't believe he had been caught speeding when he was driving below the speed limit for once!He turned around and drove past again, this time even slower.But as he passed the camera, it flashed agai
4.
Nickname
If Gloria, Suzanne, Debra and Michelle go out for lunch, they will call each other Gloria, Suzanne, Debra and Michelle.
But if Mike, Phil, Rob and Jack go out for a brewsky, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla,
Nickname
If Gloria, Suzanne, Debra and Michelle go out for lunch, they will call each other Gloria, Suzanne, Debra and Michelle.
But if Mike, Phil, Rob and Jack go out for a brewsky, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla,
5.
While rummaging through the boat's provisions, Patrick stumbled across an old lamp. Secretly hoping that a genie would appear, he rubbed the lamp vigorously.To his amazement, a genie came forth.This particular genie, however, stated that he could only de
While rummaging through the boat's provisions, Patrick stumbled across an old lamp. Secretly hoping that a genie would appear, he rubbed the lamp vigorously.To his amazement, a genie came forth.This particular genie, however, stated that he could only de
6.
Charlie was installing a new door and found that one of the hinges was missing.
He asked his wife Mary if she would go to Home Depot and pick up a hinge.
Mary agreed to go. While she was waiting for the manager to finish serving a customer, her eye
Charlie was installing a new door and found that one of the hinges was missing.
He asked his wife Mary if she would go to Home Depot and pick up a hinge.
Mary agreed to go. While she was waiting for the manager to finish serving a customer, her eye
7.
Wife's Diary:Tonight, I thought Tom was acting weirdWe had made plans to meet at a nice restaurant for dinnerI was shopping with my friends all day long; and I was a little late for our date.Conversation wasn't flowing, so I thought he was upset at the fa
Wife's Diary:Tonight, I thought Tom was acting weirdWe had made plans to meet at a nice restaurant for dinnerI was shopping with my friends all day long; and I was a little late for our date.Conversation wasn't flowing, so I thought he was upset at the fa
8.
He slid into bed, kissed his wife on the cheek and fell into a deep sleep.He awoke before the Pearly Gates.StPeter said, “You died in your sleep, Ralph.”Ralph was stunned. “I'm dead? No, I can't be! I've got too much to live for. Send me back!”StPeter
He slid into bed, kissed his wife on the cheek and fell into a deep sleep.He awoke before the Pearly Gates.StPeter said, “You died in your sleep, Ralph.”Ralph was stunned. “I'm dead? No, I can't be! I've got too much to live for. Send me back!”StPeter
9.
One day at a busy airport, the passengers on a commercial airliner are seated, waiting for the cockpit crew to show up so they can get underway.
The pilot and co-pilot finally appear in the rear of the plane, and begin walking up to the cockpit through
One day at a busy airport, the passengers on a commercial airliner are seated, waiting for the cockpit crew to show up so they can get underway.
The pilot and co-pilot finally appear in the rear of the plane, and begin walking up to the cockpit through
10.
A Kansas farm wife called the local phone company to report her telephone failed to ring when her friends called and that on the few occasions,
When it did ring, her dog always moaned right before the phone rang.
The telephone repairman proceeded to
A Kansas farm wife called the local phone company to report her telephone failed to ring when her friends called and that on the few occasions,
When it did ring, her dog always moaned right before the phone rang.
The telephone repairman proceeded to
11.
So he goes to the computer and realizes that an engineer accidentally landed up in hell.He get's on the phone to the Devil.StPeter: “So, Dev, we have an issue with this engineering guy Robert. He is supposed to be with us. Can you send him up?”Devil: “
So he goes to the computer and realizes that an engineer accidentally landed up in hell.He get's on the phone to the Devil.StPeter: “So, Dev, we have an issue with this engineering guy Robert. He is supposed to be with us. Can you send him up?”Devil: “
12.
A married couple in their early 60s were out celebrating their 35th wedding anniversary in a quiet, romantic little restaurant.
Suddenly, a tiny yet beautiful fairy appeared on their table and said,
“For being such an exemplary married couple and fo
A married couple in their early 60s were out celebrating their 35th wedding anniversary in a quiet, romantic little restaurant.
Suddenly, a tiny yet beautiful fairy appeared on their table and said,
“For being such an exemplary married couple and fo
13.
Thomas is 32 years old and he is still single.One day a friend asked, “Why aren't you married? Can't you find a woman who will be a good wife?”Thomas replied, “Actually, I've found many women I wanted to marry, but when I bring them home to meet my parent
Thomas is 32 years old and he is still single.One day a friend asked, “Why aren't you married? Can't you find a woman who will be a good wife?”Thomas replied, “Actually, I've found many women I wanted to marry, but when I bring them home to meet my parent
14.
There was this preacher who was an avid golfer. Every chance he could get, he could be found on the golf course swinging away.
It was an obsession. One Sunday was a picture perfect day for golfing.
The sun was out, no clouds in the sky, and the temp
There was this preacher who was an avid golfer. Every chance he could get, he could be found on the golf course swinging away.
It was an obsession. One Sunday was a picture perfect day for golfing.
The sun was out, no clouds in the sky, and the temp
15.
They were pleasantly surprised when Saint Peter informed them that in exchange for their many years of servitude and chastity,God Himself was going to bestow upon them each one wish.The first nun said with a blush, “This is slightly embarrassing, but I ha
They were pleasantly surprised when Saint Peter informed them that in exchange for their many years of servitude and chastity,God Himself was going to bestow upon them each one wish.The first nun said with a blush, “This is slightly embarrassing, but I ha
16.
A blonde was summoned to court to appear as a witness in a lawsuitThe prosecutor opened his questioning with, “Where were you the night of August 24th?”“Objection!” said the defense attorney“Irrelevant!”“Oh, that's okay,” said the blonde from the witness
A blonde was summoned to court to appear as a witness in a lawsuitThe prosecutor opened his questioning with, “Where were you the night of August 24th?”“Objection!” said the defense attorney“Irrelevant!”“Oh, that's okay,” said the blonde from the witness
17.
The bartender said, “You can't bring that monkey in here!”The man said, “Don't worry, he won't cause any trouble.”Within seconds the monkey jumped on the pool table and swallowed the cue ball.The bartender yelled, “Hey, he just ate my cue ballNo one can p
The bartender said, “You can't bring that monkey in here!”The man said, “Don't worry, he won't cause any trouble.”Within seconds the monkey jumped on the pool table and swallowed the cue ball.The bartender yelled, “Hey, he just ate my cue ballNo one can p
18.
A man in Sydney walked into the produce section of his local supermarket and asked to buy half a head of lettuceThe boy working in the produce department told him that they only sold whole heads of lettuce.The man was insistent that the boy ask the manage
A man in Sydney walked into the produce section of his local supermarket and asked to buy half a head of lettuceThe boy working in the produce department told him that they only sold whole heads of lettuce.The man was insistent that the boy ask the manage
19.
A recently divorced man, heartbroken and down on his luck, comes across a magical genie lampThinking his luck has finally changed, he rubs the lamp and out pops a genie.“I am an all and powerful genieYou get three wishes, but I must tell you in advance, a
A recently divorced man, heartbroken and down on his luck, comes across a magical genie lampThinking his luck has finally changed, he rubs the lamp and out pops a genie.“I am an all and powerful genieYou get three wishes, but I must tell you in advance, a
20.
…something this girl knew all too well.One day a 12-year-old girl was walking down the street, when a car pulled up beside her and the driver lowered a window.“I'll give you a large bag of M&Ms if you get in the car,” said the driver.“No way! Get lost!” r
…something this girl knew all too well.One day a 12-year-old girl was walking down the street, when a car pulled up beside her and the driver lowered a window.“I'll give you a large bag of M&Ms if you get in the car,” said the driver.“No way! Get lost!” r
21.
“I need to inspect your ranch for illegally grown drugs.”The old rancher says, “Okay, but don't go in that field over there.”The agent verbally explodes saying, “Mister, I have the authority of the Federal Government with me.”Reaching into his rear pant p
“I need to inspect your ranch for illegally grown drugs.”The old rancher says, “Okay, but don't go in that field over there.”The agent verbally explodes saying, “Mister, I have the authority of the Federal Government with me.”Reaching into his rear pant p
22.
While on a road trip, an elderly couple stopped at a roadside restaurant for lunch. After finishing their meal, they left the restaurant, and resumed their trip.When leaving, the elderly woman unknowingly left her glasses on the table, and she didn't mis
While on a road trip, an elderly couple stopped at a roadside restaurant for lunch. After finishing their meal, they left the restaurant, and resumed their trip.When leaving, the elderly woman unknowingly left her glasses on the table, and she didn't mis
23.
A cop saw a car weaving all over the road and pulled it over.
He walked up to the car and saw a nice-looking blonde woman behind the wheel.
There was a strong smell of liquor on her breath.
He said, “I’m going to give you a breathalyzer test to d
A cop saw a car weaving all over the road and pulled it over.
He walked up to the car and saw a nice-looking blonde woman behind the wheel.
There was a strong smell of liquor on her breath.
He said, “I’m going to give you a breathalyzer test to d
24.
The old lady handed her bank card to the teller and said, “I would like to withdraw £10”.The teller told her, “For withdrawals less than £100, please use the ATM.”The old lady wanted to know why.The teller returned her bank card and irritably told her, “T
The old lady handed her bank card to the teller and said, “I would like to withdraw £10”.The teller told her, “For withdrawals less than £100, please use the ATM.”The old lady wanted to know why.The teller returned her bank card and irritably told her, “T
25.
A Catholic goes to confession. “Forgive me father for I have sinned.” He begins.
“Go on my son.” says the priest. “I swore the other day, in the most profane way.
” says the man. “Continue.” says the priest.
“I was on the golf course and I hit my
A Catholic goes to confession. “Forgive me father for I have sinned.” He begins.
“Go on my son.” says the priest. “I swore the other day, in the most profane way.
” says the man. “Continue.” says the priest.
“I was on the golf course and I hit my
26.
A woman gets home, screeches her car into the driveway,
runs into the house, slams the door and shouts at the top of
her lungs, “Morris, pack your bags. …. I won the lottery!
The husband says, ‘Oh my God!
What should I pack, beach stuff or mou
A woman gets home, screeches her car into the driveway,
runs into the house, slams the door and shouts at the top of
her lungs, “Morris, pack your bags. …. I won the lottery!
The husband says, ‘Oh my God!
What should I pack, beach stuff or mou
27.
The pilot announced, “Uh, Folks, we just experienced some turbulence, which caused some engine troubles on our left wing. Luckily, this jet is equipped with 4 engines, and we still have 3 functional engines! Because of the engine issues we will be arriv
The pilot announced, “Uh, Folks, we just experienced some turbulence, which caused some engine troubles on our left wing. Luckily, this jet is equipped with 4 engines, and we still have 3 functional engines! Because of the engine issues we will be arriv
28.
One Halloween long ago, in a small town in the middle of nowhere, a boy went out with his friends…
The boy, of course, did a bit more tricking than treating on that night.
As he returned home after a long night of mischievous activities, he was conf
One Halloween long ago, in a small town in the middle of nowhere, a boy went out with his friends…
The boy, of course, did a bit more tricking than treating on that night.
As he returned home after a long night of mischievous activities, he was conf
29.
The Little Johnny, his uncle, and a cat on a farm.So, a father comes home to Little Johnny one day and says that they'll have to move for a while.He's going out on a business trip and his mother is in hospital for a car accident, so Little Johnny has to s
The Little Johnny, his uncle, and a cat on a farm.So, a father comes home to Little Johnny one day and says that they'll have to move for a while.He's going out on a business trip and his mother is in hospital for a car accident, so Little Johnny has to s
30.
A customer in a restuarant orders a bowl of soup. However, the customer notices that something is wrong. So he calls the waiter over.
“Can you please taste the soup?”
“What’s wrong with the soup?”
“Just taste it.”
“Why?”
“Just taste it.”
A customer in a restuarant orders a bowl of soup. However, the customer notices that something is wrong. So he calls the waiter over.
“Can you please taste the soup?”
“What’s wrong with the soup?”
“Just taste it.”
“Why?”
“Just taste it.”
Tags:
Eng Jokes
