1.
“Doctor, Don’t Laugh!” A man goes to the doctors and says, “Doctor, I’ve got this problem you see, only you’ve got to promise not to laugh”.
The doctor replies, “Of course I won’t laugh! That would be thoroughly unprofessional.
In over twenty years
“Doctor, Don’t Laugh!” A man goes to the doctors and says, “Doctor, I’ve got this problem you see, only you’ve got to promise not to laugh”.
The doctor replies, “Of course I won’t laugh! That would be thoroughly unprofessional.
In over twenty years
2.
A busload of politicians were driving down a country road when, all of a sudden, the bus ran off the road and crashed into a tree in an old farmer's field.The old farmer, after seeing what had happened, went over to investigateHe then dug a hole and burie
A busload of politicians were driving down a country road when, all of a sudden, the bus ran off the road and crashed into a tree in an old farmer's field.The old farmer, after seeing what had happened, went over to investigateHe then dug a hole and burie
3.
A couple goes for a meal at a Chinese restaurant and orders the “Chicken Surprise.” The waiter brings the meal, served in a lidded cast-iron pot.Just as the wife is about to serve herself, the lid of the pot rises slightly and she briefly sees two beady l
A couple goes for a meal at a Chinese restaurant and orders the “Chicken Surprise.” The waiter brings the meal, served in a lidded cast-iron pot.Just as the wife is about to serve herself, the lid of the pot rises slightly and she briefly sees two beady l
4.
Hi Men's Helpline,I really need your advice on a serious problem:I have suspected for some time now that my wife has been cheating on me.The usual signs: If the phone rings and I answer, the caller hangs up; she goes out with the girls a lot.I try to stay
Hi Men's Helpline,I really need your advice on a serious problem:I have suspected for some time now that my wife has been cheating on me.The usual signs: If the phone rings and I answer, the caller hangs up; she goes out with the girls a lot.I try to stay
5.
The teacher asked the class to use the word “fascinate” in a sentence.Molly put up her hand and said, “My family went to my granddad's farm, and we all saw his pet sheepIt was fascinating.”The teacher said, “That was good, but I wanted you to use the word
The teacher asked the class to use the word “fascinate” in a sentence.Molly put up her hand and said, “My family went to my granddad's farm, and we all saw his pet sheepIt was fascinating.”The teacher said, “That was good, but I wanted you to use the word
6.
A man and a woman who had never met before but were both married to other people found themselves assigned to the same sleeping compartment on a trans-continental train…
Though initially embarrassed and uneasy over sharing a room, they were both very t
A man and a woman who had never met before but were both married to other people found themselves assigned to the same sleeping compartment on a trans-continental train…
Though initially embarrassed and uneasy over sharing a room, they were both very t
7.
A seven years old and a four years old kids are upstairs in their bedroom.“You know what?”, says the seven years old, “I think it's about time we started swearing.”The four years old nods his head in approval.“When we go downstairs for breakfast I'm gonna
A seven years old and a four years old kids are upstairs in their bedroom.“You know what?”, says the seven years old, “I think it's about time we started swearing.”The four years old nods his head in approval.“When we go downstairs for breakfast I'm gonna
8.
Russ and Fred, two friends, met in the park every day to feed the pigeons, watch the squirrels and discuss world problems.
One day Russ didn’t show up.
Fred didn’t think much about it and figured maybe he had a cold or something..
But after Russ
Russ and Fred, two friends, met in the park every day to feed the pigeons, watch the squirrels and discuss world problems.
One day Russ didn’t show up.
Fred didn’t think much about it and figured maybe he had a cold or something..
But after Russ
9.
A man walks into a bar and sees his friend sitting beside a 12-inch pianist.
He says to his friend, “That’s amazing.
How did you get that?” The man pulls out a bottle and tells him to rub it and make a wish
. He rubs the bottle, and a puff of smo
A man walks into a bar and sees his friend sitting beside a 12-inch pianist.
He says to his friend, “That’s amazing.
How did you get that?” The man pulls out a bottle and tells him to rub it and make a wish
. He rubs the bottle, and a puff of smo
10.
One Halloween long ago, in a small town in the middle of nowhere, a boy went out with his friends…
The boy, of course, did a bit more tricking than treating on that night.
As he returned home after a long night of mischievous activities, he was conf
One Halloween long ago, in a small town in the middle of nowhere, a boy went out with his friends…
The boy, of course, did a bit more tricking than treating on that night.
As he returned home after a long night of mischievous activities, he was conf
11.
A new young blonde bride calls her mother in tears.
She sobs, “Robert doesn’t appreciate what I do for him.”
“Now, now,” her mother comforted, “I am sure it was all just a misunderstanding.”
“No, mother,” you don’t understand.
“I bought a froz
A new young blonde bride calls her mother in tears.
She sobs, “Robert doesn’t appreciate what I do for him.”
“Now, now,” her mother comforted, “I am sure it was all just a misunderstanding.”
“No, mother,” you don’t understand.
“I bought a froz
12.
One Sunday, in the pulpit, he said, “If I hear one more person confess to adultery, I'll quit!”Well, everyone liked him, so they came up with a code wordSomeone who had committed adultery would say they had “fallen”.This seemed to satisfy the old priest a
One Sunday, in the pulpit, he said, “If I hear one more person confess to adultery, I'll quit!”Well, everyone liked him, so they came up with a code wordSomeone who had committed adultery would say they had “fallen”.This seemed to satisfy the old priest a
13.
Sarah and Abe are out celebrating their 20th wedding anniversary.During the evening, Sarah broaches the subject of (their) life insurance, an issue she has been raising with him for at least 10 years, without success.“Abe,” she says, with tears in her eye
Sarah and Abe are out celebrating their 20th wedding anniversary.During the evening, Sarah broaches the subject of (their) life insurance, an issue she has been raising with him for at least 10 years, without success.“Abe,” she says, with tears in her eye
14.
After three crop failures in a row farmer Jones could not pay his loan at the bank.
“Give me one more chance he pleaded. Don’t take my farm, we’ll be broke and homeless.”
The bank manager comes up with an idea.
“OK, one more chance but not with c
After three crop failures in a row farmer Jones could not pay his loan at the bank.
“Give me one more chance he pleaded. Don’t take my farm, we’ll be broke and homeless.”
The bank manager comes up with an idea.
“OK, one more chance but not with c
15.
Two nuns were shopping at a 7-11 storeas they passed by the beer cooler, one nun said to the other, “wouldn't a nice cool beer or two taste wonderful on a hot summer evening?”The second nun answered, “indeed it would, sister, but I would not feel comforta
Two nuns were shopping at a 7-11 storeas they passed by the beer cooler, one nun said to the other, “wouldn't a nice cool beer or two taste wonderful on a hot summer evening?”The second nun answered, “indeed it would, sister, but I would not feel comforta
16.
Upon arriving at the pyramid, they are immediately told to leave as the site has already been excavatedThe friends, not willing to concede, look for a different way in and find an entrance never before used.It is through this entrance that they find a sec
Upon arriving at the pyramid, they are immediately told to leave as the site has already been excavatedThe friends, not willing to concede, look for a different way in and find an entrance never before used.It is through this entrance that they find a sec
17.
The Little Johnny, his uncle, and a cat on a farm.So, a father comes home to Little Johnny one day and says that they'll have to move for a while.He's going out on a business trip and his mother is in hospital for a car accident, so Little Johnny has to s
The Little Johnny, his uncle, and a cat on a farm.So, a father comes home to Little Johnny one day and says that they'll have to move for a while.He's going out on a business trip and his mother is in hospital for a car accident, so Little Johnny has to s
18.
A young lady came home from a date, rather sad.
She told her mother, “Jeff proposed to me an hour ago.”
“Then why are you so sad?” her mother asked.
Because he also told me he is not believe in god.
“Mom, he doesn’t even believe there’s a hell
A young lady came home from a date, rather sad.
She told her mother, “Jeff proposed to me an hour ago.”
“Then why are you so sad?” her mother asked.
Because he also told me he is not believe in god.
“Mom, he doesn’t even believe there’s a hell
19.
A man goes to the doctor and tells him that he hasn't been feeling well.The doctor examines him, leaves the room and comes back with three different bottles of pills.The doctor says:“Take the green pill with a big glass of water when you get up.Take the b
A man goes to the doctor and tells him that he hasn't been feeling well.The doctor examines him, leaves the room and comes back with three different bottles of pills.The doctor says:“Take the green pill with a big glass of water when you get up.Take the b
20.
Woman's husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months,yet she had stayed by his bedside every single day.One day, when he came to, he motioned for her to come nearer.As she sat by him, he whispered, eyes full of tears, “You know what?Y
Woman's husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months,yet she had stayed by his bedside every single day.One day, when he came to, he motioned for her to come nearer.As she sat by him, he whispered, eyes full of tears, “You know what?Y
21.
This was an actual conversation that took place between my wife and my 7 yr old son just now.
My wife has been teaching my son to fold his own laundry but he complains about it every time.
My wife, trying to convince my son, said to him “If you pick
This was an actual conversation that took place between my wife and my 7 yr old son just now.
My wife has been teaching my son to fold his own laundry but he complains about it every time.
My wife, trying to convince my son, said to him “If you pick
22.
A doctor just finishes his check-up with a man.Dr: I've got good new and bad newsWhich do you want to hear first?Patient: I guess the bad news.Dr: Well, you only have about 3 months to live and there's nothing else we can doI'm sorry.Patient: (starts cryi
A doctor just finishes his check-up with a man.Dr: I've got good new and bad newsWhich do you want to hear first?Patient: I guess the bad news.Dr: Well, you only have about 3 months to live and there's nothing else we can doI'm sorry.Patient: (starts cryi
23.
A priest was sent to a very small church in the backwoods of AlaskaAfter a couple of years the Bishop decided to pay the priest a visit to see how he was doing.The priest said that it was a really lonely job and that he didn't think that he could have mad
A priest was sent to a very small church in the backwoods of AlaskaAfter a couple of years the Bishop decided to pay the priest a visit to see how he was doing.The priest said that it was a really lonely job and that he didn't think that he could have mad
24.
The vast majorities of men don't even think about selecting gifts until Christmas Eve and only go for a last-minute shopping spree.A man would inevitably get lost up there in the snow and clouds and then refuse to stop and ask for directions.Men can't pac
The vast majorities of men don't even think about selecting gifts until Christmas Eve and only go for a last-minute shopping spree.A man would inevitably get lost up there in the snow and clouds and then refuse to stop and ask for directions.Men can't pac
25.
All of his tests came back with normal results.DrDarns said, “George, everything looks great physically. How are you doing mentally and emotionally? Are you at peace with yourself, and do you have a good relationship with your God?”George replied, “God
All of his tests came back with normal results.DrDarns said, “George, everything looks great physically. How are you doing mentally and emotionally? Are you at peace with yourself, and do you have a good relationship with your God?”George replied, “God
26.
These three guys die together in a tragic accident and they all go to heavenWhen they get there, StPeter greets them and tells them, “We only have one rule here in heavenDon't step on the ducks.”So, they enter heaven and sure enough, there are ducks all o
These three guys die together in a tragic accident and they all go to heavenWhen they get there, StPeter greets them and tells them, “We only have one rule here in heavenDon't step on the ducks.”So, they enter heaven and sure enough, there are ducks all o
27.
While on a road trip, an elderly couple stopped at a roadside restaurant for lunch. After finishing their meal, they left the restaurant, and resumed their trip.When leaving, the elderly woman unknowingly left her glasses on the table, and she didn't mis
While on a road trip, an elderly couple stopped at a roadside restaurant for lunch. After finishing their meal, they left the restaurant, and resumed their trip.When leaving, the elderly woman unknowingly left her glasses on the table, and she didn't mis
28.
A naturopathic doctor opens up a wellness clinicHe puts a sign outside that says ‘GET TREATMENT FOR $20 – IF NOT CURED, GET BACK $100.'A lawyer thinks this is a great opportunity to earn $100 and goes to the clinic.Lawyer: “I have lost my sense of taste.”
A naturopathic doctor opens up a wellness clinicHe puts a sign outside that says ‘GET TREATMENT FOR $20 – IF NOT CURED, GET BACK $100.'A lawyer thinks this is a great opportunity to earn $100 and goes to the clinic.Lawyer: “I have lost my sense of taste.”
29.
A Vicar goes to the dentist for a set of false teethThe first Sunday after he gets his new teeth, he talks for only eight minutes.The second Sunday, he talks for only ten minutes The following Sunday, he talks for 2 hours and 48 minutes.The congregation
A Vicar goes to the dentist for a set of false teethThe first Sunday after he gets his new teeth, he talks for only eight minutes.The second Sunday, he talks for only ten minutes The following Sunday, he talks for 2 hours and 48 minutes.The congregation
30.
An old couple took an 18-year-old girl as a lodger.
She asked if she could have a bath, but the woman of the house told her they didn’t have a bath, although if she wanted to, she could use a tin bath in front of the fire.
“Monday’s the best night w
An old couple took an 18-year-old girl as a lodger.
She asked if she could have a bath, but the woman of the house told her they didn’t have a bath, although if she wanted to, she could use a tin bath in front of the fire.
“Monday’s the best night w
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Eng Jokes
