😍 Rishtedaar Ki Shaadi Aur Jokes Ki Barsaat – 09

1.



वासना, प्यार और शादी में क्या फ़र्क है ?
संता : वासना मे पेंटी को फाड़ते हैं,
प्यार मे उतारते हैं,
और शादी मे धोकर सुखाकर अलमारी मे रखते हैं.

2.



Ek Sardarji Film Dekh Ke Ghar Aate Hai Aur Biwi Ko Bolte Hai “Jaldi Se Palang Par Aa Mujhe Sex Karna Hai” Biwi Apne Kapde Utar Ke Palang Par Aa Jaati Hai, Par Sardarji Ab Bhi Ghum Sum Se Betha Rahte Hai Biwi Puchti Hai: “Kya Hua?” Sardar Ji: “Lund Khada Nahi Ho Raha” Tab Biwi Badi Koshish Karti Hai Usko Khada Karne Ki Aur Aakhir Mein Tang Aa Kar Toilet Mein Jaakar Ek Dibbe Mein Paani Bhar Kar Le Aati Hai Aur Uske Lund Ko Paani Mein Dubati Hai Sardar Ji: “Kya Kar Rahi Ho?” Biwi: “Dekh Rahi Hun Ki Kahi Puncture To Nahi Hua“

3.



Ek Baar Santa Or Uski Wife Mein Jhagda Ho Gaya.
Santa Apni Wife Se Jhagda Karte Hue Gusse Se Bola.
Santa: “Mera Dil Chahta Hai, Ke Mein Tera Khoon Pee Jao.” Wife: “Toh Pehle Batana Tha Na, Ab To Periods Bhi Khatam Ho Gaye Hai.“

4.



Baba Saxidas Ji Se Unke Ek Naujawan Bhakt Ne Ek Din Puchha Ladka: “Baba Ji, Ek Hi Gotra Main Shaadi Kar Sakte Hain Kya?” Baba Ji Pahle Muskuraye Aur Fir Badi Pyar Bhari Najro Se Uski Taraf Dekh Kar Bole Baba Ji: “Beta Gotra Koi Bhi Chalega, Magar Mutra Wala Bhag Alag-Alag Hona Chahiye”

5.



Santa Ek Baar Park Mein Beth Ker Gaana Ga Raha Tha “Aaj Mein Upar Aasma Niche” Uske Paas Ek Aadmi Betha Tha Us Aadmi Ne Santa Ka Gaana Sun Kar Santa Ko Bahut Maara Kyon ??? Kyon Ki Aasma Us Aadmi Ki Beti Ka Naam Tha

6.



लड़का : मैं प्यार की ऊंचाई औरइश्क़ की
गहराई को देखना औरछूना चाहता हूँ.
लड़की : सीधी तरह क्यों नहीं कहतेकि
अंडरवियर और ब्रा उतार दो

7.



Santa Ne Apne Sath Wale Padosi Se Ek Din Puchha Santa: “Ek Baat Bata Yaar, Kya 48 Saal Ke Baad Aurat Ko Bachha Ho Sakta Hai?” Padosi: “Nahi Yaar Ye To Bahut Hi Mushkil Hai” Santa: “To Yaar Apni Biwi Ko Samjha Na, Ese Hi Faltu Mein Condom Ka Kharcha Karvati Hai“

8.



Santa Ka Beta Pappu Daru Pee Raha Tha Achanak Santa Ne Usko Peete Dekh liya Aur Gusse Se Bola Santa: “Ruk Bhonsdi Ke, Aaj To Mein Teri Maa Chod Dunga” Pappu Nashe Mein: “To Aur Roj Kya Mohalle Wale Chodte Hain“

9.



Santa Apni Gharwali Ke Sath Bus Mein Apne Mayake Ja Raha Thha Santa Ki Biwi Uske Kaan Mein Boli: “Suno Ji, Piche Wala Mere Bra Mein Hath Dal Raha Hai” Santa Hass Ke Bola: “Dalne De, Tu Chinta Na Kar Tera Purse Mere Pass Hai“

10.



Santa Ek Ladki Ke Saath Sex Kar Raha Tha Achanak Hi Santa Ne Pucha.
Santa To Girl: “Do U Have Aids?” Girl: “No” Santa: “Bhagwan Ka Shukar Hai, Main Nahi Chahta Ki Mujhe Dobara Aids Ho Jaye.“

11.



Santa Ko Judwa Bachhe Chahiye Thhe Socho Usne Kya Kiya Sochho Sochho Sochho Sochho Yaar Dimag Lagao Its Very Simple Abe Vo Santa Hai Uski Tarha Soch Na Nahi Samjh Aa Raha, Chalo Mein Bata Deta Hun Usne Condom Ke Ander 2 Hole Kar Diye

12.



Santa Ne Pakistan Mein Exam Diya Aur Use Fansi Ki Saza Suna Di Gayi.
Kyu? Kyuki Uske Exam Mein Sawal Tha Ki Musharaf Kab Paida Hua? Santa Ne Answer Diya Tha “Jab Uski Maan Chudi“

13.



Teacher: “Bachon Aaj Hum Grammer Padhenge, To Batao Ek Aurat Ek Khidki Se Jhank Rahi Hai, Ye Kya Hai?” Pappu: “Mam, Ye Ek Vachan Hua” Teacher: “Good, Ab Batao Ki – Bahut Si Aurtein Khidkiyon Se Jhank Rahi Hai?” Pappu Kuch Sochkar Bola: “Mam, Ye To Randi Bazar Hua“

14.



Sunny Leone: “Meri Next Hindi Movie Mein Main Sab Ko Dara Ke Rakh Dungi” Pappu: “Darr To Aapki Pehle Ki Movies Mein Bhi Lagta Tha, Kahi Peechhe Se Mummy Papa Na Aa Jaayen”

15.



Teacher Santa Se: “Jab Main Padati Hun To Tum Apne Sir Mein Tel (Oil) Kyu Lagane Lag Jaate Ho?” Santa: “Kal Raat Mummy Daddy Ko Kah Rahi Thhi Ki Agar Andar Nahi Jaa Raha To Tel Laga Lo“

16.



Banta Ek Baar Beemar Hua To Santa Uska Pata Lene Gaya Dekha Banta Bed Pe Leta Hua Thha Aur Halat Thik Nahi Thhi Santa: “Yaar Sharam Ki Baat Hai, Tera Daddy Dr.
Hai Fir Bhi Tu Beemar Ho Gaya” Banta Ye Baat Sunkar Gusse Mein Aa Gaya Aur Bola Banta: “Bhonsdi Ke, Tere Baap Ki Bhi Condom Ki Factory Hai, Aur Tu Phir Bhi Paida Ho Gaya“

17.



Ek Bar Ek Sardar Ka Interview Thhe Naukri Ke Liye.
Interview Lene Wala Bola: “Sardar Ji Ye Batao Ki Kaunsi Cheez Hai Jo Bahut Tez Chalti Hai, Or Jiske Chaar Tires Hote Hai??” Sardar: “Car” Interviewer: “Galat, Maruti Car….
Next Question..
Vo Kaunsi Cheez Hai Jiske Do Tires Hai Aur Vo Bahut Tej Chalti Hai?” Sardar: “Motorcycle” Interviewer: “Bilkul Galat, Honda Motorcycle” Sardar Ko Ab Gussa Aa Gaya Usne Interviewer Ko Gaali Dete Hue Kaha “Interview Gaya Maa De Gusse Vich… Tu Mainu Ek Gal Dhass Idhar Vi Baal, Udhar Vi Baal, Vich Ek Mori (Hole) Dass Ki Hai Oh” Interviewer: “Fuddi” Sardar: “Galat Jawab Pen Deya Lodya… Teri Maa Di Fuddi“

18.



डायरेक्टर: सुहागरात का सीन है,
तुम्हें हीरो को ग्लास में दूध पिलाना है।
मलिका: अगर ग्लास में ही पिलाना था
तो विद्या बालन को बुला लेते

19.



Pappu Ki Girlfriend Pinky Ek Din Pappu Se Puchti Hai Pinky: “Jab Ek Murgha Murghi Ka Rape Karne Ki Koshish Karta Hai To Murghi Kya Kehti Hai?” Pappu: “Fuck Fuck Fuckak Fuckaakakakak“

20.



Ek Baar Santa Bike Rok Kar Helmet Khuja Raha Tha.
Ek Aadmi Ne Dekha Aur Hairan Hokar Puucha.
Aadmi: “Helmet Utaar Ke Khujao” Santa: “Chup Be, Jab Teri Gand Pe Khujli Hoti Hai To Kya Pent Utaar Ke Khujata Hai“

21.



Santa Ki Shadi Hui Aur Wo Bahut Dino Baad Apne Suhaagraat Waale Kamre Se Bahar Nikla, To Usske Baap Ne Us Se Pucha Baap: “Beta, Kya Baat Hai Badi Lambi Inning Khel Kar Aaya Hai?” Santa: “Maa Chuda Gayi Duniya, Pahle Ye Batao Ki Andar Tel Ki Botal Ki Jagah Fevikol Kon Rakh Kar Aaya Tha“

22.



लड़की :- मुझे बड़ी ठंड लग रही है,
मेरे दोनो हीटर को छु लो!
लड़का:- अभी भी ठंड लग रही है क्या?
लड़की:- अबे घोन्चु, नीचे प्लग तो लगा.!

23.



Santa Ek Bar Interview Dene Gaya Boss: “What’s Your Wife Name?” Santa: “Sir, Preeto” Boss: “What’s Her Whole Name?” Santa Sochte Hue: “Sir, Hole Ka Naam To Rakha Nahi, Par Main Pyar Se Fuddi Kehta Hoon“

24.



Pappu Ne Gali Mein Jati Hui Ladki Ko Ungli Kardi.
Ladki: “Andha Hai Kya, Dikhta Nahi Hai” Pappu: “Kyu Kya Hua, Sahi Jagah Nahi Gusi Kya?“

25.



Santa Apni Shaadi Ke Teen Din Pehle Call Girl Ke Paas Sex Ke Liye Jata Hai.
Call Girl Ko Itna Maja Aa Raha Tha Ke Usne Uske Land Pe Chaki (Bite) Kaat Li, Santa Doctor Ke Paas Gaya, Doctor Ne Uske Land Per Patti Bandh Ke Tape Lagai Aur Use Achi Tarah Pack Kar Diya.
Jab Teen Din Baad Santa Ki Shaadi Hui To Wo Apni Patni Ke Saath Suhaag Raat Banane Laga.
Uski Patni Ne Kaha.
Patni: “Lo Ji Sonyo, Pesh Hai Ek Dam Fresh and Unused Choot” Santa Ka Dimag Bhi Kam Kiya Aur Vo Bola Santa: “Tu Fresh Ki Baat Kar Rahi Hai, Idhar Hamne To Aaj Tak Lode Ki Packing Bhi Nahi Kholi“

26.



Ek Din Santa Ne Banta Se Puchha: “Oye Ek Baat Bata, Ladki Aur Bijli Ki Taar Mein Kya Farak Hai?” Banta: “Yaar Jyada Farak Nahi Hai, Dono Nangi Ho To Jaan Nikal Deti Hain.”

27.



Teacher Pappu Se: “Tum Bade Ho Ya Tumhare Papa?” Pappu: “Main Bada Huun” Teacher: “Wo Kese?” Pappu: “Dekhiye Mam, Maine Mummy Ka Doodh Peena Chod Diya Hai Lekin Papa Abhi Tak Peete Hai“

28.



In A Period Of Sex Education, Teacher Asks.
Teacher: “Why Sperrm Donation Is More Expensive Than Blood Donation?” Pappu: “Mam Simple, Because Hand-Made Things Are Always Costly“

29.



Santa Ki Shadi Hui Aur Wo Bahut Dino Baad Apne Suhaagraat Waale Kamre Se Bahar Nikla, To Usske Baap Ne Us Se Pucha Baap: “Beta, Kya Baat Hai Badi Lambi Inning Khel Kar Aaya Hai?” Santa: “Maa Chuda Gayi Duniya, Pahle Ye Batao Ki Andar Tel Ki Botal Ki Jagah Fevikol Kon Rakh Kar Aaya Tha“

30.



Define A Ture Harami? A Harami Is Someone Who Visits A Medical Store, Instead Of An Ice Cream Parlour When His Girlfriend Says: “I Love Strawberry Flavor“