1.
An atheist became incensed over Christmas holiday preparations.
He filed a lawsuit about the constant celebrations given to Christians and Jews while atheists had no holiday to celebrate.
The case was brought before a judge. After listening to the l
An atheist became incensed over Christmas holiday preparations.
He filed a lawsuit about the constant celebrations given to Christians and Jews while atheists had no holiday to celebrate.
The case was brought before a judge. After listening to the l
2.
A water bearer in India had two large pots, one hung on each end of a pole which he carried across his neck.
One of the pots had a crack in it, and while the other pot was perfect and always delivered a full portion of water at the end of the long walk
A water bearer in India had two large pots, one hung on each end of a pole which he carried across his neck.
One of the pots had a crack in it, and while the other pot was perfect and always delivered a full portion of water at the end of the long walk
3.
I got the craving for a McDonald's Big Mac about a week ago and went to our local McDonald's drive-through.The girl who took my order at the window was, much to my surprise, wearing a full-on black BurqaThe only thing I could see of her was her eyesI went
I got the craving for a McDonald's Big Mac about a week ago and went to our local McDonald's drive-through.The girl who took my order at the window was, much to my surprise, wearing a full-on black BurqaThe only thing I could see of her was her eyesI went
4.
The bartender said, “You can't bring that monkey in here!”The man said, “Don't worry, he won't cause any trouble.”Within seconds the monkey jumped on the pool table and swallowed the cue ball.The bartender yelled, “Hey, he just ate my cue ballNo one can p
The bartender said, “You can't bring that monkey in here!”The man said, “Don't worry, he won't cause any trouble.”Within seconds the monkey jumped on the pool table and swallowed the cue ball.The bartender yelled, “Hey, he just ate my cue ballNo one can p
5.
A priest and a rabbi operated a church and a synagogue across the street from each other.Since their schedules intertwined, they decided to go in together to buy a car.After the purchase, they drove it home and parked it on the street between them.A few m
A priest and a rabbi operated a church and a synagogue across the street from each other.Since their schedules intertwined, they decided to go in together to buy a car.After the purchase, they drove it home and parked it on the street between them.A few m
6.
A blonde and a lawyer are seated next to each other on a flight from LA to NY.The lawyer asks if she would like to play a fun game?The blonde, tired, just wants to take a nap, politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks.The lawyer
A blonde and a lawyer are seated next to each other on a flight from LA to NY.The lawyer asks if she would like to play a fun game?The blonde, tired, just wants to take a nap, politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks.The lawyer
7.
By the time a Marine pulled into a little town, every hotel room was taken.“You've got to have a room somewhere,” he pleaded“Or just a bed, I don't care where.”“Well, I do have a double room with one occupant, a Navy guy,” admitted the manager, “and he mi
By the time a Marine pulled into a little town, every hotel room was taken.“You've got to have a room somewhere,” he pleaded“Or just a bed, I don't care where.”“Well, I do have a double room with one occupant, a Navy guy,” admitted the manager, “and he mi
8.
An art teacher, a math teacher, and a science teacher are all arguing over which one of them is the smartest.
The art teacher shows the others a giant clay sculpture of a dog he made.
“This thing took me nearly a month to make.” He said. “Clearly th
An art teacher, a math teacher, and a science teacher are all arguing over which one of them is the smartest.
The art teacher shows the others a giant clay sculpture of a dog he made.
“This thing took me nearly a month to make.” He said. “Clearly th
9.
A Texan farmer goes to Australia for a vacation.
There he meets an Aussie farmer and gets talking.
The Aussie shows off his big wheat field and the Texan says, “Oh! We have.
wheat fields that are at least twice as large.”
Then they walk around
A Texan farmer goes to Australia for a vacation.
There he meets an Aussie farmer and gets talking.
The Aussie shows off his big wheat field and the Texan says, “Oh! We have.
wheat fields that are at least twice as large.”
Then they walk around
10.
On a farm out in the country lived a man and a woman and their three sons.Early one morning, the woman awoke, and while looking out of the window onto to the pasture, she saw that the family's only cow was lying dead in the fieldThe situation looked hopel
On a farm out in the country lived a man and a woman and their three sons.Early one morning, the woman awoke, and while looking out of the window onto to the pasture, she saw that the family's only cow was lying dead in the fieldThe situation looked hopel
11.
A boss said to his secretary, “I want to make love with you, but I will make it very fast.
I’ll throw $1,000 on the floor and by the time you down to pick it up, I’ll be done.”
She thought for a moment then called her boyfriend and told him the stor
A boss said to his secretary, “I want to make love with you, but I will make it very fast.
I’ll throw $1,000 on the floor and by the time you down to pick it up, I’ll be done.”
She thought for a moment then called her boyfriend and told him the stor
12.
A farmer drove to a neighbor's farmhouse and knocked at the door.A boy, about 9, opened the door“Is your dad or mum home?” said the farmer.“No, they went to town.”“How about your brother, Howard? Is he here?”“No, he went with Mum and Dad.”The farmer stood
A farmer drove to a neighbor's farmhouse and knocked at the door.A boy, about 9, opened the door“Is your dad or mum home?” said the farmer.“No, they went to town.”“How about your brother, Howard? Is he here?”“No, he went with Mum and Dad.”The farmer stood
13.
The temporary Sunday School teacher was struggling to open a combination lock on the supply cabinet.
She had been told the combination, but couldn’t quite remember it.
She went to the pastor’s study and asked for help.
The pastor came into the ro
The temporary Sunday School teacher was struggling to open a combination lock on the supply cabinet.
She had been told the combination, but couldn’t quite remember it.
She went to the pastor’s study and asked for help.
The pastor came into the ro
14.
Why did I get divorced? Well, last week was my birthday.My wife didn't wish me a happy birthday My parents forgot and so did my kids.I went to work and even my colleagues didn't wish me a happy birthday.As I entered my office, my secretary said, “Happy b
Why did I get divorced? Well, last week was my birthday.My wife didn't wish me a happy birthday My parents forgot and so did my kids.I went to work and even my colleagues didn't wish me a happy birthday.As I entered my office, my secretary said, “Happy b
15.
One night outside a small town, a fire started inside the local chemical plantIn the blink of an eye, it exploded into massive flames.The alarm went out to all fire departments for miles around.When the volunteer fire fighters appeared on the scene, the c
One night outside a small town, a fire started inside the local chemical plantIn the blink of an eye, it exploded into massive flames.The alarm went out to all fire departments for miles around.When the volunteer fire fighters appeared on the scene, the c
16.
A cat dies and goes to Heaven. God meets him at the gate and says, “You have been a good cat all of these years.
Anything you desire is yours, all you have to do is ask.
” The cats says, “Well, I lived all my life with a poor family on a farm and ha
A cat dies and goes to Heaven. God meets him at the gate and says, “You have been a good cat all of these years.
Anything you desire is yours, all you have to do is ask.
” The cats says, “Well, I lived all my life with a poor family on a farm and ha
17.
A blonde was suffering from constipation, so his doctor prescribed suppositories.
A week later the blonde complained to the doctor that they didn’t produce the desired results.
“Have you been taking them regularly?” the doctor asked.
“What do you
A blonde was suffering from constipation, so his doctor prescribed suppositories.
A week later the blonde complained to the doctor that they didn’t produce the desired results.
“Have you been taking them regularly?” the doctor asked.
“What do you
18.
A couple of guys from West Virginia are out in the woods hunting when one of them falls to the ground.He doesn't seem to be breathing, his eyes are rolled back in his headThe other guy whips out his cell phone and calls 911.He gasps to the operator, “Bubb
A couple of guys from West Virginia are out in the woods hunting when one of them falls to the ground.He doesn't seem to be breathing, his eyes are rolled back in his headThe other guy whips out his cell phone and calls 911.He gasps to the operator, “Bubb
19.
He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100%.The elderly gentleman went back in a month to the doctor and the doctor said, “Your hearing is perfectYour family must be re
He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100%.The elderly gentleman went back in a month to the doctor and the doctor said, “Your hearing is perfectYour family must be re
20.
Doctor and a lawyer in two cars collided on a country road.The lawyer, seeing that the doctor was a little shaken up,helped him from the car and offered him a drink from his hip flask.The doctor accepted and handed the flask back to the lawyer, who closed
Doctor and a lawyer in two cars collided on a country road.The lawyer, seeing that the doctor was a little shaken up,helped him from the car and offered him a drink from his hip flask.The doctor accepted and handed the flask back to the lawyer, who closed
21.
Wife: Doing her makeup early morning straight out from BedHusband: Are you crazyWife: Just shut up, I need to unlock my phone.Its on face recognition feature and it is not recognizing me.Husband: Laughing Loudly
Wife: Doing her makeup early morning straight out from BedHusband: Are you crazyWife: Just shut up, I need to unlock my phone.Its on face recognition feature and it is not recognizing me.Husband: Laughing Loudly
22.
A newsboy was standing on the corner with a stack of papers, yelling,“Read all about it Fifty people swindled! Fifty people swindled!”Curious, a man walked over, bought a paper, and checked the front page.Finding nothing, the man said,“There's nothing in
A newsboy was standing on the corner with a stack of papers, yelling,“Read all about it Fifty people swindled! Fifty people swindled!”Curious, a man walked over, bought a paper, and checked the front page.Finding nothing, the man said,“There's nothing in
23.
A woman goes to her boyfriend's parents' house for dinner.This is her first time meeting the family and she is very nervous.They all sit down and begin eating a fine meal.The woman is beginning to feel a little discomfort, thanks to her nervousness and th
A woman goes to her boyfriend's parents' house for dinner.This is her first time meeting the family and she is very nervous.They all sit down and begin eating a fine meal.The woman is beginning to feel a little discomfort, thanks to her nervousness and th
24.
During a visit to the mental asylum, a visitor asked the director, “What is the criterion that defines a patient to be institutionalized?”“Well…” said the director, “we fill up a bathtub, and we offer a teaspoon, a teacup, and a bucket to the patient and
During a visit to the mental asylum, a visitor asked the director, “What is the criterion that defines a patient to be institutionalized?”“Well…” said the director, “we fill up a bathtub, and we offer a teaspoon, a teacup, and a bucket to the patient and
25.
A motorcycle police officer stops a driver for shooting through a red lightThe driver is a real bast..., steps out of his car and comes striding toward theofficer, demanding to know why he is being harassed by the Gestapo!So the officer calmly tells him o
A motorcycle police officer stops a driver for shooting through a red lightThe driver is a real bast..., steps out of his car and comes striding toward theofficer, demanding to know why he is being harassed by the Gestapo!So the officer calmly tells him o
26.
“I can't speak to my wife directly as she might find it offensive, given our old age” he says to the doc.“There's a simple trick you can try to determine her hearing,” explains the doctor
“I can't speak to my wife directly as she might find it offensive, given our old age” he says to the doc.“There's a simple trick you can try to determine her hearing,” explains the doctor
27.
For the umpteenth time Mrs
Jones told her pastor,
“I’m so scared! My husband says he’s going to kill me if I continue to come to your church.”
“Yes, yes, my child,” replied the pastor, tired of hearing this before.
“I will continue to pray for
For the umpteenth time Mrs
Jones told her pastor,
“I’m so scared! My husband says he’s going to kill me if I continue to come to your church.”
“Yes, yes, my child,” replied the pastor, tired of hearing this before.
“I will continue to pray for
28.
A guy burned both of his ears… so they were asking him at the hospital how it happened.
He said, “I was ironing my clothing and the phone rang… So, instead of the phone I picked up the iron and burned my ear…”
“But how the heck did you burn the othe
A guy burned both of his ears… so they were asking him at the hospital how it happened.
He said, “I was ironing my clothing and the phone rang… So, instead of the phone I picked up the iron and burned my ear…”
“But how the heck did you burn the othe
29.
… so he decides to go down to the morgue after class and practice a little.Well, he uncovers the first guy and there is a cork in his butt! He thinks it's a little strange, so he pulls it and music starts playing!“… On the road again, just can't wait to g
… so he decides to go down to the morgue after class and practice a little.Well, he uncovers the first guy and there is a cork in his butt! He thinks it's a little strange, so he pulls it and music starts playing!“… On the road again, just can't wait to g
30.
One day this Swedish guy walks into a dingy little storefront travel agency, holds up a page out of a newspaper, and says: “You say in this ad that you have a voonderful luxury cruise for only $69.95I vant to go on this voonderful luxury cruise.”The guy b
One day this Swedish guy walks into a dingy little storefront travel agency, holds up a page out of a newspaper, and says: “You say in this ad that you have a voonderful luxury cruise for only $69.95I vant to go on this voonderful luxury cruise.”The guy b
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