1.
A man was crossing a road one day when a frog called out to him and said, “If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess.”He bent over, picked up the frog, and put it in his pocket.The frog spoke up again and said, “If you kiss me and turn me back
A man was crossing a road one day when a frog called out to him and said, “If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess.”He bent over, picked up the frog, and put it in his pocket.The frog spoke up again and said, “If you kiss me and turn me back
2.
A man walked into a bar. He sat down and asked the bartender “If I impress you, can I have a free drink?” The bartender said sure, so the man reached in his pocket and pulled out a tiny piano.
He then pulled out a small rat and set it by the piano.
A man walked into a bar. He sat down and asked the bartender “If I impress you, can I have a free drink?” The bartender said sure, so the man reached in his pocket and pulled out a tiny piano.
He then pulled out a small rat and set it by the piano.
3.
Two wives finally find some time to have a night out, just the two girls.
After a night of happy drinking, they decide to wobble home, but on the way both have a desperate need to pee.
They nip into a cemetery, do the deed and realize they have noth
Two wives finally find some time to have a night out, just the two girls.
After a night of happy drinking, they decide to wobble home, but on the way both have a desperate need to pee.
They nip into a cemetery, do the deed and realize they have noth
4.
An older, tired-looking dog wandered into my yard.I could tell from his collar and well-fed belly that he had a home and was well taken care of.He calmly came over to me, I gave him a few pats on his head.He then followed me into my house, slowly walked d
An older, tired-looking dog wandered into my yard.I could tell from his collar and well-fed belly that he had a home and was well taken care of.He calmly came over to me, I gave him a few pats on his head.He then followed me into my house, slowly walked d
5.
Bidding at a local auction was proceeding furiously when the auctioneer suddenly announced,“A gentleman in this room has lost a wallet containing $10,000.If it is returned, he will pay a reward of $2,000.”There was a moment's silence,and then from the bac
Bidding at a local auction was proceeding furiously when the auctioneer suddenly announced,“A gentleman in this room has lost a wallet containing $10,000.If it is returned, he will pay a reward of $2,000.”There was a moment's silence,and then from the bac
6.
Four men went golfing one dayThree of them headed to the first tee and the fourth went into the clubhouse to take care of the billThe three men started talking and bragging about their sonsThe first man told the others, “My son is a home builder, and he i
Four men went golfing one dayThree of them headed to the first tee and the fourth went into the clubhouse to take care of the billThe three men started talking and bragging about their sonsThe first man told the others, “My son is a home builder, and he i
7.
… he announces, his wife has just produced a typical Texas baby boy weighing 25 poundsThe man buys a round of drinks as his wife just gave birth to typical Texas baby boy weighing 25 poundsCongratulations showered him from all around, and many exclamation
… he announces, his wife has just produced a typical Texas baby boy weighing 25 poundsThe man buys a round of drinks as his wife just gave birth to typical Texas baby boy weighing 25 poundsCongratulations showered him from all around, and many exclamation
8.
I got the craving for a McDonald's Big Mac about a week ago and went to our local McDonald's drive-through.The girl who took my order at the window was, much to my surprise, wearing a full-on black BurqaThe only thing I could see of her was her eyesI went
I got the craving for a McDonald's Big Mac about a week ago and went to our local McDonald's drive-through.The girl who took my order at the window was, much to my surprise, wearing a full-on black BurqaThe only thing I could see of her was her eyesI went
9.
A businessman is hurrying home on the motorway after a hard days work when he is stopped by a policeman.“Do you know you were driving 30 mph over the limit?” asks the policeman.“Eh, actually no, officer, it's a big car and it just sort of coasts along… yo
A businessman is hurrying home on the motorway after a hard days work when he is stopped by a policeman.“Do you know you were driving 30 mph over the limit?” asks the policeman.“Eh, actually no, officer, it's a big car and it just sort of coasts along… yo
10.
A New York State trooper pulled a car over.
When the trooper asked the driver why he was speeding, the driver said he was a Magician and Juggler and was on his way to the Bronx to do a show for the Children’s Hospital.
He didn’t want to be late.
A New York State trooper pulled a car over.
When the trooper asked the driver why he was speeding, the driver said he was a Magician and Juggler and was on his way to the Bronx to do a show for the Children’s Hospital.
He didn’t want to be late.
11.
A man in a state of excessive inebriation rolled up at a fairground rifle range booth and threw down the necessary money.
The booth operator at first refused to let him have a turn considering that his inebriated state would endanger the public.
But
A man in a state of excessive inebriation rolled up at a fairground rifle range booth and threw down the necessary money.
The booth operator at first refused to let him have a turn considering that his inebriated state would endanger the public.
But
12.
A man goes to see the Rabbi. ‘Rabbi, something terrible is happening and I have to talk to you about it.’
The Rabbi asked, ‘What’s wrong?’ The man replied, ‘I’m pretty sure my wife is poisoning me.’
The Rabbi, very surprised by this, asks, ‘How can
A man goes to see the Rabbi. ‘Rabbi, something terrible is happening and I have to talk to you about it.’
The Rabbi asked, ‘What’s wrong?’ The man replied, ‘I’m pretty sure my wife is poisoning me.’
The Rabbi, very surprised by this, asks, ‘How can
13.
The boss of a big company needed to call one of his employees about an urgent problem with one of the main computersHe dialed the employee's home phone number and was greeted with a child's whispered: “Hello?”Feeling put out at the inconvenience of having
The boss of a big company needed to call one of his employees about an urgent problem with one of the main computersHe dialed the employee's home phone number and was greeted with a child's whispered: “Hello?”Feeling put out at the inconvenience of having
14.
An elderly retired Marine Fighter Pilot moved into a retirement community where good looking eligible men were at a premium.After he had been there for a week, he went to Confession and said, “Bless me Father for I have sinnedLast week I was with seven di
An elderly retired Marine Fighter Pilot moved into a retirement community where good looking eligible men were at a premium.After he had been there for a week, he went to Confession and said, “Bless me Father for I have sinnedLast week I was with seven di
15.
Wife: Doing her makeup early morning straight out from BedHusband: Are you crazyWife: Just shut up, I need to unlock my phone.Its on face recognition feature and it is not recognizing me.Husband: Laughing Loudly
Wife: Doing her makeup early morning straight out from BedHusband: Are you crazyWife: Just shut up, I need to unlock my phone.Its on face recognition feature and it is not recognizing me.Husband: Laughing Loudly
16.
Little Johnny and Billy were engaging in the time-honoured tradition of a verbal battle like little boys all over the world.
“My Father is better than your Father!” Billy declared.
“No, he’s not!” Johnny responded.
“My brother is better than you
Little Johnny and Billy were engaging in the time-honoured tradition of a verbal battle like little boys all over the world.
“My Father is better than your Father!” Billy declared.
“No, he’s not!” Johnny responded.
“My brother is better than you
17.
A young naval student was being put through the paces by an old sea captain.“What would you do if a sudden storm sprang up on the starboard?”“Throw out an anchor, Sir.”“What would you do if another storm sprang up aft?”“Throw out another anchor, Sir.”“And
A young naval student was being put through the paces by an old sea captain.“What would you do if a sudden storm sprang up on the starboard?”“Throw out an anchor, Sir.”“What would you do if another storm sprang up aft?”“Throw out another anchor, Sir.”“And
18.
On a farm out in the country lived a man and a woman and their three sons.Early one morning, the woman awoke, and while looking out of the window onto to the pasture, she saw that the family's only cow was lying dead in the fieldThe situation looked hopel
On a farm out in the country lived a man and a woman and their three sons.Early one morning, the woman awoke, and while looking out of the window onto to the pasture, she saw that the family's only cow was lying dead in the fieldThe situation looked hopel
19.
A middle aged guy and his teenage daughter were riding a motor bike and taking a shortcut through a darkened park when they were stopped by a gang of muggers.
They searched them and took the guys wallet, his watch and the motorbike but couldn’t find an
A middle aged guy and his teenage daughter were riding a motor bike and taking a shortcut through a darkened park when they were stopped by a gang of muggers.
They searched them and took the guys wallet, his watch and the motorbike but couldn’t find an
20.
In a train compartment, there are 3 men and a ravishing young girl.
The young girl proposes, “If each of you will give me $1.00, I will show you my legs.”
The men, charmed by this young girl, all pull a buck out of their wallet.
And then the girl
In a train compartment, there are 3 men and a ravishing young girl.
The young girl proposes, “If each of you will give me $1.00, I will show you my legs.”
The men, charmed by this young girl, all pull a buck out of their wallet.
And then the girl
21.
A woman goes to her boyfriend's parents' house for dinner.This is her first time meeting the family and she is very nervous.They all sit down and begin eating a fine meal.The woman is beginning to feel a little discomfort, thanks to her nervousness and th
A woman goes to her boyfriend's parents' house for dinner.This is her first time meeting the family and she is very nervous.They all sit down and begin eating a fine meal.The woman is beginning to feel a little discomfort, thanks to her nervousness and th
22.
A man and his wife were having some arguments and problems at homeand were giving each other the silent treatment.The next day the man realized that he would need his wife to wake him at 5 am for an early flight to Sydney.Not wanting to be the first to br
A man and his wife were having some arguments and problems at homeand were giving each other the silent treatment.The next day the man realized that he would need his wife to wake him at 5 am for an early flight to Sydney.Not wanting to be the first to br
23.
John was sitting outside his local pub one day…
… enjoying a quiet pint and generally feeling good about himself, when a nun suddenly appears at his table and starts decrying the evils of drink.
“You should be ashamed of yourself young man! Drinking
John was sitting outside his local pub one day…
… enjoying a quiet pint and generally feeling good about himself, when a nun suddenly appears at his table and starts decrying the evils of drink.
“You should be ashamed of yourself young man! Drinking
24.
To test their skills in recognizing a suspect, he shows the first guy a picture for 5 seconds and then hides it. “This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?”The first guy answers, “That's easy, we'll catch him fast because he only has one eye!”Th
To test their skills in recognizing a suspect, he shows the first guy a picture for 5 seconds and then hides it. “This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?”The first guy answers, “That's easy, we'll catch him fast because he only has one eye!”Th
25.
Jonny went to school one day and later that day his dad got a call
saying he needs to pick up his son because he had had s*x with a teacher.
When Jonny got home his dad was so happy he went out to the store and bought him a bike.
When they bought
Jonny went to school one day and later that day his dad got a call
saying he needs to pick up his son because he had had s*x with a teacher.
When Jonny got home his dad was so happy he went out to the store and bought him a bike.
When they bought
26.
A doctor, a lawyer, a little boy and a priest were out for a Sunday afternoon flight on a small private plane.Suddenly, the plane developed engine troubleIn spite of the best efforts of the pilot, the plane started to go down.Finally, the pilot grabbed a
A doctor, a lawyer, a little boy and a priest were out for a Sunday afternoon flight on a small private plane.Suddenly, the plane developed engine troubleIn spite of the best efforts of the pilot, the plane started to go down.Finally, the pilot grabbed a
27.
A man had just settled into his seat next to the window on the plane when another man sat down in the aisle seat and put his black Labrador Retriever in the middle seat next to the man.The first man looked very quizzically at the dog and asked why the dog
A man had just settled into his seat next to the window on the plane when another man sat down in the aisle seat and put his black Labrador Retriever in the middle seat next to the man.The first man looked very quizzically at the dog and asked why the dog
28.
Florida Woman Stops 12′ Alligator With A .22 Cal Beretta PistolWhat's the smallest caliber that you would trust to protect yourself?Here's her story in her own words:“While walking along the edge of a pond just outside my house in the Villages discussing
Florida Woman Stops 12′ Alligator With A .22 Cal Beretta PistolWhat's the smallest caliber that you would trust to protect yourself?Here's her story in her own words:“While walking along the edge of a pond just outside my house in the Villages discussing
29.
They planned to stay at the same hotel where they had spent their honeymoon 20 years earlier.Because of hectic schedules, it was difficult to coordinate their travel schedules. So, the husband left Minnesota and flew to Florida on Thursday, with his wife
They planned to stay at the same hotel where they had spent their honeymoon 20 years earlier.Because of hectic schedules, it was difficult to coordinate their travel schedules. So, the husband left Minnesota and flew to Florida on Thursday, with his wife
30.
Fred was very old, sick, and doctors said he would not l and dying.
There was an elderly man at home in his bed, dying.
He smelled the aroma of his favorite chocolate chip cookies baking in the kitchen downstairs, and he wanted one last cookie befor
Fred was very old, sick, and doctors said he would not l and dying.
There was an elderly man at home in his bed, dying.
He smelled the aroma of his favorite chocolate chip cookies baking in the kitchen downstairs, and he wanted one last cookie befor
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Eng Jokes