1.
Husband and his wife are having a fight at the breakfast table.Husband gets up in a rage and says, “And you are not good in bed either,” and storms out of the house.After sometime he realizes he was awful and decides to make amends and rings her up.She co
Husband and his wife are having a fight at the breakfast table.Husband gets up in a rage and says, “And you are not good in bed either,” and storms out of the house.After sometime he realizes he was awful and decides to make amends and rings her up.She co
2.
A customer walks into a restaurant and notices a large sign on the wall that says, “$500 if we fail to fill your order.”When his waitress arrives, he orders elephant tail on rye.She calmly writes down his order and walks into the kitchenAlmost immediately
A customer walks into a restaurant and notices a large sign on the wall that says, “$500 if we fail to fill your order.”When his waitress arrives, he orders elephant tail on rye.She calmly writes down his order and walks into the kitchenAlmost immediately
3.
One morning, the wife wakes up to find her mother gone.In a worried state, she awakens her husband and they both set off to find the old woman.Suddenly, they break into a clearing and there's the mother-in-law, standing face-to-face with a ferocious lion!
One morning, the wife wakes up to find her mother gone.In a worried state, she awakens her husband and they both set off to find the old woman.Suddenly, they break into a clearing and there's the mother-in-law, standing face-to-face with a ferocious lion!
4.
GIRL: I have done a great sinI called my boyfriend a BAST.RDPSYCHIATRIST: Well now, that's not a nice thing to call anyone, so what did he do to deserve that?GIRL: Well, he kissed me.PSYCHIATRIST: You mean like this?GIRL: .Yes!PSYCHIATRIST: Well that's no
GIRL: I have done a great sinI called my boyfriend a BAST.RDPSYCHIATRIST: Well now, that's not a nice thing to call anyone, so what did he do to deserve that?GIRL: Well, he kissed me.PSYCHIATRIST: You mean like this?GIRL: .Yes!PSYCHIATRIST: Well that's no
5.
A generous king once ruled in the land of AndhraEvery day two beggars used to come to him for alms and he always gave them food and money.On receiving the alms one of them, the older one, used to say: “God provides.” The other beggar, the younger of the t
A generous king once ruled in the land of AndhraEvery day two beggars used to come to him for alms and he always gave them food and money.On receiving the alms one of them, the older one, used to say: “God provides.” The other beggar, the younger of the t
6.
He's wearing a t-shirt with bright lettering, “Mexican's have THREE problems.”Just a few moments later the Mexicans surround him and say, “Hey, you know what you're wearing is insulting?”The Texan responds, “This is your first problem: You're so easily o
He's wearing a t-shirt with bright lettering, “Mexican's have THREE problems.”Just a few moments later the Mexicans surround him and say, “Hey, you know what you're wearing is insulting?”The Texan responds, “This is your first problem: You're so easily o
7.
Three old ladies – Gertrude, Maude and Tilly – were sitting on a park bench having a quiet conversation.Suddenly, a handsome young man dressed only in a trench coat approached them from across the parkHe was holding his coat together with his hands and di
Three old ladies – Gertrude, Maude and Tilly – were sitting on a park bench having a quiet conversation.Suddenly, a handsome young man dressed only in a trench coat approached them from across the parkHe was holding his coat together with his hands and di
8.
Once, a long, long time ago, in a small village just outside of some place you’ve never heard of, there was quite a stir amongst the villagers. The villagers, you see, wanted to schedule a race so that they could support their compulsive gambling habits,
Once, a long, long time ago, in a small village just outside of some place you’ve never heard of, there was quite a stir amongst the villagers. The villagers, you see, wanted to schedule a race so that they could support their compulsive gambling habits,
9.
This was an actual conversation that took place between my wife and my 7 yr old son just now.
My wife has been teaching my son to fold his own laundry but he complains about it every time.
My wife, trying to convince my son, said to him “If you pick
This was an actual conversation that took place between my wife and my 7 yr old son just now.
My wife has been teaching my son to fold his own laundry but he complains about it every time.
My wife, trying to convince my son, said to him “If you pick
10.
Ray came home one night from a long day at work, slid into bed beside his sleeping wife, and fell into a deep slumberHe awoke before the Pearly Gates, where StPeter said, ‘You died in your sleep, Ray.'Ray was stunned‘I'm dead? No, I can't be! I've got too
Ray came home one night from a long day at work, slid into bed beside his sleeping wife, and fell into a deep slumberHe awoke before the Pearly Gates, where StPeter said, ‘You died in your sleep, Ray.'Ray was stunned‘I'm dead? No, I can't be! I've got too
11.
Little Timothy was a bright young boy, and he was even fairly handsome.
The only problem was that he was lost his eye in a fishing accident when he was younger.
His family was too poor to afford a glass eye, so his grandfather whittled him a wooden
Little Timothy was a bright young boy, and he was even fairly handsome.
The only problem was that he was lost his eye in a fishing accident when he was younger.
His family was too poor to afford a glass eye, so his grandfather whittled him a wooden
12.
An Englishman and an Irishman go to a bakery.The Englishman steals three buns and puts them into his pockets and leaves.He says to the Irishman: “That took great skill and guile to steal those bunsThe owner didn't even see me.”“That's just simple thievery
An Englishman and an Irishman go to a bakery.The Englishman steals three buns and puts them into his pockets and leaves.He says to the Irishman: “That took great skill and guile to steal those bunsThe owner didn't even see me.”“That's just simple thievery
13.
We are already 2 years together with my girlfriend and decided to get married.My parents helped as much as they could and all my my friends said it's a really good idea!My girlfriend?She is a dream!But there is something that bothers me! This something is
We are already 2 years together with my girlfriend and decided to get married.My parents helped as much as they could and all my my friends said it's a really good idea!My girlfriend?She is a dream!But there is something that bothers me! This something is
14.
While rummaging through the boat's provisions, Patrick stumbled across an old lamp. Secretly hoping that a genie would appear, he rubbed the lamp vigorously.To his amazement, a genie came forth.This particular genie, however, stated that he could only de
While rummaging through the boat's provisions, Patrick stumbled across an old lamp. Secretly hoping that a genie would appear, he rubbed the lamp vigorously.To his amazement, a genie came forth.This particular genie, however, stated that he could only de
15.
In a Chicago hospital, a gentleman had made several attempts to get into the men’s restroom, but it had always been occupied.
A nurse noticed his predicament. “Sir,” she said “You may use the ladies room if you promise not to touch any of the buttons o
In a Chicago hospital, a gentleman had made several attempts to get into the men’s restroom, but it had always been occupied.
A nurse noticed his predicament. “Sir,” she said “You may use the ladies room if you promise not to touch any of the buttons o
16.
The owner tells him he has good news and bad news.“The good news is that a man dropped by the studio today and put in an offer to buy every single piece. He just wanted my guarantee that the works would be worth twice what he paid if you were to pass awa
The owner tells him he has good news and bad news.“The good news is that a man dropped by the studio today and put in an offer to buy every single piece. He just wanted my guarantee that the works would be worth twice what he paid if you were to pass awa
17.
She is eighty-eight years old and still drives her own car.She writes:Dear Granddaughter,The other day I went up to our local Christian book store and saw a Honk if you love Jesus bumper stickerI was feeling particularly sassy that day because I had just
She is eighty-eight years old and still drives her own car.She writes:Dear Granddaughter,The other day I went up to our local Christian book store and saw a Honk if you love Jesus bumper stickerI was feeling particularly sassy that day because I had just
18.
During my physical examination, my doctor asked me about my physical activity level.I described a typical day – “Well, yesterday afternoon, I took a five hour walk about 7 miles through some pretty rough terrain.I waded along the edge of a lakeI pushed my
During my physical examination, my doctor asked me about my physical activity level.I described a typical day – “Well, yesterday afternoon, I took a five hour walk about 7 miles through some pretty rough terrain.I waded along the edge of a lakeI pushed my
19.
When he reaches the bridge marking the border, the tax collectors search his bags to calculate what duty he must pay on his exports.Every day, they find nothingAnd yet, in the evening, after their shift has finished and they are in the tea houses or resta
When he reaches the bridge marking the border, the tax collectors search his bags to calculate what duty he must pay on his exports.Every day, they find nothingAnd yet, in the evening, after their shift has finished and they are in the tea houses or resta
20.
A young newlywed couple wanted to join a church.
The pastor told them,
“We have special requirements for new parishioners. You must abstain from having s*x for two weeks.”
The couple agreed and came back at the end for two weeks.
The pastor as
A young newlywed couple wanted to join a church.
The pastor told them,
“We have special requirements for new parishioners. You must abstain from having s*x for two weeks.”
The couple agreed and came back at the end for two weeks.
The pastor as
21.
ON A KOREAN KITCHEN KNIFE:
Warning keep out of children.
ON A HAIR DRYER:
Do not use while sleeping.
ON A BAG OF FRITOS:
You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.
ON A BAR OF DIAL SOAP:
Directions: Use like regular
ON A KOREAN KITCHEN KNIFE:
Warning keep out of children.
ON A HAIR DRYER:
Do not use while sleeping.
ON A BAG OF FRITOS:
You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.
ON A BAR OF DIAL SOAP:
Directions: Use like regular
22.
Jeff and his girlfriend Jenny decide to become bank-robbers.
Jenny does the actual robbing at gunpoint inside the banks while Jeff waits outside as the getaway driver.
They are initially successful with a string of heists that make headlines and the
Jeff and his girlfriend Jenny decide to become bank-robbers.
Jenny does the actual robbing at gunpoint inside the banks while Jeff waits outside as the getaway driver.
They are initially successful with a string of heists that make headlines and the
23.
As he sat down, the waitress came over and asked for their orders.The man said, “I'll have a hamburger, fries and a coke.”Then he turned to the ostrich and asked, “What's yours?”“I'll have the same,” said the ostrich.A short time later the waitress return
As he sat down, the waitress came over and asked for their orders.The man said, “I'll have a hamburger, fries and a coke.”Then he turned to the ostrich and asked, “What's yours?”“I'll have the same,” said the ostrich.A short time later the waitress return
24.
A married couple got into an accident and the husband's face was badly burnedThe doctor told him that they couldn't graft any skin from his body because he was too skinnySo the wife offered to donate some of her own skin.However, the only skin on her body
A married couple got into an accident and the husband's face was badly burnedThe doctor told him that they couldn't graft any skin from his body because he was too skinnySo the wife offered to donate some of her own skin.However, the only skin on her body
25.
Judy and Ted got married and had 13 children, then Ted died of Heart Disease:Judy married again and she and Bob had 7 more children.Bob was killed in a car accident 12 years later:Again Judy remarried and this time she and John had 5 more childrenJudy fin
Judy and Ted got married and had 13 children, then Ted died of Heart Disease:Judy married again and she and Bob had 7 more children.Bob was killed in a car accident 12 years later:Again Judy remarried and this time she and John had 5 more childrenJudy fin
26.
A defendant in a lawsuit involving large sums of money was talking to his lawyer.“If I lose this case, I'll be ruined.”“It's in the judge's hands now,” said the lawyer.“Would it help if I sent the judge a box of cigars?”“Oh no! This judge is a stickler or
A defendant in a lawsuit involving large sums of money was talking to his lawyer.“If I lose this case, I'll be ruined.”“It's in the judge's hands now,” said the lawyer.“Would it help if I sent the judge a box of cigars?”“Oh no! This judge is a stickler or
27.
A man lies on his deathbed, surrounded by his family: a weeping wife and four children.
Three of the children are tall, good-looking and athletic, but the fourth and youngest is an ugly runt.
“Darling wife,” the husband whispers, “assure me that the
A man lies on his deathbed, surrounded by his family: a weeping wife and four children.
Three of the children are tall, good-looking and athletic, but the fourth and youngest is an ugly runt.
“Darling wife,” the husband whispers, “assure me that the
28.
… but his Father explained that with the boys' Mother just losing her job, and their £80,000 mortgage, there was no way that such a gift could be afforded.The next day, the man saw his son packing his suitcase, and said,‘C'mon, Son, it's not that bad, we'
… but his Father explained that with the boys' Mother just losing her job, and their £80,000 mortgage, there was no way that such a gift could be afforded.The next day, the man saw his son packing his suitcase, and said,‘C'mon, Son, it's not that bad, we'
29.
A poor slave, ill-treated by his master, runs away to the forest.
There he comes across a lion in pain because of a thorn in his paw.
The slave bravely goes forward and removes the thorn gently.
The lion without hurting him goes away.
Some day
A poor slave, ill-treated by his master, runs away to the forest.
There he comes across a lion in pain because of a thorn in his paw.
The slave bravely goes forward and removes the thorn gently.
The lion without hurting him goes away.
Some day
30.
The Birthday SurpriseDuring lunch at work, I ate 3 plates of beans (which I know I shouldn't).When I got home, my husband seemed excited to see me and exclaimed delightedly, “Darling I have a surprise for dinner tonight.”He then blindfolded me and led me
The Birthday SurpriseDuring lunch at work, I ate 3 plates of beans (which I know I shouldn't).When I got home, my husband seemed excited to see me and exclaimed delightedly, “Darling I have a surprise for dinner tonight.”He then blindfolded me and led me
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