1.
From the Northwest Florida Daily News comes this story of a Crestview couple that drove their car to Wal*Mart, only to have their car break down in the parking lot.The man told his wife to carry on with the shopping while he fixed the car in the lot.The w
From the Northwest Florida Daily News comes this story of a Crestview couple that drove their car to Wal*Mart, only to have their car break down in the parking lot.The man told his wife to carry on with the shopping while he fixed the car in the lot.The w
2.
An elderly couple was just settled down for bed when the old man realized he left the lights on in the greenhouse in the back yard.Then they heard voices.Three men had broken into the greenhouse.Scared, they called the police.The dispatcher replied, he wo
An elderly couple was just settled down for bed when the old man realized he left the lights on in the greenhouse in the back yard.Then they heard voices.Three men had broken into the greenhouse.Scared, they called the police.The dispatcher replied, he wo
3.
A middle aged guy and his teenage daughter were riding a motor bike and taking a shortcut through a darkened park when they were stopped by a gang of muggers.
They searched them and took the guys wallet, his watch and the motorbike but couldn’t find an
A middle aged guy and his teenage daughter were riding a motor bike and taking a shortcut through a darkened park when they were stopped by a gang of muggers.
They searched them and took the guys wallet, his watch and the motorbike but couldn’t find an
4.
Two old men, Abe and Sol, sit on a park bench feeding pigeons and talking about baseball.Abe turns to Sol and asks, “Do you think there's baseball in Heaven?”Sol thinks about it for a minute and replies, “I dunnoBut let's make a deal — if I die first, I'l
Two old men, Abe and Sol, sit on a park bench feeding pigeons and talking about baseball.Abe turns to Sol and asks, “Do you think there's baseball in Heaven?”Sol thinks about it for a minute and replies, “I dunnoBut let's make a deal — if I die first, I'l
5.
An old Man walked into the bank and stood in the queue, when it was his turn he handed his bank card to a bank teller and said, “I would like to withdraw £10.”The teller told him, “For withdrawals less than £100 please use the ATM.”The old man wanted to k
An old Man walked into the bank and stood in the queue, when it was his turn he handed his bank card to a bank teller and said, “I would like to withdraw £10.”The teller told him, “For withdrawals less than £100 please use the ATM.”The old man wanted to k
6.
A clergyman awoke one morning to find a dead donkey in his front yard.He had no idea how it got there, but he knew he had to get rid of it.So, he called the sanitation department, the health department, and several other agencies, but no one seemed able t
A clergyman awoke one morning to find a dead donkey in his front yard.He had no idea how it got there, but he knew he had to get rid of it.So, he called the sanitation department, the health department, and several other agencies, but no one seemed able t
7.
Little Johnny was visiting a friend of his in New York during the winter.
He and his friend went outside to play in the snow.
After about an hour, his friend’s mother called them back inside and had them remove their galoshes and gloves.
Johnny’s
Little Johnny was visiting a friend of his in New York during the winter.
He and his friend went outside to play in the snow.
After about an hour, his friend’s mother called them back inside and had them remove their galoshes and gloves.
Johnny’s
8.
A blind man walks into a restaurant and sits down The waiter, who is also the owner, walks up to the blind man and hands him a menu.“I'm sorry, sir, but I am blind and can't read the menuJust bring me a dirty fork from a previous customerI'll smell it and
A blind man walks into a restaurant and sits down The waiter, who is also the owner, walks up to the blind man and hands him a menu.“I'm sorry, sir, but I am blind and can't read the menuJust bring me a dirty fork from a previous customerI'll smell it and
9.
… complaining about their biggest regrets on getting old.The first old man said, “I'd give anything to take a good piss like I did when I was young. Every morning I get up it takes me 5 minutes to take a piss, and then it's only a small dribble.”The seco
… complaining about their biggest regrets on getting old.The first old man said, “I'd give anything to take a good piss like I did when I was young. Every morning I get up it takes me 5 minutes to take a piss, and then it's only a small dribble.”The seco
10.
An old Italian man goes to church for confession, he starts “Father forgive me for I have sinned. During the war I hid a young Jewish girl in my cellar”.“That was a wonderful thing you did and needs no forgiveness”, Said the priest.“That's not all, we st
An old Italian man goes to church for confession, he starts “Father forgive me for I have sinned. During the war I hid a young Jewish girl in my cellar”.“That was a wonderful thing you did and needs no forgiveness”, Said the priest.“That's not all, we st
11.
A lady walks into a pet store.She sees a beautiful parrot with a sign on its cage: $10 OBOThe lady asks the pet shop owner, “Why so cheap?”The owner says “This bird used to live in a brothel, so he says a lot of inappropriate things.”The lady can't pass u
A lady walks into a pet store.She sees a beautiful parrot with a sign on its cage: $10 OBOThe lady asks the pet shop owner, “Why so cheap?”The owner says “This bird used to live in a brothel, so he says a lot of inappropriate things.”The lady can't pass u
12.
A very flat-chested woman finally decided she needed a bra and set out to town in search of one in her size.
She entered an upscale department store and approached the saleslady in lingerie,
“Do you have a size 28AAAA bra?”
The clerk haughtily re
A very flat-chested woman finally decided she needed a bra and set out to town in search of one in her size.
She entered an upscale department store and approached the saleslady in lingerie,
“Do you have a size 28AAAA bra?”
The clerk haughtily re
13.
A man walks into a bar and orders one shot.Then he looks into his shirt pocket and orders another shot.After he finishes, he looks into his shirt pocket again and orders another shot.The bartender is curious and asks him “every time you order a shot, you
A man walks into a bar and orders one shot.Then he looks into his shirt pocket and orders another shot.After he finishes, he looks into his shirt pocket again and orders another shot.The bartender is curious and asks him “every time you order a shot, you
14.
…something this girl knew all too well.One day a 12-year-old girl was walking down the street, when a car pulled up beside her and the driver lowered a window.“I'll give you a large bag of M&Ms if you get in the car,” said the driver.“No way! Get lost!” r
…something this girl knew all too well.One day a 12-year-old girl was walking down the street, when a car pulled up beside her and the driver lowered a window.“I'll give you a large bag of M&Ms if you get in the car,” said the driver.“No way! Get lost!” r
15.
A minister dies and is waiting in line at the Pearly Gates.Ahead of him is a guy who's dressed in sunglasses, a loud shirt, leather jacket, and jeans.aint Peter addresses this guy, “Who are you, so that I may know whether or not to admit you to the Kingdo
A minister dies and is waiting in line at the Pearly Gates.Ahead of him is a guy who's dressed in sunglasses, a loud shirt, leather jacket, and jeans.aint Peter addresses this guy, “Who are you, so that I may know whether or not to admit you to the Kingdo
16.
On their first date, a man asked his companion if she'd like a drink with dinner.“Oh, no, what would I tell my Sunday school class?” she said.Later, he offered her a cigarette.“Oh, no, what would I tell my Sunday school class?” she said again On the drive
On their first date, a man asked his companion if she'd like a drink with dinner.“Oh, no, what would I tell my Sunday school class?” she said.Later, he offered her a cigarette.“Oh, no, what would I tell my Sunday school class?” she said again On the drive
17.
She started thinking about her grandparents… but what about her grandparents' parents? And their parents?Thoughtfully, she asked her mother, “Mom, where do people come from? I mean, does everyone have parents?”Her mother answered, “God made Adam and Eve a
She started thinking about her grandparents… but what about her grandparents' parents? And their parents?Thoughtfully, she asked her mother, “Mom, where do people come from? I mean, does everyone have parents?”Her mother answered, “God made Adam and Eve a
18.
A son took his old father to a restaurant for an evening dinner.
Father being very old and weak, while eating, dropped food on his shirt and trousers.
Other diners watched him in disgust while his son was calm.
After he finished eating, his son w
A son took his old father to a restaurant for an evening dinner.
Father being very old and weak, while eating, dropped food on his shirt and trousers.
Other diners watched him in disgust while his son was calm.
After he finished eating, his son w
19.
A travelling salesman was passing through the countryside and stopped at a farm asking for some cool water.
The old farmer’s wife invited him to sit in the shade of the porch with her and got him some cold lemonade.
They sat and talked for a while w
A travelling salesman was passing through the countryside and stopped at a farm asking for some cool water.
The old farmer’s wife invited him to sit in the shade of the porch with her and got him some cold lemonade.
They sat and talked for a while w
20.
A funeral service is held for a woman who just passed away.As the pallbearers carry the casket out, they accidentally bump into a wall.They hear a faint moan.They open the casket and find that the woman is actually alive.She lives for 10 more years and th
A funeral service is held for a woman who just passed away.As the pallbearers carry the casket out, they accidentally bump into a wall.They hear a faint moan.They open the casket and find that the woman is actually alive.She lives for 10 more years and th
21.
A mother sees her son watching television and says,
“Jimmy! I thought I told you to do the dishes after you do your homework!
Why are you watching television?”
Jimmy replies, “It’s okay, Mom! I haven’t done my homework yet.”
A mother sees her son watching television and says,
“Jimmy! I thought I told you to do the dishes after you do your homework!
Why are you watching television?”
Jimmy replies, “It’s okay, Mom! I haven’t done my homework yet.”
22.
Jane read that milk baths would make her beautiful, so she left a note for her milkman to leave 15 gallons of milk at her door.When the milkman read the note, he felt there must be a mistake.He thought she probably meant 1.5 gallons, so he knocked on the
Jane read that milk baths would make her beautiful, so she left a note for her milkman to leave 15 gallons of milk at her door.When the milkman read the note, he felt there must be a mistake.He thought she probably meant 1.5 gallons, so he knocked on the
23.
A man is working in a d*ldo store, when a brunette walks in.
She asks him how much for the black d*ldo?
He replies $50 for the black one, $50 for the white one.
She leaves without purchasing anything.
A red head walks in and asks him how much
A man is working in a d*ldo store, when a brunette walks in.
She asks him how much for the black d*ldo?
He replies $50 for the black one, $50 for the white one.
She leaves without purchasing anything.
A red head walks in and asks him how much
24.
A man drove past a traffic camera and saw it flash.He couldn't believe he had been caught speeding when he was driving below the speed limit for once!He turned around and drove past again, this time even slower.But as he passed the camera, it flashed agai
A man drove past a traffic camera and saw it flash.He couldn't believe he had been caught speeding when he was driving below the speed limit for once!He turned around and drove past again, this time even slower.But as he passed the camera, it flashed agai
25.
Yesterday afternoon, my Mother-in-law narrowly escaped injury when the aircraft she was piloting was forced to make an emergency landing in a rural area because of bad weather.The CAA (Civil Aviation Authority) issued a preliminary report, citing pilot er
Yesterday afternoon, my Mother-in-law narrowly escaped injury when the aircraft she was piloting was forced to make an emergency landing in a rural area because of bad weather.The CAA (Civil Aviation Authority) issued a preliminary report, citing pilot er
26.
I was playing a big game of hide and seek when I went camping with a big group.We were devided in teams of two and we had to stay hidden in a big forrest for as long as possible.I was put in a team with my little brother.After searching for a good spot we
I was playing a big game of hide and seek when I went camping with a big group.We were devided in teams of two and we had to stay hidden in a big forrest for as long as possible.I was put in a team with my little brother.After searching for a good spot we
27.
“Mum, am I adopted?”“No, of course not”, replied his motherWhy would you think such a thing?Fred showed her his genealogy DNA test resultsNo match for any of his relatives, and strong matches for a family who lived the other side of the city.Perturbed, hi
“Mum, am I adopted?”“No, of course not”, replied his motherWhy would you think such a thing?Fred showed her his genealogy DNA test resultsNo match for any of his relatives, and strong matches for a family who lived the other side of the city.Perturbed, hi
28.
He was a widower and she a widow.They had known each other for a number of years being high school classmates and having attended class reunions in the past without fail.This 60th anniversary of their class, the widower and the widow made a foursome with
He was a widower and she a widow.They had known each other for a number of years being high school classmates and having attended class reunions in the past without fail.This 60th anniversary of their class, the widower and the widow made a foursome with
29.
A blonde was summoned to court to appear as a witness in a lawsuitThe prosecutor opened his questioning with, “Where were you the night of August 24th?”“Objection!” said the defense attorney“Irrelevant!”“Oh, that's okay,” said the blonde from the witness
A blonde was summoned to court to appear as a witness in a lawsuitThe prosecutor opened his questioning with, “Where were you the night of August 24th?”“Objection!” said the defense attorney“Irrelevant!”“Oh, that's okay,” said the blonde from the witness
30.
In class one day, Mr. Johnson pulled Johnny over to his desk after a test, and said, “Johnny I have a feeling that you have been cheating on your tests.
” Johnny was astounded and asked Mr. Johnson to prove it.
“Well,” said Mr. Johnson, “I was looki
In class one day, Mr. Johnson pulled Johnny over to his desk after a test, and said, “Johnny I have a feeling that you have been cheating on your tests.
” Johnny was astounded and asked Mr. Johnson to prove it.
“Well,” said Mr. Johnson, “I was looki
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