1.
Sarah and Abe are out celebrating their 20th wedding anniversary.During the evening, Sarah broaches the subject of (their) life insurance, an issue she has been raising with him for at least 10 years, without success.“Abe,” she says, with tears in her eye
Sarah and Abe are out celebrating their 20th wedding anniversary.During the evening, Sarah broaches the subject of (their) life insurance, an issue she has been raising with him for at least 10 years, without success.“Abe,” she says, with tears in her eye
2.
A little girl and her mother are at church when the little girl starts to feel sick.
Her mother tells her to go throw up in the bushes behind the church.
When the little girl returns, her mother asks her if she threw up.
“Yes,” the girl says.
A little girl and her mother are at church when the little girl starts to feel sick.
Her mother tells her to go throw up in the bushes behind the church.
When the little girl returns, her mother asks her if she threw up.
“Yes,” the girl says.
3.
If you let me touch your wife’s ass and smack it, i will pay you $100,000 says a guy to his best friend.
His friend gets furious and asks him to mind what he is saying.
Later in the evening the best friend tells this incident to his wife, and she go
If you let me touch your wife’s ass and smack it, i will pay you $100,000 says a guy to his best friend.
His friend gets furious and asks him to mind what he is saying.
Later in the evening the best friend tells this incident to his wife, and she go
4.
Two tall trees, a birch and a beech, are growing in the woods.A small tree begins to grow between them, and the beech says to the birch, Is that a son of a beech or a son of a birch?The birch says he cannot tell, but just then a woodpecker lands on the sa
Two tall trees, a birch and a beech, are growing in the woods.A small tree begins to grow between them, and the beech says to the birch, Is that a son of a beech or a son of a birch?The birch says he cannot tell, but just then a woodpecker lands on the sa
5.
When the body was first made, all the parts wanted to be Boss.The brain said, “I should be boss because I control the whole body's responses and functions.”The feet said, “We should be Boss as we carry the brain about and get him to where he wants to go.”
When the body was first made, all the parts wanted to be Boss.The brain said, “I should be boss because I control the whole body's responses and functions.”The feet said, “We should be Boss as we carry the brain about and get him to where he wants to go.”
6.
Little Johnny was on a park bench stuffing all of his Halloween candy in his mouth.
An old lady came over and said.
“Son, don’t you know that eating all of that candy will rot your teeth, give you acne, and make you sick?”
“My grandfather lived t
Little Johnny was on a park bench stuffing all of his Halloween candy in his mouth.
An old lady came over and said.
“Son, don’t you know that eating all of that candy will rot your teeth, give you acne, and make you sick?”
“My grandfather lived t
7.
A drunk staggers into a diner and orders a couple of eggs.
The waiter, suspecting that they’ve run out, goes back to question the chef.
“Hey, Gus, do we have any more eggs?”
Gus replies,
“I ran out of fresh eggs, I only have two rotten eggs le
A drunk staggers into a diner and orders a couple of eggs.
The waiter, suspecting that they’ve run out, goes back to question the chef.
“Hey, Gus, do we have any more eggs?”
Gus replies,
“I ran out of fresh eggs, I only have two rotten eggs le
8.
I got the craving for a McDonald's Big Mac about a week ago and went to our local McDonald's drive-through.The girl who took my order at the window was, much to my surprise, wearing a full-on black BurqaThe only thing I could see of her was her eyesI went
I got the craving for a McDonald's Big Mac about a week ago and went to our local McDonald's drive-through.The girl who took my order at the window was, much to my surprise, wearing a full-on black BurqaThe only thing I could see of her was her eyesI went
9.
Three newlywed men were discussing their wives.The first guy married an Iowa gal; he says, I told my wife she had to all the cooking.The first day I didn't see anything, but on the second day, she fell into line.The second guy married a Minnesota gal; he
Three newlywed men were discussing their wives.The first guy married an Iowa gal; he says, I told my wife she had to all the cooking.The first day I didn't see anything, but on the second day, she fell into line.The second guy married a Minnesota gal; he
10.
A man walks into a bar and asks the bartender, “If I show you a really good trick, will you give me a free drink?”The bartender considers it, then agreesThe man reaches into his pocket and pulls out a tiny rat.He reaches into his other pocket and pulls ou
A man walks into a bar and asks the bartender, “If I show you a really good trick, will you give me a free drink?”The bartender considers it, then agreesThe man reaches into his pocket and pulls out a tiny rat.He reaches into his other pocket and pulls ou
11.
He asked the preacher if he could participate in the door-to-door selling of bibles.The preacher agreed, but knowing the young man had a bad stutter, only gave him 3 bibles to sell.The following day the young man returned asking for more.The preacher ga
He asked the preacher if he could participate in the door-to-door selling of bibles.The preacher agreed, but knowing the young man had a bad stutter, only gave him 3 bibles to sell.The following day the young man returned asking for more.The preacher ga
12.
There was an old man who had a dream one night that he would be protected from a ravaging storm that would engulf his whole village.The next day, as expected, a terrible storm came to his region.The first day a neighbor of his offered help for him to flee
There was an old man who had a dream one night that he would be protected from a ravaging storm that would engulf his whole village.The next day, as expected, a terrible storm came to his region.The first day a neighbor of his offered help for him to flee
13.
The patient's family gathered to hear what the specialists had to say.“Things don't look good.The only chance is a brain transplant.This is an experimental procedure.It might work, but the bad news is that brains are very expensive, and you will have to p
The patient's family gathered to hear what the specialists had to say.“Things don't look good.The only chance is a brain transplant.This is an experimental procedure.It might work, but the bad news is that brains are very expensive, and you will have to p
14.
On the first day, he sadly packed his belongings into boxes, crates and suitcasesOn the second day, he had the movers come and collect his things.On the third day, he sat down for the last time at their beautiful dining-room table, by candle-light; he put
On the first day, he sadly packed his belongings into boxes, crates and suitcasesOn the second day, he had the movers come and collect his things.On the third day, he sat down for the last time at their beautiful dining-room table, by candle-light; he put
15.
Three brothers each marry a woman.The first one married a woman from Minneapolis, and said to her:“When I get back from work, I want the house to be clean and tidy.” He didn't see any changes on the first day, but on the second day the house was clean and
Three brothers each marry a woman.The first one married a woman from Minneapolis, and said to her:“When I get back from work, I want the house to be clean and tidy.” He didn't see any changes on the first day, but on the second day the house was clean and
16.
A blind man joins them after a few minutes. When the bus arrives, they find it overloaded and only the wife and the 9 kids are able to fit on the bus.After hearing about the predicament, the blind man lets the children get on instead of him.The wife asks
A blind man joins them after a few minutes. When the bus arrives, they find it overloaded and only the wife and the 9 kids are able to fit on the bus.After hearing about the predicament, the blind man lets the children get on instead of him.The wife asks
17.
A man escapes a prison where he has been locked up for 15 years.
He goes into a house and finds a young couple in bed.
He forces the young man into a chair and duck taped him there.
Then he leans over the woman and kisses her neck, then he goes i
A man escapes a prison where he has been locked up for 15 years.
He goes into a house and finds a young couple in bed.
He forces the young man into a chair and duck taped him there.
Then he leans over the woman and kisses her neck, then he goes i
18.
The doctor and his wife were playing golf at the club and she drove a 300 yard tee shot straight down the fairway.
The doctor said Wow I have never seen you play this well before! Marie says, I took lessons.
A couple of days later on the tennis cour
The doctor and his wife were playing golf at the club and she drove a 300 yard tee shot straight down the fairway.
The doctor said Wow I have never seen you play this well before! Marie says, I took lessons.
A couple of days later on the tennis cour
19.
A newly married couple was walking through a garden, suddenly a dog ran towards them.
They both knew it will bite them.
The husband lifted his wife and let the dog bite him rather than his sweetheart
The dog stopped before them, unsure what to do
A newly married couple was walking through a garden, suddenly a dog ran towards them.
They both knew it will bite them.
The husband lifted his wife and let the dog bite him rather than his sweetheart
The dog stopped before them, unsure what to do
20.
A couple returns from their honeymoon refusing to speak to each other.
The groom’s best friend takes him aside and asks what’s wrong.
“Well,” replies the man, “when we finished making love on the first night, I put a $50 bill on the pillow without t
A couple returns from their honeymoon refusing to speak to each other.
The groom’s best friend takes him aside and asks what’s wrong.
“Well,” replies the man, “when we finished making love on the first night, I put a $50 bill on the pillow without t
21.
Two cannibals, a father and son, were elected by the tribe to go out and get something to eat.
They walked deep into the jungle and waited by a path.
Before long, along came this little old man.
The son said, “OOh dad, there’s one.” “No,” said th
Two cannibals, a father and son, were elected by the tribe to go out and get something to eat.
They walked deep into the jungle and waited by a path.
Before long, along came this little old man.
The son said, “OOh dad, there’s one.” “No,” said th
22.
The female brain works on a different tangent than male.Last night I was sitting in the living room, talking to my wife about lifeIn-between, we talked about the idea of living or dying.I told her, “Never let me live in a vegetative state, totally depende
The female brain works on a different tangent than male.Last night I was sitting in the living room, talking to my wife about lifeIn-between, we talked about the idea of living or dying.I told her, “Never let me live in a vegetative state, totally depende
23.
An Irishman is stumbling through the woods, totally drunk, when he comes upon a preacher baptizing people in the river.The drunk proceeds into the water, subsequently bumping into the preacher.The preacher turns around and is almost overcome by the smell
An Irishman is stumbling through the woods, totally drunk, when he comes upon a preacher baptizing people in the river.The drunk proceeds into the water, subsequently bumping into the preacher.The preacher turns around and is almost overcome by the smell
24.
So he goes to the computer and realizes that an engineer accidentally landed up in hell.He get's on the phone to the Devil.StPeter: “So, Dev, we have an issue with this engineering guy Robert. He is supposed to be with us. Can you send him up?”Devil: “
So he goes to the computer and realizes that an engineer accidentally landed up in hell.He get's on the phone to the Devil.StPeter: “So, Dev, we have an issue with this engineering guy Robert. He is supposed to be with us. Can you send him up?”Devil: “
25.
A man went to confession in St. Patrick’s Catholic Church.
‘Father’, he confessed, ‘it has been one month since my last confession.
I had make love with Fanny Green twice last month.’
The priest told the sinner, ‘You are forgiven. Go out and say
A man went to confession in St. Patrick’s Catholic Church.
‘Father’, he confessed, ‘it has been one month since my last confession.
I had make love with Fanny Green twice last month.’
The priest told the sinner, ‘You are forgiven. Go out and say
26.
The Little Johnny, his uncle, and a cat on a farm.So, a father comes home to Little Johnny one day and says that they'll have to move for a while.He's going out on a business trip and his mother is in hospital for a car accident, so Little Johnny has to s
The Little Johnny, his uncle, and a cat on a farm.So, a father comes home to Little Johnny one day and says that they'll have to move for a while.He's going out on a business trip and his mother is in hospital for a car accident, so Little Johnny has to s
27.
A doctor, a lawyer, a little boy and a priest were out for a Sunday afternoon flight on a small private plane.Suddenly, the plane developed engine troubleIn spite of the best efforts of the pilot, the plane started to go down.Finally, the pilot grabbed a
A doctor, a lawyer, a little boy and a priest were out for a Sunday afternoon flight on a small private plane.Suddenly, the plane developed engine troubleIn spite of the best efforts of the pilot, the plane started to go down.Finally, the pilot grabbed a
28.
A lady goes to the bar on a cruise ship and orders a Scotch with two drops of water.As the bartender gives her the drink she says,“I'm on this cruise to celebrate my 80th birthday and it's today…”The bartender says,“Well since it's your birthday, I'll buy
A lady goes to the bar on a cruise ship and orders a Scotch with two drops of water.As the bartender gives her the drink she says,“I'm on this cruise to celebrate my 80th birthday and it's today…”The bartender says,“Well since it's your birthday, I'll buy
29.
The following day, the teacher asked for the first volunteer to tell their story.Little Suzy raised her hand, “My dad owns a farm and every Sunday we load the chicken eggs on the truck and drive into town to sell them at the market.Well, one Sunday we hit
The following day, the teacher asked for the first volunteer to tell their story.Little Suzy raised her hand, “My dad owns a farm and every Sunday we load the chicken eggs on the truck and drive into town to sell them at the market.Well, one Sunday we hit
30.
The pastor stood before the congregation and said;“I have bad news, I have good news, and I have more bad news.”The congregation got quiet.“The bad news is: the church needs a new roof!” the pastor said.The congregation groaned.“The good news is: we have
The pastor stood before the congregation and said;“I have bad news, I have good news, and I have more bad news.”The congregation got quiet.“The bad news is: the church needs a new roof!” the pastor said.The congregation groaned.“The good news is: we have
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Eng Jokes
