1.
A Catholic Priest was about to finish his tour of duty, and was leaving his Mission in the jungle where he has spent years teaching the natives when he realizes that the one thing he never taught them was how to speak EnglishSo he takes the chief for a wa
A Catholic Priest was about to finish his tour of duty, and was leaving his Mission in the jungle where he has spent years teaching the natives when he realizes that the one thing he never taught them was how to speak EnglishSo he takes the chief for a wa
2.
An elderly couple, a priest, and a doctor walk into a bar
As they are sitting down and drinking, they eventually start talking about conception and the question of
“When does life begin”.
The priest said in the Bible states that life begins at co
An elderly couple, a priest, and a doctor walk into a bar
As they are sitting down and drinking, they eventually start talking about conception and the question of
“When does life begin”.
The priest said in the Bible states that life begins at co
3.
A clergyman awoke one morning to find a dead donkey in his front yard.He had no idea how it got there, but he knew he had to get rid of it.So, he called the sanitation department, the health department, and several other agencies, but no one seemed able t
A clergyman awoke one morning to find a dead donkey in his front yard.He had no idea how it got there, but he knew he had to get rid of it.So, he called the sanitation department, the health department, and several other agencies, but no one seemed able t
4.
The old man placed an order for one hamburger, French fries and a drink.
He unwrapped the plain hamburger and carefully cut it in half, placing one half in front of his wife.
He then carefully counted out the French fries, dividing them into two pil
The old man placed an order for one hamburger, French fries and a drink.
He unwrapped the plain hamburger and carefully cut it in half, placing one half in front of his wife.
He then carefully counted out the French fries, dividing them into two pil
5.
A man is in a bar and falling off his stool every couple of minutes.He is obviously drunkSo the bartender says to another man in the bar:“Why don't you be a good Samaritan and take him home.”The man takes the drunk out the door and to his car and he stumb
A man is in a bar and falling off his stool every couple of minutes.He is obviously drunkSo the bartender says to another man in the bar:“Why don't you be a good Samaritan and take him home.”The man takes the drunk out the door and to his car and he stumb
6.
Four guys are playing golf together and talking about how successful their sons are.
The first says, “My son is so successful, he’s VP of his company and just gave his best friend a car. “
The second says, ” That’s nothing, my son is CEO of his comp
Four guys are playing golf together and talking about how successful their sons are.
The first says, “My son is so successful, he’s VP of his company and just gave his best friend a car. “
The second says, ” That’s nothing, my son is CEO of his comp
7.
A man, reading a book by candle-light, came across a sentence which stated that men with long beards were fools.This distressed the man because he had a long beard himself.He had always thought the beard made him look scholarly and dignified, but now he b
A man, reading a book by candle-light, came across a sentence which stated that men with long beards were fools.This distressed the man because he had a long beard himself.He had always thought the beard made him look scholarly and dignified, but now he b
8.
A rabbit one day managed to break free from the laboratory where he had been born and brought up.
As he scurried away from the fencing of the compound, he felt grass under his little feet and saw the dawn breaking for the first time in his life.
“Wo
A rabbit one day managed to break free from the laboratory where he had been born and brought up.
As he scurried away from the fencing of the compound, he felt grass under his little feet and saw the dawn breaking for the first time in his life.
“Wo
9.
When he arrives at the Pearly Gates, God is there to receive him.“WelcomeYou are permitted to ask me one question, which I will answer truthfully.”Without hesitating, the conspiracy theorist asks, “Who really shot Kennedy?”God replies, “Lee Harvey Oswald
When he arrives at the Pearly Gates, God is there to receive him.“WelcomeYou are permitted to ask me one question, which I will answer truthfully.”Without hesitating, the conspiracy theorist asks, “Who really shot Kennedy?”God replies, “Lee Harvey Oswald
10.
All three sit down at the barThe bartender looks at the man and says, “What'll ya have?”The man says, “Gimme a beer.” The ostrich says, “I'll have one too.” The cat says, “I want two beers, but I'm only gonna pay half price.”The bartender serves up four b
All three sit down at the barThe bartender looks at the man and says, “What'll ya have?”The man says, “Gimme a beer.” The ostrich says, “I'll have one too.” The cat says, “I want two beers, but I'm only gonna pay half price.”The bartender serves up four b
11.
A cat died and went to Heaven.
God met the animal at the Pearly Gates and said,
“You have been a good cat all of these years. Anything you want is yours for the asking.”
The cat thought for a moment and then said,
“All my life I lived on a far
A cat died and went to Heaven.
God met the animal at the Pearly Gates and said,
“You have been a good cat all of these years. Anything you want is yours for the asking.”
The cat thought for a moment and then said,
“All my life I lived on a far
12.
Having arrived at the edge of the river, the fisherman soon realized he had forgotten to bring any bait.
Just then he happened to see a little snake passing by who had caught a worm.
The fisherman snatched up the snake and robbed him of his worm.
Having arrived at the edge of the river, the fisherman soon realized he had forgotten to bring any bait.
Just then he happened to see a little snake passing by who had caught a worm.
The fisherman snatched up the snake and robbed him of his worm.
13.
Two guys are discussing one’s upcoming wedding.
“I’m not sure if my future bride is a virgin or not.”
His buddy replies, “Oh, there’s an easy test for that.
All you need is some red paint, some blue paint and a shovel.
You paint one ball red a
Two guys are discussing one’s upcoming wedding.
“I’m not sure if my future bride is a virgin or not.”
His buddy replies, “Oh, there’s an easy test for that.
All you need is some red paint, some blue paint and a shovel.
You paint one ball red a
14.
So a man walks up to the department store counter.“Two pairs of underwear please.”The man behind the counter looks at him in disbelief.“Only two pairs of underwear?”“YupI wear one while the other is in the wash.”The man behind the counter looks at him in
So a man walks up to the department store counter.“Two pairs of underwear please.”The man behind the counter looks at him in disbelief.“Only two pairs of underwear?”“YupI wear one while the other is in the wash.”The man behind the counter looks at him in
15.
As she laid her pet on the table, the vet pulled out his stethoscope and listened to the bird's chest.After a moment or two, the vet shook his head and sadly said, “I'm sorry, your duck, Cuddles, has passed away.”The distressed woman wailed, “Are you sure
As she laid her pet on the table, the vet pulled out his stethoscope and listened to the bird's chest.After a moment or two, the vet shook his head and sadly said, “I'm sorry, your duck, Cuddles, has passed away.”The distressed woman wailed, “Are you sure
16.
A little girl and her mother are at church when the little girl starts to feel sick.
Her mother tells her to go throw up in the bushes behind the church.
When the little girl returns, her mother asks her if she threw up.
“Yes,” the girl says.
A little girl and her mother are at church when the little girl starts to feel sick.
Her mother tells her to go throw up in the bushes behind the church.
When the little girl returns, her mother asks her if she threw up.
“Yes,” the girl says.
17.
The King knew his gorgeous Queen was going to be unfaithful with everyone through the court and county, so he turned to his court magistrate for help.The court magistrate showed the King a pair of metal panties, with a hole in the middle.“Why, doesn't tha
The King knew his gorgeous Queen was going to be unfaithful with everyone through the court and county, so he turned to his court magistrate for help.The court magistrate showed the King a pair of metal panties, with a hole in the middle.“Why, doesn't tha
18.
There was a woman who had a dog that snored.
She called her vet to find out if there was anything that would stop the snoring.
The vet suggested that she tie a ribbon around the dog’s testicles.
So, she went to her sewing basket, found a length o
There was a woman who had a dog that snored.
She called her vet to find out if there was anything that would stop the snoring.
The vet suggested that she tie a ribbon around the dog’s testicles.
So, she went to her sewing basket, found a length o
19.
Fish goes to the doctor.
The doctor says, “Hello, sir. What brings you in today?”
The fish replies, “Everything. I hurt my back at work, I have a cold, my eyesight is going, and I have high blood pressure.”
The doctor raises his eyebrows, jots do
Fish goes to the doctor.
The doctor says, “Hello, sir. What brings you in today?”
The fish replies, “Everything. I hurt my back at work, I have a cold, my eyesight is going, and I have high blood pressure.”
The doctor raises his eyebrows, jots do
20.
A country doctor went way out to the boondocks to deliver a baby.It was so far out, there was no electricityWhen the doctor arrived, no one was home except for the laboring mother and her 5-year-old child.The doctor instructed the child to hold a lantern
A country doctor went way out to the boondocks to deliver a baby.It was so far out, there was no electricityWhen the doctor arrived, no one was home except for the laboring mother and her 5-year-old child.The doctor instructed the child to hold a lantern
21.
The bartender said, “You can't bring that monkey in here!”The man said, “Don't worry, he won't cause any trouble.”Within seconds the monkey jumped on the pool table and swallowed the cue ball.The bartender yelled, “Hey, he just ate my cue ballNo one can p
The bartender said, “You can't bring that monkey in here!”The man said, “Don't worry, he won't cause any trouble.”Within seconds the monkey jumped on the pool table and swallowed the cue ball.The bartender yelled, “Hey, he just ate my cue ballNo one can p
22.
A few years ago, I decided to visit my brother who was stationed in Germany.I assumed that most Germans would speak English.But I found that many people spoke only their native tongue–including the ticket inspector on the train.He punched my ticket, then
A few years ago, I decided to visit my brother who was stationed in Germany.I assumed that most Germans would speak English.But I found that many people spoke only their native tongue–including the ticket inspector on the train.He punched my ticket, then
23.
A group of male friends, all turning 40, discussed where they should meet for lunch.Finally it was agreed that they would meet at Wetherspoons because the waitresses had big breasts and wore mini-skirts.Ten years later, at age 50, the friends once again d
A group of male friends, all turning 40, discussed where they should meet for lunch.Finally it was agreed that they would meet at Wetherspoons because the waitresses had big breasts and wore mini-skirts.Ten years later, at age 50, the friends once again d
24.
I was sitting at a bar last night and this Asian looking fella sits down next to me and takes a sip of beer.I glance over at him and ask if he knows any of those martial arts like Kung fu, or Karate or Ju Jitsu.He says, “No, WTF man!? Are you asking becau
I was sitting at a bar last night and this Asian looking fella sits down next to me and takes a sip of beer.I glance over at him and ask if he knows any of those martial arts like Kung fu, or Karate or Ju Jitsu.He says, “No, WTF man!? Are you asking becau
25.
One day, during a lesson on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a show of hands for who could use the word “beautiful” in the same sentence twice.First, she called on little Suzie, who responded with, “My father bought my mother a beautiful dress and sh
One day, during a lesson on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a show of hands for who could use the word “beautiful” in the same sentence twice.First, she called on little Suzie, who responded with, “My father bought my mother a beautiful dress and sh
26.
A guy was sitting quietly reading his paper when his wife walked up behind him and whacked him on the head with a magazine.
‘What was that for?’ he asked.
‘That was for the piece of paper in your pants pocket with the name Laura Lou written on it,’
A guy was sitting quietly reading his paper when his wife walked up behind him and whacked him on the head with a magazine.
‘What was that for?’ he asked.
‘That was for the piece of paper in your pants pocket with the name Laura Lou written on it,’
27.
A Police Officer was waiting along the side of a highway waiting to catch speeding drivers.There weren't as many violators this day as usual.The State Police Officer sees an old car puttering along at 22 MPH.He thinks to himself, “This driver is just as d
A Police Officer was waiting along the side of a highway waiting to catch speeding drivers.There weren't as many violators this day as usual.The State Police Officer sees an old car puttering along at 22 MPH.He thinks to himself, “This driver is just as d
28.
This is the letter that the man wrote to his wife:Dear Wife,I'm writing you this letter to tell you that I'm leaving you foreverI've been a good man to you for 7 years and I have nothing to show for itThese last 2 weeks have been hell…Your boss called to
This is the letter that the man wrote to his wife:Dear Wife,I'm writing you this letter to tell you that I'm leaving you foreverI've been a good man to you for 7 years and I have nothing to show for itThese last 2 weeks have been hell…Your boss called to
29.
A blind man enters a Ladies Bar by mistake.He finds his way to a bar stool and orders a drink.After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender,“Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?”The bar immediately falls absolutely quiet.In a very deep, husky v
A blind man enters a Ladies Bar by mistake.He finds his way to a bar stool and orders a drink.After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender,“Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?”The bar immediately falls absolutely quiet.In a very deep, husky v
30.
Three men, one German, one Japanese and a Saudi Arabian were sitting naked in a sauna.Suddenly there was a loud beeping sound.The German pressed his forearm and the beep stopped.The others looked at him questioningly“That was my pager,” he said, “I have a
Three men, one German, one Japanese and a Saudi Arabian were sitting naked in a sauna.Suddenly there was a loud beeping sound.The German pressed his forearm and the beep stopped.The others looked at him questioningly“That was my pager,” he said, “I have a
Tags:
Eng Jokes
