1.
You should never lie if you've been unfaithful of course – but it can make for a funny story!A man's wife asks him to go to the store to buy her a pack of cigarettes.The man thinks that sounds like a great idea, since he needs to stretch his legs anyway.H
You should never lie if you've been unfaithful of course – but it can make for a funny story!A man's wife asks him to go to the store to buy her a pack of cigarettes.The man thinks that sounds like a great idea, since he needs to stretch his legs anyway.H
2.
Every day Nasreddin went to beg for alms in the market, and people used to make fun of him by playing the following trick:They would show him two coins, one worth ten times more than the other, and Nasrudin would always choose the smaller coin.The story w
Every day Nasreddin went to beg for alms in the market, and people used to make fun of him by playing the following trick:They would show him two coins, one worth ten times more than the other, and Nasrudin would always choose the smaller coin.The story w
3.
In Mexico City, the 200 meter final was runAmerican (black) athletes Tommie Smith and John Carlos came first and third, while Australian (white) Peter Norman won the second.While they were waiting for the medal ceremony, Carlos came to Peter Norman and as
In Mexico City, the 200 meter final was runAmerican (black) athletes Tommie Smith and John Carlos came first and third, while Australian (white) Peter Norman won the second.While they were waiting for the medal ceremony, Carlos came to Peter Norman and as
4.
However, his route takes him past a particular corner on which a prostitute is always standing, offering her services.He learned to brace himself as he approached her for what was almost certain to follow.“One hundred and fifty pounds!” she'd shout.“No, f
However, his route takes him past a particular corner on which a prostitute is always standing, offering her services.He learned to brace himself as he approached her for what was almost certain to follow.“One hundred and fifty pounds!” she'd shout.“No, f
5.
A farmer drove to a neighbor's farmhouse and knocked at the door.A boy, about 9, opened the door“Is your dad or mum home?” said the farmer.“No, they went to town.”“How about your brother, Howard? Is he here?”“No, he went with Mum and Dad.”The farmer stood
A farmer drove to a neighbor's farmhouse and knocked at the door.A boy, about 9, opened the door“Is your dad or mum home?” said the farmer.“No, they went to town.”“How about your brother, Howard? Is he here?”“No, he went with Mum and Dad.”The farmer stood
6.
An Aussie truckie walks into an outback cafe with a full-grown emu behind himThe waitress asks them for their orders.The truckie says, ‘A hamburger, chips and a coke,' and turns to the emu, ‘What's yours?' ‘I'll have the same,' says the emu.A short time l
An Aussie truckie walks into an outback cafe with a full-grown emu behind himThe waitress asks them for their orders.The truckie says, ‘A hamburger, chips and a coke,' and turns to the emu, ‘What's yours?' ‘I'll have the same,' says the emu.A short time l
7.
A lady walks into a pet store.She sees a beautiful parrot with a sign on its cage: $10 OBOThe lady asks the pet shop owner, “Why so cheap?”The owner says “This bird used to live in a brothel, so he says a lot of inappropriate things.”The lady can't pass u
A lady walks into a pet store.She sees a beautiful parrot with a sign on its cage: $10 OBOThe lady asks the pet shop owner, “Why so cheap?”The owner says “This bird used to live in a brothel, so he says a lot of inappropriate things.”The lady can't pass u
8.
There was an old man who was admitted in a hospital.A young man would visit him every day, and sit with him for more than one hourHe would help him eat his food, and take his shower.He would then take him walking in the garden of the hospital.After that h
There was an old man who was admitted in a hospital.A young man would visit him every day, and sit with him for more than one hourHe would help him eat his food, and take his shower.He would then take him walking in the garden of the hospital.After that h
9.
Two notorious drunks are sitting at the bar.
One is crying.
The other asks what’s wrong. “I’ve puked all over myself again and my wife is gonna kill me.”
The other drunk says “do what I do pal.
Explain to your wife that some other drunk puked
Two notorious drunks are sitting at the bar.
One is crying.
The other asks what’s wrong. “I’ve puked all over myself again and my wife is gonna kill me.”
The other drunk says “do what I do pal.
Explain to your wife that some other drunk puked
10.
While on a road trip, an elderly couple stopped at a roadside restaurant for lunch. After finishing their meal, they left the restaurant, and resumed their trip.When leaving, the elderly woman unknowingly left her glasses on the table, and she didn't mis
While on a road trip, an elderly couple stopped at a roadside restaurant for lunch. After finishing their meal, they left the restaurant, and resumed their trip.When leaving, the elderly woman unknowingly left her glasses on the table, and she didn't mis
11.
He starts dialing numbers on his hand, like a telephone, and talking into his hand.The bartender walks over and tells him this is a very tough neighborhood and he doesn't need any trouble here.The guy says, “You don't understandI'm very hi-techI had a pho
He starts dialing numbers on his hand, like a telephone, and talking into his hand.The bartender walks over and tells him this is a very tough neighborhood and he doesn't need any trouble here.The guy says, “You don't understandI'm very hi-techI had a pho
12.
A dude-up city biker walks into a seedy tavern in the outback of Western Australia.He sits at the bar and notices a grizzled old biker with his arms folded, staring blankly at a full bowl of chilli.After fifteen minutes of just sitting there staring at it
A dude-up city biker walks into a seedy tavern in the outback of Western Australia.He sits at the bar and notices a grizzled old biker with his arms folded, staring blankly at a full bowl of chilli.After fifteen minutes of just sitting there staring at it
13.
Two senior ladies were out for a Sunday drive in a huge car.
Neither of them could really see too much over the dashboard.
When they came to an intersection, the light was red yet they kept on cruising through.
The passenger thought to herself, “
Two senior ladies were out for a Sunday drive in a huge car.
Neither of them could really see too much over the dashboard.
When they came to an intersection, the light was red yet they kept on cruising through.
The passenger thought to herself, “
14.
A farmer is sitting in the neighbourhood bar getting soused.A man comes in and asks the farmer,“Hey, why are you sitting here on this beautiful day getting drunk?”Farmer: Some things you just can't explain.Man: So what happened that is so horrible?Farmer:
A farmer is sitting in the neighbourhood bar getting soused.A man comes in and asks the farmer,“Hey, why are you sitting here on this beautiful day getting drunk?”Farmer: Some things you just can't explain.Man: So what happened that is so horrible?Farmer:
15.
A mother takes her daughter to a clinic
She tells the doctor that her daughter has been having terrible nausea in the morning, lost her appetite, and even missed a period.
The doctor examines her, orders a bloodwork, and tells them to come back late
A mother takes her daughter to a clinic
She tells the doctor that her daughter has been having terrible nausea in the morning, lost her appetite, and even missed a period.
The doctor examines her, orders a bloodwork, and tells them to come back late
16.
A man is in bed with his wife when there is a rat-a-tat-tat on the doorHe rolls over and looks at his clock, and it's half past three in the morning“I'm not getting out of bed at this time,” he thinks, and rolls over.Then, a louder knock follows“Aren't yo
A man is in bed with his wife when there is a rat-a-tat-tat on the doorHe rolls over and looks at his clock, and it's half past three in the morning“I'm not getting out of bed at this time,” he thinks, and rolls over.Then, a louder knock follows“Aren't yo
17.
In 1993, Dave Parker was on holiday in Kenya after graduating from Kentucky State University.
On a hike through the bush, he came across a young bull elephant standing with one leg raised in the air.
The elephant seemed distressed, so Dave approache
In 1993, Dave Parker was on holiday in Kenya after graduating from Kentucky State University.
On a hike through the bush, he came across a young bull elephant standing with one leg raised in the air.
The elephant seemed distressed, so Dave approache
18.
Two men are flying in a captive balloon.The wind is ugly and they come away from their course and they have no idea where they are.So they go down to 15 m above ground and ask a passing wanderer“Could you tell us where we are?”“You are in a balloon.”So th
Two men are flying in a captive balloon.The wind is ugly and they come away from their course and they have no idea where they are.So they go down to 15 m above ground and ask a passing wanderer“Could you tell us where we are?”“You are in a balloon.”So th
19.
Two beggars in London Ali and Habib are beggars. They beg in different areas of London …
Habib begs just as long as Ali does, but only collects £2 to £3 every day.
Ali brings home a suitcase FULL of £10 notes, drives a Mercedes, lives in a mortgage-
Two beggars in London Ali and Habib are beggars. They beg in different areas of London …
Habib begs just as long as Ali does, but only collects £2 to £3 every day.
Ali brings home a suitcase FULL of £10 notes, drives a Mercedes, lives in a mortgage-
20.
A circus owner ran an ad for a lion tamer, and two young people showed up.One was a good-looking lad in his mid-twenties, and the other was a gorgeous blonde about the same age.The circus owner told them, “I'm not going to sugar-coat itThis is one ferocio
A circus owner ran an ad for a lion tamer, and two young people showed up.One was a good-looking lad in his mid-twenties, and the other was a gorgeous blonde about the same age.The circus owner told them, “I'm not going to sugar-coat itThis is one ferocio
21.
Arriving home from work at my usual hour of 5 p.m.I discovered that it had not been one of my wife's better days.Nothing I said or did seemed to be right.By 7 p.m., things had not changed, so I suggested I go outside, pretend I had just gotten home, and s
Arriving home from work at my usual hour of 5 p.m.I discovered that it had not been one of my wife's better days.Nothing I said or did seemed to be right.By 7 p.m., things had not changed, so I suggested I go outside, pretend I had just gotten home, and s
22.
A preacher was told by his doctor that he had only a few weeks left to live.
He went home feeling very sad, and when his wife heard the sad news she said to him, “Honey, if there’s anything I can do to make you happy, tell me.”
The preacher answered
A preacher was told by his doctor that he had only a few weeks left to live.
He went home feeling very sad, and when his wife heard the sad news she said to him, “Honey, if there’s anything I can do to make you happy, tell me.”
The preacher answered
23.
She ended the letter saying she preferred accommodation as close as possible to a WC.You anglophones will recognize WC as a water closet or toilet. The Swiss innkeeper was not that well acquainted with English, so he took the letter to his friend the par
She ended the letter saying she preferred accommodation as close as possible to a WC.You anglophones will recognize WC as a water closet or toilet. The Swiss innkeeper was not that well acquainted with English, so he took the letter to his friend the par
24.
A fire started on some grasslands near a farm. The county fire department was called to put out the fire.
The fire was more than the county fire department could handle.
Someone suggested that a nearby volunteer bunch be called.
Despite some doub
A fire started on some grasslands near a farm. The county fire department was called to put out the fire.
The fire was more than the county fire department could handle.
Someone suggested that a nearby volunteer bunch be called.
Despite some doub
25.
Some boy scouts are sitting around a camp fire and begin to tell some jokes.
The first one lets out a chuckle and says, “13”.
The rest of the scouts chuckle and another says, “Heh, 6”.
This gets a good laugh from most of them and a third replies
Some boy scouts are sitting around a camp fire and begin to tell some jokes.
The first one lets out a chuckle and says, “13”.
The rest of the scouts chuckle and another says, “Heh, 6”.
This gets a good laugh from most of them and a third replies
26.
An elderly gentleman had been experiencing serious hearing problems for a number of years.He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100%.The elderly gentleman went back in
An elderly gentleman had been experiencing serious hearing problems for a number of years.He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100%.The elderly gentleman went back in
27.
This is the letter that the man wrote to his wife:Dear Wife,I'm writing you this letter to tell you that I'm leaving you foreverI've been a good man to you for 7 years and I have nothing to show for itThese last 2 weeks have been hell…Your boss called to
This is the letter that the man wrote to his wife:Dear Wife,I'm writing you this letter to tell you that I'm leaving you foreverI've been a good man to you for 7 years and I have nothing to show for itThese last 2 weeks have been hell…Your boss called to
28.
Two young guys appear in court after being arrested for smoking dope.The judge says, “You seem like nice young men, and I'd like to give you a second chance instead of jail timeI want you to go out this weekend and try to convince others of the evils of d
Two young guys appear in court after being arrested for smoking dope.The judge says, “You seem like nice young men, and I'd like to give you a second chance instead of jail timeI want you to go out this weekend and try to convince others of the evils of d
29.
One dark night in Dublin a fire started inside the local chemical plantIn a blink of an eye it exploded into massive flames. The alarm went out to all the fire departments for miles around.When the fire fighters appeared on the scene, the chemical compan
One dark night in Dublin a fire started inside the local chemical plantIn a blink of an eye it exploded into massive flames. The alarm went out to all the fire departments for miles around.When the fire fighters appeared on the scene, the chemical compan
30.
A man is at work one day when he notices that his co-worker is wearing an earring.This man knows his co-worker to be a normally conservative fellow,and is curious about his sudden change in “fashion sense.”The man walks up to him and says,“I didn't know y
A man is at work one day when he notices that his co-worker is wearing an earring.This man knows his co-worker to be a normally conservative fellow,and is curious about his sudden change in “fashion sense.”The man walks up to him and says,“I didn't know y
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Eng Jokes
