1.
After the holidays and all those delightful, seasonal treats, a husband stepped on one of those penny scales that tells your fortune and weight.
He drops in a coin and eagerly reads the results.
“Listen to this,” he said to his wife, showing her a s
After the holidays and all those delightful, seasonal treats, a husband stepped on one of those penny scales that tells your fortune and weight.
He drops in a coin and eagerly reads the results.
“Listen to this,” he said to his wife, showing her a s
2.
Several men are in the locker room of a golf club.A mobile phone on a bench rings and a man picks up with the speakerphone on and begins to talk.Everyone else in the room stops talking:MAN: “Hello?”WOMAN: “Hi Honey, it's meAre you at the club?”MAN: “Yes.”
Several men are in the locker room of a golf club.A mobile phone on a bench rings and a man picks up with the speakerphone on and begins to talk.Everyone else in the room stops talking:MAN: “Hello?”WOMAN: “Hi Honey, it's meAre you at the club?”MAN: “Yes.”
3.
A lady was at work when she heard her new message alert tone blazing.Looking at the phone, she realized that it was from her husband.She went on and opened the message to read it after which she got annoyed.The message read,‘Hie honey, your brother fell d
A lady was at work when she heard her new message alert tone blazing.Looking at the phone, she realized that it was from her husband.She went on and opened the message to read it after which she got annoyed.The message read,‘Hie honey, your brother fell d
4.
A nun wakes up one morning and decides to go for a walk She gets out of bed and puts on her shoes.As she's walking down the hallway to the convent kitchen, another nun looks at her, smiles and says, “Someone got up on the wrong side of the bed this mornin
A nun wakes up one morning and decides to go for a walk She gets out of bed and puts on her shoes.As she's walking down the hallway to the convent kitchen, another nun looks at her, smiles and says, “Someone got up on the wrong side of the bed this mornin
5.
… the prosecutor called his first witness, an elderly grandma, to the stand.He walked up to her and asked, “MrsWilliams, do you know who I am?”She answered, “Of course I know who you are, MrRawley. I've known you since you were a little boy, and honestly
… the prosecutor called his first witness, an elderly grandma, to the stand.He walked up to her and asked, “MrsWilliams, do you know who I am?”She answered, “Of course I know who you are, MrRawley. I've known you since you were a little boy, and honestly
6.
Three guys were sitting in a biker bar.A man came in, already drunk, sat down at the bar and ordered a drink.The man looked around and saw the 3 men sitting at a corner table.He got up, staggered to the table, leaned over, looked the biggest one in the fa
Three guys were sitting in a biker bar.A man came in, already drunk, sat down at the bar and ordered a drink.The man looked around and saw the 3 men sitting at a corner table.He got up, staggered to the table, leaned over, looked the biggest one in the fa
7.
Through the pitch-black night, the captain sees a light dead ahead on a collision course with his ship.He sends a signal: “Change your course 10 degree east.”The light signals back: “Change yours, 10 degrees west.”Angry, the captain sends: “I'm a navy cap
Through the pitch-black night, the captain sees a light dead ahead on a collision course with his ship.He sends a signal: “Change your course 10 degree east.”The light signals back: “Change yours, 10 degrees west.”Angry, the captain sends: “I'm a navy cap
8.
A guy is driving around the back woods of Montana and he sees a sign in front of a broken down shanty-style house.
“Talking Dog For Sale”
He rings the bell and the owner appears and tells him the dog is in the backyard.
The guy goes into the back
A guy is driving around the back woods of Montana and he sees a sign in front of a broken down shanty-style house.
“Talking Dog For Sale”
He rings the bell and the owner appears and tells him the dog is in the backyard.
The guy goes into the back
9.
A man was sick and tired of going to work every day while his wife stayed home.He wanted her to see what he went through so he prayed, “Dear Lord, I go to work every day and put in 8 hours while my wife merely stays at homeI want her to know what I go thr
A man was sick and tired of going to work every day while his wife stayed home.He wanted her to see what he went through so he prayed, “Dear Lord, I go to work every day and put in 8 hours while my wife merely stays at homeI want her to know what I go thr
10.
One Halloween long ago, in a small town in the middle of nowhere, a boy went out with his friends…
The boy, of course, did a bit more tricking than treating on that night.
As he returned home after a long night of mischievous activities, he was conf
One Halloween long ago, in a small town in the middle of nowhere, a boy went out with his friends…
The boy, of course, did a bit more tricking than treating on that night.
As he returned home after a long night of mischievous activities, he was conf
11.
The husband, who is the one behind the wheel, asks, “What's the problem, officer?”Officer: “You were going at least 75 in a 55 zone.”Man: “No sir, I was going 65.”Wife: “Oh, HarryYou were going 80.” (The man gives his wife a dirty look.)Officer: “I'm also
The husband, who is the one behind the wheel, asks, “What's the problem, officer?”Officer: “You were going at least 75 in a 55 zone.”Man: “No sir, I was going 65.”Wife: “Oh, HarryYou were going 80.” (The man gives his wife a dirty look.)Officer: “I'm also
12.
His friends to him at coffee: “We adore your family life, you’ve got a great life with your wife and kids.
Tell us the secret of this happiness or we’ll consider you as a diffident”
“Well, i can shortly explain. After our wedding, she started riding
His friends to him at coffee: “We adore your family life, you’ve got a great life with your wife and kids.
Tell us the secret of this happiness or we’ll consider you as a diffident”
“Well, i can shortly explain. After our wedding, she started riding
13.
A little turtle begins to climb a tree slowly.After long hours of effort, he reaches the top, jumps into the air waving his front legs, until he crashes heavily into the ground with a hard knock on his shell.After recovering his consciousness, he starts t
A little turtle begins to climb a tree slowly.After long hours of effort, he reaches the top, jumps into the air waving his front legs, until he crashes heavily into the ground with a hard knock on his shell.After recovering his consciousness, he starts t
14.
The phone rings and the lady of the house answers, ‘Hello.'‘MrsSanders, please.'‘Speaking.'‘MrsSanders, this is Doctor Jones at Saint Agnes Laboratory.When your husband's doctor sent his biopsy to the lab last week, a biopsy from another MrSanders arrived
The phone rings and the lady of the house answers, ‘Hello.'‘MrsSanders, please.'‘Speaking.'‘MrsSanders, this is Doctor Jones at Saint Agnes Laboratory.When your husband's doctor sent his biopsy to the lab last week, a biopsy from another MrSanders arrived
15.
A dude-up city biker walks into a seedy tavern in the outback of Western Australia.He sits at the bar and notices a grizzled old biker with his arms folded, staring blankly at a full bowl of chilli.After fifteen minutes of just sitting there staring at it
A dude-up city biker walks into a seedy tavern in the outback of Western Australia.He sits at the bar and notices a grizzled old biker with his arms folded, staring blankly at a full bowl of chilli.After fifteen minutes of just sitting there staring at it
16.
As the final moment approaches, he gathers all his strength and whispers, “I must tell you my greatest secret.”His family members are all ears, urging him to go on.“When I was young, I had it all,” explains Ed“Fast cars, cute girls, and plenty of money.
As the final moment approaches, he gathers all his strength and whispers, “I must tell you my greatest secret.”His family members are all ears, urging him to go on.“When I was young, I had it all,” explains Ed“Fast cars, cute girls, and plenty of money.
17.
Guy decides to surprise his wife by coming home from his vacation a day early.
He’s happy to see that she’s still up, as the lights are on in the bedroom, so he grabs the flowers and the chocolate, quietly let’s himself through the front door, goes up
Guy decides to surprise his wife by coming home from his vacation a day early.
He’s happy to see that she’s still up, as the lights are on in the bedroom, so he grabs the flowers and the chocolate, quietly let’s himself through the front door, goes up
18.
Three old men were sitting on a bench when a reporter approached them.“I wonder if you three would be willing to do an interview and tell me your secret to long life,” the reporter asked.The three old men agreed and the reporter asked the first old man hi
Three old men were sitting on a bench when a reporter approached them.“I wonder if you three would be willing to do an interview and tell me your secret to long life,” the reporter asked.The three old men agreed and the reporter asked the first old man hi
19.
A champion jockey is about to enter an important race on a new horse.The horse's trainer meets him before the race and says, “All you have to remember with this horse is that every time you approach a jump, you have to shout, ‘ALLLLEEE OOOP!' really loudl
A champion jockey is about to enter an important race on a new horse.The horse's trainer meets him before the race and says, “All you have to remember with this horse is that every time you approach a jump, you have to shout, ‘ALLLLEEE OOOP!' really loudl
20.
A blind man enters a Ladies Bar by mistake.He finds his way to a bar stool and orders a drink.After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender,“Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?”The bar immediately falls absolutely quiet.In a very deep, husky v
A blind man enters a Ladies Bar by mistake.He finds his way to a bar stool and orders a drink.After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender,“Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?”The bar immediately falls absolutely quiet.In a very deep, husky v
21.
A man walked into a bar. He sat down and asked the bartender “If I impress you, can I have a free drink?” The bartender said sure, so the man reached in his pocket and pulled out a tiny piano.
He then pulled out a small rat and set it by the piano.
A man walked into a bar. He sat down and asked the bartender “If I impress you, can I have a free drink?” The bartender said sure, so the man reached in his pocket and pulled out a tiny piano.
He then pulled out a small rat and set it by the piano.
22.
Jim calls in to work and says, “Hey, boss I not come work today,
I really sick. I got headache, stomach ache and my legs hurt.
I not come work.” The boss says, “You know Jim, I really need you today.
When I feel like this I go to my wife and tell
Jim calls in to work and says, “Hey, boss I not come work today,
I really sick. I got headache, stomach ache and my legs hurt.
I not come work.” The boss says, “You know Jim, I really need you today.
When I feel like this I go to my wife and tell
23.
Hints on how to liven up your idle hours to maintain a healthy level of insanity:1At lunch time, sit In your parked car with sunglasses on and point a hair dryer at passing carswatch them slow down.2On all your cheque stubs, write “For Marijuana”3Skip dow
Hints on how to liven up your idle hours to maintain a healthy level of insanity:1At lunch time, sit In your parked car with sunglasses on and point a hair dryer at passing carswatch them slow down.2On all your cheque stubs, write “For Marijuana”3Skip dow
24.
A Priest was being honored at his retirement dinner after 25 years in the parish.A leading local politician and member of the congregation was chosen to make the presentation and to give a little speech at the dinner.However he was delayed, so the Priest
A Priest was being honored at his retirement dinner after 25 years in the parish.A leading local politician and member of the congregation was chosen to make the presentation and to give a little speech at the dinner.However he was delayed, so the Priest
25.
One day this Swedish guy walks into a dingy little storefront travel agency, holds up a page out of a newspaper, and says: “You say in this ad that you have a voonderful luxury cruise for only $69.95I vant to go on this voonderful luxury cruise.”The guy b
One day this Swedish guy walks into a dingy little storefront travel agency, holds up a page out of a newspaper, and says: “You say in this ad that you have a voonderful luxury cruise for only $69.95I vant to go on this voonderful luxury cruise.”The guy b
26.
Two tall trees, a birch and a beech, are growing in the woods.A small tree begins to grow between them, and the beech says to the birch, Is that a son of a beech or a son of a birch?The birch says he cannot tell, but just then a woodpecker lands on the sa
Two tall trees, a birch and a beech, are growing in the woods.A small tree begins to grow between them, and the beech says to the birch, Is that a son of a beech or a son of a birch?The birch says he cannot tell, but just then a woodpecker lands on the sa
27.
Paddy was summoned to court to appear as a witness in a lawsuitThe prosecutor opened his questioning with,“Where were you the night of August 24th?”“Objection!” said the defense attorney“Irrelevant!”“Oh, that's okay,” said the Paddy from the witness stand
Paddy was summoned to court to appear as a witness in a lawsuitThe prosecutor opened his questioning with,“Where were you the night of August 24th?”“Objection!” said the defense attorney“Irrelevant!”“Oh, that's okay,” said the Paddy from the witness stand
28.
Little Johnny is constantly late for school and what's worse is that he always has a big lie explaining why.The teacher tells the principal that she has had it with his exaggerations.The principal tells her to send Johnny to him the next time he shows up
Little Johnny is constantly late for school and what's worse is that he always has a big lie explaining why.The teacher tells the principal that she has had it with his exaggerations.The principal tells her to send Johnny to him the next time he shows up
29.
Bob was in troubleHe forgot his wedding anniversaryHis wife was really pissed.She told him “Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE !!”The next morning he got up early and left
Bob was in troubleHe forgot his wedding anniversaryHis wife was really pissed.She told him “Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE !!”The next morning he got up early and left
30.
After a long, dry sermon, the minister announced that he wished to meet with the church's board following the close of the service.The first man to arrive and greet the minister was a total stranger.“You misunderstood my announcementThis is a meeting of t
After a long, dry sermon, the minister announced that he wished to meet with the church's board following the close of the service.The first man to arrive and greet the minister was a total stranger.“You misunderstood my announcementThis is a meeting of t
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