1.
My uncle Jim is getting older, and he’s having trouble with his memory.
So he went to his doctor, and he started taking these pills to help his memory.
“Hey Uncle Jim,” I said, “what are those memory pills you’re taking called?” “Ahhhh…um….hmmm” he
My uncle Jim is getting older, and he’s having trouble with his memory.
So he went to his doctor, and he started taking these pills to help his memory.
“Hey Uncle Jim,” I said, “what are those memory pills you’re taking called?” “Ahhhh…um….hmmm” he
2.
The 3 farmers
Once there was 3 really poor farmers.
One day they saw a flier for the county fair.
World’s fattest pig wins 1 million dollars.
There pig wasn’t fat at all but one of the farmers had an idea.
They trained a monkey to put corks
The 3 farmers
Once there was 3 really poor farmers.
One day they saw a flier for the county fair.
World’s fattest pig wins 1 million dollars.
There pig wasn’t fat at all but one of the farmers had an idea.
They trained a monkey to put corks
3.
Two engineers were standing at the base of a flagpole, looking at its topA blonde walked by and asked what they were doing.“We're supposed to find the height of this flagpole,” said Sven, “but we don't have a ladder.”The woman took a wrench from her purse
Two engineers were standing at the base of a flagpole, looking at its topA blonde walked by and asked what they were doing.“We're supposed to find the height of this flagpole,” said Sven, “but we don't have a ladder.”The woman took a wrench from her purse
4.
Ole and Sven go out squirrel hunting one afternoon.Ole needs to toss a whizz so he steps behind a tree to take care of business.All the sudden Sven hears a bone-chilling cry.He checks on his best friend Ole and there he is, lying on the ground.“Sven, a ra
Ole and Sven go out squirrel hunting one afternoon.Ole needs to toss a whizz so he steps behind a tree to take care of business.All the sudden Sven hears a bone-chilling cry.He checks on his best friend Ole and there he is, lying on the ground.“Sven, a ra
5.
The young wife went into labor while her husband was overseas serving in the war.The next day he got the news that his wife had delivered twins.He got to a phone and called her right away.“Oh honey, I'm so happy,” he said“Who took you to the hospital?”“Yo
The young wife went into labor while her husband was overseas serving in the war.The next day he got the news that his wife had delivered twins.He got to a phone and called her right away.“Oh honey, I'm so happy,” he said“Who took you to the hospital?”“Yo
6.
An 85-year-old man was told by the Doctor that he needed a sperm count as part of his physical exam.The doctor gave the man a jar and said, ‘Take this jar home and bring back a sperm sample tomorrow.'The next day the 85-year-old man reappeared at the d
An 85-year-old man was told by the Doctor that he needed a sperm count as part of his physical exam.The doctor gave the man a jar and said, ‘Take this jar home and bring back a sperm sample tomorrow.'The next day the 85-year-old man reappeared at the d
7.
After returning from his honeymoon in Florida with his new bride, Virginia, Luigi stopped in his New York neighborhood barbershop to say hello to his friends.Giovanni said, “Hey, Luigi, How was a da treep?”Luigi said, “Everything was-a perfect except for
After returning from his honeymoon in Florida with his new bride, Virginia, Luigi stopped in his New York neighborhood barbershop to say hello to his friends.Giovanni said, “Hey, Luigi, How was a da treep?”Luigi said, “Everything was-a perfect except for
8.
A woman asked an Army General when the last time he had made love to a woman.
The general replied “1956, ma’am.”
The woman, in disbelief said “1956?!
That long? Come with me and let me make your night better.”
The woman and general went back t
A woman asked an Army General when the last time he had made love to a woman.
The general replied “1956, ma’am.”
The woman, in disbelief said “1956?!
That long? Come with me and let me make your night better.”
The woman and general went back t
9.
An elderly gent had an appointment to see a urologist who shared an office with several other doctors.The waiting room was filled with patientsHe approached the receptionist deskThe receptionist was a large imposing woman who looked like a wrestlerHe gave
An elderly gent had an appointment to see a urologist who shared an office with several other doctors.The waiting room was filled with patientsHe approached the receptionist deskThe receptionist was a large imposing woman who looked like a wrestlerHe gave
10.
Three friends are in a hotel room in Soviet Russia.The first two men open a bottle of vodka, while the third is tired and goes straight to bed.He is unable to sleep however, as his increasingly drunk friends tell political jokes loudly.After a while, the
Three friends are in a hotel room in Soviet Russia.The first two men open a bottle of vodka, while the third is tired and goes straight to bed.He is unable to sleep however, as his increasingly drunk friends tell political jokes loudly.After a while, the
11.
… he announces, his wife has just produced a typical Texas baby boy weighing 25 poundsThe man buys a round of drinks as his wife just gave birth to typical Texas baby boy weighing 25 poundsCongratulations showered him from all around, and many exclamation
… he announces, his wife has just produced a typical Texas baby boy weighing 25 poundsThe man buys a round of drinks as his wife just gave birth to typical Texas baby boy weighing 25 poundsCongratulations showered him from all around, and many exclamation
12.
A deeply religious Rabbi lived happily with his family, an admirable woman and two dear sons.One time, he had to be away from home for several days due to workWhen he was away, a serious car accident killed his two boys.Alone, the mother suffered in silen
A deeply religious Rabbi lived happily with his family, an admirable woman and two dear sons.One time, he had to be away from home for several days due to workWhen he was away, a serious car accident killed his two boys.Alone, the mother suffered in silen
13.
A little turtle begins to climb a tree slowly.After long hours of effort, he reaches the top, jumps into the air waving his front legs, until he crashes heavily into the ground with a hard knock on his shell.After recovering his consciousness, he starts t
A little turtle begins to climb a tree slowly.After long hours of effort, he reaches the top, jumps into the air waving his front legs, until he crashes heavily into the ground with a hard knock on his shell.After recovering his consciousness, he starts t
14.
A black hearse was followed by a second black hearse about 50 feet behind the first one. Behind the second hearse was a solitary Italian man walking a dog on a leash. Behind him, a short distance back, were about 200 men walking in single file.The Jewis
A black hearse was followed by a second black hearse about 50 feet behind the first one. Behind the second hearse was a solitary Italian man walking a dog on a leash. Behind him, a short distance back, were about 200 men walking in single file.The Jewis
15.
This is the letter that the man wrote to his wife:Dear Wife,I'm writing you this letter to tell you that I'm leaving you foreverI've been a good man to you for 7 years and I have nothing to show for itThese last 2 weeks have been hell…Your boss called to
This is the letter that the man wrote to his wife:Dear Wife,I'm writing you this letter to tell you that I'm leaving you foreverI've been a good man to you for 7 years and I have nothing to show for itThese last 2 weeks have been hell…Your boss called to
16.
A man and his wife of more than 50 years were rocking back and forth on the front porch.
Slowly they rocked in rhythm, as this was their time to spend a few quiet moments and after years of practice they rocked to the same pace.
Suddenly the wife st
A man and his wife of more than 50 years were rocking back and forth on the front porch.
Slowly they rocked in rhythm, as this was their time to spend a few quiet moments and after years of practice they rocked to the same pace.
Suddenly the wife st
17.
First Bull: “I've been here five years. I'm not giving this new bull any of my 100 cows.”Second Bull: “I've been here three years and have earned my right to 50 cows. I'm keeping all my cows.”Third Bull: “I've only been here a year, and so far, you guys
First Bull: “I've been here five years. I'm not giving this new bull any of my 100 cows.”Second Bull: “I've been here three years and have earned my right to 50 cows. I'm keeping all my cows.”Third Bull: “I've only been here a year, and so far, you guys
18.
There was this blonde city-girl who was out driving and found herself in a rural area.
She noted a farm animal standing next to a farmer and stopped the car to ask the farmer a question.
“Sir,” she inquired, “Why doesn’t this cow have any horns?” Th
There was this blonde city-girl who was out driving and found herself in a rural area.
She noted a farm animal standing next to a farmer and stopped the car to ask the farmer a question.
“Sir,” she inquired, “Why doesn’t this cow have any horns?” Th
19.
“Mommy,” the little girl asks, “How old are you?”“Honey, you are not supposed to ask a lady her age,” the mother replied“It's not polite.”“OK”, the little girl says, “How much do you weigh?”“Now really,” the mother says, “Those are personal questions and
“Mommy,” the little girl asks, “How old are you?”“Honey, you are not supposed to ask a lady her age,” the mother replied“It's not polite.”“OK”, the little girl says, “How much do you weigh?”“Now really,” the mother says, “Those are personal questions and
20.
A man asked his doctor if he thought he'd live to be a hundred The doctor asked the man, “Do you smoke or drink?” “No,” he replied, “I've never done either.” “Do you gamble, drive fast cars, and fool around with women? ” inquired the doctor.“No, I've
A man asked his doctor if he thought he'd live to be a hundred The doctor asked the man, “Do you smoke or drink?” “No,” he replied, “I've never done either.” “Do you gamble, drive fast cars, and fool around with women? ” inquired the doctor.“No, I've
21.
One day a horse trader, a foreigner, came to the court of Krishnadeva Raya and told him he had some fine horses for sale.The emperor offered to buy them.The man took an advance of 5000 gold coins and promising to return with the horses in two days, went a
One day a horse trader, a foreigner, came to the court of Krishnadeva Raya and told him he had some fine horses for sale.The emperor offered to buy them.The man took an advance of 5000 gold coins and promising to return with the horses in two days, went a
22.
Two men were talking about a friend who had recently passed away.
“By the time Jack died, he had a transplanted heart, a plastic hip joint, a plastic leg and a plastic arm.”
“Where did they bury him?'”
“They didn’t bury him — he was recycled!”
Two men were talking about a friend who had recently passed away.
“By the time Jack died, he had a transplanted heart, a plastic hip joint, a plastic leg and a plastic arm.”
“Where did they bury him?'”
“They didn’t bury him — he was recycled!”
23.
Joe grew up in a small town, then moved away to attend college and law schoolHe decided to come back to the small town because he could be a big man in this small town.He really wanted to impress everyoneHe opened his new law office, but business was very
Joe grew up in a small town, then moved away to attend college and law schoolHe decided to come back to the small town because he could be a big man in this small town.He really wanted to impress everyoneHe opened his new law office, but business was very
24.
Unlike English, Spanish and many other languages have masculine and feminine nouns, which determine whether you say “el” for masculine or “la” for feminine.So the committee divided into two groups to each come up with the best four arguments for computers
Unlike English, Spanish and many other languages have masculine and feminine nouns, which determine whether you say “el” for masculine or “la” for feminine.So the committee divided into two groups to each come up with the best four arguments for computers
25.
A blind man joins them after a few minutes. When the bus arrives, they find it overloaded and only the wife and the 9 kids are able to fit on the bus.After hearing about the predicament, the blind man lets the children get on instead of him.The wife asks
A blind man joins them after a few minutes. When the bus arrives, they find it overloaded and only the wife and the 9 kids are able to fit on the bus.After hearing about the predicament, the blind man lets the children get on instead of him.The wife asks
26.
A monk and a priest are driving down a street in different directions.
Oddly enough, they end up getting into a crash.
They both get out of their cars, infuriated that there had been a wreck.
But since both of them are men of God, they began to t
A monk and a priest are driving down a street in different directions.
Oddly enough, they end up getting into a crash.
They both get out of their cars, infuriated that there had been a wreck.
But since both of them are men of God, they began to t
27.
A woman gets home, screeches her car into the driveway,
runs into the house, slams the door and shouts at the top of
her lungs, “Morris, pack your bags. …. I won the lottery!
The husband says, ‘Oh my God!
What should I pack, beach stuff or mou
A woman gets home, screeches her car into the driveway,
runs into the house, slams the door and shouts at the top of
her lungs, “Morris, pack your bags. …. I won the lottery!
The husband says, ‘Oh my God!
What should I pack, beach stuff or mou
28.
An Irishman was drinking in a bar in London when he gets a call on his cell phone.He orders drinks for everybody in the bar as he announces his wife has just produced a typical Irish baby boy weighing 25 pounds.Nobody can believe that any new baby can wei
An Irishman was drinking in a bar in London when he gets a call on his cell phone.He orders drinks for everybody in the bar as he announces his wife has just produced a typical Irish baby boy weighing 25 pounds.Nobody can believe that any new baby can wei
29.
A man walks into a bar and orders one shot.Then he looks into his shirt pocket and orders another shot.After he finishes, he looks into his shirt pocket again and orders another shot.The bartender is curious and asks him “every time you order a shot, you
A man walks into a bar and orders one shot.Then he looks into his shirt pocket and orders another shot.After he finishes, he looks into his shirt pocket again and orders another shot.The bartender is curious and asks him “every time you order a shot, you
30.
I am over 60 and the Armed Forces thinks I'm too old to track down terrorists. You can't be older than 42 to join the military.They've got the whole thing a.s-backwards.Instead of sending 18-year olds off to fight, they ought to take us old guys. You sh
I am over 60 and the Armed Forces thinks I'm too old to track down terrorists. You can't be older than 42 to join the military.They've got the whole thing a.s-backwards.Instead of sending 18-year olds off to fight, they ought to take us old guys. You sh
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