1.
The Mechanic Asks The Heart Surgeon… when he spotted a well-known heart surgeon in his shop.The surgeon was there waiting for the service manager to come take a look at his bike when the mechanic shouted across the garage, “Hey, Doc, can I ask you a quest
The Mechanic Asks The Heart Surgeon… when he spotted a well-known heart surgeon in his shop.The surgeon was there waiting for the service manager to come take a look at his bike when the mechanic shouted across the garage, “Hey, Doc, can I ask you a quest
2.
A woman had just totaled her car in a horrific accident.
Miraculously, she managed to pry herself from the wreckage without a scratch and was applying fresh lipstick when the state trooper arrived.
“My God!” the trooper gasped. “Your car looks like
A woman had just totaled her car in a horrific accident.
Miraculously, she managed to pry herself from the wreckage without a scratch and was applying fresh lipstick when the state trooper arrived.
“My God!” the trooper gasped. “Your car looks like
3.
There was an old man who was admitted in a hospital.A young man would visit him every day, and sit with him for more than one hourHe would help him eat his food, and take his shower.He would then take him walking in the garden of the hospital.After that h
There was an old man who was admitted in a hospital.A young man would visit him every day, and sit with him for more than one hourHe would help him eat his food, and take his shower.He would then take him walking in the garden of the hospital.After that h
4.
Two unemployed guys are talking.
One says: “I’m going to become a lion-tamer.”
The other replies, “That’s crazy, you don’t know nothing about no lion taming.”
“Yes I do!”
“Well, OK, answer me this. When one of those lions comes at you all roar
Two unemployed guys are talking.
One says: “I’m going to become a lion-tamer.”
The other replies, “That’s crazy, you don’t know nothing about no lion taming.”
“Yes I do!”
“Well, OK, answer me this. When one of those lions comes at you all roar
5.
An Irishman walks into a bar in Dublin, orders three pints of Guinness and sits in the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turnWhen he finishes them, he comes back to the bar and orders three more.The bartender asks him, “You know, a pint
An Irishman walks into a bar in Dublin, orders three pints of Guinness and sits in the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turnWhen he finishes them, he comes back to the bar and orders three more.The bartender asks him, “You know, a pint
6.
These three guys die together in a tragic accident and they all go to heavenWhen they get there, StPeter greets them and tells them, “We only have one rule here in heavenDon't step on the ducks.”So, they enter heaven and sure enough, there are ducks all o
These three guys die together in a tragic accident and they all go to heavenWhen they get there, StPeter greets them and tells them, “We only have one rule here in heavenDon't step on the ducks.”So, they enter heaven and sure enough, there are ducks all o
7.
A fellow bought a new Mercedes and was out on the Yellow head for a nice evening drive.
The top was down, the breeze was blowing through his hair and he decided to open her up.
As the needle jumped up to 80 mph he suddenly saw a flashing red and blu
A fellow bought a new Mercedes and was out on the Yellow head for a nice evening drive.
The top was down, the breeze was blowing through his hair and he decided to open her up.
As the needle jumped up to 80 mph he suddenly saw a flashing red and blu
8.
“I can't speak to my wife directly as she might find it offensive, given our old age” he says to the doc.“There's a simple trick you can try to determine her hearing,” explains the doctor
“I can't speak to my wife directly as she might find it offensive, given our old age” he says to the doc.“There's a simple trick you can try to determine her hearing,” explains the doctor
9.
A man escapes a prison where he has been locked up for 15 years.
He goes into a house and finds a young couple in bed.
He forces the young man into a chair and duck taped him there.
Then he leans over the woman and kisses her neck, then he goes i
A man escapes a prison where he has been locked up for 15 years.
He goes into a house and finds a young couple in bed.
He forces the young man into a chair and duck taped him there.
Then he leans over the woman and kisses her neck, then he goes i
10.
Four affluent fathers meet up for their yearly golf match with each otherAs fathers tend to do, they all start bragging about their children.The first father brags, “My son is a successful real estate agent! He's so successful, he gave a beautiful house
Four affluent fathers meet up for their yearly golf match with each otherAs fathers tend to do, they all start bragging about their children.The first father brags, “My son is a successful real estate agent! He's so successful, he gave a beautiful house
11.
Three sons left home, said goodbye to their dear single mother, went out on their own and prospered.
Then one day, revisiting together, they discussed the gifts they were able to give their elderly Mother on her birthday.
They all loved her dearly,
Three sons left home, said goodbye to their dear single mother, went out on their own and prospered.
Then one day, revisiting together, they discussed the gifts they were able to give their elderly Mother on her birthday.
They all loved her dearly,
12.
A guy driving a Yugo pulls up at a stoplight next to a Rolls-RoyceThe driver of the Yugo rolls down his window and shouts to the driver of the Rolls, “Hey, buddy, that's a nice carYou got a phone in your Rolls? I've got one in my Yugo!”The driver of Rolls
A guy driving a Yugo pulls up at a stoplight next to a Rolls-RoyceThe driver of the Yugo rolls down his window and shouts to the driver of the Rolls, “Hey, buddy, that's a nice carYou got a phone in your Rolls? I've got one in my Yugo!”The driver of Rolls
13.
A cowboy rode into town and stopped at a saloon for a drink.Unfortunately, the locals always had a habit of picking on strangers, which he was.When he finished his drink, he found his horse had been stolen.He went back into the bar, handily flipped his gu
A cowboy rode into town and stopped at a saloon for a drink.Unfortunately, the locals always had a habit of picking on strangers, which he was.When he finished his drink, he found his horse had been stolen.He went back into the bar, handily flipped his gu
14.
However, they arrived several hours early, and had little to do on Sunday morning while everything was closed.“Well,” one says to the other, pointing to a nearby Cathedral, “Why don't we attend Mass?”“Sure,” replies his friend“But we don't know how the Fr
However, they arrived several hours early, and had little to do on Sunday morning while everything was closed.“Well,” one says to the other, pointing to a nearby Cathedral, “Why don't we attend Mass?”“Sure,” replies his friend“But we don't know how the Fr
15.
A man and a woman meet in an elevator.
“Where are you heading today?” the man asks.
“I’m going down to give blood.”
“How much do you get paid for giving blood?”
“About $20.”
“Wow,” says the man, “I’m going up to donate sperm, and the sperm
A man and a woman meet in an elevator.
“Where are you heading today?” the man asks.
“I’m going down to give blood.”
“How much do you get paid for giving blood?”
“About $20.”
“Wow,” says the man, “I’m going up to donate sperm, and the sperm
16.
One day, a letter came addressed in a shaky handwriting to God with no address. He thought he should open it to see what it was about.The letter read: “Dear God, I am an 83-year-old widow, living on a very small pensionYesterday someone stole my purseIt
One day, a letter came addressed in a shaky handwriting to God with no address. He thought he should open it to see what it was about.The letter read: “Dear God, I am an 83-year-old widow, living on a very small pensionYesterday someone stole my purseIt
17.
The big game hunter walked in the bar and bragged to everyone about his hunting skills.The man was undoubtedly a good shot and no one could dispute that.But then he said that they could blindfold him and he would recognize any animal's skin from its feel,
The big game hunter walked in the bar and bragged to everyone about his hunting skills.The man was undoubtedly a good shot and no one could dispute that.But then he said that they could blindfold him and he would recognize any animal's skin from its feel,
18.
The policeman approaches the driver's door.“Is there a problem, Officer?”The policeman says, “Sir, you were speedingCan I see your licence please?”The driver responds, “I'd give it to you but I don't have one.”“You don't have one?”The man responds, “I los
The policeman approaches the driver's door.“Is there a problem, Officer?”The policeman says, “Sir, you were speedingCan I see your licence please?”The driver responds, “I'd give it to you but I don't have one.”“You don't have one?”The man responds, “I los
19.
He asked the preacher if he could participate in the door-to-door selling of bibles.The preacher agreed, but knowing the young man had a bad stutter, only gave him 3 bibles to sell.The following day the young man returned asking for more.The preacher ga
He asked the preacher if he could participate in the door-to-door selling of bibles.The preacher agreed, but knowing the young man had a bad stutter, only gave him 3 bibles to sell.The following day the young man returned asking for more.The preacher ga
20.
A violent tropical storm enveloped a sailing yacht off the southern coast of Florida lasting all night and most of the next morning.
As the sky cleared and the seas calmed, the people on the yacht realized they were grounded on a coral reef about a mil
A violent tropical storm enveloped a sailing yacht off the southern coast of Florida lasting all night and most of the next morning.
As the sky cleared and the seas calmed, the people on the yacht realized they were grounded on a coral reef about a mil
21.
A high school recently was faced with a unique problem.A number of the girls were beginning to use lipstick and would put it on in the bathroom.That was fine, but after they put on their lipstick they would press their lips to the mirror leaving dozens of
A high school recently was faced with a unique problem.A number of the girls were beginning to use lipstick and would put it on in the bathroom.That was fine, but after they put on their lipstick they would press their lips to the mirror leaving dozens of
22.
After two visits and exhaustive Lab tests, He said I was doing fairly well for my age.A little concerned about that comment, I couldn't resist asking him, ‘Do you think I'll live to be 80?'He asked, ‘Do you smoke tobacco, or drink beer, wine or hard liquo
After two visits and exhaustive Lab tests, He said I was doing fairly well for my age.A little concerned about that comment, I couldn't resist asking him, ‘Do you think I'll live to be 80?'He asked, ‘Do you smoke tobacco, or drink beer, wine or hard liquo
23.
A Frenchman and an Italian were seated next to an American on an overseas flight. After a few cocktails, the men began discussing their home lives.“Last night I made love to my wife four times,” the Frenchman bragged, “and this morning she made me delici
A Frenchman and an Italian were seated next to an American on an overseas flight. After a few cocktails, the men began discussing their home lives.“Last night I made love to my wife four times,” the Frenchman bragged, “and this morning she made me delici
24.
A man goes to the doctor and complains that his wife cant hear him.How bad is it? the doctor asks.I have no idea, the husband says.Well, please test herStand 20 feet away from her and say something.If she doesn't hear you, get closer and say the same thin
A man goes to the doctor and complains that his wife cant hear him.How bad is it? the doctor asks.I have no idea, the husband says.Well, please test herStand 20 feet away from her and say something.If she doesn't hear you, get closer and say the same thin
25.
While showing off his new apartment to friends one night, a drunk man led the way to his bedroom where there was a huge clock on the wall with a big brass gong.“What's that brass gong for?” asked one of the guests.“Why, that's the talking clock,” the man
While showing off his new apartment to friends one night, a drunk man led the way to his bedroom where there was a huge clock on the wall with a big brass gong.“What's that brass gong for?” asked one of the guests.“Why, that's the talking clock,” the man
26.
If you let me touch your wife’s ass and smack it, i will pay you $100,000 says a guy to his best friend.
His friend gets furious and asks him to mind what he is saying.
Later in the evening the best friend tells this incident to his wife, and she go
If you let me touch your wife’s ass and smack it, i will pay you $100,000 says a guy to his best friend.
His friend gets furious and asks him to mind what he is saying.
Later in the evening the best friend tells this incident to his wife, and she go
27.
As an airplane is about to crash, a female passenger jumps up frantically and announces,“If I'm going to die, I want to die feeling like a woman.” She removes all her clothing and asks,“Is there someone on this plane who is man enough to make me feel like
As an airplane is about to crash, a female passenger jumps up frantically and announces,“If I'm going to die, I want to die feeling like a woman.” She removes all her clothing and asks,“Is there someone on this plane who is man enough to make me feel like
28.
One day this Swedish guy walks into a dingy little storefront travel agency, holds up a page out of a newspaper, and says: “You say in this ad that you have a voonderful luxury cruise for only $69.95I vant to go on this voonderful luxury cruise.”The guy b
One day this Swedish guy walks into a dingy little storefront travel agency, holds up a page out of a newspaper, and says: “You say in this ad that you have a voonderful luxury cruise for only $69.95I vant to go on this voonderful luxury cruise.”The guy b
29.
A man walking along a road in the countryside comes across a shepherd and a huge flock of sheep.Stopping to rest, he tells the shepherd, “I will bet you $100 against one of your sheep that I can tell you the exact number in this flock.”The shepherd thinks
A man walking along a road in the countryside comes across a shepherd and a huge flock of sheep.Stopping to rest, he tells the shepherd, “I will bet you $100 against one of your sheep that I can tell you the exact number in this flock.”The shepherd thinks
30.
His parents look at the truck and ask, “Where did you get that truck?!”“I bought it today,” he says.“With what money?” says his mother arching an eyebrow.They knew what a new F150 cost.“Well,” he says, “this one cost me just fifteen dollars.”The father lo
His parents look at the truck and ask, “Where did you get that truck?!”“I bought it today,” he says.“With what money?” says his mother arching an eyebrow.They knew what a new F150 cost.“Well,” he says, “this one cost me just fifteen dollars.”The father lo
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Eng Jokes
