1.
Two tall trees, a birch and a beech, are growing in the woods.A small tree begins to grow between them, and the beech says to the birch, Is that a son of a beech or a son of a birch?The birch says he cannot tell, but just then a woodpecker lands on the sa
Two tall trees, a birch and a beech, are growing in the woods.A small tree begins to grow between them, and the beech says to the birch, Is that a son of a beech or a son of a birch?The birch says he cannot tell, but just then a woodpecker lands on the sa
2.
Hints on how to liven up your idle hours to maintain a healthy level of insanity:1At lunch time, sit In your parked car with sunglasses on and point a hair dryer at passing carswatch them slow down.2On all your cheque stubs, write “For Marijuana”3Skip dow
Hints on how to liven up your idle hours to maintain a healthy level of insanity:1At lunch time, sit In your parked car with sunglasses on and point a hair dryer at passing carswatch them slow down.2On all your cheque stubs, write “For Marijuana”3Skip dow
3.
A Catholic Priest was about to finish his tour of duty, and was leaving his Mission in the jungle where he has spent years teaching the natives when he realizes that the one thing he never taught them was how to speak EnglishSo he takes the chief for a wa
A Catholic Priest was about to finish his tour of duty, and was leaving his Mission in the jungle where he has spent years teaching the natives when he realizes that the one thing he never taught them was how to speak EnglishSo he takes the chief for a wa
4.
There is a factory in Northern Minnesota which makes the Tickle Me Elmo toys.
The toy laughs when you tickle it under the arms.
Well, Lena is hired at The Tickle Me Elmo factory and she reports for her first day promptly at 8:00 am.
The next day
There is a factory in Northern Minnesota which makes the Tickle Me Elmo toys.
The toy laughs when you tickle it under the arms.
Well, Lena is hired at The Tickle Me Elmo factory and she reports for her first day promptly at 8:00 am.
The next day
5.
After swearing loyalty to the Captain and crew, and receiving his daily list of duties, the new recruit is brought up onto the poop deck to briefly meet the Captain.The Captain, a rugged-looking pirate with a peg leg, a hook for a hand, and an eye-patch,
After swearing loyalty to the Captain and crew, and receiving his daily list of duties, the new recruit is brought up onto the poop deck to briefly meet the Captain.The Captain, a rugged-looking pirate with a peg leg, a hook for a hand, and an eye-patch,
6.
Girl taunts old man and asks if he ever did anything wildheading downtown to go to the movies, when a young punk got on.She had spiked, multi-colored hair that was green, purple, and orange.Her clothes were a tattered mix of leather rags, her legs were ba
Girl taunts old man and asks if he ever did anything wildheading downtown to go to the movies, when a young punk got on.She had spiked, multi-colored hair that was green, purple, and orange.Her clothes were a tattered mix of leather rags, her legs were ba
7.
A noted psychiatrist was a guest speaker at an academic function where a politician happened to appear.
The politician took the opportunity to schmooze the good doctor a bit and asked him a question with which he was most at ease.
‘Would you mind te
A noted psychiatrist was a guest speaker at an academic function where a politician happened to appear.
The politician took the opportunity to schmooze the good doctor a bit and asked him a question with which he was most at ease.
‘Would you mind te
8.
The husband, who is the one behind the wheel, asks, “What's the problem, officer?”Officer: “You were going at least 75 in a 55 zone.”Man: “No sir, I was going 65.”Wife: “Oh, HarryYou were going 80.” (The man gives his wife a dirty look.)Officer: “I'm also
The husband, who is the one behind the wheel, asks, “What's the problem, officer?”Officer: “You were going at least 75 in a 55 zone.”Man: “No sir, I was going 65.”Wife: “Oh, HarryYou were going 80.” (The man gives his wife a dirty look.)Officer: “I'm also
9.
A man returns home a day early from a business trip.It's after midnightWhile en route home he asks the cabby if he would be a witness.The man suspects his wife is having an affair and he wants to catch her in the act.For $100, the cabby agrees.Quietly arr
A man returns home a day early from a business trip.It's after midnightWhile en route home he asks the cabby if he would be a witness.The man suspects his wife is having an affair and he wants to catch her in the act.For $100, the cabby agrees.Quietly arr
10.
The librarian handed the chicken a book and the bird left.Ten minutes later, the chicken returned, tossed the book on the desk and said: ‘book, book, book, book'.The librarian handed the chicken a different book and the chicken left.Ten minutes later, the
The librarian handed the chicken a book and the bird left.Ten minutes later, the chicken returned, tossed the book on the desk and said: ‘book, book, book, book'.The librarian handed the chicken a different book and the chicken left.Ten minutes later, the
11.
Taxiing down the tarmac, the jetliner abruptly stopped, turned around and returned to the gate.After an hour-long wait, it finally took off.A concerned passenger asked the flight attendant, “What was the problem?”“The pilot was bothered by a noise he hear
Taxiing down the tarmac, the jetliner abruptly stopped, turned around and returned to the gate.After an hour-long wait, it finally took off.A concerned passenger asked the flight attendant, “What was the problem?”“The pilot was bothered by a noise he hear
12.
Two accountants are in their local credit union on their lunch break, when armed robbers burst in.
While several of the robbers take the money from the tellers, others line the customers, including the accountants, up against a wall, and proceed to tak
Two accountants are in their local credit union on their lunch break, when armed robbers burst in.
While several of the robbers take the money from the tellers, others line the customers, including the accountants, up against a wall, and proceed to tak
13.
When I went to get my driver's license renewed, our local motor-vehicle bureau was packed.The line inched along for almost an hour until the man ahead of me finally got his license.He inspected his photo for a moment and commented to the clerk, “I was sta
When I went to get my driver's license renewed, our local motor-vehicle bureau was packed.The line inched along for almost an hour until the man ahead of me finally got his license.He inspected his photo for a moment and commented to the clerk, “I was sta
14.
A doctor just finishes his check-up with a man.Dr: I've got good new and bad newsWhich do you want to hear first?Patient: I guess the bad news.Dr: Well, you only have about 3 months to live and there's nothing else we can doI'm sorry.Patient: (starts cryi
A doctor just finishes his check-up with a man.Dr: I've got good new and bad newsWhich do you want to hear first?Patient: I guess the bad news.Dr: Well, you only have about 3 months to live and there's nothing else we can doI'm sorry.Patient: (starts cryi
15.
A big city lawyer went duck hunting in rural North Alberta.
He shot and dropped a bird, but it fell into a farmer’s field on the other side of a fence.
As the lawyer climbed over the fence, an elderly farmer drove up on his tractor and asked him wha
A big city lawyer went duck hunting in rural North Alberta.
He shot and dropped a bird, but it fell into a farmer’s field on the other side of a fence.
As the lawyer climbed over the fence, an elderly farmer drove up on his tractor and asked him wha
16.
Two men were having an awfully slow round of golf because the two ladies in front of them managed to get into every sand trap, lake, and rough on the course.
They didn’t bother to wave the men on through, which is proper golf etiquette.
After two ho
Two men were having an awfully slow round of golf because the two ladies in front of them managed to get into every sand trap, lake, and rough on the course.
They didn’t bother to wave the men on through, which is proper golf etiquette.
After two ho
17.
A clergyman awoke one morning to find a dead donkey in his front yard.He had no idea how it got there, but he knew he had to get rid of it.So, he called the sanitation department, the health department, and several other agencies, but no one seemed able t
A clergyman awoke one morning to find a dead donkey in his front yard.He had no idea how it got there, but he knew he had to get rid of it.So, he called the sanitation department, the health department, and several other agencies, but no one seemed able t
18.
Anxious for his first investigation he was a bit perturbed when he was assigned to audit a Rabbi.Looking over the books and taxes was pretty straightforward and the Rabbi was clearly very frugal, so he thought he'd make his day interesting by having a lit
Anxious for his first investigation he was a bit perturbed when he was assigned to audit a Rabbi.Looking over the books and taxes was pretty straightforward and the Rabbi was clearly very frugal, so he thought he'd make his day interesting by having a lit
19.
The little boy had been looking out of Westjet Airlines plane window on a flight from Toronto to Calgary when he turned to his mother and asked,“If big dogs have baby dogs, and big cats have baby cats, why don't big planes have baby planes?”The mother cou
The little boy had been looking out of Westjet Airlines plane window on a flight from Toronto to Calgary when he turned to his mother and asked,“If big dogs have baby dogs, and big cats have baby cats, why don't big planes have baby planes?”The mother cou
20.
The old lady handed her bank card to the teller and said, “I would like to withdraw £10”.The teller told her, “For withdrawals less than £100, please use the ATM.”The old lady wanted to know why.The teller returned her bank card and irritably told her, “T
The old lady handed her bank card to the teller and said, “I would like to withdraw £10”.The teller told her, “For withdrawals less than £100, please use the ATM.”The old lady wanted to know why.The teller returned her bank card and irritably told her, “T
21.
An elderly man in Louisiana had owned a large farm for several years.He had a large pond in the back.It was properly shaped for swimming, so he fixed it up nice with picnic tables, horseshoe courts, and some apple and peach trees.One evening the old farme
An elderly man in Louisiana had owned a large farm for several years.He had a large pond in the back.It was properly shaped for swimming, so he fixed it up nice with picnic tables, horseshoe courts, and some apple and peach trees.One evening the old farme
22.
A farmer had 5 female pigs but times were hard and he needed a solution.
A farmer had 5 female pigs. Times were hard, so he decided to take them to the county fair and sell them. At the fair, he met another farmer who owned 5 male pigs.
After talkin
A farmer had 5 female pigs but times were hard and he needed a solution.
A farmer had 5 female pigs. Times were hard, so he decided to take them to the county fair and sell them. At the fair, he met another farmer who owned 5 male pigs.
After talkin
23.
An attorney arrived home late, after a very tough day trying to get a stay of execution.His last minute plea for clemency to the governor had failed and he was feeling worn out and depressed…As soon as he walked through the door at home, his wife started
An attorney arrived home late, after a very tough day trying to get a stay of execution.His last minute plea for clemency to the governor had failed and he was feeling worn out and depressed…As soon as he walked through the door at home, his wife started
24.
Woman's husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months,yet she had stayed by his bedside every single day.One day, when he came to, he motioned for her to come nearer.As she sat by him, he whispered, eyes full of tears, “You know what?Y
Woman's husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months,yet she had stayed by his bedside every single day.One day, when he came to, he motioned for her to come nearer.As she sat by him, he whispered, eyes full of tears, “You know what?Y
25.
One day Nasreddin Hodja quarrelled with his wife.He shouted at her till she could not bear it and fled to her neighbour's houseThe Hodja followed her there.The neighbours managed to placate the angry husband and served the couple tea and sweetmeats.When t
One day Nasreddin Hodja quarrelled with his wife.He shouted at her till she could not bear it and fled to her neighbour's houseThe Hodja followed her there.The neighbours managed to placate the angry husband and served the couple tea and sweetmeats.When t
26.
A country doctor went way out to the boondocks to deliver a baby.It was so far out, there was no electricityWhen the doctor arrived, no one was home except for the laboring mother and her 5-year-old child.The doctor instructed the child to hold a lantern
A country doctor went way out to the boondocks to deliver a baby.It was so far out, there was no electricityWhen the doctor arrived, no one was home except for the laboring mother and her 5-year-old child.The doctor instructed the child to hold a lantern
27.
It’s the spring of 1957 and Bobby, a pretty hip guy with his own car, goes to pick up his date.
When he goes to the front door, the girl’s father answers and invites him in.
“Carrie’s not ready yet, so why don’t you have a seat?” he says.
“That’s
It’s the spring of 1957 and Bobby, a pretty hip guy with his own car, goes to pick up his date.
When he goes to the front door, the girl’s father answers and invites him in.
“Carrie’s not ready yet, so why don’t you have a seat?” he says.
“That’s
28.
Through the pitch-black night, the captain sees a light dead ahead on a collision course with his ship.He sends a signal: “Change your course 10 degree east.”The light signals back: “Change yours, 10 degrees west.”Angry, the captain sends: “I'm a navy cap
Through the pitch-black night, the captain sees a light dead ahead on a collision course with his ship.He sends a signal: “Change your course 10 degree east.”The light signals back: “Change yours, 10 degrees west.”Angry, the captain sends: “I'm a navy cap
29.
An Australian asks a travel agent what’s the cheapest possible vacation to London that lets him see everything.
“I have a whole evening in Dubai on the way back?
Very well, I’ve always wanted to see the world’s tallest building.”
He packs his bag
An Australian asks a travel agent what’s the cheapest possible vacation to London that lets him see everything.
“I have a whole evening in Dubai on the way back?
Very well, I’ve always wanted to see the world’s tallest building.”
He packs his bag
30.
An elderly man went to the doctor's office to get a double dose of viagra:The doctor told him that he couldn't allow him a double dose.“Why not?” Asked the elderly man.“Because it's not safe.” Replied the doctor.“But I need it really bad.” Said the man.“W
An elderly man went to the doctor's office to get a double dose of viagra:The doctor told him that he couldn't allow him a double dose.“Why not?” Asked the elderly man.“Because it's not safe.” Replied the doctor.“But I need it really bad.” Said the man.“W
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