1.
Once upon a time in a village, a man appeared and announced to the villagers that he would buy monkeys for $10 each…The villagers, seeing that there were many monkeys around, went out to the forest and started catching them.The man bought thousands at $10
Once upon a time in a village, a man appeared and announced to the villagers that he would buy monkeys for $10 each…The villagers, seeing that there were many monkeys around, went out to the forest and started catching them.The man bought thousands at $10
2.
The old man placed an order for one hamburger , French fries and a drink.
He unwrapped the plain hamburger and carefully cut it in half , placing one half in front of his wife.
He then carefully counted out the French fries , dividing them into two
The old man placed an order for one hamburger , French fries and a drink.
He unwrapped the plain hamburger and carefully cut it in half , placing one half in front of his wife.
He then carefully counted out the French fries , dividing them into two
3.
One evening a family brings their frail, elderly mother to a nursing home and leaves her, hoping she will be well cared for.
The next morning, the nurses bathe her, feed her a tasty breakfast and set her in a chair at a window overlooking a lovely flow
One evening a family brings their frail, elderly mother to a nursing home and leaves her, hoping she will be well cared for.
The next morning, the nurses bathe her, feed her a tasty breakfast and set her in a chair at a window overlooking a lovely flow
4.
Ed and his wife Norma faithfully go to the state fair every year, and every year Ed would plead, “Norma, I'd like to ride in that helicopter.”Frugal Norma would always sternly reply, “I know Ed, but that helicopter ride is fifty bucks, and fifty bucks is
Ed and his wife Norma faithfully go to the state fair every year, and every year Ed would plead, “Norma, I'd like to ride in that helicopter.”Frugal Norma would always sternly reply, “I know Ed, but that helicopter ride is fifty bucks, and fifty bucks is
5.
For the umpteenth time Mrs
Jones told her pastor,
“I’m so scared! My husband says he’s going to kill me if I continue to come to your church.”
“Yes, yes, my child,” replied the pastor, tired of hearing this before.
“I will continue to pray for
For the umpteenth time Mrs
Jones told her pastor,
“I’m so scared! My husband says he’s going to kill me if I continue to come to your church.”
“Yes, yes, my child,” replied the pastor, tired of hearing this before.
“I will continue to pray for
6.
An elderly couple was just settled down for bed when the old man realized he left the lights on in the greenhouse in the back yard.Then they heard voices.Three men had broken into the greenhouse.Scared, they called the police.The dispatcher replied, he wo
An elderly couple was just settled down for bed when the old man realized he left the lights on in the greenhouse in the back yard.Then they heard voices.Three men had broken into the greenhouse.Scared, they called the police.The dispatcher replied, he wo
7.
Two friends went to interview for the same job.
They were both in the waiting area when the first friend got called for his interview.
The second friend gave him a thumbs-up as he headed into the interview room.
The interviewer reviewed the man’s
Two friends went to interview for the same job.
They were both in the waiting area when the first friend got called for his interview.
The second friend gave him a thumbs-up as he headed into the interview room.
The interviewer reviewed the man’s
8.
Nickname
If Gloria, Suzanne, Debra and Michelle go out for lunch, they will call each other Gloria, Suzanne, Debra and Michelle.
But if Mike, Phil, Rob and Jack go out for a brewsky, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla,
Nickname
If Gloria, Suzanne, Debra and Michelle go out for lunch, they will call each other Gloria, Suzanne, Debra and Michelle.
But if Mike, Phil, Rob and Jack go out for a brewsky, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla,
9.
A woman and baby are in the doctors surgery,the doc is concerned about the baby's weight,“Is he bottle fed or breast fed? The woman replies, “Breast fed.” The doc gets her to strip down to her waist so he can examine her fronts.He pinches her nips and suc
A woman and baby are in the doctors surgery,the doc is concerned about the baby's weight,“Is he bottle fed or breast fed? The woman replies, “Breast fed.” The doc gets her to strip down to her waist so he can examine her fronts.He pinches her nips and suc
10.
A government employee sat in his office, and out of boredom, decided to see what was inside his old filing cabinet.
He poked through the contents and came across an old brass lamp he’s never seen before.
“This will look good on my mantel,” he said,
A government employee sat in his office, and out of boredom, decided to see what was inside his old filing cabinet.
He poked through the contents and came across an old brass lamp he’s never seen before.
“This will look good on my mantel,” he said,
11.
One day at a busy airport, the passengers on a commercial airliner are seated, waiting for the cockpit crew to show up so they can get underway.
The pilot and co-pilot finally appear in the rear of the plane, and begin walking up to the cockpit through
One day at a busy airport, the passengers on a commercial airliner are seated, waiting for the cockpit crew to show up so they can get underway.
The pilot and co-pilot finally appear in the rear of the plane, and begin walking up to the cockpit through
12.
Hints on how to liven up your idle hours to maintain a healthy level of insanity:1At lunch time, sit In your parked car with sunglasses on and point a hair dryer at passing carswatch them slow down.2On all your cheque stubs, write “For Marijuana”3Skip dow
Hints on how to liven up your idle hours to maintain a healthy level of insanity:1At lunch time, sit In your parked car with sunglasses on and point a hair dryer at passing carswatch them slow down.2On all your cheque stubs, write “For Marijuana”3Skip dow
13.
He asked the preacher if he could participate in the door-to-door selling of bibles.The preacher agreed, but knowing the young man had a bad stutter, only gave him 3 bibles to sell.The following day the young man returned asking for more.The preacher ga
He asked the preacher if he could participate in the door-to-door selling of bibles.The preacher agreed, but knowing the young man had a bad stutter, only gave him 3 bibles to sell.The following day the young man returned asking for more.The preacher ga
14.
The boss of a big company needed to call one of his employees about an urgent problem with one of the main computersHe dialed the employee's home phone number and was greeted with a child's whispered: “Hello?”Feeling put out at the inconvenience of having
The boss of a big company needed to call one of his employees about an urgent problem with one of the main computersHe dialed the employee's home phone number and was greeted with a child's whispered: “Hello?”Feeling put out at the inconvenience of having
15.
A couple were going out for the eveningThey'd gotten ready, all dressed up, cat put out, etc.The taxi arrives, and as the couple got out, the cat shoots back in.They don't want the cat shut in the house, so the wife goes out to the taxi while the husband
A couple were going out for the eveningThey'd gotten ready, all dressed up, cat put out, etc.The taxi arrives, and as the couple got out, the cat shoots back in.They don't want the cat shut in the house, so the wife goes out to the taxi while the husband
16.
Some of the emails were hilarious but this one from a Swiss was a winner.“Being British is about driving in a German car to an Irish pub for a Belgian beer.”“Then travelling home, grabbing an Indian curry or a Turkish kebab on the way, to sit on a Swedish
Some of the emails were hilarious but this one from a Swiss was a winner.“Being British is about driving in a German car to an Irish pub for a Belgian beer.”“Then travelling home, grabbing an Indian curry or a Turkish kebab on the way, to sit on a Swedish
17.
A couple were going out for the eveningThey'd gotten ready, all dressed up, cat put out, etc.The taxi arrives, and as the couple got out, the cat shoots back in.They don't want the cat shut in the house, so the wife goes out to the taxi while the husband
A couple were going out for the eveningThey'd gotten ready, all dressed up, cat put out, etc.The taxi arrives, and as the couple got out, the cat shoots back in.They don't want the cat shut in the house, so the wife goes out to the taxi while the husband
18.
A man walks into a bar and sees his friend sitting beside a 12-inch pianist.
He says to his friend, “That’s amazing.
How did you get that?” The man pulls out a bottle and tells him to rub it and make a wish
. He rubs the bottle, and a puff of smo
A man walks into a bar and sees his friend sitting beside a 12-inch pianist.
He says to his friend, “That’s amazing.
How did you get that?” The man pulls out a bottle and tells him to rub it and make a wish
. He rubs the bottle, and a puff of smo
19.
A few years ago, I decided to visit my brother who was stationed in Germany.I assumed that most Germans would speak English.But I found that many people spoke only their native tongue–including the ticket inspector on the train.He punched my ticket, then
A few years ago, I decided to visit my brother who was stationed in Germany.I assumed that most Germans would speak English.But I found that many people spoke only their native tongue–including the ticket inspector on the train.He punched my ticket, then
20.
Year after year Bubba’s wife pleaded with him to take her fishing but he kept telling her she would not enjoy it.
She, finally, wore him down, he consented, and early one morning they took off to the lake.
They had not been there very long when the
Year after year Bubba’s wife pleaded with him to take her fishing but he kept telling her she would not enjoy it.
She, finally, wore him down, he consented, and early one morning they took off to the lake.
They had not been there very long when the
21.
A deeply religious Rabbi lived happily with his family, an admirable woman and two dear sons.One time, he had to be away from home for several days due to workWhen he was away, a serious car accident killed his two boys.Alone, the mother suffered in silen
A deeply religious Rabbi lived happily with his family, an admirable woman and two dear sons.One time, he had to be away from home for several days due to workWhen he was away, a serious car accident killed his two boys.Alone, the mother suffered in silen
22.
A rookie police officer was assigned to ride in a cruiser with an experienced partner.
A call came over the car’s radio telling them to disperse some people who were loitering.
The officers drove to the street and observed a small crowd standing on
A rookie police officer was assigned to ride in a cruiser with an experienced partner.
A call came over the car’s radio telling them to disperse some people who were loitering.
The officers drove to the street and observed a small crowd standing on
23.
An old guy approaches the window of the movie theater with a chicken on his shoulder, and asks for 2 tickets.
The girl at the counter wants to know who is going in with him.
He replies, “Well, my pet chicken, of course!” “I’m sorry,” The girl tells
An old guy approaches the window of the movie theater with a chicken on his shoulder, and asks for 2 tickets.
The girl at the counter wants to know who is going in with him.
He replies, “Well, my pet chicken, of course!” “I’m sorry,” The girl tells
24.
A duck walks into a pub and orders a pint of beer and a ham sandwichThe barman looks at him and says, “Hang on! You're a duck.”“I see your eyes are working,” replies the duck.“And you can talk!” exclaims the barman.“I see your ears are working, too,” says
A duck walks into a pub and orders a pint of beer and a ham sandwichThe barman looks at him and says, “Hang on! You're a duck.”“I see your eyes are working,” replies the duck.“And you can talk!” exclaims the barman.“I see your ears are working, too,” says
25.
A man walks into a bar and asks the bartender, “If I show you a really good trick, will you give me a free drink?”The bartender considers it, then agreesThe man reaches into his pocket and pulls out a tiny rat.He reaches into his other pocket and pulls ou
A man walks into a bar and asks the bartender, “If I show you a really good trick, will you give me a free drink?”The bartender considers it, then agreesThe man reaches into his pocket and pulls out a tiny rat.He reaches into his other pocket and pulls ou
26.
A mother was driving home from the shops when she decided to stop by at her son and daughter-in-law's house.She knocked on the door, there was no answer.She tried the door, which was unlocked, so she decided to walk in.She was shocked to see her daughter-
A mother was driving home from the shops when she decided to stop by at her son and daughter-in-law's house.She knocked on the door, there was no answer.She tried the door, which was unlocked, so she decided to walk in.She was shocked to see her daughter-
27.
The pastor stood before the congregation and said;“I have bad news, I have good news, and I have more bad news.”The congregation got quiet.“The bad news is: the church needs a new roof!” the pastor said.The congregation groaned.“The good news is: we have
The pastor stood before the congregation and said;“I have bad news, I have good news, and I have more bad news.”The congregation got quiet.“The bad news is: the church needs a new roof!” the pastor said.The congregation groaned.“The good news is: we have
28.
Two men are walking across a field, when they come across a very large hole in the groundSo large that they can't see the bottom of this hole“I wonder how deep it is.”, the first man says.The second man pulls out a coin, and flips it into holeThey wait an
Two men are walking across a field, when they come across a very large hole in the groundSo large that they can't see the bottom of this hole“I wonder how deep it is.”, the first man says.The second man pulls out a coin, and flips it into holeThey wait an
29.
A young doctor moved out to a small community to replace a doctor who was retiring.The older doctor suggested that the young one accompany him on his rounds, so the community could become used to a new doctor.At the first house a woman complains, “I've be
A young doctor moved out to a small community to replace a doctor who was retiring.The older doctor suggested that the young one accompany him on his rounds, so the community could become used to a new doctor.At the first house a woman complains, “I've be
30.
Florida Woman Stops 12′ Alligator With A .22 Cal Beretta PistolWhat's the smallest caliber that you would trust to protect yourself?Here's her story in her own words:“While walking along the edge of a pond just outside my house in the Villages discussing
Florida Woman Stops 12′ Alligator With A .22 Cal Beretta PistolWhat's the smallest caliber that you would trust to protect yourself?Here's her story in her own words:“While walking along the edge of a pond just outside my house in the Villages discussing
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