1.
Murphy drops some buttered toast on the kitchen floor and it lands butter-side-up.He looks down in astonishment, for he knows that it's a law of nature of the universe that buttered toast always falls butter-down.So he rushes round to the presbytery to fe
Murphy drops some buttered toast on the kitchen floor and it lands butter-side-up.He looks down in astonishment, for he knows that it's a law of nature of the universe that buttered toast always falls butter-down.So he rushes round to the presbytery to fe
2.
Q: There are 500 bricks on a planeOne falls offHow many are left?A: 499Q: What are the three steps to putting an elephant in the fridge?A: Open door, put elephant in, close door.Q: What are the 4 steps to putting a giraffe in the fridge?A: Open door, take
Q: There are 500 bricks on a planeOne falls offHow many are left?A: 499Q: What are the three steps to putting an elephant in the fridge?A: Open door, put elephant in, close door.Q: What are the 4 steps to putting a giraffe in the fridge?A: Open door, take
3.
The vast majorities of men don't even think about selecting gifts until Christmas Eve and only go for a last-minute shopping spree.A man would inevitably get lost up there in the snow and clouds and then refuse to stop and ask for directions.Men can't pac
The vast majorities of men don't even think about selecting gifts until Christmas Eve and only go for a last-minute shopping spree.A man would inevitably get lost up there in the snow and clouds and then refuse to stop and ask for directions.Men can't pac
4.
Wife's Diary:Tonight, I thought Tom was acting weirdWe had made plans to meet at a nice restaurant for dinnerI was shopping with my friends all day long; and I was a little late for our date.Conversation wasn't flowing, so I thought he was upset at the fa
Wife's Diary:Tonight, I thought Tom was acting weirdWe had made plans to meet at a nice restaurant for dinnerI was shopping with my friends all day long; and I was a little late for our date.Conversation wasn't flowing, so I thought he was upset at the fa
5.
An Alabama pastor said to his congregation, “Someone in this congregation has spread a rumor that I belong to the Ku Klux Klan.
This is a horrible lie. I am embarrassed and do not intend to accept this.
Now, I want the party who said this to stand a
An Alabama pastor said to his congregation, “Someone in this congregation has spread a rumor that I belong to the Ku Klux Klan.
This is a horrible lie. I am embarrassed and do not intend to accept this.
Now, I want the party who said this to stand a
6.
A policeman was interrogating Paddy, Murphy and Mick who were training to become detectivesTo test their skills in recognizing a suspect, he shows the Paddy a picture for 5 seconds and then hides it.“This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?”Padd
A policeman was interrogating Paddy, Murphy and Mick who were training to become detectivesTo test their skills in recognizing a suspect, he shows the Paddy a picture for 5 seconds and then hides it.“This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?”Padd
7.
During my physical examination, my doctor asked me about my physical activity level.I described a typical day – “Well, yesterday afternoon, I took a five hour walk about 7 miles through some pretty rough terrain.I waded along the edge of a lakeI pushed my
During my physical examination, my doctor asked me about my physical activity level.I described a typical day – “Well, yesterday afternoon, I took a five hour walk about 7 miles through some pretty rough terrain.I waded along the edge of a lakeI pushed my
8.
The Mechanic Asks The Heart Surgeon… when he spotted a well-known heart surgeon in his shop.The surgeon was there waiting for the service manager to come take a look at his bike when the mechanic shouted across the garage, “Hey, Doc, can I ask you a quest
The Mechanic Asks The Heart Surgeon… when he spotted a well-known heart surgeon in his shop.The surgeon was there waiting for the service manager to come take a look at his bike when the mechanic shouted across the garage, “Hey, Doc, can I ask you a quest
9.
… when an older man in the crowd was heard saying, “PeanutsPopcornCracker Jack.”Castro didn't break his stride but a few minutes later, a second voice was heard but with the same message, “PeanutsPopcornCracker Jack.”This time the Bearded One seemed momen
… when an older man in the crowd was heard saying, “PeanutsPopcornCracker Jack.”Castro didn't break his stride but a few minutes later, a second voice was heard but with the same message, “PeanutsPopcornCracker Jack.”This time the Bearded One seemed momen
10.
A man asked his doctor if he thought he'd live to be a hundred.The doctor asked the man,“Do you smoke or drink?”“No,” he replied,“I've never done either.”“Do you gamble, drive fast cars, and fool around with women? ” inquired the doctor.“No, I've never do
A man asked his doctor if he thought he'd live to be a hundred.The doctor asked the man,“Do you smoke or drink?”“No,” he replied,“I've never done either.”“Do you gamble, drive fast cars, and fool around with women? ” inquired the doctor.“No, I've never do
11.
Two old farmers, Joe and Bob, lived as neighbours but didn’t like each other much.
In 1999, there was a period of -30 degrees centigrade cold and Bob and Joe had nothing to do because of it.
So they bet a bottle of vodka who can sit out on the windo
Two old farmers, Joe and Bob, lived as neighbours but didn’t like each other much.
In 1999, there was a period of -30 degrees centigrade cold and Bob and Joe had nothing to do because of it.
So they bet a bottle of vodka who can sit out on the windo
12.
Anxious for his first investigation he was a bit perturbed when he was assigned to audit a Rabbi.Looking over the books and taxes was pretty straightforward and the Rabbi was clearly very frugal, so he thought he'd make his day interesting by having a lit
Anxious for his first investigation he was a bit perturbed when he was assigned to audit a Rabbi.Looking over the books and taxes was pretty straightforward and the Rabbi was clearly very frugal, so he thought he'd make his day interesting by having a lit
13.
A man and his wife are at a restaurant, and the husband keeps staring at an old drunken lady swigging her gin at a nearby table.His wife asks, “Do you know her?”“Yes,” sighs the husband.“She's my ex-wife.She took to drinking right after we divorced seven
A man and his wife are at a restaurant, and the husband keeps staring at an old drunken lady swigging her gin at a nearby table.His wife asks, “Do you know her?”“Yes,” sighs the husband.“She's my ex-wife.She took to drinking right after we divorced seven
14.
This Man's Wife Wouldn't Let Him Go Camping With His FriendsThen This HappensA few days before the group's annual departure date, Jack's wife puts her foot down and tells him he isn't going.Jack's fishing buddies are very upset that he can't go, but what
This Man's Wife Wouldn't Let Him Go Camping With His FriendsThen This HappensA few days before the group's annual departure date, Jack's wife puts her foot down and tells him he isn't going.Jack's fishing buddies are very upset that he can't go, but what
15.
Taxiing down the tarmac, the jetliner abruptly stopped, turned around and returned to the gate.After an hour-long wait, it finally took off.A concerned passenger asked the flight attendant, “What was the problem?”“The pilot was bothered by a noise he hear
Taxiing down the tarmac, the jetliner abruptly stopped, turned around and returned to the gate.After an hour-long wait, it finally took off.A concerned passenger asked the flight attendant, “What was the problem?”“The pilot was bothered by a noise he hear
16.
Two hunters, Paul and Kurt, were in a lodge, making small talk.Paul asked Kurt, “So, what do you hunt?”Kurt answered, “I hunt unicorns.”Paul was startled, but said, “Really? How do you do that?”Kurt replied, “I find a pure and hire her to help meThe pure
Two hunters, Paul and Kurt, were in a lodge, making small talk.Paul asked Kurt, “So, what do you hunt?”Kurt answered, “I hunt unicorns.”Paul was startled, but said, “Really? How do you do that?”Kurt replied, “I find a pure and hire her to help meThe pure
17.
His friends to him at coffee: “We adore your family life, you've got a great life with your wife and kids.You don't make her say things twiceTell us the secret of this happiness or we'll consider you as a diffident”“Well, i can shortly explainAfter our w
His friends to him at coffee: “We adore your family life, you've got a great life with your wife and kids.You don't make her say things twiceTell us the secret of this happiness or we'll consider you as a diffident”“Well, i can shortly explainAfter our w
18.
A Vicar goes to the dentist for a set of false teethThe first Sunday after he gets his new teeth, he talks for only eight minutes.The second Sunday, he talks for only ten minutes The following Sunday, he talks for 2 hours and 48 minutes.The congregation
A Vicar goes to the dentist for a set of false teethThe first Sunday after he gets his new teeth, he talks for only eight minutes.The second Sunday, he talks for only ten minutes The following Sunday, he talks for 2 hours and 48 minutes.The congregation
19.
A few decades ago, an American, a Russian, and an Australian were having dinner.
The American says “We are so advanced, we have built airplanes that can go to outer-space.”
The other two ask, “What? Outer-space?”. The American says, “Not exactly, bu
A few decades ago, an American, a Russian, and an Australian were having dinner.
The American says “We are so advanced, we have built airplanes that can go to outer-space.”
The other two ask, “What? Outer-space?”. The American says, “Not exactly, bu
20.
Four men went golfing one dayThree of them headed to the first tee and the fourth went into the clubhouse to take care of the billThe three men started talking and bragging about their sonsThe first man told the others, “My son is a home builder, and he i
Four men went golfing one dayThree of them headed to the first tee and the fourth went into the clubhouse to take care of the billThe three men started talking and bragging about their sonsThe first man told the others, “My son is a home builder, and he i
21.
She gets out of bed and puts on her shoes. As she's walking down the hallway to the convent kitchen, another nun looks at her, smiles and says, “Someone got up on the wrong side of the bed this morning!”She thought this was a bit odd, but decides to igno
She gets out of bed and puts on her shoes. As she's walking down the hallway to the convent kitchen, another nun looks at her, smiles and says, “Someone got up on the wrong side of the bed this morning!”She thought this was a bit odd, but decides to igno
22.
Little Johnny and Billy were engaging in the time-honoured tradition of a verbal battle like little boys all over the world.
“My Father is better than your Father!” Billy declared.
“No, he’s not!” Johnny responded.
“My brother is better than you
Little Johnny and Billy were engaging in the time-honoured tradition of a verbal battle like little boys all over the world.
“My Father is better than your Father!” Billy declared.
“No, he’s not!” Johnny responded.
“My brother is better than you
23.
An elderly couple was just settled down for bed when the old man realized he left the lights on in the greenhouse in the back yard.
Then they heard voices.
Three men had broken into the greenhouse.
Scared, they called the police.
The dispatche
An elderly couple was just settled down for bed when the old man realized he left the lights on in the greenhouse in the back yard.
Then they heard voices.
Three men had broken into the greenhouse.
Scared, they called the police.
The dispatche
24.
A man asked his doctor if he thought he'd live to be a hundred The doctor asked the man, “Do you smoke or drink?” “No,” he replied, “I've never done either.” “Do you gamble, drive fast cars, and fool around with women? ” inquired the doctor.“No, I've
A man asked his doctor if he thought he'd live to be a hundred The doctor asked the man, “Do you smoke or drink?” “No,” he replied, “I've never done either.” “Do you gamble, drive fast cars, and fool around with women? ” inquired the doctor.“No, I've
25.
A man drove past a traffic camera and saw it flash.He couldn't believe he had been caught speeding when he was driving below the speed limit for once!He turned around and drove past again, this time even slower.But as he passed the camera, it flashed agai
A man drove past a traffic camera and saw it flash.He couldn't believe he had been caught speeding when he was driving below the speed limit for once!He turned around and drove past again, this time even slower.But as he passed the camera, it flashed agai
26.
One morning, the wife wakes up to find her mother gone.
In a worried state, she awakens her husband and they both set off to find the old woman.
Suddenly, they break into a clearing and there’s the mother-in-law, standing face-to-face with a ferocio
One morning, the wife wakes up to find her mother gone.
In a worried state, she awakens her husband and they both set off to find the old woman.
Suddenly, they break into a clearing and there’s the mother-in-law, standing face-to-face with a ferocio
27.
– Hello! Gordon's pizza?– No sir it's Google's pizza.– So it's a wrong number?– No sir, Google bought it.– OKTake my order please..– Well sir, you want the usual?– The usual? You know me?– According to our caller ID, in the last 12 times, you ordered pizz
– Hello! Gordon's pizza?– No sir it's Google's pizza.– So it's a wrong number?– No sir, Google bought it.– OKTake my order please..– Well sir, you want the usual?– The usual? You know me?– According to our caller ID, in the last 12 times, you ordered pizz
28.
A farmer had a three legged pig and his neighbor asked him why the pig had only three legs.“Well, I'll tell you” the farmer replied.“One day I was plowing my field and the tractor turned over and pinned me underneathThat pig ran for helpHe saved my life.”
A farmer had a three legged pig and his neighbor asked him why the pig had only three legs.“Well, I'll tell you” the farmer replied.“One day I was plowing my field and the tractor turned over and pinned me underneathThat pig ran for helpHe saved my life.”
29.
Jeff and his girlfriend Jenny decide to become bank-robbers.
Jenny does the actual robbing at gunpoint inside the banks while Jeff waits outside as the getaway driver.
They are initially successful with a string of heists that make headlines and the
Jeff and his girlfriend Jenny decide to become bank-robbers.
Jenny does the actual robbing at gunpoint inside the banks while Jeff waits outside as the getaway driver.
They are initially successful with a string of heists that make headlines and the
30.
One day Nasreddin Hodja quarrelled with his wife.He shouted at her till she could not bear it and fled to her neighbour's houseThe Hodja followed her there.The neighbours managed to placate the angry husband and served the couple tea and sweetmeats.When t
One day Nasreddin Hodja quarrelled with his wife.He shouted at her till she could not bear it and fled to her neighbour's houseThe Hodja followed her there.The neighbours managed to placate the angry husband and served the couple tea and sweetmeats.When t
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