Clean and funny jokes to share with anyone ๐Ÿ˜„ 03

1.

Funny Jokes

Two wives finally find some time to have a night out, just the two girls.
After a night of happy drinking, they decide to wobble home, but on the way both have a desperate need to pee.
They nip into a cemetery, do the deed and realize they have noth



2.

Funny Jokes

One day Nasreddin Hodja quarrelled with his wife.He shouted at her till she could not bear it and fled to her neighbour's houseThe Hodja followed her there.The neighbours managed to placate the angry husband and served the couple tea and sweetmeats.When t



3.

Funny Jokes

A young doctor had moved to a small community near Broken Hill to replace a doctor who was retiring.The older doctor suggested that the young one accompany him on his rounds so that the community would become used to their new doctor.At the first house a



4.

Funny Jokes

He calls home‘Dad,' he says, ‘you won't believe what modern education is developingThey actually have a program here in Brisbane that will teach our dog Ol' Blue how to talk.'‘That's amazing!' his Dad says‘How do I get Ol' Blue in that program?'‘Just send



5.

Funny Jokes

A woman meets a man in a bar. They talk; they connect.
They end up leaving together.
They get back to his place, and he shows her around his apartment.
She notices that one wall of his bedroom is completely filled with soft, sweet, cuddly teddy b



6.

Funny Jokes

Jeff and his girlfriend Jenny decide to become bank-robbers.
Jenny does the actual robbing at gunpoint inside the banks while Jeff waits outside as the getaway driver.
They are initially successful with a string of heists that make headlines and the



7.

Funny Jokes

The husband wanted more than a written report; he wanted video of his wife's activities.A week later, the detective returned with a video.  They sat down together to watch it.Although the quality was less than professional, the man saw his wife meeting an



8.

Funny Jokes

The madam opened the brothel door in Miami and saw a rather dignified, well-dressed, good-looking man in his late forties or early fifties.
“May I help you sir?” she asked. The man replied, “I want to see Valerie.”
“Sir, Valerie is one of our most e



9.

Funny Jokes

Murphy drops some buttered toast on the kitchen floor and it lands butter-side-up.He looks down in astonishment, for he knows that it's a law of nature of the universe that buttered toast always falls butter-down.So he rushes round to the presbytery to fe



10.

Funny Jokes

While on a road trip, an elderly couple stopped at a roadside restaurant for lunch. After finishing their meal, they left the restaurant, and resumed their trip.When leaving, the elderly woman unknowingly left her glasses on the table, and she didn't  mis



11.

Funny Jokes

A tourist in Vienna is going through a graveyard and all of a sudden he hears music.
No one is around, so he starts searching for the source.
He finally locates the origin and finds it is coming from a grave with a headstone that reads “Ludwig van B



12.

Funny Jokes

After two visits and exhaustive Lab tests, He said I was doing fairly well for my age.A little concerned about that comment, I couldn't resist asking him, ‘Do you think I'll live to be 80?'He asked, ‘Do you smoke tobacco, or drink beer, wine or hard liquo



13.

Funny Jokes

While doing a vasectomy, the doctor slipped and cut off one of the man’s balls.
To avoid a huge malpractice suit, he decided to replace the ball with on onion.
Several weeks later the patient returned for a checkup.
“How’s your s*x life?” the doc



14.

Funny Jokes

Two college students, Desmond and Kurt, were walking on the pavement when they were approached by a beggar asking for money.
Kurt tries to shoo him away, but Desmond takes out his wallet, pulls out a few bills and hands them to the beggar.
The begga



15.

Funny Jokes

A Catholic Priest was about to finish his tour of duty, and was leaving his Mission in the jungle where he has spent years teaching the natives when he realizes that the one thing he never taught them was how to speak EnglishSo he takes the chief for a wa



16.

Funny Jokes

There is a factory in Northern Minnesota which makes the Tickle Me Elmo toys.
The toy laughs when you tickle it under the arms.
Well, Lena is hired at The Tickle Me Elmo factory and she reports for her first day promptly at 8:00 am.
The next day



17.

Funny Jokes

A drunk staggers into a diner and orders a couple of eggs.
The waiter, suspecting that they’ve run out, goes back to question the chef.
“Hey, Gus, do we have any more eggs?”
Gus replies,
“I ran out of fresh eggs, I only have two rotten eggs le



18.

Funny Jokes

A young family moved into a house next door to a vacant lot.
One day a construction crew turned up to start building a house on the empty lot.
The young family’s 6-year-old daughter naturally took an interest in all the activity going on next door a



19.

Funny Jokes

The boss is finally old enough to retire from the company.On his last day of work, he ordered a farewell party for himself.The boss wanted everyone to express their good feeling about him by writing on the farewell card,So later he could remember how his



20.

Funny Jokes

Jonny went to school one day and later that day his dad got a call
saying he needs to pick up his son because he had had s*x with a teacher.
When Jonny got home his dad was so happy he went out to the store and bought him a bike.
When they bought



21.

Funny Jokes

“Mum, am I adopted?”“No, of course not”, replied his motherWhy would you think such a thing?Fred showed her his genealogy DNA test resultsNo match for any of his relatives, and strong matches for a family who lived the other side of the city.Perturbed, hi



22.

Funny Jokes

Four men went golfing one dayThree of them headed to the first tee and the fourth went into the clubhouse to take care of the billThe three men started talking and bragging about their sonsThe first man told the others, “My son is a home builder, and he i



23.

Funny Jokes

A professor, a CEO, and a janitor are in a forest when they discover a magic fairy.The fairy says “I will give you what you most desire if you do someone else's job for a day.”The professor says “I'll be an elementary school teacherWhat can be so hard abo



24.

Funny Jokes

A woman in a supermarket is following a grandfather and his badly behaved three-year-old grandson.
It’s obvious to her that he has his hands full with the child screaming for sweets, biscuits … you name it.
Meanwhile, Grandpa is working his way arou



25.

Funny Jokes

This was an actual conversation that took place between my wife and my 7 yr old son just now.
My wife has been teaching my son to fold his own laundry but he complains about it every time.
My wife, trying to convince my son, said to him “If you pick



26.

Funny Jokes

Late in the night, Jim, a Marine, finally regained consciousness.He was in hospital, in agonizing pain.He found himself in the ICU with tubes in his mouth, needles and IV drips in both arms, a breathing mask, wires monitoring every function, and a gorge



27.

Funny Jokes

The local bar was so sure that its bartender was the strongest man around that they offered a standing $1000 betThe bartender would squeeze a lemon until all the juice ran into a glass, and hand the lemon to a patronAnyone who could squeeze one more drop



28.

Funny Jokes

The following short quiz consists of 4 questions and tells whether you are qualified to be a “manager”. The questions are not that difficult.1-How do you put a giraffe into a refrigerator?The correct answer is: Open the refrigerator, put in the giraffe an



29.

Funny Jokes

Sister Mary Katherine lived in a nunnery, a block away from Jack's liquor store in Dublin…One day, she came into the store and said, “Oh Jack, give me a pint o' the brandy.”“Sister Mary Katherine,” exclaimed Jack, “I could never do that!”“I've never sold



30.

Funny Jokes

Two old women are walking down the street smoking, when it begins to rain.The first woman takes out a condom from her handbag, cuts off the tip and puts it over her cigarette.The second woman asked her what it was and the first woman said, “It's a condomY



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