1.
On a farm out in the country lived a man and a woman and their three sons.Early one morning, the woman awoke, and while looking out of the window onto to the pasture, she saw that the family's only cow was lying dead in the fieldThe situation looked hopel
On a farm out in the country lived a man and a woman and their three sons.Early one morning, the woman awoke, and while looking out of the window onto to the pasture, she saw that the family's only cow was lying dead in the fieldThe situation looked hopel
2.
A man and his wife were having some arguments and problems at homeand were giving each other the silent treatment.The next day the man realized that he would need his wife to wake him at 5 am for an early flight to Sydney.Not wanting to be the first to br
A man and his wife were having some arguments and problems at homeand were giving each other the silent treatment.The next day the man realized that he would need his wife to wake him at 5 am for an early flight to Sydney.Not wanting to be the first to br
3.
Bob was in troubleHe forgot his wedding anniversaryHis wife was really pissed.She told him “Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE !!”The next morning he got up early and left
Bob was in troubleHe forgot his wedding anniversaryHis wife was really pissed.She told him “Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE !!”The next morning he got up early and left
4.
Commandment 1. Marriages are made in heaven. But so again, are thunder and lightning.
Commandment 2. If you want your spouse to listen and pay strict attention to every word you say, talk in your sleep.
Commandment 3. Marriage is grand and divorce i
Commandment 1. Marriages are made in heaven. But so again, are thunder and lightning.
Commandment 2. If you want your spouse to listen and pay strict attention to every word you say, talk in your sleep.
Commandment 3. Marriage is grand and divorce i
5.
A young couple got married and the wife couldn't cookBut they were still in the honeymoon phase, so the first night after they got home, the husband comes home from work and the wife says “I'm sorry I burned dinner.” So the husband says “That's all right
A young couple got married and the wife couldn't cookBut they were still in the honeymoon phase, so the first night after they got home, the husband comes home from work and the wife says “I'm sorry I burned dinner.” So the husband says “That's all right
6.
A big-city lawyer was representing the railroad in a lawsuit filed by an old rancher.
The rancher’s prize bull was missing from the section through which the railroad passed.
The rancher only wanted to be paid the fair value of the bull. The case wa
A big-city lawyer was representing the railroad in a lawsuit filed by an old rancher.
The rancher’s prize bull was missing from the section through which the railroad passed.
The rancher only wanted to be paid the fair value of the bull. The case wa
7.
This is the letter that the man wrote to his wife:Dear Wife,I'm writing you this letter to tell you that I'm leaving you foreverI've been a good man to you for 7 years and I have nothing to show for itThese last 2 weeks have been hell…Your boss called to
This is the letter that the man wrote to his wife:Dear Wife,I'm writing you this letter to tell you that I'm leaving you foreverI've been a good man to you for 7 years and I have nothing to show for itThese last 2 weeks have been hell…Your boss called to
8.
“Follow me son”, the father shark said to the son shark and they swam to the mass of peopleThe father added, “First, we swim around them a few times with just the tip of our fins showing.”And they did.“Well done, son! Now we swim around them a few times w
“Follow me son”, the father shark said to the son shark and they swam to the mass of peopleThe father added, “First, we swim around them a few times with just the tip of our fins showing.”And they did.“Well done, son! Now we swim around them a few times w
9.
A man walked into a bar and ordered a glass of white wine.
He took a sip of the wine, then tossed the remainder into the bartender’s face.
Before the bartender could recover from the surprise, the man began weeping.
“I’m sorry,” he said.
“I’m
A man walked into a bar and ordered a glass of white wine.
He took a sip of the wine, then tossed the remainder into the bartender’s face.
Before the bartender could recover from the surprise, the man began weeping.
“I’m sorry,” he said.
“I’m
10.
When the manager of a men's clothing store returned from lunch, he noticed his clerk's hand was bandaged, but before he could ask about the bandage, the clerk had some very good news for him.“Guess what, sir?” the clerk said“I finally sold that terrible,
When the manager of a men's clothing store returned from lunch, he noticed his clerk's hand was bandaged, but before he could ask about the bandage, the clerk had some very good news for him.“Guess what, sir?” the clerk said“I finally sold that terrible,
11.
Year after year Bubba’s wife pleaded with him to take her fishing but he kept telling her she would not enjoy it.
She, finally, wore him down, he consented, and early one morning they took off to the lake.
They had not been there very long when the
Year after year Bubba’s wife pleaded with him to take her fishing but he kept telling her she would not enjoy it.
She, finally, wore him down, he consented, and early one morning they took off to the lake.
They had not been there very long when the
12.
A young man asked an old rich man how he made his money.The old guy fingered his worsted wool vest and said,“Well, son, it was 1932, the depth of the Great Depression.I was down to my last nickel.I invested that nickel in an apple.I spent the entire day p
A young man asked an old rich man how he made his money.The old guy fingered his worsted wool vest and said,“Well, son, it was 1932, the depth of the Great Depression.I was down to my last nickel.I invested that nickel in an apple.I spent the entire day p
13.
He starts dialing numbers on his hand, like a telephone, and talking into his hand.The bartender walks over and tells him this is a very tough neighborhood and he doesn't need any trouble here.The guy says, “You don't understandI'm very hi-techI had a pho
He starts dialing numbers on his hand, like a telephone, and talking into his hand.The bartender walks over and tells him this is a very tough neighborhood and he doesn't need any trouble here.The guy says, “You don't understandI'm very hi-techI had a pho
14.
For the umpteenth time Mrs
Jones told her pastor,
“I’m so scared! My husband says he’s going to kill me if I continue to come to your church.”
“Yes, yes, my child,” replied the pastor, tired of hearing this before.
“I will continue to pray for
For the umpteenth time Mrs
Jones told her pastor,
“I’m so scared! My husband says he’s going to kill me if I continue to come to your church.”
“Yes, yes, my child,” replied the pastor, tired of hearing this before.
“I will continue to pray for
15.
A young woman was taking golf lessons and had just started playing her first round of golf when she suffered a bee sting.
Her pain was so intense that she decided to return to the clubhouse for medical assistance.
The golf pro saw her heading back a
A young woman was taking golf lessons and had just started playing her first round of golf when she suffered a bee sting.
Her pain was so intense that she decided to return to the clubhouse for medical assistance.
The golf pro saw her heading back a
16.
A young woman was preparing a ham dinner. After she cut off the end of the ham, she placed it in a pan for baking.
Her daughter asked her, “Why did you cut off the end of the ham?
And she replied, “I really don’t know but my mother always did, so I
A young woman was preparing a ham dinner. After she cut off the end of the ham, she placed it in a pan for baking.
Her daughter asked her, “Why did you cut off the end of the ham?
And she replied, “I really don’t know but my mother always did, so I
17.
Two blondes were working on a house.
The one who was nailing down siding would reach into her nail pouch, pull out a nail and either toss it over her shoulder or nail it in.
The other, figuring this was worth looking into, asked, “Why are you throwi
Two blondes were working on a house.
The one who was nailing down siding would reach into her nail pouch, pull out a nail and either toss it over her shoulder or nail it in.
The other, figuring this was worth looking into, asked, “Why are you throwi
18.
The madam opened the brothel door in Miami and saw a rather dignified, well-dressed, good-looking man in his late forties or early fifties.
“May I help you sir?” she asked. The man replied, “I want to see Valerie.”
“Sir, Valerie is one of our most e
The madam opened the brothel door in Miami and saw a rather dignified, well-dressed, good-looking man in his late forties or early fifties.
“May I help you sir?” she asked. The man replied, “I want to see Valerie.”
“Sir, Valerie is one of our most e
19.
Suddenly a big burly man walks in and slaps Ray so hard that he falls off the stool.“That was a karate chop from Korea,” says the big man proudly.Ray sighs, gets up and brushes the dust off his clothes, sits down on the stool and continues to drink his be
Suddenly a big burly man walks in and slaps Ray so hard that he falls off the stool.“That was a karate chop from Korea,” says the big man proudly.Ray sighs, gets up and brushes the dust off his clothes, sits down on the stool and continues to drink his be
20.
A man walks in a bar and the bartender asks, “What'll you have?”The man answers, “A scotch on the rocks, please.”The bartender hands him the drink, and says, “That'll be five dollars.”“What are you talking about? I don't owe you anything for this,” the ma
A man walks in a bar and the bartender asks, “What'll you have?”The man answers, “A scotch on the rocks, please.”The bartender hands him the drink, and says, “That'll be five dollars.”“What are you talking about? I don't owe you anything for this,” the ma
21.
A very flat-chested woman finally decided she needed a bra and set out to town in search of one in her size.
She entered an upscale department store and approached the saleslady in lingerie,
“Do you have a size 28AAAA bra?”
The clerk haughtily re
A very flat-chested woman finally decided she needed a bra and set out to town in search of one in her size.
She entered an upscale department store and approached the saleslady in lingerie,
“Do you have a size 28AAAA bra?”
The clerk haughtily re
22.
The FBI had an open position for an assassin.
After all the background checks, interviews and testing were completed, they had narrowed the field down to 3 possible agents.
For the final test, the FBI agents took one of the men to a large metal door
The FBI had an open position for an assassin.
After all the background checks, interviews and testing were completed, they had narrowed the field down to 3 possible agents.
For the final test, the FBI agents took one of the men to a large metal door
23.
An arab and his wife are at mid point on a long trek across the desert when suddenly their camel sits down and refuses to get up.The arab beats it with his stick, pulls with all his strength on the reins, swears at it, and invokes Allah's help. All to no
An arab and his wife are at mid point on a long trek across the desert when suddenly their camel sits down and refuses to get up.The arab beats it with his stick, pulls with all his strength on the reins, swears at it, and invokes Allah's help. All to no
24.
Reporter: “Excuse me, may I interview you?”
Man: “Yes!” Reporter: “Name?” Man: “Abdul Al-Rhazim.”
Reporter: “S*x?”
Man: “Three to five times a week.”
Reporter: “No no! I mean male or female?”
Man: “Yes, male, female… sometimes camel.”
Re
Reporter: “Excuse me, may I interview you?”
Man: “Yes!” Reporter: “Name?” Man: “Abdul Al-Rhazim.”
Reporter: “S*x?”
Man: “Three to five times a week.”
Reporter: “No no! I mean male or female?”
Man: “Yes, male, female… sometimes camel.”
Re
25.
One Sunday morning, Satan appeared before a small town congregationEveryone started screaming and running for the front church door, trampling each other in a frantic effort to get away.Soon, everyone was gone, except for an elderly gentleman who sat calm
One Sunday morning, Satan appeared before a small town congregationEveryone started screaming and running for the front church door, trampling each other in a frantic effort to get away.Soon, everyone was gone, except for an elderly gentleman who sat calm
26.
A man was brought to Mercy Hospital and taken in for coronary surgery.The operation went well and, as the groggy man regained consciousness, he was reassured by a Sister of Mercy, who was waiting by his bed.“MrSmith, you're going to be just fine,” said th
A man was brought to Mercy Hospital and taken in for coronary surgery.The operation went well and, as the groggy man regained consciousness, he was reassured by a Sister of Mercy, who was waiting by his bed.“MrSmith, you're going to be just fine,” said th
27.
Mummy is embarrassed by her sons choice of words, so tells him thisSo he gets out of bed, runs downstairs into the living room, and finds his mother chatting to a bunch of her friends.“MUM,” the boy yells at the top of his voice, “I GOTTA PISS! I GOTTA PI
Mummy is embarrassed by her sons choice of words, so tells him thisSo he gets out of bed, runs downstairs into the living room, and finds his mother chatting to a bunch of her friends.“MUM,” the boy yells at the top of his voice, “I GOTTA PISS! I GOTTA PI
28.
Sister Mary Katherine lived in a nunnery, a block away from Jack's liquor store in Dublin…One day, she came into the store and said, “Oh Jack, give me a pint o' the brandy.”“Sister Mary Katherine,” exclaimed Jack, “I could never do that!”“I've never sold
Sister Mary Katherine lived in a nunnery, a block away from Jack's liquor store in Dublin…One day, she came into the store and said, “Oh Jack, give me a pint o' the brandy.”“Sister Mary Katherine,” exclaimed Jack, “I could never do that!”“I've never sold
29.
The temporary Sunday School teacher was struggling to open a combination lock on the supply cabinet.
She had been told the combination, but couldn’t quite remember it.
She went to the pastor’s study and asked for help.
The pastor came into the ro
The temporary Sunday School teacher was struggling to open a combination lock on the supply cabinet.
She had been told the combination, but couldn’t quite remember it.
She went to the pastor’s study and asked for help.
The pastor came into the ro
30.
Johnny went to confession, at the beginning of Lent….
“Bless me Father for I have sinned.
It has been 3 months since my last confession.
In that time I have disobeyed my parents nine times, missed Sunday Mass once, had impure thoughts, oh,
abo
Johnny went to confession, at the beginning of Lent….
“Bless me Father for I have sinned.
It has been 3 months since my last confession.
In that time I have disobeyed my parents nine times, missed Sunday Mass once, had impure thoughts, oh,
abo
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