1.
The Lion, King of the jungle is having his birthday party!He furiously instructs the leopard to not let anyone inside his party except if they bring meat and if they don't, he must shove whatever meal they brought up their a$s!The leopard, with a smirk on
The Lion, King of the jungle is having his birthday party!He furiously instructs the leopard to not let anyone inside his party except if they bring meat and if they don't, he must shove whatever meal they brought up their a$s!The leopard, with a smirk on
2.
A seven years old and a four years old kids are upstairs in their bedroom.“You know what?”, says the seven years old, “I think it's about time we started swearing.”The four years old nods his head in approval.“When we go downstairs for breakfast I'm gonna
A seven years old and a four years old kids are upstairs in their bedroom.“You know what?”, says the seven years old, “I think it's about time we started swearing.”The four years old nods his head in approval.“When we go downstairs for breakfast I'm gonna
3.
Hints on how to liven up your idle hours to maintain a healthy level of insanity:1At lunch time, sit In your parked car with sunglasses on and point a hair dryer at passing carswatch them slow down.2On all your cheque stubs, write “For Marijuana”3Skip dow
Hints on how to liven up your idle hours to maintain a healthy level of insanity:1At lunch time, sit In your parked car with sunglasses on and point a hair dryer at passing carswatch them slow down.2On all your cheque stubs, write “For Marijuana”3Skip dow
4.
A middle aged guy and his teenage daughter were riding a motor bike and taking a shortcut through a darkened park when they were stopped by a gang of muggers.
They searched them and took the guys wallet, his watch and the motorbike but couldn’t find an
A middle aged guy and his teenage daughter were riding a motor bike and taking a shortcut through a darkened park when they were stopped by a gang of muggers.
They searched them and took the guys wallet, his watch and the motorbike but couldn’t find an
5.
A man and his wife were working in their garden one day.
The man looks over at his wife and says: “Your butt is getting really big I mean really big. I bet your butt is bigger than the barbecue.”
With that he proceeded to get a measuring tape and me
A man and his wife were working in their garden one day.
The man looks over at his wife and says: “Your butt is getting really big I mean really big. I bet your butt is bigger than the barbecue.”
With that he proceeded to get a measuring tape and me
6.
Two hikers were walking through central Pennsylvania when they came upon a 6 foot wide hole in the ground.
They figured it must be the opening for a vertical air shaft from an old abandoned coal mine.
Curious as to the depth of the hole, the first h
Two hikers were walking through central Pennsylvania when they came upon a 6 foot wide hole in the ground.
They figured it must be the opening for a vertical air shaft from an old abandoned coal mine.
Curious as to the depth of the hole, the first h
7.
A neighborhood kid was looking for ways to earn money.He knocked on the door of one house, and when the man answered the boy asked, “Hey mister, got any odd jobs I can do?”The man indeed had a job for the boy to doHe handed the boy a can of red paint and
A neighborhood kid was looking for ways to earn money.He knocked on the door of one house, and when the man answered the boy asked, “Hey mister, got any odd jobs I can do?”The man indeed had a job for the boy to doHe handed the boy a can of red paint and
8.
A woman goes to her doctor for her annual check up.The nurse starts with certain basic items.‘How much do you weigh?' she asks‘Eight and a half stone,' the woman says.The nurse puts her on the scales and tells; her weight is actually ten stoneThe nurse as
A woman goes to her doctor for her annual check up.The nurse starts with certain basic items.‘How much do you weigh?' she asks‘Eight and a half stone,' the woman says.The nurse puts her on the scales and tells; her weight is actually ten stoneThe nurse as
9.
The bartender says, “Let me see and I'll consider it.”So the guy reaches into his bag and pulls out a miniature piano and a hamster. The hamster sits in front of the piano and starts playing. And not just banging out “Chopsticks”, the hamster is plays C
The bartender says, “Let me see and I'll consider it.”So the guy reaches into his bag and pulls out a miniature piano and a hamster. The hamster sits in front of the piano and starts playing. And not just banging out “Chopsticks”, the hamster is plays C
10.
There was a party in the woods and, all of a sudden there was a downpour of rain.Two young men ran for about 10 minutes in the pouring rain and finally reached their car just as the rain let up They jumped in, started it up and headed down the road, laugh
There was a party in the woods and, all of a sudden there was a downpour of rain.Two young men ran for about 10 minutes in the pouring rain and finally reached their car just as the rain let up They jumped in, started it up and headed down the road, laugh
11.
A big city lawyer went duck hunting in rural North Alberta He shot and dropped a bird, but it fell into a farmer's field on the other side of a fence.As the lawyer climbed over the fence, an elderly farmer drove up on his tractor and asked him what he was
A big city lawyer went duck hunting in rural North Alberta He shot and dropped a bird, but it fell into a farmer's field on the other side of a fence.As the lawyer climbed over the fence, an elderly farmer drove up on his tractor and asked him what he was
12.
A couple whose marriage was on the rocks sought the advice of their pastor.
The pastor encouraged them to patch up their quarrel and keep their vows, but the couple was adamant.
“Well,” said the pastor, “you know the consequences if you insist on a
A couple whose marriage was on the rocks sought the advice of their pastor.
The pastor encouraged them to patch up their quarrel and keep their vows, but the couple was adamant.
“Well,” said the pastor, “you know the consequences if you insist on a
13.
Nasreddin Hodja was boasting about the power of his faith.“If your faith is so strong, then pray for that mountain to come to you,” said a skeptic, pointing to a mountain in the distance.Nasreddin Hodja prayed fervently, but the mountain did not move.He p
Nasreddin Hodja was boasting about the power of his faith.“If your faith is so strong, then pray for that mountain to come to you,” said a skeptic, pointing to a mountain in the distance.Nasreddin Hodja prayed fervently, but the mountain did not move.He p
14.
A married couple got into an accident and the husband's face was badly burnedThe doctor told him that they couldn't graft any skin from his body because he was too skinnySo the wife offered to donate some of her own skin.However, the only skin on her body
A married couple got into an accident and the husband's face was badly burnedThe doctor told him that they couldn't graft any skin from his body because he was too skinnySo the wife offered to donate some of her own skin.However, the only skin on her body
15.
A man and his wife of more than 50 years were rocking back and forth on the front porch.
Slowly they rocked in rhythm, as this was their time to spend a few quiet moments and after years of practice they rocked to the same pace.
Suddenly the wife st
A man and his wife of more than 50 years were rocking back and forth on the front porch.
Slowly they rocked in rhythm, as this was their time to spend a few quiet moments and after years of practice they rocked to the same pace.
Suddenly the wife st
16.
Late in the night, Jim, a Marine, finally regained consciousness.He was in hospital, in agonizing pain.He found himself in the ICU with tubes in his mouth, needles and IV drips in both arms, a breathing mask, wires monitoring every function, and a gorge
Late in the night, Jim, a Marine, finally regained consciousness.He was in hospital, in agonizing pain.He found himself in the ICU with tubes in his mouth, needles and IV drips in both arms, a breathing mask, wires monitoring every function, and a gorge
17.
A group of young children were siting in a circle with their teacher.She was going around in turn asking them all questions.“Davy, what noise does a cow make?”“It goes moo.”“Alice, what noise does a cat make?”“It goes meow.”“Jamie, what sound does a lamb
A group of young children were siting in a circle with their teacher.She was going around in turn asking them all questions.“Davy, what noise does a cow make?”“It goes moo.”“Alice, what noise does a cat make?”“It goes meow.”“Jamie, what sound does a lamb
18.
A couple was having dinner one evening when the husband reached across the table, took his wife's hand in his and said;“Beth, soon we will be married 30 years, and there's something I have to knowIn all of these 30 years, have you ever been unfaithful to
A couple was having dinner one evening when the husband reached across the table, took his wife's hand in his and said;“Beth, soon we will be married 30 years, and there's something I have to knowIn all of these 30 years, have you ever been unfaithful to
19.
A woman had just totaled her car in a horrific accident.
Miraculously, she managed to pry herself from the wreckage without a scratch and was applying fresh lipstick when the state trooper arrived.
“My God!” the trooper gasped. “Your car looks like
A woman had just totaled her car in a horrific accident.
Miraculously, she managed to pry herself from the wreckage without a scratch and was applying fresh lipstick when the state trooper arrived.
“My God!” the trooper gasped. “Your car looks like
20.
An old man gets on a crowded bus and no one gives him a seat.As the bus shakes and rattles, the old man's cane slips on the floor and he falls down.As he gets up, a seven-year-old kid, sitting nearby, turns to him and says,“If you put a little rubber thin
An old man gets on a crowded bus and no one gives him a seat.As the bus shakes and rattles, the old man's cane slips on the floor and he falls down.As he gets up, a seven-year-old kid, sitting nearby, turns to him and says,“If you put a little rubber thin
21.
Wife's Diary:Tonight, I thought Tom was acting weirdWe had made plans to meet at a nice restaurant for dinnerI was shopping with my friends all day long; and I was a little late for our date.Conversation wasn't flowing, so I thought he was upset at the fa
Wife's Diary:Tonight, I thought Tom was acting weirdWe had made plans to meet at a nice restaurant for dinnerI was shopping with my friends all day long; and I was a little late for our date.Conversation wasn't flowing, so I thought he was upset at the fa
22.
… with two large bags over his shoulders.The guard stops him and says, “What's in the bags?”“Sand,” answered Juan.The guard says, “We'll just see about that. Get off the bike.”The guard takes the bags and rips them apart; he empties them out and finds n
… with two large bags over his shoulders.The guard stops him and says, “What's in the bags?”“Sand,” answered Juan.The guard says, “We'll just see about that. Get off the bike.”The guard takes the bags and rips them apart; he empties them out and finds n
23.
His friends to him at coffee: “We adore your family life, you’ve got a great life with your wife and kids.
Tell us the secret of this happiness or we’ll consider you as a diffident”
“Well, i can shortly explain. After our wedding, she started riding
His friends to him at coffee: “We adore your family life, you’ve got a great life with your wife and kids.
Tell us the secret of this happiness or we’ll consider you as a diffident”
“Well, i can shortly explain. After our wedding, she started riding
24.
Nasrudin is walking past a cave when he sees a yogi, deep in meditation, and he asks the yogi what he is searching forThe yogi says:‘I study the animals and have learned many lessons from them that can transform a man's life.'‘A fish once saved my life,'
Nasrudin is walking past a cave when he sees a yogi, deep in meditation, and he asks the yogi what he is searching forThe yogi says:‘I study the animals and have learned many lessons from them that can transform a man's life.'‘A fish once saved my life,'
25.
Two well-dressed ladies happened to start up a conversation during anendless wait in the Brisbane Airport Terminal.The first lady was an arrogant Victorian married to a wealthy business man.The second was a well-mannered elderly woman from Mount Isa, Quee
Two well-dressed ladies happened to start up a conversation during anendless wait in the Brisbane Airport Terminal.The first lady was an arrogant Victorian married to a wealthy business man.The second was a well-mannered elderly woman from Mount Isa, Quee
26.
A man and his wife are discussing what they think their son will be when he grows up.
“I have an idea,” says the father. He puts a ten-dollar bill, a bottle of whiskey, and a Bible on the coffee table.
“If he takes the money, he’ll be a banker. If h
A man and his wife are discussing what they think their son will be when he grows up.
“I have an idea,” says the father. He puts a ten-dollar bill, a bottle of whiskey, and a Bible on the coffee table.
“If he takes the money, he’ll be a banker. If h
27.
A passenger in a taxi leaned over to ask the driver a question and gently tapped him of the shoulder to get his attention.The driver screamed, lost control of the cab, nearly hit a bus, drove up over the curb and stopped just inches from a large plate-gla
A passenger in a taxi leaned over to ask the driver a question and gently tapped him of the shoulder to get his attention.The driver screamed, lost control of the cab, nearly hit a bus, drove up over the curb and stopped just inches from a large plate-gla
28.
Some European explorers were traveling through the Amazon rainforest with some natives as guides… when they started hearing drums in the distance.
Puzzled the Europeans inquired, “we hear drums? What does that mean?” The Natives answered, “When drums s
Some European explorers were traveling through the Amazon rainforest with some natives as guides… when they started hearing drums in the distance.
Puzzled the Europeans inquired, “we hear drums? What does that mean?” The Natives answered, “When drums s
29.
A local FM Radio was running a contest, and I phoned up.The RJ said, “Congratulations on being our first caller, all you have to do is answer the following question correctly, to win our grand prize.”“That's fantastic!” I shouted in delight.“Feel confiden
A local FM Radio was running a contest, and I phoned up.The RJ said, “Congratulations on being our first caller, all you have to do is answer the following question correctly, to win our grand prize.”“That's fantastic!” I shouted in delight.“Feel confiden
30.
This is what all of you 70+ year old's have to look forward to:This is something that happened in an Aged Care CentreThe people who lived there have small apartments but they all eat at a central Cafeteria.One morning, one of the residents didn't show up
This is what all of you 70+ year old's have to look forward to:This is something that happened in an Aged Care CentreThe people who lived there have small apartments but they all eat at a central Cafeteria.One morning, one of the residents didn't show up
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