1.
After settling in, she decides to message her friend.“Kate,” she wrote, “I finally moved out of that dingy old office and into a beautiful new one.”Happy to hear this news, Kate orders a bouquet of flowers to send to Jenny's new location.The next day, a b
After settling in, she decides to message her friend.“Kate,” she wrote, “I finally moved out of that dingy old office and into a beautiful new one.”Happy to hear this news, Kate orders a bouquet of flowers to send to Jenny's new location.The next day, a b
2.
To test their skills in recognizing a suspect, he shows the first guy a picture for 5 seconds and then hides it. “This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?”The first guy answers, “That's easy, we'll catch him fast because he only has one eye!”Th
To test their skills in recognizing a suspect, he shows the first guy a picture for 5 seconds and then hides it. “This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?”The first guy answers, “That's easy, we'll catch him fast because he only has one eye!”Th
3.
* Half of us are going to come out of this quarantine as amazing cooksThe other half will come out with a drinking problem.* I used to spin that toilet paper like I was on Wheel of FortuneNow I turn it like I'm cracking a safe.* I need to practice social-
* Half of us are going to come out of this quarantine as amazing cooksThe other half will come out with a drinking problem.* I used to spin that toilet paper like I was on Wheel of FortuneNow I turn it like I'm cracking a safe.* I need to practice social-
4.
A man passed a shop, where he saw a sign, “Magic Vulture for Sale”.
Curious, the man walked into the shop and asked about the bird.
The salesman replied, “This vulture has special powers.
Whenever you go shopping, bring it along, and the cashier
A man passed a shop, where he saw a sign, “Magic Vulture for Sale”.
Curious, the man walked into the shop and asked about the bird.
The salesman replied, “This vulture has special powers.
Whenever you go shopping, bring it along, and the cashier
5.
A blonde and a lawyer are seated next to each other on a flight from LA to NY.The lawyer asks if she would like to play a fun game?The blonde, tired, just wants to take a nap, politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks.The lawyer
A blonde and a lawyer are seated next to each other on a flight from LA to NY.The lawyer asks if she would like to play a fun game?The blonde, tired, just wants to take a nap, politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks.The lawyer
6.
Desmond, who was a real town dweller, drove his car into a ditch when out on the country roadsLuckily, a local farmer came was passing by with his big strong donkey called Dobbin.He hitched Dobbin up to the car and shouted loudly, “Pull, Dolly, pull!” Dob
Desmond, who was a real town dweller, drove his car into a ditch when out on the country roadsLuckily, a local farmer came was passing by with his big strong donkey called Dobbin.He hitched Dobbin up to the car and shouted loudly, “Pull, Dolly, pull!” Dob
7.
An elderly couple is both lying in bed one morning, having just woken from a good night’s sleep.
He takes her hand and she responds.
“Don’t touch me”
“Why not.” He asks?
She answers back. “Because I’m dead.”
The husband says to her.
“Wha
An elderly couple is both lying in bed one morning, having just woken from a good night’s sleep.
He takes her hand and she responds.
“Don’t touch me”
“Why not.” He asks?
She answers back. “Because I’m dead.”
The husband says to her.
“Wha
8.
A tough looking group of hairy bikers are riding when they see a girl about to jump off a bridge, so they stop.
The leader, a big burly man, gets off his bike and says,
“What are you doing?” “I’m going to commit suicide,” she says.
While he doesn
A tough looking group of hairy bikers are riding when they see a girl about to jump off a bridge, so they stop.
The leader, a big burly man, gets off his bike and says,
“What are you doing?” “I’m going to commit suicide,” she says.
While he doesn
9.
I was sitting at a bar last night and this Asian looking fella sits down next to me and takes a sip of beer.I glance over at him and ask if he knows any of those martial arts like Kung fu, or Karate or Ju Jitsu.He says, “No, WTF man!? Are you asking becau
I was sitting at a bar last night and this Asian looking fella sits down next to me and takes a sip of beer.I glance over at him and ask if he knows any of those martial arts like Kung fu, or Karate or Ju Jitsu.He says, “No, WTF man!? Are you asking becau
10.
Three friends are in a hotel room in Soviet Russia.The first two men open a bottle of vodka, while the third is tired and goes straight to bed.He is unable to sleep however, as his increasingly drunk friends tell political jokes loudly.After a while, the
Three friends are in a hotel room in Soviet Russia.The first two men open a bottle of vodka, while the third is tired and goes straight to bed.He is unable to sleep however, as his increasingly drunk friends tell political jokes loudly.After a while, the
11.
A monk and a priest are driving down a street in different directions.
Oddly enough, they end up getting into a crash.
They both get out of their cars, infuriated that there had been a wreck.
But since both of them are men of God, they began to t
A monk and a priest are driving down a street in different directions.
Oddly enough, they end up getting into a crash.
They both get out of their cars, infuriated that there had been a wreck.
But since both of them are men of God, they began to t
12.
An American on vacation in Paris is having breakfast at a cafe one morning (coffee, croissants, bread, butter and jam) when a Frenchman, chewing bubble-gum, sits down next to him.The American ignores the Frenchman who, nevertheless, starts a conversation.
An American on vacation in Paris is having breakfast at a cafe one morning (coffee, croissants, bread, butter and jam) when a Frenchman, chewing bubble-gum, sits down next to him.The American ignores the Frenchman who, nevertheless, starts a conversation.
13.
A husband and wife have four sons.The oldest three are tall with red hair and light skin while the youngest son is short with black hair and dark eyes.The father was on his deathbed when he turned to his wife and said,“Honey, before I die, be totally hone
A husband and wife have four sons.The oldest three are tall with red hair and light skin while the youngest son is short with black hair and dark eyes.The father was on his deathbed when he turned to his wife and said,“Honey, before I die, be totally hone
14.
A young man asked an old rich man how he made his money.The old guy fingered his worsted wool vest and said,“Well, son, it was 1932, the depth of the Great Depression.I was down to my last nickel.I invested that nickel in an apple.I spent the entire day p
A young man asked an old rich man how he made his money.The old guy fingered his worsted wool vest and said,“Well, son, it was 1932, the depth of the Great Depression.I was down to my last nickel.I invested that nickel in an apple.I spent the entire day p
15.
The Father said, “Top o' the mornin' to ye! Aren't ye MrsDonovan? And didn't I marry ye and yer Hoosband two years ago?”She replied, “Aye, that ye did, Father.”The Father asked, “And be there any wee little ones yet?”She replied, “No, not yet, Father.”The
The Father said, “Top o' the mornin' to ye! Aren't ye MrsDonovan? And didn't I marry ye and yer Hoosband two years ago?”She replied, “Aye, that ye did, Father.”The Father asked, “And be there any wee little ones yet?”She replied, “No, not yet, Father.”The
16.
Two men are out huntingOne of them goes into the bushes to take a leak.A few moments later, there's a scream.The man's buddy runs up.”What happened to you?” the buddy asks.“A snake bit me in the privates!” he answers, pointing to said snake, kicked to dea
Two men are out huntingOne of them goes into the bushes to take a leak.A few moments later, there's a scream.The man's buddy runs up.”What happened to you?” the buddy asks.“A snake bit me in the privates!” he answers, pointing to said snake, kicked to dea
17.
A guy was sitting quietly reading his paper when his wife walked up behind him and whacked him on the head with a magazine.
‘What was that for?’ he asked.
‘That was for the piece of paper in your pants pocket with the name Laura Lou written on it,’
A guy was sitting quietly reading his paper when his wife walked up behind him and whacked him on the head with a magazine.
‘What was that for?’ he asked.
‘That was for the piece of paper in your pants pocket with the name Laura Lou written on it,’
18.
The Mechanic Asks The Heart Surgeon… when he spotted a well-known heart surgeon in his shop.The surgeon was there waiting for the service manager to come take a look at his bike when the mechanic shouted across the garage, “Hey, Doc, can I ask you a quest
The Mechanic Asks The Heart Surgeon… when he spotted a well-known heart surgeon in his shop.The surgeon was there waiting for the service manager to come take a look at his bike when the mechanic shouted across the garage, “Hey, Doc, can I ask you a quest
19.
A man walks into a pharmacy and asks the pharmacist,
“May I have a bottle of arsenic, please?” She is shocked.
“Why would you want something like that?”
The man calmly tells her,
“I want to poison my unfaithful wife and her lover.”
The phar
A man walks into a pharmacy and asks the pharmacist,
“May I have a bottle of arsenic, please?” She is shocked.
“Why would you want something like that?”
The man calmly tells her,
“I want to poison my unfaithful wife and her lover.”
The phar
20.
An American spy is in Soviet Russia, digging up information on a powerful Russian politician.
He finds him in a bar, walks in dressed in Russian attire, pretending to be Russian.
Everybody in the bar looks at him, but he keeps his cool. He orders a
An American spy is in Soviet Russia, digging up information on a powerful Russian politician.
He finds him in a bar, walks in dressed in Russian attire, pretending to be Russian.
Everybody in the bar looks at him, but he keeps his cool. He orders a
21.
The big game hunter walked in the bar and bragged to everyone about his hunting skills.The man was undoubtedly a good shot and no one could dispute that.But then he said that they could blindfold him and he would recognize any animal's skin from its feel,
The big game hunter walked in the bar and bragged to everyone about his hunting skills.The man was undoubtedly a good shot and no one could dispute that.But then he said that they could blindfold him and he would recognize any animal's skin from its feel,
22.
A crusty old man walks into a bank and says to the teller,
“I want to open a f***kng account here.” The astonished woman replies,
“I beg your pardon, but that kind of language is not tolerated in this bank.”
The woman leaves the window & goes ov
A crusty old man walks into a bank and says to the teller,
“I want to open a f***kng account here.” The astonished woman replies,
“I beg your pardon, but that kind of language is not tolerated in this bank.”
The woman leaves the window & goes ov
23.
All of his tests came back with normal results.DrDarns said, “George, everything looks great physically. How are you doing mentally and emotionally? Are you at peace with yourself, and do you have a good relationship with your God?”George replied, “God
All of his tests came back with normal results.DrDarns said, “George, everything looks great physically. How are you doing mentally and emotionally? Are you at peace with yourself, and do you have a good relationship with your God?”George replied, “God
24.
Woman: “Do you drink beer?”Man: “Yes.”Woman: “How many beers a day?”Man: “Usually about three”Woman: “How much do you pay per beer?”Man: “Five dollars, which includes a tip.” (This is where it gets scary!)Woman: “And how long have you been drinking?”Man:
Woman: “Do you drink beer?”Man: “Yes.”Woman: “How many beers a day?”Man: “Usually about three”Woman: “How much do you pay per beer?”Man: “Five dollars, which includes a tip.” (This is where it gets scary!)Woman: “And how long have you been drinking?”Man:
25.
One night, during one of their rendezvous, she confided in him that she was pregnantNot wanting to ruin his reputation or his marriage,he paid her a large sum of money if she would go to Italy to secretly have the childIf she stayed in Italy to raise the
One night, during one of their rendezvous, she confided in him that she was pregnantNot wanting to ruin his reputation or his marriage,he paid her a large sum of money if she would go to Italy to secretly have the childIf she stayed in Italy to raise the
26.
… when an older man in the crowd was heard saying, “PeanutsPopcornCracker Jack.”Castro didn't break his stride but a few minutes later, a second voice was heard but with the same message, “PeanutsPopcornCracker Jack.”This time the Bearded One seemed momen
… when an older man in the crowd was heard saying, “PeanutsPopcornCracker Jack.”Castro didn't break his stride but a few minutes later, a second voice was heard but with the same message, “PeanutsPopcornCracker Jack.”This time the Bearded One seemed momen
27.
Two men are sitting at a bar, slowly sipping their drinks.
After a while, the first man approaches the other man, and sits next to him. “This place is great, isn’t it?” he asks.
The second man, somewhat surprised at the stranger’s remark, replies, “
Two men are sitting at a bar, slowly sipping their drinks.
After a while, the first man approaches the other man, and sits next to him. “This place is great, isn’t it?” he asks.
The second man, somewhat surprised at the stranger’s remark, replies, “
28.
A Neo-Nazi walks into a bar, looks around, and notices an older orthodox Jewish man seated at a nearby table.
Barman, he says, “A round on me, for all your patrons, but not for the old Jewish geezer right there.”
As everyone in the bar receives thei
A Neo-Nazi walks into a bar, looks around, and notices an older orthodox Jewish man seated at a nearby table.
Barman, he says, “A round on me, for all your patrons, but not for the old Jewish geezer right there.”
As everyone in the bar receives thei
29.
Tired of the modern world, a businessman visited a monastery to seek a simpler life.
Entering the monastery, he saw monks in simple robes practicing their meditations and tending to the grounds.
“Ahh,” he thought, “here is a life free from distracti
Tired of the modern world, a businessman visited a monastery to seek a simpler life.
Entering the monastery, he saw monks in simple robes practicing their meditations and tending to the grounds.
“Ahh,” he thought, “here is a life free from distracti
30.
Here's the surprising answer of a 6 year old child.Being a veterinarian, I had been called to examine a ten-year-old Irish Wolfhound named Belker.The dog's owners, Ron, his wife Lisa, and their little boy Shane, were all very attached to Belker, and they
Here's the surprising answer of a 6 year old child.Being a veterinarian, I had been called to examine a ten-year-old Irish Wolfhound named Belker.The dog's owners, Ron, his wife Lisa, and their little boy Shane, were all very attached to Belker, and they
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