🤣 Don't Read These Jokes at Work – Too Funny to Handle! 07

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The bartender said, “You can't bring that monkey in here!”The man said, “Don't worry, he won't cause any trouble.”Within seconds the monkey jumped on the pool table and swallowed the cue ball.The bartender yelled, “Hey, he just ate my cue ballNo one can p

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She puts on her robe and goes downstairs to look for him.  She finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a cup of hot cocoa in front of him.He appears to be in deep thought, just staring at the wall.She watches as he wipes away a tear from his eye.  “Wh

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A man who had just undergone a very complicated operation kept complaining about a bump on his head and a terrible headache.Since his operation had been an intestinal one, there was no earthly reason why he should be complaining of a headache.Finally his

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A man returns home a day early from a business trip.It's after midnightWhile en route home he asks the cabby if he would be a witness.The man suspects his wife is having an affair and he wants to catch her in the act.For $100, the cabby agrees.Quietly arr

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A farmer drove to a neighbor's farmhouse and knocked at the door.A boy, about 9, opened the door“Is your dad or mum home?” said the farmer.“No, they went to town.”“How about your brother, Howard? Is he here?”“No, he went with Mum and Dad.”The farmer stood

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After a preacher dies and goes to Heaven, he notices that a New York cab driver has been awarded a higher place.“I don't understand,” he complains to Saint Peter“I devoted my entire life to my congregation.”“Our policy here in Heaven is to reward results,

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1Call when you say you are going to call.2Never lie, about anything.3Showing emotion is good, it does not make you weak, it makes you human.4Girls talk on “Girls Night Out” so don't be surprised if you get in trouble when we get back.5The correct answer t

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Two men are sitting at a bar, slowly sipping their drinks.
After a while, the first man approaches the other man, and sits next to him. “This place is great, isn’t it?” he asks.
The second man, somewhat surprised at the stranger’s remark, replies, “

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I took the day off work and decided to go out golfing.
I was on the second hole when I noticed a frog sitting next to the green. I didn’t think anything of it and was about to shoot when the frog says, “Ribbit. 9- Iron”.
I looked around and didn’t s

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After swearing loyalty to the Captain and crew, and receiving his daily list of duties, the new recruit is brought up onto the poop deck to briefly meet the Captain.The Captain, a rugged-looking pirate with a peg leg, a hook for a hand, and an eye-patch,

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A secretary walked into her boss’s office and said,
“I’m afraid I’ve got some bad news for you.”
“Why do you always have to give me bad news?” he complained.
“Tell me some good news for once.”
“Alright, here’s some good news,”
said the secr

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A little girl and her mother are at church when the little girl starts to feel sick.
Her mother tells her to go throw up in the bushes behind the church.
When the little girl returns, her mother asks her if she threw up.
“Yes,” the girl says.

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A couple were going out for the eveningThey'd gotten ready, all dressed up, cat put out, etc.The taxi arrives, and as the couple got out, the cat shoots back in.They don't want the cat shut in the house, so the wife goes out to the taxi while the husband

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A woman goes to her boyfriend's parents' house for dinner.This is her first time meeting the family and she is very nervous.They all sit down and begin eating a fine meal.The woman is beginning to feel a little discomfort, thanks to her nervousness and th

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Once upon a time, there was a non-conforming sparrow who decided not to fly south for the winter.
However, soon after the weather turned cold, the sparrow changed his mind and reluctantly started to fly south.
After a short time, ice began to form h

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Russ and Fred, two friends, met in the park every day to feed the pigeons, watch the squirrels and discuss world problems.
One day Russ didn’t show up.
Fred didn’t think much about it and figured maybe he had a cold or something..
But after Russ

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There was this world famous painterIn the prime of her career, she started losing her eyesight.Fearful that she might lose her life as a painter, she went to see the best eye surgeon in the world.After several weeks of delicate surgery and therapy, her ey

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One day an out of work mime is visiting the zoo and attempts to earn some money as a street performer.
However, as soon as he starts to draw a crowd, the zookeeper grabs him and forcefully drags him into his office. The zookeeper then explains to the m

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The teacher was teaching the kids about starvation.Being a good teacher,she decided to call on selected students to draw a picture of starvation on the board.Sue went first, she drew a round circle with three little lines in the middle of the circle.The t

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The librarian handed the chicken a book and the bird left.Ten minutes later, the chicken returned, tossed the book on the desk and said: ‘book, book, book, book'.The librarian handed the chicken a different book and the chicken left.Ten minutes later, the

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Three recent college graduates are sitting next to each other on a plane.
The one in the middle turns to the one on the left and engages him in a conversation.
“What did you study in college?”
“I studied theology,” he replied. “After graduating,

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A man and a woman who had never met before but were both married to other people found themselves assigned to the same sleeping compartment on a trans-continental train…
Though initially embarrassed and uneasy over sharing a room, they were both very t

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Once while travelling, Tenali Rama found himself in the company of a group of soldiers.
They were all veterans of war and soon they got to talking about their experiences on the battlefield.
One old soldier told of the time he had single-handedly sl

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To test their skills in recognizing a suspect, he shows the first guy a picture for 5 seconds and then hides it.  “This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?”The first guy answers, “That's easy, we'll catch him fast because he only has one eye!”Th

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Eliza says to the other two, “You know girls, my husband bought me the most wonderful jewelry for our anniversaryA lavish diamond necklace and some beautiful earrings.”“How wonderful!” Josephine says.Isabelle responds, “That's nice, real nice.”Josephine t

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They planned to stay at the very same hotel where they had spent their honeymoon 20 years earlier.Because of their hectic schedules, the husband flew down to Florida one day ahead of his wife.After he had checked in to the hotel, he noticed that there was

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The pilot announced, “Uh, Folks, we just experienced some turbulence, which caused some engine troubles on our left wing.  Luckily, this jet is equipped with 4 engines, and we still have 3 functional engines!  Because of the engine issues we will be arriv

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I rear-ended a car this morning.
So, there we were alongside the road and slowly the other driver got out of his car.
You know how sometimes you just get so stressed that little things seem funny? Yeah, well I couldn’t believe it – he was a dwarf!

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By the time a Marine pulled into a little town, every hotel room was taken.“You've got to have a room somewhere,” he pleaded“Or just a bed, I don't care where.”“Well, I do have a double room with one occupant, a Navy guy,” admitted the manager, “and he mi

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A few decades ago, an American, a Russian, and an Australian were having dinner.
The American says “We are so advanced, we have built airplanes that can go to outer-space.”
The other two ask, “What? Outer-space?”. The American says, “Not exactly, bu