1.
A cop notices how fast he is going and pulls him over.The cop says to the man, “Are you aware of how fast you were going?”The man replies, “Yes, I amI'm trying to escape a robbery I got involved in.”The cop gives him a skeptical look and says, “Were you t
A cop notices how fast he is going and pulls him over.The cop says to the man, “Are you aware of how fast you were going?”The man replies, “Yes, I amI'm trying to escape a robbery I got involved in.”The cop gives him a skeptical look and says, “Were you t
2.
An insurance company asked for more information regarding a work-related accident claim
This was the response:
“I put ‘poor planning’ as the cause of my accident
I am an amateur radio operator and was working on the top section of my new 80 foot
An insurance company asked for more information regarding a work-related accident claim
This was the response:
“I put ‘poor planning’ as the cause of my accident
I am an amateur radio operator and was working on the top section of my new 80 foot
3.
To test their skills in recognizing a suspect, he shows the first guy a picture for 5 seconds and then hides it. “This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?”The first guy answers, “That's easy, we'll catch him fast because he only has one eye!”Th
To test their skills in recognizing a suspect, he shows the first guy a picture for 5 seconds and then hides it. “This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?”The first guy answers, “That's easy, we'll catch him fast because he only has one eye!”Th
4.
A young doctor had moved to a small community near Broken Hill to replace a doctor who was retiring.The older doctor suggested that the young one accompany him on his rounds so that the community would become used to their new doctor.At the first house a
A young doctor had moved to a small community near Broken Hill to replace a doctor who was retiring.The older doctor suggested that the young one accompany him on his rounds so that the community would become used to their new doctor.At the first house a
5.
A woman brought a very limp duck into a veterinary surgeon.
As she laid her pet on the table, the vet pulled out his stethoscope and listened to the bird’s chest.
After a moment or two, the vet shook his head and sadly said, “I’m sorry, your duck, C
A woman brought a very limp duck into a veterinary surgeon.
As she laid her pet on the table, the vet pulled out his stethoscope and listened to the bird’s chest.
After a moment or two, the vet shook his head and sadly said, “I’m sorry, your duck, C
6.
An elderly lady called the hospital to ask about a patient who was being cared for.“Hello, I'd like some information on a patient, her name is MrsTiptreeShe is in Ward P, Room 23.”“I will just put you through to the ward.”The elderly lady repeated her req
An elderly lady called the hospital to ask about a patient who was being cared for.“Hello, I'd like some information on a patient, her name is MrsTiptreeShe is in Ward P, Room 23.”“I will just put you through to the ward.”The elderly lady repeated her req
7.
A farmer drove to a neighbor's farmhouse and knocked at the door.A boy, about 9, opened the door“Is your dad or mum home?” said the farmer.“No, they went to town.”“How about your brother, Howard? Is he here?”“No, he went with Mum and Dad.”The farmer stood
A farmer drove to a neighbor's farmhouse and knocked at the door.A boy, about 9, opened the door“Is your dad or mum home?” said the farmer.“No, they went to town.”“How about your brother, Howard? Is he here?”“No, he went with Mum and Dad.”The farmer stood
8.
The 3 farmers
Once there was 3 really poor farmers.
One day they saw a flier for the county fair.
World’s fattest pig wins 1 million dollars.
There pig wasn’t fat at all but one of the farmers had an idea.
They trained a monkey to put corks
The 3 farmers
Once there was 3 really poor farmers.
One day they saw a flier for the county fair.
World’s fattest pig wins 1 million dollars.
There pig wasn’t fat at all but one of the farmers had an idea.
They trained a monkey to put corks
9.
A woman consulted a divorce attorney to discuss her marriage annulment on account of her husband’s irrational attitudes.
After being married to her husband for years, a woman decided to call it quits as she was fed up of enduring his constant sexual de
A woman consulted a divorce attorney to discuss her marriage annulment on account of her husband’s irrational attitudes.
After being married to her husband for years, a woman decided to call it quits as she was fed up of enduring his constant sexual de
10.
An elderly couple was just settled down for bed when the old man realized he left the lights on in the greenhouse in the back yard.Then they heard voices.Three men had broken into the greenhouse.Scared, they called the police.The dispatcher replied, he wo
An elderly couple was just settled down for bed when the old man realized he left the lights on in the greenhouse in the back yard.Then they heard voices.Three men had broken into the greenhouse.Scared, they called the police.The dispatcher replied, he wo
11.
There, standing in front of a big puddle outside the pub was an old Irishman, drenched, holding a stick, with a piece of string dangling in the water.A passer-by stopped and asked him, “What are you doing?”“Fishing.” replied the old man.Feeling sorry for
There, standing in front of a big puddle outside the pub was an old Irishman, drenched, holding a stick, with a piece of string dangling in the water.A passer-by stopped and asked him, “What are you doing?”“Fishing.” replied the old man.Feeling sorry for
12.
A mother was driving home from the shops when she decided to stop by at her son and daughter-in-law's house.She knocked on the door, there was no answer.She tried the door, which was unlocked, so she decided to walk in.She was shocked to see her daughter-
A mother was driving home from the shops when she decided to stop by at her son and daughter-in-law's house.She knocked on the door, there was no answer.She tried the door, which was unlocked, so she decided to walk in.She was shocked to see her daughter-
13.
Three High school girls go to the same bathroom every 4th period and each time they gossip and spill tea, and do their makeup, and each time before they leave they write a message on the mirror with their lipstick.Sometimes they write the name of the boy
Three High school girls go to the same bathroom every 4th period and each time they gossip and spill tea, and do their makeup, and each time before they leave they write a message on the mirror with their lipstick.Sometimes they write the name of the boy
14.
Two hikers were walking through central Pennsylvania when they came upon a 6 foot wide hole in the ground.
They figured it must be the opening for a vertical air shaft from an old abandoned coal mine.
Curious as to the depth of the hole, the first h
Two hikers were walking through central Pennsylvania when they came upon a 6 foot wide hole in the ground.
They figured it must be the opening for a vertical air shaft from an old abandoned coal mine.
Curious as to the depth of the hole, the first h
15.
Three recent college graduates are sitting next to each other on a plane.
The one in the middle turns to the one on the left and engages him in a conversation.
“What did you study in college?”
“I studied theology,” he replied. “After graduating,
Three recent college graduates are sitting next to each other on a plane.
The one in the middle turns to the one on the left and engages him in a conversation.
“What did you study in college?”
“I studied theology,” he replied. “After graduating,
16.
A businessman was in big troubleHe had put everything into his business, and now it was failing.It was so bad he was even contemplating suicideAs a last resort he went to a priest and poured out his story of tears and woe.When he had finished, the priest
A businessman was in big troubleHe had put everything into his business, and now it was failing.It was so bad he was even contemplating suicideAs a last resort he went to a priest and poured out his story of tears and woe.When he had finished, the priest
17.
The mother-in-law arrives home from the shops to find her son-in-law Paddy in a steaming rage and hurriedly packing his suitcase.“What happened Paddy ?” she asks anxiously.“What happened!! I'll tell you what happenedI sent an email to my wife telling her
The mother-in-law arrives home from the shops to find her son-in-law Paddy in a steaming rage and hurriedly packing his suitcase.“What happened Paddy ?” she asks anxiously.“What happened!! I'll tell you what happenedI sent an email to my wife telling her
18.
… heading downtown to go to the movies, when a young punk got on.She had spiked, multi-colored hair that was green, purple, and orange.Her clothes were a tattered mix of leather rags, her legs were bare and she was wearing worn-out shoes. Her entire face
… heading downtown to go to the movies, when a young punk got on.She had spiked, multi-colored hair that was green, purple, and orange.Her clothes were a tattered mix of leather rags, her legs were bare and she was wearing worn-out shoes. Her entire face
19.
I rear-ended a car this morning.
So, there we were alongside the road and slowly the other driver got out of his car.
You know how sometimes you just get so stressed that little things seem funny? Yeah, well I couldn’t believe it – he was a dwarf!
I rear-ended a car this morning.
So, there we were alongside the road and slowly the other driver got out of his car.
You know how sometimes you just get so stressed that little things seem funny? Yeah, well I couldn’t believe it – he was a dwarf!
20.
Anna and blonde are walking home from a night at the bar and have to pee,
so they stop at a cemetery.
With nothing to wipe with Anna uses her underwear and the blonde uses a nearby wreath.
The next day anna’s boyfriend calls his friend, “They are
Anna and blonde are walking home from a night at the bar and have to pee,
so they stop at a cemetery.
With nothing to wipe with Anna uses her underwear and the blonde uses a nearby wreath.
The next day anna’s boyfriend calls his friend, “They are
21.
A man is dating three women and wants to decide which to marry.He decides to give them a test.He gives each woman a present of $5000 and waits to see what they do with the money.The first does a total makeover.She goes to a fancy beauty salon, gets her ha
A man is dating three women and wants to decide which to marry.He decides to give them a test.He gives each woman a present of $5000 and waits to see what they do with the money.The first does a total makeover.She goes to a fancy beauty salon, gets her ha
22.
The new preacher moves his things into his new office and comes across the former pastor, taking his items out. The former pastor says, “I left three envelopes in your desk. If you have any trouble, open them.” Well, of course the new preacher thinks he
The new preacher moves his things into his new office and comes across the former pastor, taking his items out. The former pastor says, “I left three envelopes in your desk. If you have any trouble, open them.” Well, of course the new preacher thinks he
23.
The husband wanted more than a written report; he wanted video of his wife's activities.A week later, the detective returned with a video. They sat down together to watch it.Although the quality was less than professional, the man saw his wife meeting an
The husband wanted more than a written report; he wanted video of his wife's activities.A week later, the detective returned with a video. They sat down together to watch it.Although the quality was less than professional, the man saw his wife meeting an
24.
To test their skills in recognizing a suspect, he shows the first guy a picture for 5 seconds and then hides it. “This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?”The first guy answers, “That's easy, we'll catch him fast because he only has one eye!”Th
To test their skills in recognizing a suspect, he shows the first guy a picture for 5 seconds and then hides it. “This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?”The first guy answers, “That's easy, we'll catch him fast because he only has one eye!”Th
25.
A young doctor moved out to a small community to replace a doctor who was retiring.The older doctor suggested that the young one accompany him on his rounds, so the community could become used to a new doctor.At the first house a woman complains, “I've be
A young doctor moved out to a small community to replace a doctor who was retiring.The older doctor suggested that the young one accompany him on his rounds, so the community could become used to a new doctor.At the first house a woman complains, “I've be
26.
An elderly man told his wife, Honey we have done everything in our life except ride in an aeroplane.
Let’s do it, she said ok.
They went to the airport and after much bargaining with the owner of an open-top plane, the pilot/owner said,
I’ll take
An elderly man told his wife, Honey we have done everything in our life except ride in an aeroplane.
Let’s do it, she said ok.
They went to the airport and after much bargaining with the owner of an open-top plane, the pilot/owner said,
I’ll take
27.
A team of archaeologists were working in Jerusalem when they found a slab of rock with five figures carved on itIn order the figures were:A Woman. A Donkey. A Shovel. A Fish. A Star of David.After months of studying the rock and figures on it, the lea
A team of archaeologists were working in Jerusalem when they found a slab of rock with five figures carved on itIn order the figures were:A Woman. A Donkey. A Shovel. A Fish. A Star of David.After months of studying the rock and figures on it, the lea
28.
Late one evening a Marine pulled into a little town, only to find that every hotel room was taken.When he finally got to the last hotel, he pleaded to the manager, “You've got to have a room somewhere, or just a bed, I don't care where.”“Well, I do have a
Late one evening a Marine pulled into a little town, only to find that every hotel room was taken.When he finally got to the last hotel, he pleaded to the manager, “You've got to have a room somewhere, or just a bed, I don't care where.”“Well, I do have a
29.
Johnny went to confession, at the beginning of Lent….
“Bless me Father for I have sinned.
It has been 3 months since my last confession.
In that time I have disobeyed my parents nine times, missed Sunday Mass once, had impure thoughts, oh,
abo
Johnny went to confession, at the beginning of Lent….
“Bless me Father for I have sinned.
It has been 3 months since my last confession.
In that time I have disobeyed my parents nine times, missed Sunday Mass once, had impure thoughts, oh,
abo
30.
One day, Pete complained to his friend, “My elbow really hurtsI guess I should see a doctor.”His friend said, “Don't do thatThere's a computer at the drug store that can diagnose anything quicker and cheaper than a doctor.Simply put in a sample of your ur
One day, Pete complained to his friend, “My elbow really hurtsI guess I should see a doctor.”His friend said, “Don't do thatThere's a computer at the drug store that can diagnose anything quicker and cheaper than a doctor.Simply put in a sample of your ur
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