1.
A Kansas farm wife called the local phone company to report her telephone failed to ring when her friends called and that on the few occasions,
When it did ring, her dog always moaned right before the phone rang.
The telephone repairman proceeded to
A Kansas farm wife called the local phone company to report her telephone failed to ring when her friends called and that on the few occasions,
When it did ring, her dog always moaned right before the phone rang.
The telephone repairman proceeded to
2.
… something that this captain knows all too well.A ship was travelling in a dangerous part of the sea. The captain saw a pirate ship approaching their vessel.The captain yells to his crew, “Men, bring me my red shirt!”The crew brings him his red shirt, h
… something that this captain knows all too well.A ship was travelling in a dangerous part of the sea. The captain saw a pirate ship approaching their vessel.The captain yells to his crew, “Men, bring me my red shirt!”The crew brings him his red shirt, h
3.
They stop at a gun shop to get all the gear they will need. The clerk helping them out decided to have a little fun with the newbies.CLERK: Best way to hunt a moose is in one of these female moose costumes. You both get in it, make a moose mating call,
They stop at a gun shop to get all the gear they will need. The clerk helping them out decided to have a little fun with the newbies.CLERK: Best way to hunt a moose is in one of these female moose costumes. You both get in it, make a moose mating call,
4.
In Mexico City, the 200 meter final was runAmerican (black) athletes Tommie Smith and John Carlos came first and third, while Australian (white) Peter Norman won the second.While they were waiting for the medal ceremony, Carlos came to Peter Norman and as
In Mexico City, the 200 meter final was runAmerican (black) athletes Tommie Smith and John Carlos came first and third, while Australian (white) Peter Norman won the second.While they were waiting for the medal ceremony, Carlos came to Peter Norman and as
5.
A man walks into a bar and asks the bartender, “If I show you a really good trick, will you give me a free drink?”The bartender considers it, then agreesThe man reaches into his pocket and pulls out a tiny rat.He reaches into his other pocket and pulls ou
A man walks into a bar and asks the bartender, “If I show you a really good trick, will you give me a free drink?”The bartender considers it, then agreesThe man reaches into his pocket and pulls out a tiny rat.He reaches into his other pocket and pulls ou
6.
Paddy was summoned to court to appear as a witness in a lawsuitThe prosecutor opened his questioning with,“Where were you the night of August 24th?”“Objection!” said the defense attorney“Irrelevant!”“Oh, that's okay,” said the Paddy from the witness stand
Paddy was summoned to court to appear as a witness in a lawsuitThe prosecutor opened his questioning with,“Where were you the night of August 24th?”“Objection!” said the defense attorney“Irrelevant!”“Oh, that's okay,” said the Paddy from the witness stand
7.
A mobile phone on a bench rings, and a man puts the phone on speaker and begins to talk as he puts on his golf shoes. Everyone else in the room stops to listen.Man: “Hello?”Woman: “Honey, its me. Are you at the club?”Man: “Yes.”Woman: “I'm at the mall n
A mobile phone on a bench rings, and a man puts the phone on speaker and begins to talk as he puts on his golf shoes. Everyone else in the room stops to listen.Man: “Hello?”Woman: “Honey, its me. Are you at the club?”Man: “Yes.”Woman: “I'm at the mall n
8.
A man is flying in a hot air balloon and realizes he is lost.He reduces his altitude and spots a man down below.He lowers the balloon further and shouts: “Excuse me, can you help me?I promised my friend I would meet him half an hour ago, but I don't know
A man is flying in a hot air balloon and realizes he is lost.He reduces his altitude and spots a man down below.He lowers the balloon further and shouts: “Excuse me, can you help me?I promised my friend I would meet him half an hour ago, but I don't know
9.
A funeral service is held for a woman who just passed away.As the pallbearers carry the casket out, they accidentally bump into a wall.They hear a faint moan.They open the casket and find that the woman is actually alive.She lives for 10 more years and th
A funeral service is held for a woman who just passed away.As the pallbearers carry the casket out, they accidentally bump into a wall.They hear a faint moan.They open the casket and find that the woman is actually alive.She lives for 10 more years and th
10.
Sarah and Abe are out celebrating their 20th wedding anniversary.During the evening, Sarah broaches the subject of (their) life insurance, an issue she has been raising with him for at least 10 years, without success.“Abe,” she says, with tears in her eye
Sarah and Abe are out celebrating their 20th wedding anniversary.During the evening, Sarah broaches the subject of (their) life insurance, an issue she has been raising with him for at least 10 years, without success.“Abe,” she says, with tears in her eye
11.
The devil pulls up his file on his computer and sighs, “You've been a naughty boy haven't you? Extortion, gambling, prostitutes and even murder!”The lawyer hangs his head in shame and the devil pats him lightly on the shoulder.“I'm a fair guy, what I'm go
The devil pulls up his file on his computer and sighs, “You've been a naughty boy haven't you? Extortion, gambling, prostitutes and even murder!”The lawyer hangs his head in shame and the devil pats him lightly on the shoulder.“I'm a fair guy, what I'm go
12.
Judge: Why do you want divorce?Petitioner: My wife asks me to peel off garlic, cut onions, wash utensils.Judge: What's the problem in this? Just warm up the Garlic, it will be easy to peel it.Before cutting Onions just chill them in the refrigerator and t
Judge: Why do you want divorce?Petitioner: My wife asks me to peel off garlic, cut onions, wash utensils.Judge: What's the problem in this? Just warm up the Garlic, it will be easy to peel it.Before cutting Onions just chill them in the refrigerator and t
13.
Three old ladies – Gertrude, Maude and Tilly – were sitting on a park bench having a quiet conversation.Suddenly, a handsome young man dressed only in a trench coat approached them from across the parkHe was holding his coat together with his hands and di
Three old ladies – Gertrude, Maude and Tilly – were sitting on a park bench having a quiet conversation.Suddenly, a handsome young man dressed only in a trench coat approached them from across the parkHe was holding his coat together with his hands and di
14.
The following is a true story, and this situation supposedly occurred in a real courtroom.
At a trial, an attorney was putting witnesses through an exacting cross-examination, and was taking great delight into forcing witnesses to admit that they did n
The following is a true story, and this situation supposedly occurred in a real courtroom.
At a trial, an attorney was putting witnesses through an exacting cross-examination, and was taking great delight into forcing witnesses to admit that they did n
15.
They are seated and after browsing the menu they both decide to order the soup of the day.When the waiter brings their soup the man knocks his spoon on the floor.“Whoops,” he says and turns to the waiter, “I'm terribly sorry but could I have another…”The
They are seated and after browsing the menu they both decide to order the soup of the day.When the waiter brings their soup the man knocks his spoon on the floor.“Whoops,” he says and turns to the waiter, “I'm terribly sorry but could I have another…”The
16.
Johnny’s dad told Johnny to take a shower.
“I’m scared, can I take a shower with you?” Johnny said.
“No, son, that would be weird,” his father replied.
“Please?” he cried.
“Okay, okay, but just don’t look down..”
Johnny, being the curious b
Johnny’s dad told Johnny to take a shower.
“I’m scared, can I take a shower with you?” Johnny said.
“No, son, that would be weird,” his father replied.
“Please?” he cried.
“Okay, okay, but just don’t look down..”
Johnny, being the curious b
17.
A couple returns from their honeymoon refusing to speak to each other.
The groom’s best friend takes him aside and asks what’s wrong.
“Well,” replies the man, “when we finished making love on the first night, I put a $50 bill on the pillow without t
A couple returns from their honeymoon refusing to speak to each other.
The groom’s best friend takes him aside and asks what’s wrong.
“Well,” replies the man, “when we finished making love on the first night, I put a $50 bill on the pillow without t
18.
Jonny went to school one day and later that day his dad got a call
saying he needs to pick up his son because he had had s*x with a teacher.
When Jonny got home his dad was so happy he went out to the store and bought him a bike.
When they bought
Jonny went to school one day and later that day his dad got a call
saying he needs to pick up his son because he had had s*x with a teacher.
When Jonny got home his dad was so happy he went out to the store and bought him a bike.
When they bought
19.
A violent tropical storm enveloped a sailing yacht off the southern coast of Florida lasting all night and most of the next morning.
As the sky cleared and the seas calmed, the people on the yacht realized they were grounded on a coral reef about a mil
A violent tropical storm enveloped a sailing yacht off the southern coast of Florida lasting all night and most of the next morning.
As the sky cleared and the seas calmed, the people on the yacht realized they were grounded on a coral reef about a mil
20.
A chemistry professor wanted to teach his class a lesson about the evils of alcohol, so he produced an experiment that involved a glass of water, a glass of whiskey and two worms.“Now, classObserve closely the worms,” said the professor putting a worm fir
A chemistry professor wanted to teach his class a lesson about the evils of alcohol, so he produced an experiment that involved a glass of water, a glass of whiskey and two worms.“Now, classObserve closely the worms,” said the professor putting a worm fir
21.
The farmer's son was returning from the market with the crate of chicken's his father had entrusted to him, when all of a sudden the box fell and broke open.Chickens scurried off in different directions, but the determined boy walked all over the neighbou
The farmer's son was returning from the market with the crate of chicken's his father had entrusted to him, when all of a sudden the box fell and broke open.Chickens scurried off in different directions, but the determined boy walked all over the neighbou
22.
An old couple, Abe and Esther are flying to Australia for a two-week vacation to celebrate their 50th anniversary.Suddenly, over the public address system, the Captain announces,“Ladies and Gentlemen, I am afraid I have some very bad newsOur engines have
An old couple, Abe and Esther are flying to Australia for a two-week vacation to celebrate their 50th anniversary.Suddenly, over the public address system, the Captain announces,“Ladies and Gentlemen, I am afraid I have some very bad newsOur engines have
23.
Two West Virginia rednecks were out hunting, and as they were walking along, they came upon a huge hole in the ground. They approached it and were amazed at its size.The first hunter said, “Wow, that's some hole. I can't even see the bottom. I wonder ho
Two West Virginia rednecks were out hunting, and as they were walking along, they came upon a huge hole in the ground. They approached it and were amazed at its size.The first hunter said, “Wow, that's some hole. I can't even see the bottom. I wonder ho
24.
A newlywed couple moves into their new houseOne day the husband comes home from work and his wife says, “Honey, you know, in the upstairs bathroom one of the pipes is leaking, could you fix it?”The husband says, “What do I look like, MrPlumber?”A few days
A newlywed couple moves into their new houseOne day the husband comes home from work and his wife says, “Honey, you know, in the upstairs bathroom one of the pipes is leaking, could you fix it?”The husband says, “What do I look like, MrPlumber?”A few days
25.
Three old ladies were sitting at the dinner table discussing their problems with getting oldThe first one said, “Sometimes I catch myself with a jar of mayonnaise in my hand, while standing in front of the refrigerator, and I can't remember whether I need
Three old ladies were sitting at the dinner table discussing their problems with getting oldThe first one said, “Sometimes I catch myself with a jar of mayonnaise in my hand, while standing in front of the refrigerator, and I can't remember whether I need
26.
A crusty old man walks into a bank and says to the teller,
“I want to open a f***kng account here.” The astonished woman replies,
“I beg your pardon, but that kind of language is not tolerated in this bank.”
The woman leaves the window & goes ov
A crusty old man walks into a bank and says to the teller,
“I want to open a f***kng account here.” The astonished woman replies,
“I beg your pardon, but that kind of language is not tolerated in this bank.”
The woman leaves the window & goes ov
27.
After settling in, she decides to message her friend.“Kate,” she wrote, “I finally moved out of that dingy old office and into a beautiful new one.”Happy to hear this news, Kate orders a bouquet of flowers to send to Jenny's new location.The next day, a b
After settling in, she decides to message her friend.“Kate,” she wrote, “I finally moved out of that dingy old office and into a beautiful new one.”Happy to hear this news, Kate orders a bouquet of flowers to send to Jenny's new location.The next day, a b
28.
Hud was staying with his grandfather for a few days.He'd been playing outside with the other kids, when he came into the house and asked, ‘Grandpa, what's that called when two people sleep in the same bedroom and one is on top of the other?'His Grandpa wa
Hud was staying with his grandfather for a few days.He'd been playing outside with the other kids, when he came into the house and asked, ‘Grandpa, what's that called when two people sleep in the same bedroom and one is on top of the other?'His Grandpa wa
29.
A nun wakes up one morning and decides to go for a walk She gets out of bed and puts on her shoes.As she's walking down the hallway to the convent kitchen, another nun looks at her, smiles and says, “Someone got up on the wrong side of the bed this mornin
A nun wakes up one morning and decides to go for a walk She gets out of bed and puts on her shoes.As she's walking down the hallway to the convent kitchen, another nun looks at her, smiles and says, “Someone got up on the wrong side of the bed this mornin
30.
There is a town in France, which was flooding.Some people escaped to the roof of the church.The priest, however, stayed and said, “Let God come.”Someone came to save him but the priest said, “God will save me.”He refused to get in, maintaining that God wi
There is a town in France, which was flooding.Some people escaped to the roof of the church.The priest, however, stayed and said, “Let God come.”Someone came to save him but the priest said, “God will save me.”He refused to get in, maintaining that God wi
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