1.
A young man buys a chicken farm out in the country.He doesn't know much about chickens, So he decides to go consult with some of the locals.He finds an old farmer and asks if he might be able to give him some pointers.The old farmer tells him “sure, meet
A young man buys a chicken farm out in the country.He doesn't know much about chickens, So he decides to go consult with some of the locals.He finds an old farmer and asks if he might be able to give him some pointers.The old farmer tells him “sure, meet
2.
A couple were going out for the eveningThey'd gotten ready, all dressed up, cat put out, etc.The taxi arrives, and as the couple got out, the cat shoots back in.They don't want the cat shut in the house, so the wife goes out to the taxi while the husband
A couple were going out for the eveningThey'd gotten ready, all dressed up, cat put out, etc.The taxi arrives, and as the couple got out, the cat shoots back in.They don't want the cat shut in the house, so the wife goes out to the taxi while the husband
3.
A woman takes her 16 year old daughter to the doctor.
The doctor says, “Okay, Mrs. Jones, what seems to be the problem?”
The mother says, “It’s my daughter Darla.
She keeps getting these cravings, she’s putting on weight and is sick most mornings
A woman takes her 16 year old daughter to the doctor.
The doctor says, “Okay, Mrs. Jones, what seems to be the problem?”
The mother says, “It’s my daughter Darla.
She keeps getting these cravings, she’s putting on weight and is sick most mornings
4.
A very shy guy goes into a bar and sees a beautiful woman sitting at the bar.After an hour of gathering up his courage he finally goes over to her and asks, tentatively,“Um, would you mind if I chatted with you for a while?” She responds by yelling, at th
A very shy guy goes into a bar and sees a beautiful woman sitting at the bar.After an hour of gathering up his courage he finally goes over to her and asks, tentatively,“Um, would you mind if I chatted with you for a while?” She responds by yelling, at th
5.
A man was telling his co-worker one day that the company was transferring him to Chicago.He explained that he was going to quit before he had to move there.When asked why, he replied that he was just too afraid of all the crime even though he would be pas
A man was telling his co-worker one day that the company was transferring him to Chicago.He explained that he was going to quit before he had to move there.When asked why, he replied that he was just too afraid of all the crime even though he would be pas
6.
She ended the letter saying she preferred accommodation as close as possible to a WC.You anglophones will recognize WC as a water closet or toilet. The Swiss innkeeper was not that well acquainted with English, so he took the letter to his friend the par
She ended the letter saying she preferred accommodation as close as possible to a WC.You anglophones will recognize WC as a water closet or toilet. The Swiss innkeeper was not that well acquainted with English, so he took the letter to his friend the par
7.
A woman meets a man in a bar. They talk; they connect.
They end up leaving together.
They get back to his place, and he shows her around his apartment.
She notices that one wall of his bedroom is completely filled with soft, sweet, cuddly teddy b
A woman meets a man in a bar. They talk; they connect.
They end up leaving together.
They get back to his place, and he shows her around his apartment.
She notices that one wall of his bedroom is completely filled with soft, sweet, cuddly teddy b
8.
The husband wanted more than a written report; he wanted video of his wife's activities.A week later, the detective returned with a video. They sat down together to watch it.Although the quality was less than professional, the man saw his wife meeting an
The husband wanted more than a written report; he wanted video of his wife's activities.A week later, the detective returned with a video. They sat down together to watch it.Although the quality was less than professional, the man saw his wife meeting an
9.
On a farm out in the country lived a man and a woman and their three sons.Early one morning, the woman awoke, and while looking out of the window onto to the pasture, she saw that the family's only cow was lying dead in the fieldThe situation looked hopel
On a farm out in the country lived a man and a woman and their three sons.Early one morning, the woman awoke, and while looking out of the window onto to the pasture, she saw that the family's only cow was lying dead in the fieldThe situation looked hopel
10.
A little boy and a little girl attended the same school and became friendsEvery day they would sit together to eat their lunchThey discovered that they both brought chicken sandwiches every day! This went on all through the fourth and fifth grades, until
A little boy and a little girl attended the same school and became friendsEvery day they would sit together to eat their lunchThey discovered that they both brought chicken sandwiches every day! This went on all through the fourth and fifth grades, until
11.
Johnny comes back from school crying and says, “Mommy, all the kids in the school say I have a big head.”
His mother replies, “No, you don’t, Johnny.
You have a hideously deformed head.
The other children are merely hiding the truth to protect yo
Johnny comes back from school crying and says, “Mommy, all the kids in the school say I have a big head.”
His mother replies, “No, you don’t, Johnny.
You have a hideously deformed head.
The other children are merely hiding the truth to protect yo
12.
While showing off his new apartment to friends one night, a drunk man led the way to his bedroom where there was a huge clock on the wall with a big brass gong.“What's that brass gong for?” asked one of the guests.“Why, that's the talking clock,” the man
While showing off his new apartment to friends one night, a drunk man led the way to his bedroom where there was a huge clock on the wall with a big brass gong.“What's that brass gong for?” asked one of the guests.“Why, that's the talking clock,” the man
13.
Three old ladies were sitting at the dinner table discussing their problems with getting oldThe first one said, “Sometimes I catch myself with a jar of mayonnaise in my hand, while standing in front of the refrigerator, and I can't remember whether I need
Three old ladies were sitting at the dinner table discussing their problems with getting oldThe first one said, “Sometimes I catch myself with a jar of mayonnaise in my hand, while standing in front of the refrigerator, and I can't remember whether I need
14.
A poor boy was in love with a rich man’s daughter. Overcome with his love for the girl, the boy proposed to her.
However, the rich girl derisively rejected him and said, “Your monthly salary is equivalent to my daily expenses. How do you expect me to m
A poor boy was in love with a rich man’s daughter. Overcome with his love for the girl, the boy proposed to her.
However, the rich girl derisively rejected him and said, “Your monthly salary is equivalent to my daily expenses. How do you expect me to m
15.
One day in the hospital, two little boys were lying on stretchers next to each other outside of the operating room.The first boy leans over and asks, “What are you in for?”“I'm here to get my tonsils out and I'm nervous,” the second boy says.The first kid
One day in the hospital, two little boys were lying on stretchers next to each other outside of the operating room.The first boy leans over and asks, “What are you in for?”“I'm here to get my tonsils out and I'm nervous,” the second boy says.The first kid
16.
An Australian asks a travel agent what’s the cheapest possible vacation to London that lets him see everything.
“I have a whole evening in Dubai on the way back?
Very well, I’ve always wanted to see the world’s tallest building.”
He packs his bag
An Australian asks a travel agent what’s the cheapest possible vacation to London that lets him see everything.
“I have a whole evening in Dubai on the way back?
Very well, I’ve always wanted to see the world’s tallest building.”
He packs his bag
17.
Two little boys are going to the hospital the next day for operations.Theirs will be first on the schedule.The older boy leans over and asks, “What are you having done?”The second boy says, I'm getting my tonsils out, and I'm afraid.”The first boy says, “
Two little boys are going to the hospital the next day for operations.Theirs will be first on the schedule.The older boy leans over and asks, “What are you having done?”The second boy says, I'm getting my tonsils out, and I'm afraid.”The first boy says, “
18.
Moses, Jesus, and an old man were enjoying a friendly round of golf together.
Moses stepped up to the tee and hit the ball. It went sailing over the fairway and landed in the water trap.
Moses then parted the water and chipped the ball onto the gree
Moses, Jesus, and an old man were enjoying a friendly round of golf together.
Moses stepped up to the tee and hit the ball. It went sailing over the fairway and landed in the water trap.
Moses then parted the water and chipped the ball onto the gree
19.
A young man was getting ready to graduate collegeFor many months he had admired a beautiful sports car in a dealer's showroom, and knowing his father could well afford it, he told him that was all he wanted.As Graduation Day approached, the young man awai
A young man was getting ready to graduate collegeFor many months he had admired a beautiful sports car in a dealer's showroom, and knowing his father could well afford it, he told him that was all he wanted.As Graduation Day approached, the young man awai
20.
A poor slave, ill-treated by his master, runs away to the forest.
There he comes across a lion in pain because of a thorn in his paw.
The slave bravely goes forward and removes the thorn gently.
The lion without hurting him goes away.
Some day
A poor slave, ill-treated by his master, runs away to the forest.
There he comes across a lion in pain because of a thorn in his paw.
The slave bravely goes forward and removes the thorn gently.
The lion without hurting him goes away.
Some day
21.
My uncle Jim is getting older, and he’s having trouble with his memory.
So he went to his doctor, and he started taking these pills to help his memory.
“Hey Uncle Jim,” I said, “what are those memory pills you’re taking called?” “Ahhhh…um….hmmm” he
My uncle Jim is getting older, and he’s having trouble with his memory.
So he went to his doctor, and he started taking these pills to help his memory.
“Hey Uncle Jim,” I said, “what are those memory pills you’re taking called?” “Ahhhh…um….hmmm” he
22.
Three house pets- a golden retriever, a parakeet, and a cat–all die and go to heaven.As with all the good animals, God decides to have a personal discussion with each one to see where they will stay in heaven.God turns to the golden retriever and says“The
Three house pets- a golden retriever, a parakeet, and a cat–all die and go to heaven.As with all the good animals, God decides to have a personal discussion with each one to see where they will stay in heaven.God turns to the golden retriever and says“The
23.
Joe was moderately successful in his career, but as he got older he was increasingly hampered by incredible headaches.
When his personal hygiene and love life started to suffer, he sought medical help.
After being referred from one specialist to ano
Joe was moderately successful in his career, but as he got older he was increasingly hampered by incredible headaches.
When his personal hygiene and love life started to suffer, he sought medical help.
After being referred from one specialist to ano
24.
Two nuns were shopping at a 7-11 storeas they passed by the beer cooler, one nun said to the other, “wouldn't a nice cool beer or two taste wonderful on a hot summer evening?”The second nun answered, “indeed it would, sister, but I would not feel comforta
Two nuns were shopping at a 7-11 storeas they passed by the beer cooler, one nun said to the other, “wouldn't a nice cool beer or two taste wonderful on a hot summer evening?”The second nun answered, “indeed it would, sister, but I would not feel comforta
25.
Farmer Brown decided his injuries from the accident were serious enough to take the trucking company (responsible for the accident) to court.
In court, the trucking company’s fancy lawyer was questioning Farmer Brown.
“Didn’t you say, at the scene o
Farmer Brown decided his injuries from the accident were serious enough to take the trucking company (responsible for the accident) to court.
In court, the trucking company’s fancy lawyer was questioning Farmer Brown.
“Didn’t you say, at the scene o
26.
Four men are in the hospital waiting room because their wives are having babiesA nurse goes up to the first guy and says, “Congratulations! You're the father of twins.”“That's odd,” answers the man“I work for the Minnesota Twins!”A nurse says to the secon
Four men are in the hospital waiting room because their wives are having babiesA nurse goes up to the first guy and says, “Congratulations! You're the father of twins.”“That's odd,” answers the man“I work for the Minnesota Twins!”A nurse says to the secon
27.
Two storks are sitting in their nest:A father stork and a young storkThe young stork is crying and Father stork is trying to calm him:“Don't worry, son, your mother will come backShe's only bringing people babies and making them happy.”The next evening it
Two storks are sitting in their nest:A father stork and a young storkThe young stork is crying and Father stork is trying to calm him:“Don't worry, son, your mother will come backShe's only bringing people babies and making them happy.”The next evening it
28.
Sarah and Abe are out celebrating their 20th wedding anniversary.During the evening, Sarah broaches the subject of (their) life insurance, an issue she has been raising with him for at least 10 years, without success.“Abe,” she says, with tears in her eye
Sarah and Abe are out celebrating their 20th wedding anniversary.During the evening, Sarah broaches the subject of (their) life insurance, an issue she has been raising with him for at least 10 years, without success.“Abe,” she says, with tears in her eye
29.
Little Red Riding Hood is skipping down the road when she sees the Big Bad Wolf crouched down behind a log.“My what big eyes you have, MrWolf,” says Little Red Riding Hood.The surprised wolf jumps up and runs awayFurther down the road Little Red Riding Ho
Little Red Riding Hood is skipping down the road when she sees the Big Bad Wolf crouched down behind a log.“My what big eyes you have, MrWolf,” says Little Red Riding Hood.The surprised wolf jumps up and runs awayFurther down the road Little Red Riding Ho
30.
A rabbit one day managed to break free from the laboratory where he had been born and brought up.
As he scurried away from the fencing of the compound, he felt grass under his little feet and saw the dawn breaking for the first time in his life.
“Wo
A rabbit one day managed to break free from the laboratory where he had been born and brought up.
As he scurried away from the fencing of the compound, he felt grass under his little feet and saw the dawn breaking for the first time in his life.
“Wo
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Eng Jokes
