1.
At a wedding ceremony the priest asked if there was anyone who had any reason why the marriage shouldn’t go on, it was time to stand up and speak, or forever hold his or her peace.
The moment of utter silence was interrupted by a young beautiful woman carrying a baby.
She started slowly walking toward the pastor.
Everything quickly turned to chaos.
The bride slapped the groom and stormed out of the church.
The groom’s mother fainted.
The groomsmen and brides maids ran away in all directions.
The priest asked the woman, “Can you tell us why you came forward? What do you have to say?”
The woman replied, “I can’t hear anything from the back….so am moving to the front seats.”
The nights are already cold so sharing the tent
A little boy said to a little girl
At a wedding ceremony the priest asked if there was anyone who had any reason why the marriage shouldn’t go on, it was time to stand up and speak, or forever hold his or her peace.
The moment of utter silence was interrupted by a young beautiful woman carrying a baby.
She started slowly walking toward the pastor.
Everything quickly turned to chaos.
The bride slapped the groom and stormed out of the church.
The groom’s mother fainted.
The groomsmen and brides maids ran away in all directions.
The priest asked the woman, “Can you tell us why you came forward? What do you have to say?”
The woman replied, “I can’t hear anything from the back….so am moving to the front seats.”
The nights are already cold so sharing the tent
A little boy said to a little girl
2.
Two men waiting at the pearly gates strike up a conversation.
“How’d you die?” the first man asks the second.
“I froze to death,” says the second.
“That’s awful, how does it feel to freeze to death?” says the first.
“It’s very uncomfortable at first, you get the shakes, and you get pains in all your fingers and toes. But eventually, it’s a very calm way to go. You get numb and you kind of drift off, as if you’re sleeping.
How did you die?” says the second. “I had a heart attack”, says the first guy.
“You see, I knew my wife was cheating on me, so one day I showed up at home unexpectedly.
I ran up to the bedroom, and found her alone, knitting.
I ran down to the basement, bot no one was hiding there.
I ran up to the second floor, but no one was hiding there either.
I ran as fast as I could to the attic, and just as I got there, I had a massive heart attack and died.”
The second man shakes his head. “that’s so ironic” he says.
“What do you mean?” asks the first man “If you had only stopped to look in the freezer, we’d both still be alive.”
Two old retired men are sitting on the bench
A man went to his lawyer and told
Two men waiting at the pearly gates strike up a conversation.
“How’d you die?” the first man asks the second.
“I froze to death,” says the second.
“That’s awful, how does it feel to freeze to death?” says the first.
“It’s very uncomfortable at first, you get the shakes, and you get pains in all your fingers and toes. But eventually, it’s a very calm way to go. You get numb and you kind of drift off, as if you’re sleeping.
How did you die?” says the second. “I had a heart attack”, says the first guy.
“You see, I knew my wife was cheating on me, so one day I showed up at home unexpectedly.
I ran up to the bedroom, and found her alone, knitting.
I ran down to the basement, bot no one was hiding there.
I ran up to the second floor, but no one was hiding there either.
I ran as fast as I could to the attic, and just as I got there, I had a massive heart attack and died.”
The second man shakes his head. “that’s so ironic” he says.
“What do you mean?” asks the first man “If you had only stopped to look in the freezer, we’d both still be alive.”
Two old retired men are sitting on the bench
A man went to his lawyer and told
3.
A drunk staggers into a Catholic Church, enters a confessional booth, sits down, but says nothing.
The Priest coughs a few times to get his attention, but the drunk continues to sit there.
Finally, the Priest pounds three times on the wall.
The drunk mumbles, “Ain’t no use knocking’!
There’s no paper on this side either!”
One night a lady came home
Mother superior tells two new nuns
A drunk staggers into a Catholic Church, enters a confessional booth, sits down, but says nothing.
The Priest coughs a few times to get his attention, but the drunk continues to sit there.
Finally, the Priest pounds three times on the wall.
The drunk mumbles, “Ain’t no use knocking’!
There’s no paper on this side either!”
One night a lady came home
Mother superior tells two new nuns
4.
Alice was to bake a cake for the church ladies’ group bake sale, but she forgot to do it until the last minute.
She baked an angel food cake and when she took it from the oven, the center had dropped flat.
She said, “Oh dear, there’s no time to bake another cake.”
So, she looked around the house for something to build up the center of the cake.
Alice found it in the bathroom a roll of toilet paper.
She plunked it in and covered it with icing.
The finished product looked beautiful, so she rushed it to the church.
Before she left the house,
Alice had given her daughter some money and specific instructions to be at the bake sale the minute it opened, and to buy that cake and bring it home.
When the daughter arrived at the sale, the attractive cake had already been sold.
Alice was beside herself.
The next day, Alice was invited to a friend’s home where two tables of bridge were to be played that afternoon.
After the game, a fancy lunch was served, and to top it off, the cake in question was presented for dessert.
Alice saw the cake, she started to get out of her chair to rush into the kitchen to tell her hostess all about it, but before she could get to her feet, one of the other ladies said, “What a beautiful cake!”
Alice sat back in her chair when she heard the hostess who was a prominent church member say,
“Thank you, I baked it myself.”
A woman rubbed a bottle and out popped a genie
A blonde was driving down
Alice was to bake a cake for the church ladies’ group bake sale, but she forgot to do it until the last minute.
She baked an angel food cake and when she took it from the oven, the center had dropped flat.
She said, “Oh dear, there’s no time to bake another cake.”
So, she looked around the house for something to build up the center of the cake.
Alice found it in the bathroom a roll of toilet paper.
She plunked it in and covered it with icing.
The finished product looked beautiful, so she rushed it to the church.
Before she left the house,
Alice had given her daughter some money and specific instructions to be at the bake sale the minute it opened, and to buy that cake and bring it home.
When the daughter arrived at the sale, the attractive cake had already been sold.
Alice was beside herself.
The next day, Alice was invited to a friend’s home where two tables of bridge were to be played that afternoon.
After the game, a fancy lunch was served, and to top it off, the cake in question was presented for dessert.
Alice saw the cake, she started to get out of her chair to rush into the kitchen to tell her hostess all about it, but before she could get to her feet, one of the other ladies said, “What a beautiful cake!”
Alice sat back in her chair when she heard the hostess who was a prominent church member say,
“Thank you, I baked it myself.”
A woman rubbed a bottle and out popped a genie
A blonde was driving down
5.
An old man decides he wants to meet his grandson before he dies.
He lives in the wilderness like a hermit so he hardly ever meets anyone.
So he invites his young grandson over to mark one item off his bucket list.
His grandson arrives and notices his grandfather is scarred all over and missing some of his limbs, most noticeably one of his hands.
“How did you lose your hand?”
“A lion bit it off during one of my hunting trips. Speaking of that, I was an avid hunter and have an impressive trophy room, let me show you”
The grandfather leads his grandson to his trophy room. It is filled with large animal heads mounted on the walls.
The boy is in awe of all the different animals.
“There are lots of stories to tell with some of these, several even attacked me before I managed to kill them. This leopard here? Its name is Eerie. I named it that because it bit off my ear.
I generally like to name them after something they took from me so I remember our encounter better.”
As the boy looks around from animal to animal, he starts to ask about the stories behind them.
“What about that great big Crocodile? Does that one have a story?”
“Yes, it took several of my toes, so I named it Toto”
“What about this Tiger?”
“It took my eye, so it is named Iris”
Then the boy’s eyes are caught by an enormous lion, the most majestic trophy of them all.
“That must be the Lion that took your hand! Did you name it Hans?”
A couple was relating their vacation experiences
A dad was having a conversation with his son
An old man decides he wants to meet his grandson before he dies.
He lives in the wilderness like a hermit so he hardly ever meets anyone.
So he invites his young grandson over to mark one item off his bucket list.
His grandson arrives and notices his grandfather is scarred all over and missing some of his limbs, most noticeably one of his hands.
“How did you lose your hand?”
“A lion bit it off during one of my hunting trips. Speaking of that, I was an avid hunter and have an impressive trophy room, let me show you”
The grandfather leads his grandson to his trophy room. It is filled with large animal heads mounted on the walls.
The boy is in awe of all the different animals.
“There are lots of stories to tell with some of these, several even attacked me before I managed to kill them. This leopard here? Its name is Eerie. I named it that because it bit off my ear.
I generally like to name them after something they took from me so I remember our encounter better.”
As the boy looks around from animal to animal, he starts to ask about the stories behind them.
“What about that great big Crocodile? Does that one have a story?”
“Yes, it took several of my toes, so I named it Toto”
“What about this Tiger?”
“It took my eye, so it is named Iris”
Then the boy’s eyes are caught by an enormous lion, the most majestic trophy of them all.
“That must be the Lion that took your hand! Did you name it Hans?”
A couple was relating their vacation experiences
A dad was having a conversation with his son
6.
An elderly man is stopped by the police around 2 a.m and is asked where he is going at this time of night.
The man replies, “I am on my way to a lessons about alcohol abuse and the effects it has on the human body, as well as smoking and staying out late.”
The officer then asks, “Really? Who is giving that lecture at this time of night?”
The man replies, “That would be my wife.”
Basketball injury
A old man and a young man
An elderly man is stopped by the police around 2 a.m and is asked where he is going at this time of night.
The man replies, “I am on my way to a lessons about alcohol abuse and the effects it has on the human body, as well as smoking and staying out late.”
The officer then asks, “Really? Who is giving that lecture at this time of night?”
The man replies, “That would be my wife.”
Basketball injury
A old man and a young man
7.
I’ve made a severe and continuous lapse of my judgment and I don’t expect to be forgiven I’m simply here to apologize.
So what we came across that day in the woods was obviously unplanned and the reactions you saw on tape were raw they were unfiltered.
None of us knew how to react or how to feel.
I should have never posted the video.
I should have put the cameras down and stopped recording what we were going through.
There’s a lot of things I should have done differently but I didn’t and for that from the bottom of my heart I am sorry.
I want to apologize to the Internet.
I want to apologize to anyone who’s seen the video.
I want to apologize to anyone who has been affected or touched by mental illness or depression or suicide but most importantly I want to apologize to the victim and his family.
For my fans who are defending my actions please don’t they do not deserve to be defended.
The goal with my content is always to entertain to push the boundaries to be all inclusive in the world I live in.
I share almost everything I do the intent is never to be heartless cruel or malicious.
Like I said I’ve made a huge mistake I don’t expect to be forgiven I’m just here to apologize.
I’m ashamed of myself.
I’m disappointed in myself and I promise to be better.
I will be better thank you
There are 2 different approaches for
A Texan buys a round of drinks for all in the bar
I’ve made a severe and continuous lapse of my judgment and I don’t expect to be forgiven I’m simply here to apologize.
So what we came across that day in the woods was obviously unplanned and the reactions you saw on tape were raw they were unfiltered.
None of us knew how to react or how to feel.
I should have never posted the video.
I should have put the cameras down and stopped recording what we were going through.
There’s a lot of things I should have done differently but I didn’t and for that from the bottom of my heart I am sorry.
I want to apologize to the Internet.
I want to apologize to anyone who’s seen the video.
I want to apologize to anyone who has been affected or touched by mental illness or depression or suicide but most importantly I want to apologize to the victim and his family.
For my fans who are defending my actions please don’t they do not deserve to be defended.
The goal with my content is always to entertain to push the boundaries to be all inclusive in the world I live in.
I share almost everything I do the intent is never to be heartless cruel or malicious.
Like I said I’ve made a huge mistake I don’t expect to be forgiven I’m just here to apologize.
I’m ashamed of myself.
I’m disappointed in myself and I promise to be better.
I will be better thank you
There are 2 different approaches for
A Texan buys a round of drinks for all in the bar
8.
A blonde and a lawyer are seated next to each other on a flight from LA to NY.
The lawyer asks the blonde if she would like to play a fun game.
The blonde, who is tired, politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks.
The lawyer persists and explains that the game is easy and a lot of fun.
He explains, “I ask you a question, and if you don`t know the answer, you pay me $5.00, and vise versa.”
Again, she declines and tries to get some sleep.
The lawyer, now agitated, says, “Okay, if you don`t know the answer you pay me $5.00, and if I don`t know the answer, I will pay you $500.00.”
This catches the blonde’s attention and, figuring there will be no end to this torment unless she plays, agrees to the game.
The lawyer asks the first question. “What`s the distance from the earth to the moon?”
The blonde doesn’t say a word, reaches into her purse, pulls out a $5.00 bill and hands it to the lawyer.
“Okay”, the lawyer continues, “your turn.”
She asks the lawyer, “What goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four legs?”
The lawyer, puzzled, takes out his laptop computer and searches all his references but he can`t find an answer.
He taps into the air phone with his modem and searches the net and the Library of Congress, but he still has no answer.
Frustrated, he e-mails all his friends and coworkers, which turns out to be to no avail.
After an hour, he wakes the blonde, and hands her $500.00.
The blonde says, “Thank you,” and turns back to get some more sleep.
The lawyer, who is more than a little miffed, wakes the blonde and asks, “Well, what’s the answer?”
Without a word, the blonde reaches into her purse, hands the lawyer $5.00, and goes back to sleep.
The doctor looked benignly at the woman
Three friends were at the bar
A blonde and a lawyer are seated next to each other on a flight from LA to NY.
The lawyer asks the blonde if she would like to play a fun game.
The blonde, who is tired, politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks.
The lawyer persists and explains that the game is easy and a lot of fun.
He explains, “I ask you a question, and if you don`t know the answer, you pay me $5.00, and vise versa.”
Again, she declines and tries to get some sleep.
The lawyer, now agitated, says, “Okay, if you don`t know the answer you pay me $5.00, and if I don`t know the answer, I will pay you $500.00.”
This catches the blonde’s attention and, figuring there will be no end to this torment unless she plays, agrees to the game.
The lawyer asks the first question. “What`s the distance from the earth to the moon?”
The blonde doesn’t say a word, reaches into her purse, pulls out a $5.00 bill and hands it to the lawyer.
“Okay”, the lawyer continues, “your turn.”
She asks the lawyer, “What goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four legs?”
The lawyer, puzzled, takes out his laptop computer and searches all his references but he can`t find an answer.
He taps into the air phone with his modem and searches the net and the Library of Congress, but he still has no answer.
Frustrated, he e-mails all his friends and coworkers, which turns out to be to no avail.
After an hour, he wakes the blonde, and hands her $500.00.
The blonde says, “Thank you,” and turns back to get some more sleep.
The lawyer, who is more than a little miffed, wakes the blonde and asks, “Well, what’s the answer?”
Without a word, the blonde reaches into her purse, hands the lawyer $5.00, and goes back to sleep.
The doctor looked benignly at the woman
Three friends were at the bar
9.
A man enters his favorite ritzy restaurant, and while sitting at his regular table, he notices a gorgeous woman sitting at a table nearby all alone.
He calls the waiter over and asks for their most expensive bottle of Merlot to be sent over to her, knowing that if she accepts it, she is his for the night.
The waiter gets the bottle and quickly sends it over to the girl, saying it is from the gentleman at a nearby table.
She looks at the the man, then at the wine and decides to send a note over to the man.
The note read: “For me to accept this bottle, you need to have a Mercedes in your garage, a million dollars in the bank, and 7 inches in your pants.”
The man, after reading this note, sends another note to her. It read:
“Just so you will know, I happen to have a Ferrari Testarosa, a BMW 850iL, and a Mercedes 560SEL in my garage, plus I have over twenty-million dollars in the bank. But, not even for a woman beautiful as you, would I cut three inches off my weapon. Just send the wine back.”
A female secretary was helping her boss
A guy meets a girl out at a nightclub
A man enters his favorite ritzy restaurant, and while sitting at his regular table, he notices a gorgeous woman sitting at a table nearby all alone.
He calls the waiter over and asks for their most expensive bottle of Merlot to be sent over to her, knowing that if she accepts it, she is his for the night.
The waiter gets the bottle and quickly sends it over to the girl, saying it is from the gentleman at a nearby table.
She looks at the the man, then at the wine and decides to send a note over to the man.
The note read: “For me to accept this bottle, you need to have a Mercedes in your garage, a million dollars in the bank, and 7 inches in your pants.”
The man, after reading this note, sends another note to her. It read:
“Just so you will know, I happen to have a Ferrari Testarosa, a BMW 850iL, and a Mercedes 560SEL in my garage, plus I have over twenty-million dollars in the bank. But, not even for a woman beautiful as you, would I cut three inches off my weapon. Just send the wine back.”
A female secretary was helping her boss
A guy meets a girl out at a nightclub
10.
Dan was a single guy living at home with his father and working in the family business.
When he found out he was going to inherit a fortune when his sickly father died, he decided he needed a wife with which to share his fortune.
One evening at an investment meeting he spotted the most beautiful woman he had ever seen.
Her natural beauty took his breath away.
‘I may look like just an ordinary man,’ he said to her, but in just a few years, my father will die, and I’ll inherit $65 million.’
Impressed, the woman obtained his business card.
Three days later, she became his stepmother.
Women are so much better at financial planning than men.
Three young women are at a party
A hunter goes into the woods
Dan was a single guy living at home with his father and working in the family business.
When he found out he was going to inherit a fortune when his sickly father died, he decided he needed a wife with which to share his fortune.
One evening at an investment meeting he spotted the most beautiful woman he had ever seen.
Her natural beauty took his breath away.
‘I may look like just an ordinary man,’ he said to her, but in just a few years, my father will die, and I’ll inherit $65 million.’
Impressed, the woman obtained his business card.
Three days later, she became his stepmother.
Women are so much better at financial planning than men.
Three young women are at a party
A hunter goes into the woods
11.
One day a fisherman was lying on a beautiful beach, with his fishing pole propped up in the sand and his solitary line cast out into the sparkling blue surf.
He was enjoying the warmth of the afternoon sun and the prospect of catching a fish.
About that time, a businessman came walking down the beach, trying to relieve some of the stress of his workday.
He noticed the fisherman sitting on the beach and decided to find out why this fisherman was fishing instead of working harder to make a living for himself and his family.
“You aren’t going to catch many fish that way,” said the businessman to the fisherman, “you should be working rather than lying on the beach!”
The fisherman looked up at the businessman, smiled and replied, “And what will my reward be?”
“Well, you can get bigger nets and catch more fish!” was the businessman’s answer.
“And then what will my reward be?” asked the fisherman, still smiling.
The businessman replied, “You will make money and you’ll be able to buy a boat, which will then result in larger catches of fish!”
“And then what will my reward be?” asked the fisherman again.
The businessman was beginning to get a little irritated with the fisherman’s questions.
“You can buy a bigger boat, and hire some people to work for you!” he said.
“And then what will my reward be?” repeated the fisherman.
The businessman was getting angry.
“Don’t you understand? You can build up a fleet of fishing boats, sail all over the world, and let all your employees catch fish for you!”
Once again the fisherman asked, “And then what will my reward be?”
The businessman was red with rage and shouted at the fisherman, “Don’t you understand that you can become so rich that you will never have to work for your living again! You can spend all the rest of your days sitting on this beach, looking at the sunset. You won’t have a care in the world!”
The fisherman, still smiling, looked up and said, “And what do you think I’m doing right now?”
A doctor goes to his office
A man buys several sheep
One day a fisherman was lying on a beautiful beach, with his fishing pole propped up in the sand and his solitary line cast out into the sparkling blue surf.
He was enjoying the warmth of the afternoon sun and the prospect of catching a fish.
About that time, a businessman came walking down the beach, trying to relieve some of the stress of his workday.
He noticed the fisherman sitting on the beach and decided to find out why this fisherman was fishing instead of working harder to make a living for himself and his family.
“You aren’t going to catch many fish that way,” said the businessman to the fisherman, “you should be working rather than lying on the beach!”
The fisherman looked up at the businessman, smiled and replied, “And what will my reward be?”
“Well, you can get bigger nets and catch more fish!” was the businessman’s answer.
“And then what will my reward be?” asked the fisherman, still smiling.
The businessman replied, “You will make money and you’ll be able to buy a boat, which will then result in larger catches of fish!”
“And then what will my reward be?” asked the fisherman again.
The businessman was beginning to get a little irritated with the fisherman’s questions.
“You can buy a bigger boat, and hire some people to work for you!” he said.
“And then what will my reward be?” repeated the fisherman.
The businessman was getting angry.
“Don’t you understand? You can build up a fleet of fishing boats, sail all over the world, and let all your employees catch fish for you!”
Once again the fisherman asked, “And then what will my reward be?”
The businessman was red with rage and shouted at the fisherman, “Don’t you understand that you can become so rich that you will never have to work for your living again! You can spend all the rest of your days sitting on this beach, looking at the sunset. You won’t have a care in the world!”
The fisherman, still smiling, looked up and said, “And what do you think I’m doing right now?”
A doctor goes to his office
A man buys several sheep
12.
A cowboy is riding his horse in a small town and decides to stop at a bar to wash the dust of the road off of him.
He gets off his horse and ties it to a pole right outside the establishment.
He proceeds to walk into the bar and, right after entering, pounds the floor with his foot 3 times. All those present stop and stare at him silently.
“Gentlemen,” he says, “my horse is right outside and I need to go to perform my ablutions right now. When I come back, I will go check outside and, if my horse is not there, it will mean everything will have to be just as it was that time when I was in Texas. Don’t let it happen here, hear?”
Without uttering another word, the cowboy walks to the washing room and closes the door.
Every single person in there starts talking among them and asking ‘what was it that happened in Texas?’ non-stop without getting an answer from anybody.
The bartender certainly didn’t know, and it seemed as if nobody had gotten any news yet of what happened in Texas the time the cowboy was there.
The cowboy is taking too long and everybody almost starts panicking and praying for whatever happened in Texas not to happen in there.
They get progressively more agitated each minute that passes.
The fear in that room grows so strong that nobody leaves his seat or wants to do it at all, not even to check if the horse is still outside or if anything happened with the cowboy.
Luckily, the cowboy comes out walking calmly and fixing his belt.
The room gets quiet once again while the cowboy keeps walking towards the exit.
He gets to the door, opens it and takes a step outside to check on his horse. With the room still in silence, the cowboy steps back in and looks around with a face of satisfaction.
“Gentlemen, you did well. My horse is still outside. Keep on drinking in peace. Farewell fellows.”
Everybody in the bar sigh in relief. As the cowboy walks outside and is climbing on his horse, a guy from the bar comes running to him.
“Sir,” the guy says in haste, “you put everybody in the room in deep anxiety for whatever happened in Texas. The tension could be felt in the air as nobody knew what was it that happened over there the time you were in Texas. Sir, please, could you tell me what was it that happened in Texas?”
“Well my horse got stolen,” the cowboy said thoughtfully, “I had to go and buy another one.”
A octopus walks into a bar
He gets into the taxi
A cowboy is riding his horse in a small town and decides to stop at a bar to wash the dust of the road off of him.
He gets off his horse and ties it to a pole right outside the establishment.
He proceeds to walk into the bar and, right after entering, pounds the floor with his foot 3 times. All those present stop and stare at him silently.
“Gentlemen,” he says, “my horse is right outside and I need to go to perform my ablutions right now. When I come back, I will go check outside and, if my horse is not there, it will mean everything will have to be just as it was that time when I was in Texas. Don’t let it happen here, hear?”
Without uttering another word, the cowboy walks to the washing room and closes the door.
Every single person in there starts talking among them and asking ‘what was it that happened in Texas?’ non-stop without getting an answer from anybody.
The bartender certainly didn’t know, and it seemed as if nobody had gotten any news yet of what happened in Texas the time the cowboy was there.
The cowboy is taking too long and everybody almost starts panicking and praying for whatever happened in Texas not to happen in there.
They get progressively more agitated each minute that passes.
The fear in that room grows so strong that nobody leaves his seat or wants to do it at all, not even to check if the horse is still outside or if anything happened with the cowboy.
Luckily, the cowboy comes out walking calmly and fixing his belt.
The room gets quiet once again while the cowboy keeps walking towards the exit.
He gets to the door, opens it and takes a step outside to check on his horse. With the room still in silence, the cowboy steps back in and looks around with a face of satisfaction.
“Gentlemen, you did well. My horse is still outside. Keep on drinking in peace. Farewell fellows.”
Everybody in the bar sigh in relief. As the cowboy walks outside and is climbing on his horse, a guy from the bar comes running to him.
“Sir,” the guy says in haste, “you put everybody in the room in deep anxiety for whatever happened in Texas. The tension could be felt in the air as nobody knew what was it that happened over there the time you were in Texas. Sir, please, could you tell me what was it that happened in Texas?”
“Well my horse got stolen,” the cowboy said thoughtfully, “I had to go and buy another one.”
A octopus walks into a bar
He gets into the taxi
13.
Sally was driving home from one of her business trips, in Northern Arizona, when she saw an elderly Navajo woman walking on the side of the road.
As the trip was a long and quiet one, she stopped the car and asked the Navajo woman if she would like a ride.
With a silent nod of thanks, the woman got into the car.
Resuming the journey, Sally tried – in vain – to make a bit of small talk with the Navajo woman.
The old woman just sat silently, looking intently at everything she saw, studying every little detail, until she noticed a brown bag on the seat next to Sally.
“What in bag?” asked the old woman.
Sally looked down at the brown bag and said: “It’s a bottle of wine, I got it for my husband.”
The Navajo woman was silent for another moment or two then, speaking with the quiet wisdom of an elder, she said: “Good trade.”
A confused father goes to buy a Barbie Doll
A work-related accident claim
Sally was driving home from one of her business trips, in Northern Arizona, when she saw an elderly Navajo woman walking on the side of the road.
As the trip was a long and quiet one, she stopped the car and asked the Navajo woman if she would like a ride.
With a silent nod of thanks, the woman got into the car.
Resuming the journey, Sally tried – in vain – to make a bit of small talk with the Navajo woman.
The old woman just sat silently, looking intently at everything she saw, studying every little detail, until she noticed a brown bag on the seat next to Sally.
“What in bag?” asked the old woman.
Sally looked down at the brown bag and said: “It’s a bottle of wine, I got it for my husband.”
The Navajo woman was silent for another moment or two then, speaking with the quiet wisdom of an elder, she said: “Good trade.”
A confused father goes to buy a Barbie Doll
A work-related accident claim
14.
A herd of cows and two bulls are eating grass out in the pasture.
Suddenly, a great gust of wind comes ripping across the prairie and knocks all the cows to the ground.
But, the bulls just sway in the wind and continue eating.
When the wind quiets down, the cows stand up, brush off the dirt, and start eating again.
A bit later, one cow looks up just in time to see a tornado tearing through the pasture fence.
The tornado knocks the cows every which way, but the bulls just rock back and forth as they are buffeted.
When the cows get back on their feet and pick the straw out of their hide, they all walk over to the bulls.
One cow says, “Why do we cows get knocked over by wind but you bulls keep standing?”
The two bulls laugh and reply, “We bulls wobble, but we don’t fall down.”
A dog and a cat were having an argument
A pretty girl Walking up to a department store
A herd of cows and two bulls are eating grass out in the pasture.
Suddenly, a great gust of wind comes ripping across the prairie and knocks all the cows to the ground.
But, the bulls just sway in the wind and continue eating.
When the wind quiets down, the cows stand up, brush off the dirt, and start eating again.
A bit later, one cow looks up just in time to see a tornado tearing through the pasture fence.
The tornado knocks the cows every which way, but the bulls just rock back and forth as they are buffeted.
When the cows get back on their feet and pick the straw out of their hide, they all walk over to the bulls.
One cow says, “Why do we cows get knocked over by wind but you bulls keep standing?”
The two bulls laugh and reply, “We bulls wobble, but we don’t fall down.”
A dog and a cat were having an argument
A pretty girl Walking up to a department store
15.
A Texan was taking a taxi tour of London and was in a hurry.
As they went by the Tower of London the cab driver explained what it was and that construction of it started in 1346 and was completed in 1412.
The Texan replied, “Shoot, a little old tower like that? In Houston we’d have that thing up in two weeks!”
Next they passed the House of Parliament started in 1544 and completed in 1618.
“Well boy, we put up a bigger one than that in Dallas and it only took a year!”
As they passed Westminster Abbey the cab driver was silent.
“Whoah! What’s that over there?” asked the Texan.
The driver replied, “I don’t know, it wasn’t there yesterday.”
The man asked the doctor
Two blondes were working on a house
A Texan was taking a taxi tour of London and was in a hurry.
As they went by the Tower of London the cab driver explained what it was and that construction of it started in 1346 and was completed in 1412.
The Texan replied, “Shoot, a little old tower like that? In Houston we’d have that thing up in two weeks!”
Next they passed the House of Parliament started in 1544 and completed in 1618.
“Well boy, we put up a bigger one than that in Dallas and it only took a year!”
As they passed Westminster Abbey the cab driver was silent.
“Whoah! What’s that over there?” asked the Texan.
The driver replied, “I don’t know, it wasn’t there yesterday.”
The man asked the doctor
Two blondes were working on a house
16.
A man and a woman are sitting next to each other at a bar getting drunk.
The man turns to the woman and asks her why she’s so down.
“My husband just left me. He said I’m too kinky in bed,” she said.
“What a coincidence! My wife just left me,” said the man, “she told me that I was too kinky for her, too!”
The two talk a little while longer, and finding that they have so much in common they decide to go back to the woman’s house to have kinky make love.
When they get to the woman’s house she turns to the man and says, “Give me ten minutes, I want to slip into something more comfortable.”
She goes into the bathroom and changes into a full leather dominatrix outfit.
However, as she is coming out of her bathroom, the man is putting on his coat and walking out the door.
“What happened?” She said, “I thought you wanted to have kinky lovemaking?”
He looks at her and says, “Well, I just bang your dog and shit in your purse. I’m done.”
A young teen aged girl was a call girl
A young girl went to her family doctor
A man and a woman are sitting next to each other at a bar getting drunk.
The man turns to the woman and asks her why she’s so down.
“My husband just left me. He said I’m too kinky in bed,” she said.
“What a coincidence! My wife just left me,” said the man, “she told me that I was too kinky for her, too!”
The two talk a little while longer, and finding that they have so much in common they decide to go back to the woman’s house to have kinky make love.
When they get to the woman’s house she turns to the man and says, “Give me ten minutes, I want to slip into something more comfortable.”
She goes into the bathroom and changes into a full leather dominatrix outfit.
However, as she is coming out of her bathroom, the man is putting on his coat and walking out the door.
“What happened?” She said, “I thought you wanted to have kinky lovemaking?”
He looks at her and says, “Well, I just bang your dog and shit in your purse. I’m done.”
A young teen aged girl was a call girl
A young girl went to her family doctor
17.
A couple was going out for the evening to celebrate their anniversary.
The taxi arrived, and, just as they started out the door, their dog shot back into the house.
They didn’t want the dog shut inside all night, so the wife went out to the taxi while the husband took care of the dog.
The wife, not wanting it known that their home would be empty all evening, explained to the driver, “My husband will be here in a moment. He’s just saying good-bye to my mother.”
When the breathless husband finally climbed into the cab, he said, “Sorry I took so long, but I had to poke that stupid bitch with a coat hanger to get her to come out from under the bed!
Then I had to wrap her in a blanket to keep her from scratching and biting me as I hauled her bum downstairs and tossed her in the backyard!”
The silence in the cab was deafening.
Two deaf men were talking
Sam called his wife and said
A couple was going out for the evening to celebrate their anniversary.
The taxi arrived, and, just as they started out the door, their dog shot back into the house.
They didn’t want the dog shut inside all night, so the wife went out to the taxi while the husband took care of the dog.
The wife, not wanting it known that their home would be empty all evening, explained to the driver, “My husband will be here in a moment. He’s just saying good-bye to my mother.”
When the breathless husband finally climbed into the cab, he said, “Sorry I took so long, but I had to poke that stupid bitch with a coat hanger to get her to come out from under the bed!
Then I had to wrap her in a blanket to keep her from scratching and biting me as I hauled her bum downstairs and tossed her in the backyard!”
The silence in the cab was deafening.
Two deaf men were talking
Sam called his wife and said
18.
A married man was having an affair with his secretary.
One day, their passions overcame them and they took off to her house.
Exhausted from the afternoon’s shenanigans, they fell asleep and woke up at around 10 pm.
As the man threw on his clothes, he told the woman to take his shoes outside and rub them through the grass and dirt.
Mystified, she complied nonetheless.
He proceeded to slip his shoes on and drove home.
“Where have you been?” demanded his wife when he entered the house.
“Darling,” replied the man, “I can’t lie to you. I’ve been having an affair with my secretary. I fell asleep in her bed and didn’t wake up until now.”
The wife glanced down at his shoes and shouted: “You liar! You’ve been playing golf!”
He gets into the taxi
A old lady walked into the Bank
A married man was having an affair with his secretary.
One day, their passions overcame them and they took off to her house.
Exhausted from the afternoon’s shenanigans, they fell asleep and woke up at around 10 pm.
As the man threw on his clothes, he told the woman to take his shoes outside and rub them through the grass and dirt.
Mystified, she complied nonetheless.
He proceeded to slip his shoes on and drove home.
“Where have you been?” demanded his wife when he entered the house.
“Darling,” replied the man, “I can’t lie to you. I’ve been having an affair with my secretary. I fell asleep in her bed and didn’t wake up until now.”
The wife glanced down at his shoes and shouted: “You liar! You’ve been playing golf!”
He gets into the taxi
A old lady walked into the Bank
19.
A mother and a baby camel were talking one day when the baby camel asked; Mom, why do we have these huge three-toed feet?
The mother replied; Well son, when we trek across the desert, our toes will help us stay on top of the soft sand.
Two minutes later the young camel asked; Mom, why do we have these long eyelashes?
They are there to keep the sand out of our eyes on the trips through the desert, the mother said.
Mom, why have we got these great big humps on our back?
They are there to help us store water for our long treks across the desert, so we can go without drinking for long periods of time.
So we have huge feet to stop us from sinking, long eyelashes to keep the sand out of our eyes, and these humps to store water.
Yes dear, said the mother.
So why are we in the San Diego Zoo?
A poor family
65-year-old woman has a baby
A mother and a baby camel were talking one day when the baby camel asked; Mom, why do we have these huge three-toed feet?
The mother replied; Well son, when we trek across the desert, our toes will help us stay on top of the soft sand.
Two minutes later the young camel asked; Mom, why do we have these long eyelashes?
They are there to keep the sand out of our eyes on the trips through the desert, the mother said.
Mom, why have we got these great big humps on our back?
They are there to help us store water for our long treks across the desert, so we can go without drinking for long periods of time.
So we have huge feet to stop us from sinking, long eyelashes to keep the sand out of our eyes, and these humps to store water.
Yes dear, said the mother.
So why are we in the San Diego Zoo?
A poor family
65-year-old woman has a baby
20.
A Mafia Godfather finds out that his book-keeper has scr*wed him for ten million bucks.
This book-keeper is deaf and it was considered an occupational benefit why he got the job in the first place,
Since it was assumed that a deaf book-keeper would not be able to hear anything and never have to testify in court.
When the Godfather goes to shake down the book-keeper about his missing $10 million bucks,
He takes along his lawyer, who knows sign language.
The Godfather asks the book-keeper:
“Where is the $10 million bucks you embezzled from me?”
The lawyer, using sign language, asks the book-keeper where the money is hidden.
The book-keeper signs back:
“I don’t know what you are talking about.”
The lawyer tells the Godfather:
“He says he doesn’t know what you’re talking about.”
That’s when the Godfather pulls out a 9mm pistol, puts it to the book-keeper’s temple, roosters it up and says:
“Ask him again!”
The attorney signs to the underling:
“He’ll kill you for sure if you don’t tell him!”
The book-keeper signs back:
“OK! You win! The money is in a brown briefcase, buried behind the shed in my cousin Enzo’s backyard in Queens!”
The Godfather asks the lawyer:
“Well, what’d he say?”
The lawyer replies:
“He says you don’t have the guts to pull the trigger.!!”
This guy is dining alone in a fancy restaurant
An 80 year old man married to 20 year old girl
A Mafia Godfather finds out that his book-keeper has scr*wed him for ten million bucks.
This book-keeper is deaf and it was considered an occupational benefit why he got the job in the first place,
Since it was assumed that a deaf book-keeper would not be able to hear anything and never have to testify in court.
When the Godfather goes to shake down the book-keeper about his missing $10 million bucks,
He takes along his lawyer, who knows sign language.
The Godfather asks the book-keeper:
“Where is the $10 million bucks you embezzled from me?”
The lawyer, using sign language, asks the book-keeper where the money is hidden.
The book-keeper signs back:
“I don’t know what you are talking about.”
The lawyer tells the Godfather:
“He says he doesn’t know what you’re talking about.”
That’s when the Godfather pulls out a 9mm pistol, puts it to the book-keeper’s temple, roosters it up and says:
“Ask him again!”
The attorney signs to the underling:
“He’ll kill you for sure if you don’t tell him!”
The book-keeper signs back:
“OK! You win! The money is in a brown briefcase, buried behind the shed in my cousin Enzo’s backyard in Queens!”
The Godfather asks the lawyer:
“Well, what’d he say?”
The lawyer replies:
“He says you don’t have the guts to pull the trigger.!!”
This guy is dining alone in a fancy restaurant
An 80 year old man married to 20 year old girl
21.
Three men, an Scot, and an English man and a sumo wrestler were going to commit suicide by jumping of the top of a building.
The Scot jumped off and shouted
“God save Scotland!”
The English man jumped off and shouted
“God Save England!”
The Sumo wrestler jumped off and shouted
“God save the person who I land on!”
MY SUSPENDERS ARE CAUGHT IN YOUR CAR DOOR
A police officer asks a thief
Three men, an Scot, and an English man and a sumo wrestler were going to commit suicide by jumping of the top of a building.
The Scot jumped off and shouted
“God save Scotland!”
The English man jumped off and shouted
“God Save England!”
The Sumo wrestler jumped off and shouted
“God save the person who I land on!”
MY SUSPENDERS ARE CAUGHT IN YOUR CAR DOOR
A police officer asks a thief
22.
Grandpa and Little Johnny are sitting on a bench in the park.
Johnny asked, “Grandpa, are you going to take that new pills?”
Grandpa looks at him and says, “No Johnny, I will not.”
“But Grandpa, why?” asks little Johnny.
Grandpa replies. “Because there is no sense in putting lead in your pencil if you have no one worth writing to.”
little kid is walking street with his Daddy
Wife questioned her husband about his new secretary
Grandpa and Little Johnny are sitting on a bench in the park.
Johnny asked, “Grandpa, are you going to take that new pills?”
Grandpa looks at him and says, “No Johnny, I will not.”
“But Grandpa, why?” asks little Johnny.
Grandpa replies. “Because there is no sense in putting lead in your pencil if you have no one worth writing to.”
little kid is walking street with his Daddy
Wife questioned her husband about his new secretary
23.
One night, this guy come into a bar and asks the bartender for a drink.
Then he asks for another. After a couple more drinks, the bartender gets worried.
“What’s the matter?” the bartender asks.
“My wife and I got into a fight,” explained the guy, “and she said she wasn’t going to talk to me for a whole 31 days.”
The bartender thought about this for a while.
“But, isn’t it a good thing that she isn’t talking to you?” asked the bartender.
“Yeah, except today is the last night,” he muttered.
A man walks into a bar with a paper bag
A group of frogs was traveling through
One night, this guy come into a bar and asks the bartender for a drink.
Then he asks for another. After a couple more drinks, the bartender gets worried.
“What’s the matter?” the bartender asks.
“My wife and I got into a fight,” explained the guy, “and she said she wasn’t going to talk to me for a whole 31 days.”
The bartender thought about this for a while.
“But, isn’t it a good thing that she isn’t talking to you?” asked the bartender.
“Yeah, except today is the last night,” he muttered.
A man walks into a bar with a paper bag
A group of frogs was traveling through
24.
A blonde is pregnant, and is practically 9 months along.
She goes to see her doctor for a routine check-up, but she is worried.
She asks, “What if the baby starts coming, and I can’t get to the hospital in time?”
The doctor replies, “Well, woman have been having babies for a million years without an attendance by doctors.
It’s a very natural process.
The first thing you do is to assume the same position you were laying in when you got pregnant.”
The blonde interrupts with,
“Do you mean with the left foot in the glove compartment and the right foot hanging out the window
The pick-up couple was relaxing after lovemaking
Timmy wanted to sleep with his parents
A blonde is pregnant, and is practically 9 months along.
She goes to see her doctor for a routine check-up, but she is worried.
She asks, “What if the baby starts coming, and I can’t get to the hospital in time?”
The doctor replies, “Well, woman have been having babies for a million years without an attendance by doctors.
It’s a very natural process.
The first thing you do is to assume the same position you were laying in when you got pregnant.”
The blonde interrupts with,
“Do you mean with the left foot in the glove compartment and the right foot hanging out the window
The pick-up couple was relaxing after lovemaking
Timmy wanted to sleep with his parents
25.
The first snow of the season and the wife and I took our cocktails and sat for hours by the window watching the huge soft flakes drift down from heaven.
It looked like a Grandma Moses print so romantic we felt like newlyweds again I love snow!
We woke to a beautiful blanket of crystal white snow covering every inch of the landscape.
What a fantastic sight!
Can there be a more lovely place in the whole world? Moving here was the best idea I’ve ever had!
Shoveled for the first time in years and felt like a boy again I did both our driveway and the sidewalks.
This afternoon the snowplow came along and covered up the sidewalks and closed in the driveway, so I got to shovel again What a perfect life!
The sun has melted all our lovely snow such a disappointment!
My neighbor tells me not to worry-We’ll definitely have a white Christmas no snow on Christmas would be awful!
Bob says we’ll have so much snow by the end of winter, that I’ll never want to see snow again
I don’t think that’s possible
Bob is such a nice man, I’m glad he’s our neighbor.
Snow, lovely snow! 8 inches last night
The temperature dropped to -20
The cold makes everything
sparkle so
The wind took my breath away, but I warmed up by shoveling the driveway and sidewalks
This is the life!
The snowplow came back this afternoon and buried everything again
I didn’t realize I would have to do quite this much shoveling, but I’ll certainly get back in shape this way
I wish I wouldn’t huff and puff so.
The local bar was so sure
The Pencil Maker
The first snow of the season and the wife and I took our cocktails and sat for hours by the window watching the huge soft flakes drift down from heaven.
It looked like a Grandma Moses print so romantic we felt like newlyweds again I love snow!
We woke to a beautiful blanket of crystal white snow covering every inch of the landscape.
What a fantastic sight!
Can there be a more lovely place in the whole world? Moving here was the best idea I’ve ever had!
Shoveled for the first time in years and felt like a boy again I did both our driveway and the sidewalks.
This afternoon the snowplow came along and covered up the sidewalks and closed in the driveway, so I got to shovel again What a perfect life!
The sun has melted all our lovely snow such a disappointment!
My neighbor tells me not to worry-We’ll definitely have a white Christmas no snow on Christmas would be awful!
Bob says we’ll have so much snow by the end of winter, that I’ll never want to see snow again
I don’t think that’s possible
Bob is such a nice man, I’m glad he’s our neighbor.
Snow, lovely snow! 8 inches last night
The temperature dropped to -20
The cold makes everything
sparkle so
The wind took my breath away, but I warmed up by shoveling the driveway and sidewalks
This is the life!
The snowplow came back this afternoon and buried everything again
I didn’t realize I would have to do quite this much shoveling, but I’ll certainly get back in shape this way
I wish I wouldn’t huff and puff so.
The local bar was so sure
The Pencil Maker
26.
Two blonde gals went together to play the slot machines at the casino.
Each agreed that when her allotted money was gone, she would go to the front of the casino and sit on the bench to wait for the other.
Trixie quickly lost all her money and went to sit on the bench.
She waited and waited.
After what seemed an eternity, she finally saw Patty coming toward her, carrying this huge sack of coins.
“Hey, Trixie,” said Patty, “how’d you do?” “Not very good,” came the reply.
“I’ve been waiting here for hours.”
Patty said: “You should have been with me did I ever find a good machine! It’s way in the back. Come! I’ll show it to you can’t lose! Ever time you put a dollar in, you win four quarters!”
A blonde is terribly overweight
A software engineer saw a bull pulling a cart
Two blonde gals went together to play the slot machines at the casino.
Each agreed that when her allotted money was gone, she would go to the front of the casino and sit on the bench to wait for the other.
Trixie quickly lost all her money and went to sit on the bench.
She waited and waited.
After what seemed an eternity, she finally saw Patty coming toward her, carrying this huge sack of coins.
“Hey, Trixie,” said Patty, “how’d you do?” “Not very good,” came the reply.
“I’ve been waiting here for hours.”
Patty said: “You should have been with me did I ever find a good machine! It’s way in the back. Come! I’ll show it to you can’t lose! Ever time you put a dollar in, you win four quarters!”
A blonde is terribly overweight
A software engineer saw a bull pulling a cart
27.
Little Johnny: Hello Teacher, let me ask you a question.
Teacher: Okay.
Little Johnny: How do you put an elephant in a fridge?
Teacher: You can’t it’s too big.
Little Johnny: Wrong. All you have to do is open the fridge and put it in there.
Teacher: Hm. Okay then.
Little Johnny: Let me ask you another question. How do put a Donkey inside that fridge?
Teacher: Easy you just open the door and put it in there.
Little Johnny: Wrong again. You have to take the Elephant out first then put the Donkey in the fridge.
Teacher: Uh okay.
Little Johnny: Next question. If a Lion had a birthday party and all the animals went to it, what animal is missing?
Teacher: All of them because the Lion eats them.
Little Johnny: Wrong, the Donkey is missing because he’s still in the fridge.
Teacher: Are you kidding me?
Little Johnny: Okay last question. If you’re at a River and crocodiles live in it, how do you get across?
Teacher: You build a boat and float across. If you try to swim across you will be eaten.
Little Johnny: Nope. All you have to do is swim across because all the animals went to Lion’s birthday party.
Teacher: Get out.
A squirrel and 2 bees are going on a road trip
A teacher was giving an assignment
Little Johnny: Hello Teacher, let me ask you a question.
Teacher: Okay.
Little Johnny: How do you put an elephant in a fridge?
Teacher: You can’t it’s too big.
Little Johnny: Wrong. All you have to do is open the fridge and put it in there.
Teacher: Hm. Okay then.
Little Johnny: Let me ask you another question. How do put a Donkey inside that fridge?
Teacher: Easy you just open the door and put it in there.
Little Johnny: Wrong again. You have to take the Elephant out first then put the Donkey in the fridge.
Teacher: Uh okay.
Little Johnny: Next question. If a Lion had a birthday party and all the animals went to it, what animal is missing?
Teacher: All of them because the Lion eats them.
Little Johnny: Wrong, the Donkey is missing because he’s still in the fridge.
Teacher: Are you kidding me?
Little Johnny: Okay last question. If you’re at a River and crocodiles live in it, how do you get across?
Teacher: You build a boat and float across. If you try to swim across you will be eaten.
Little Johnny: Nope. All you have to do is swim across because all the animals went to Lion’s birthday party.
Teacher: Get out.
A squirrel and 2 bees are going on a road trip
A teacher was giving an assignment
28.
Three friends were at the bar talking, and after many rounds of beer, one of them suggests that everyone admits something they have never admitted to anyone.
“Okay,” says the first, “I’ve never told anybody I’m a gay!”
The second confesses, “I’m having an affair with my boss’s wife.”
The third, Moishe, begins, “I don’t know how to tell you…”
“Don’t be shy,” the two friends said.
“Well,” says Moishe, “I can’t keep secrets.”
A blonde and lawyer are play a game
I need your help
Three friends were at the bar talking, and after many rounds of beer, one of them suggests that everyone admits something they have never admitted to anyone.
“Okay,” says the first, “I’ve never told anybody I’m a gay!”
The second confesses, “I’m having an affair with my boss’s wife.”
The third, Moishe, begins, “I don’t know how to tell you…”
“Don’t be shy,” the two friends said.
“Well,” says Moishe, “I can’t keep secrets.”
A blonde and lawyer are play a game
I need your help
29.
A man and his wife are awakened at 3 o’clock in the morning by a loud pounding on the door.
The man gets up and goes to the door where a drunken stranger, standing in the pouring rain, is asking for a push.
“Not a chance,” says the husband.
“it is 3 o’clock in the morning! He slams the door and returns to bed. Who was that?” asked his wife.
“Just some drunk guy asking for a push did you help him?” she asks.
“No, I did not, it is 3 o’clock in the morning and it is pouring out there!”
Well, you have a short memory. Can’t you remember, about three months ago when we broke down, and those two guys helped us? “I think you should help him, and you should be ashamed of yourself!”
The man does as he is told, gets dressed, and goes out into the pounding rain.
“Hello, are you still there?” Do you still need a push? calls out the husband.
“Yes, please!” comes the reply from the dark.
“Where are you?” asks the husband.
“Over here on the swing!”… replies the drunk.
A man is in a bar and falling off his stool
A old man notices his wife is having trouble hearing
A man and his wife are awakened at 3 o’clock in the morning by a loud pounding on the door.
The man gets up and goes to the door where a drunken stranger, standing in the pouring rain, is asking for a push.
“Not a chance,” says the husband.
“it is 3 o’clock in the morning! He slams the door and returns to bed. Who was that?” asked his wife.
“Just some drunk guy asking for a push did you help him?” she asks.
“No, I did not, it is 3 o’clock in the morning and it is pouring out there!”
Well, you have a short memory. Can’t you remember, about three months ago when we broke down, and those two guys helped us? “I think you should help him, and you should be ashamed of yourself!”
The man does as he is told, gets dressed, and goes out into the pounding rain.
“Hello, are you still there?” Do you still need a push? calls out the husband.
“Yes, please!” comes the reply from the dark.
“Where are you?” asks the husband.
“Over here on the swing!”… replies the drunk.
A man is in a bar and falling off his stool
A old man notices his wife is having trouble hearing
30.
A new soldier was on sentry duty at the main gate.
His orders were clear no car was to enter unless it had a special sticker on the windshield.
A big Army car came up with a general seated in the back.
The sentry said, “Halt, who goes there?”
The chauffeur, a corporal, says, “General Wheeler.”
“I’m sorry, I can’t let you through. You’ve got to have a sticker on the windshield.”
The general said, “Drive on!”
The sentry said, “Hold it! You really can’t come through. I have orders to shoot if you try driving in without a sticker.”
The general repeated, “I’m telling you, son, drive on!”
The sentry walked up to the rear window and said, “General, I’m new at this. Do I shoot you or the driver?”
A husband and wife went to marriage Councillor
A woman announces to her friend
A new soldier was on sentry duty at the main gate.
His orders were clear no car was to enter unless it had a special sticker on the windshield.
A big Army car came up with a general seated in the back.
The sentry said, “Halt, who goes there?”
The chauffeur, a corporal, says, “General Wheeler.”
“I’m sorry, I can’t let you through. You’ve got to have a sticker on the windshield.”
The general said, “Drive on!”
The sentry said, “Hold it! You really can’t come through. I have orders to shoot if you try driving in without a sticker.”
The general repeated, “I’m telling you, son, drive on!”
The sentry walked up to the rear window and said, “General, I’m new at this. Do I shoot you or the driver?”
A husband and wife went to marriage Councillor
A woman announces to her friend
Tags:
Eng Jokes
