1.
The wife served breakfast to the Husband.
Along with that, she gave me a tablet also and said:
“Take this Paracetamol after breakfast.”
Husband: “Why? I don’t have a fever.”
Wife: “OK, then take this Digene.”
Husband: “Come on ! I don’t have even gastric trouble.”
Wife: “OK, take at least Pudeen Hara You will have an immediate relief.”
Husband: “My dear, my stomach is perfectly OK.”
Wife: “Oh, but you must take at least Combiflame Any pain in your hands or legs will disappear in no time.”
Husband: “Are you crazy? Why so much of care and concern for me all of a sudden? Thanx darling, but I am totally fit, fresh and energetic.”
Wife: “Ve….ry good ! Now take this broom and clean up the cobwebs from all the rooms and then clean up the loft also.”
A husband and wife talking
Three elderly men are at the doctor
The wife served breakfast to the Husband.
Along with that, she gave me a tablet also and said:
“Take this Paracetamol after breakfast.”
Husband: “Why? I don’t have a fever.”
Wife: “OK, then take this Digene.”
Husband: “Come on ! I don’t have even gastric trouble.”
Wife: “OK, take at least Pudeen Hara You will have an immediate relief.”
Husband: “My dear, my stomach is perfectly OK.”
Wife: “Oh, but you must take at least Combiflame Any pain in your hands or legs will disappear in no time.”
Husband: “Are you crazy? Why so much of care and concern for me all of a sudden? Thanx darling, but I am totally fit, fresh and energetic.”
Wife: “Ve….ry good ! Now take this broom and clean up the cobwebs from all the rooms and then clean up the loft also.”
A husband and wife talking
Three elderly men are at the doctor
2.
Joe packs the picnic basket with cookies, bottled sodas, and sandwiches.
The trouble is, the picnic site is 10 miles away, so the turtles take 10 whole days to get there. By the time they do arrive, everyone’s whipped and hungry.
Joe takes the stuff out of the basket, one by one.
He takes out the sodas and realizes that they forgot to bring a bottle opener.
Joe & Steve beg Poncho to turn back home and retrieve it, but Poncho flatly refuses, knowing that they’ll eat everything by the time he gets back.
Somehow, after about two hours, the turtles manage to convince Poncho to go, swearing on their great-grand turtles’ graves that they won’t touch the food.
So, Poncho sets off down the road, slow and steady.
Twenty days pass, but no Poncho. Joe and Steve are hungry and puzzled, but a promise is a promise another day passes, and still no Poncho, but a promise is a promise.
After three more days pass without Poncho in sight, Steve starts getting restless.
“I NEED FOOD!” he says with a hint of dementia in his voice. “NO!” Joe retorts. “We promised.”
Five more days pass, Joe realizes that Poncho probably skipped out to the Burger King down the road, so the two turtles weakly lift the lid, get a sandwich, and open their mouths to eat.
But then, right at that instant, Poncho pops out behind a rock.
“Just for that, I’m not going!”
A elderly couple were killed in an accident
The little boy had been looking
Joe packs the picnic basket with cookies, bottled sodas, and sandwiches.
The trouble is, the picnic site is 10 miles away, so the turtles take 10 whole days to get there. By the time they do arrive, everyone’s whipped and hungry.
Joe takes the stuff out of the basket, one by one.
He takes out the sodas and realizes that they forgot to bring a bottle opener.
Joe & Steve beg Poncho to turn back home and retrieve it, but Poncho flatly refuses, knowing that they’ll eat everything by the time he gets back.
Somehow, after about two hours, the turtles manage to convince Poncho to go, swearing on their great-grand turtles’ graves that they won’t touch the food.
So, Poncho sets off down the road, slow and steady.
Twenty days pass, but no Poncho. Joe and Steve are hungry and puzzled, but a promise is a promise another day passes, and still no Poncho, but a promise is a promise.
After three more days pass without Poncho in sight, Steve starts getting restless.
“I NEED FOOD!” he says with a hint of dementia in his voice. “NO!” Joe retorts. “We promised.”
Five more days pass, Joe realizes that Poncho probably skipped out to the Burger King down the road, so the two turtles weakly lift the lid, get a sandwich, and open their mouths to eat.
But then, right at that instant, Poncho pops out behind a rock.
“Just for that, I’m not going!”
A elderly couple were killed in an accident
The little boy had been looking
3.
A woman goes into a store to buy a fishing rod and reel.
She doesn’t know which one to get so she just grabs one and goes over to the register.
There is a store employee standing there with dark shades on.
She says, “Excuse me sir… can you tell me anything about this rod and reel?”
He says , “Ma’am I’m blind but if you drop it on the counter I can tell you everything you need to know about it from the sound that it makes.”
She didn’t believe him, but dropped it on the counter anyway.
He said “That’s a 6′ graphite rod with Zebco 202 reel and 10 lb. test line… It’s a good all around rod and reel and it’s $20.00.”
She says, “That’s amazing that you can tell all that just by the sound of it dropping on the counter.
I think it’s what I’m looking for so I’ll take it.”
He walks behind the counter to the register.
And in the meantime the woman farts.
At first she is embarrassed but then realizes that there is no way he could tell it was her… being blind he wouldn’t know that she was the only person around.
He rings up the sale and says, “That will be $25.50.”
She says, “But didn’t you say it was $20.00?”
He says, “Yes ma’am, the rod and reel is $20.00, the duck call is $3.00, and the catfish stink bait is $2.50!”
A pregnant woman walking across the street
A woman had twin boys
A woman goes into a store to buy a fishing rod and reel.
She doesn’t know which one to get so she just grabs one and goes over to the register.
There is a store employee standing there with dark shades on.
She says, “Excuse me sir… can you tell me anything about this rod and reel?”
He says , “Ma’am I’m blind but if you drop it on the counter I can tell you everything you need to know about it from the sound that it makes.”
She didn’t believe him, but dropped it on the counter anyway.
He said “That’s a 6′ graphite rod with Zebco 202 reel and 10 lb. test line… It’s a good all around rod and reel and it’s $20.00.”
She says, “That’s amazing that you can tell all that just by the sound of it dropping on the counter.
I think it’s what I’m looking for so I’ll take it.”
He walks behind the counter to the register.
And in the meantime the woman farts.
At first she is embarrassed but then realizes that there is no way he could tell it was her… being blind he wouldn’t know that she was the only person around.
He rings up the sale and says, “That will be $25.50.”
She says, “But didn’t you say it was $20.00?”
He says, “Yes ma’am, the rod and reel is $20.00, the duck call is $3.00, and the catfish stink bait is $2.50!”
A pregnant woman walking across the street
A woman had twin boys
4.
Two old women are discussing the disgusting habits of their husbands.
“Even after all these years, my husband will not stop biting his nails,” the first woman explains.
“My husband had the same habit,” the second woman explained
“but I fixed that. I just hid his teeth.”
A maid asks the lady of the house
A young man was walking through a supermarket
Two old women are discussing the disgusting habits of their husbands.
“Even after all these years, my husband will not stop biting his nails,” the first woman explains.
“My husband had the same habit,” the second woman explained
“but I fixed that. I just hid his teeth.”
A maid asks the lady of the house
A young man was walking through a supermarket
5.
A Nazi walks into a bar, looks around, and notices an older orthodox Jewish man seated at a nearby table.
Barman, he says, “A round on me, for all your patrons, but not for the old Jewish geezer right there.”
As everyone in the bar receives their drinks, he looks directly at the Jew with a nasty little smile.
Surprisingly the Jew nods his head and sends a warm smile back.
The Nazi is somewhat miffed, as this was not the reaction he expected. So he goes back to the bar.
“Barman, a second round for everyone but him, and this time take it all from the top shelf.”
The Nazi looks again at the Jew and notices that he is STILL smiling back, and even warmer than before
“Is that Jew a complete fool or what?” he asks the barman.
The bartender responds: “Oh no my generous friend, that gentleman is my boss and the owner of the bar”
A Harley biker is riding
A fifteen-year-old came home with a Porsche
A Nazi walks into a bar, looks around, and notices an older orthodox Jewish man seated at a nearby table.
Barman, he says, “A round on me, for all your patrons, but not for the old Jewish geezer right there.”
As everyone in the bar receives their drinks, he looks directly at the Jew with a nasty little smile.
Surprisingly the Jew nods his head and sends a warm smile back.
The Nazi is somewhat miffed, as this was not the reaction he expected. So he goes back to the bar.
“Barman, a second round for everyone but him, and this time take it all from the top shelf.”
The Nazi looks again at the Jew and notices that he is STILL smiling back, and even warmer than before
“Is that Jew a complete fool or what?” he asks the barman.
The bartender responds: “Oh no my generous friend, that gentleman is my boss and the owner of the bar”
A Harley biker is riding
A fifteen-year-old came home with a Porsche
6.
A blonde woman is walking down the street, with her T-shirt open.
A cop is approaching from about a block away, thinking, “Boy, my eyes must be going, it looks like that woman’s right fronts is hanging out.”
As he gets closer it becomes apparent that her front is hanging out.
When he gets face to face with her he says, “Ma’am, are you aware I could cite you for indecent exposure?”
She says, “Why, officer?” “Well, your fronts is hanging out.”
She looks down and says “OMIGOD, I left the baby on the bus!”
A young female teacher wearing
One late Saturday night a young guy
A blonde woman is walking down the street, with her T-shirt open.
A cop is approaching from about a block away, thinking, “Boy, my eyes must be going, it looks like that woman’s right fronts is hanging out.”
As he gets closer it becomes apparent that her front is hanging out.
When he gets face to face with her he says, “Ma’am, are you aware I could cite you for indecent exposure?”
She says, “Why, officer?” “Well, your fronts is hanging out.”
She looks down and says “OMIGOD, I left the baby on the bus!”
A young female teacher wearing
One late Saturday night a young guy
7.
On Christmas Eve, the king invited the prime minister to join him for their usual walk together
He enjoyed seeing the decorations in the streets, but since he didn’t want his subjects to spend too much money on these just to please him.
The two men always disguised themselves as traders from some far distant land.
They walked through the center of the city, admiring the lights, the Christmas trees, the candles burning on the steps of the houses, the stalls selling gifts, and the men, women and children hurrying off to celebrate a family Christmas around a table laden with food.
On the way back, they passed through a poorer area, where the atmosphere was quite different.
There were no lights, no candles, no delicious smells of food about to be served there was hardly a soul in the street, and, as he did every year, the king remarked to the prime minister that he really must pay more attention to the poor in his kingdom.
The prime minister nodded, knowing that the matter would soon be forgotten again, buried beneath the day-to-day bureaucracy of budgets to be approved and discussions with foreign dignitaries.
Suddenly, they heard music coming from one of the poorest houses.
The hut was so ramshackle and the rotten wooden timbers so full of cracks, that they were able to peer through and see what was happening inside.
And what they saw was utterly absurd: an old man in a wheelchair apparently crying, a shaven-headed young woman dancing, and a young man with sad eyes shaking a tambourine and singing a folk song.
‘I’m going to find out what they’re up to,’ said the king.
He knocked the music stopped, and the young man came to the door.
‘We are merchants in search of a place to sleep we heard the music, saw that you were still awake, and wondered if we could spend the night here.’
‘You can find shelter in a hotel in the city we, alas, cannot help you despite the music, this house is full of sadness and suffering.’
‘And may we know why?’
‘It’s all because of me.’ It was the old man in the wheelchair who spoke.
‘I’ve spent my life teaching my son calligraphy, so that he could one day get a job as a palace scribe.
But the years have passed and no post has ever come up and then, last night, I had a stupid dream: an angel appeared to me and asked me to buy a silver goblet because, the angel said, the king would be coming to visit me.
He would drink from the goblet and give my son a job.
A old Man walked into the bank
Two Irishmen Are Lost At Sea
On Christmas Eve, the king invited the prime minister to join him for their usual walk together
He enjoyed seeing the decorations in the streets, but since he didn’t want his subjects to spend too much money on these just to please him.
The two men always disguised themselves as traders from some far distant land.
They walked through the center of the city, admiring the lights, the Christmas trees, the candles burning on the steps of the houses, the stalls selling gifts, and the men, women and children hurrying off to celebrate a family Christmas around a table laden with food.
On the way back, they passed through a poorer area, where the atmosphere was quite different.
There were no lights, no candles, no delicious smells of food about to be served there was hardly a soul in the street, and, as he did every year, the king remarked to the prime minister that he really must pay more attention to the poor in his kingdom.
The prime minister nodded, knowing that the matter would soon be forgotten again, buried beneath the day-to-day bureaucracy of budgets to be approved and discussions with foreign dignitaries.
Suddenly, they heard music coming from one of the poorest houses.
The hut was so ramshackle and the rotten wooden timbers so full of cracks, that they were able to peer through and see what was happening inside.
And what they saw was utterly absurd: an old man in a wheelchair apparently crying, a shaven-headed young woman dancing, and a young man with sad eyes shaking a tambourine and singing a folk song.
‘I’m going to find out what they’re up to,’ said the king.
He knocked the music stopped, and the young man came to the door.
‘We are merchants in search of a place to sleep we heard the music, saw that you were still awake, and wondered if we could spend the night here.’
‘You can find shelter in a hotel in the city we, alas, cannot help you despite the music, this house is full of sadness and suffering.’
‘And may we know why?’
‘It’s all because of me.’ It was the old man in the wheelchair who spoke.
‘I’ve spent my life teaching my son calligraphy, so that he could one day get a job as a palace scribe.
But the years have passed and no post has ever come up and then, last night, I had a stupid dream: an angel appeared to me and asked me to buy a silver goblet because, the angel said, the king would be coming to visit me.
He would drink from the goblet and give my son a job.
A old Man walked into the bank
Two Irishmen Are Lost At Sea
8.
Tim decided to tie the knot with his long time girlfriend.
One evening, after the honeymoon, he was organizing his golfing equipment.
His wife was standing nearby watching him.
After a long period of silence she finally speaks:
“Tim, I’ve been thinking, now that we’re married maybe it’s time you quit golfing. You spend so much time on the course. You could probably get a good price for your clubs.”
Tim gets this horrified look on his face.
She says, “Darling, what’s wrong?”
“For a minute there you were beginning to sound like my ex-wife.”
“Ex-wife!” she screams,
“I didn’t know you were married before!”
“I wasn’t,” he replied.
A young couple came into the church office
A couple was relating their vacation experiences
Tim decided to tie the knot with his long time girlfriend.
One evening, after the honeymoon, he was organizing his golfing equipment.
His wife was standing nearby watching him.
After a long period of silence she finally speaks:
“Tim, I’ve been thinking, now that we’re married maybe it’s time you quit golfing. You spend so much time on the course. You could probably get a good price for your clubs.”
Tim gets this horrified look on his face.
She says, “Darling, what’s wrong?”
“For a minute there you were beginning to sound like my ex-wife.”
“Ex-wife!” she screams,
“I didn’t know you were married before!”
“I wasn’t,” he replied.
A young couple came into the church office
A couple was relating their vacation experiences
9.
A woman woke in the middle of the night to find her husband missing from their bed.
In the stillness of the house, she could hear a muffled sound downstairs.
She went downstairs and looked all around, still not finding her husband.
Listening again, she could definitely hear moaning.
She went down to the basement to find her husband, crouched in the corner facing the wall, sobbing.
“What’s wrong with you?” she asked him.
“Remember when your father caught us fooling around when you were 16?” he replied.
“And remember, he said, I had two choices: I could either marry you, or spend the next 20 years in prison.”
Baffled, she said, “yes, I remember. So?”
“Well…I would have gotten out today!”
One day two young brothers in Rome
A man and his wife of more than 50 years
A woman woke in the middle of the night to find her husband missing from their bed.
In the stillness of the house, she could hear a muffled sound downstairs.
She went downstairs and looked all around, still not finding her husband.
Listening again, she could definitely hear moaning.
She went down to the basement to find her husband, crouched in the corner facing the wall, sobbing.
“What’s wrong with you?” she asked him.
“Remember when your father caught us fooling around when you were 16?” he replied.
“And remember, he said, I had two choices: I could either marry you, or spend the next 20 years in prison.”
Baffled, she said, “yes, I remember. So?”
“Well…I would have gotten out today!”
One day two young brothers in Rome
A man and his wife of more than 50 years
10.
The pilot announced, “Uh, Folks, we just experienced some turbulence, which caused some engine troubles on our left wing.
Luckily, this jet is equipped with 4 engines, and we still have 3 functional engines!
Because of the engine issues we will be arriving at our destination 30 minutes later than scheduled.”
The passengers all groaned and went back to sleeping, reading, and watching their movies.
Not long afterwards, they felt more turbulence, and again heard the pilot say,
“OK so we just lost our second engine, but not to worry, we are still running well on two engines.
We will arrive at our destination 1 hour later than scheduled.”
The passengers exchanged worried looks and started talking among themselves.
Again, they felt the jet dip and rumble, and again, they heard the pilot say,
“We lost our third engine, and we will arrive 2 hours later than scheduled at our destination.
My apologies for the inconveniences this delay is causing all of you.”
This time, a frustrated looking passenger wearing a business suit stood up and yelled,
“At this rate, if we lose another engine, it’ll take all day to get there!”
Three women die together
The detective walks around the scene
The pilot announced, “Uh, Folks, we just experienced some turbulence, which caused some engine troubles on our left wing.
Luckily, this jet is equipped with 4 engines, and we still have 3 functional engines!
Because of the engine issues we will be arriving at our destination 30 minutes later than scheduled.”
The passengers all groaned and went back to sleeping, reading, and watching their movies.
Not long afterwards, they felt more turbulence, and again heard the pilot say,
“OK so we just lost our second engine, but not to worry, we are still running well on two engines.
We will arrive at our destination 1 hour later than scheduled.”
The passengers exchanged worried looks and started talking among themselves.
Again, they felt the jet dip and rumble, and again, they heard the pilot say,
“We lost our third engine, and we will arrive 2 hours later than scheduled at our destination.
My apologies for the inconveniences this delay is causing all of you.”
This time, a frustrated looking passenger wearing a business suit stood up and yelled,
“At this rate, if we lose another engine, it’ll take all day to get there!”
Three women die together
The detective walks around the scene
11.
The man checked his speed and saw he was going 30mph.
He thought, “Am I crazy, or is this chicken keeping pace with me at 30mph?”
So he sped up 40mph, and to his surprise, the chicken kept running right next to his car.
“This can’t be right.”, the man thought.
“No chicken can run this fast.”
So he sped up to 50mph.
The chicken, amazingly, kept pace with his car the man looked closely at the chicken, and he saw it also had 3 legs.
“A 3 legged chicken, running 50 miles per hour? Am I dreaming? How can this be real?”
So the man sped up to 60mph.
The chicken also sped up and kept pace with his car then, to the man’s astonishment, passed his car and ran a few yards ahead, then suddenly turned hard left down another road without slowing down.
The man hit the brakes, and turned down the road to follow the chicken, but the chicken was out of sight but a little ways down the road, the man saw a farmer out to get his mail.
The man stopped next to the farmer and said, “Hey! Did you just see a 3-legged chicken come tearing down this road at 60 miles per hour?”
The farmer looked at the man and said, “Yup, I saw him he was one of mine.”
“One of yours??”, said the man, incredulous.
“Yup”, said the farmer.
“You see, I raise 3 legged chickens.
I like to eat the drumstick, my wife likes to eat the drumstick, and now our little boy likes to eat the drumstick, so I got tired of us fighting over them and decided to use some selective breeding until I got 3 legged chickens.”
“That’s amazing!”, said the man.
“Well, congratulations on your successful breeding program and how do they taste?”
“Well”, said the farmer.
“I don’t know I’ve never been able to catch one.”
A important race on a new horse
Two nuns were shopping
The man checked his speed and saw he was going 30mph.
He thought, “Am I crazy, or is this chicken keeping pace with me at 30mph?”
So he sped up 40mph, and to his surprise, the chicken kept running right next to his car.
“This can’t be right.”, the man thought.
“No chicken can run this fast.”
So he sped up to 50mph.
The chicken, amazingly, kept pace with his car the man looked closely at the chicken, and he saw it also had 3 legs.
“A 3 legged chicken, running 50 miles per hour? Am I dreaming? How can this be real?”
So the man sped up to 60mph.
The chicken also sped up and kept pace with his car then, to the man’s astonishment, passed his car and ran a few yards ahead, then suddenly turned hard left down another road without slowing down.
The man hit the brakes, and turned down the road to follow the chicken, but the chicken was out of sight but a little ways down the road, the man saw a farmer out to get his mail.
The man stopped next to the farmer and said, “Hey! Did you just see a 3-legged chicken come tearing down this road at 60 miles per hour?”
The farmer looked at the man and said, “Yup, I saw him he was one of mine.”
“One of yours??”, said the man, incredulous.
“Yup”, said the farmer.
“You see, I raise 3 legged chickens.
I like to eat the drumstick, my wife likes to eat the drumstick, and now our little boy likes to eat the drumstick, so I got tired of us fighting over them and decided to use some selective breeding until I got 3 legged chickens.”
“That’s amazing!”, said the man.
“Well, congratulations on your successful breeding program and how do they taste?”
“Well”, said the farmer.
“I don’t know I’ve never been able to catch one.”
A important race on a new horse
Two nuns were shopping
12.
When I got home that night as my wife served dinner, I held her hand and said, I’ve got something to tell you She sat down and ate quietly Again I observed the hurt in her eyes.
Suddenly I didn’t know how to open my mouth But I had to let her know what I was thinking I want a divorce I raised the topic calmly.
She didn’t seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, Why?
I avoided her question This made her angry She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man! That night, we didn’t talk to each other
She was weeping
I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage
But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer; she had lost my heart to Jane
I didn’t love her anymore I just pitied her!
With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company.
She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces
The woman who had spent ten years of her life with me had become a stranger
I felt sorry for her wasted time, resources and energy but I could not take back what I had said for I loved Jane so dearly.
Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see
To me her cry was actually a kind of release
The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now.
The next day, I came back home very late and found her writing something at the table
I didn’t have supper but went straight to sleep and fell asleep very fast because I was tired after an eventful day with Jane.
When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing
I just did not care so I turned over and was asleep again.
One day Nasreddin Hodja quarrelled
Arriving home from work
When I got home that night as my wife served dinner, I held her hand and said, I’ve got something to tell you She sat down and ate quietly Again I observed the hurt in her eyes.
Suddenly I didn’t know how to open my mouth But I had to let her know what I was thinking I want a divorce I raised the topic calmly.
She didn’t seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, Why?
I avoided her question This made her angry She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man! That night, we didn’t talk to each other
She was weeping
I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage
But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer; she had lost my heart to Jane
I didn’t love her anymore I just pitied her!
With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company.
She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces
The woman who had spent ten years of her life with me had become a stranger
I felt sorry for her wasted time, resources and energy but I could not take back what I had said for I loved Jane so dearly.
Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see
To me her cry was actually a kind of release
The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now.
The next day, I came back home very late and found her writing something at the table
I didn’t have supper but went straight to sleep and fell asleep very fast because I was tired after an eventful day with Jane.
When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing
I just did not care so I turned over and was asleep again.
One day Nasreddin Hodja quarrelled
Arriving home from work
13.
A teacher shows three toys to a student and asks the student to find out the differences.
All the three toys are seemed to be identical in their shape, size and material.
After keen observation, the student observes holes in the toys.
First toy has holes in the ears.
Second toy has holes in ear and mouth.
Third toy has only one hole in one ear.
Then with the help of a needle, the student puts the needle in the ear hole of the first toy.
The needle comes out from the other ear.
In the second toy, when the needle was put in the ear, the needle came out of mouth.
And in the third toy, when the needle was put in, the needle did not come out.
First toy represents those people around you who give an impression that they are listening to all your things and care for you.
But they just pretend to do so after listening, as the needle comes out from the next ear, the things you said to them by counting on them are gone.
So be careful while you are speaking to this type of people around you, who does not care for you.
Second toy represents those people who listen to you, all your things and give an impression that they care for you.
But as in the toy, the needle comes out from mouth.
These people will use your things and the words you tell them against you by telling it to others and bringing out the confidential issues for their own purpose.
Third toy, the needle does not come out from it.
These kinds of people will keep the trust you have in them they are the ones who you can count on.
Always stay in a company of people who are loyal and trustworthy.
People, who listen to what you tell them, are not always the ones you can count on when you need them the most.
The Lion & Mouse
A man walks in to a bar with a box
A teacher shows three toys to a student and asks the student to find out the differences.
All the three toys are seemed to be identical in their shape, size and material.
After keen observation, the student observes holes in the toys.
First toy has holes in the ears.
Second toy has holes in ear and mouth.
Third toy has only one hole in one ear.
Then with the help of a needle, the student puts the needle in the ear hole of the first toy.
The needle comes out from the other ear.
In the second toy, when the needle was put in the ear, the needle came out of mouth.
And in the third toy, when the needle was put in, the needle did not come out.
First toy represents those people around you who give an impression that they are listening to all your things and care for you.
But they just pretend to do so after listening, as the needle comes out from the next ear, the things you said to them by counting on them are gone.
So be careful while you are speaking to this type of people around you, who does not care for you.
Second toy represents those people who listen to you, all your things and give an impression that they care for you.
But as in the toy, the needle comes out from mouth.
These people will use your things and the words you tell them against you by telling it to others and bringing out the confidential issues for their own purpose.
Third toy, the needle does not come out from it.
These kinds of people will keep the trust you have in them they are the ones who you can count on.
Always stay in a company of people who are loyal and trustworthy.
People, who listen to what you tell them, are not always the ones you can count on when you need them the most.
The Lion & Mouse
A man walks in to a bar with a box
14.
This guy is dining alone in a fancy restaurant and there’s a beautiful redhead sitting at the next table…
He’s been sneakily checking her out ever since he arrived, but doesn’t have the courage to start talking to her.
Suddenly she sneezes, and her glass eye comes flying out of its socket toward the man.
His reflexes kick in and he reaches out, plucks it out of the air, and hands it back to her.
The redhead is mortified. “Oh my, I am so sorry,”
she says as she pops her eye back into place. “Let me buy your dinner to make it up to you.”
So he joins her table and they enjoy a wonderful meal together.
Afterwards they go to the theatre followed by drinks at a bar.
They talk, they laugh, she shares her deepest dreams and he shares his. She listens.
After paying for everything, she asks him if he would like to come to her place for a nightcap.
He says yes and they return to her place. He ends up staying the night.
The next morning, she cooks a gourmet meal with all the trimmings.
The guy is amazed at how everything has been so perfect and how incredible this woman is.
He can’t believe his luck. “You know,” he said, “you are the perfect woman, are you this nice to every guy you meet?”
“No,” she replies, “You just happened to catch my eye.”
A sweet grandmother telephoned St. Joseph’s Hospital
A Mafia Godfather finds out
This guy is dining alone in a fancy restaurant and there’s a beautiful redhead sitting at the next table…
He’s been sneakily checking her out ever since he arrived, but doesn’t have the courage to start talking to her.
Suddenly she sneezes, and her glass eye comes flying out of its socket toward the man.
His reflexes kick in and he reaches out, plucks it out of the air, and hands it back to her.
The redhead is mortified. “Oh my, I am so sorry,”
she says as she pops her eye back into place. “Let me buy your dinner to make it up to you.”
So he joins her table and they enjoy a wonderful meal together.
Afterwards they go to the theatre followed by drinks at a bar.
They talk, they laugh, she shares her deepest dreams and he shares his. She listens.
After paying for everything, she asks him if he would like to come to her place for a nightcap.
He says yes and they return to her place. He ends up staying the night.
The next morning, she cooks a gourmet meal with all the trimmings.
The guy is amazed at how everything has been so perfect and how incredible this woman is.
He can’t believe his luck. “You know,” he said, “you are the perfect woman, are you this nice to every guy you meet?”
“No,” she replies, “You just happened to catch my eye.”
A sweet grandmother telephoned St. Joseph’s Hospital
A Mafia Godfather finds out
15.
A guy asked a girl in the library.
“Do you mind if I sit beside you?”
The girl answered with a loud voice.
“I don’t want to spend the night with you.”
All the students in the library started staring at the guy and he was embarrassed.
After a couple of minutes, the girl walked quietly to the guy’s table and told him.
“I study psychology and I know what a man is thinking.
I guess you felt embarrassed, right?”
The guy responded with a loud voice.
“$200 just for one night? That’s too much”
And all the people in the library looked at the girl in shock and the boy whispered in her ears.
I study law and I know how to make someone guilty.”
She gets out of bed
Three men and woman are travelling on a train
A guy asked a girl in the library.
“Do you mind if I sit beside you?”
The girl answered with a loud voice.
“I don’t want to spend the night with you.”
All the students in the library started staring at the guy and he was embarrassed.
After a couple of minutes, the girl walked quietly to the guy’s table and told him.
“I study psychology and I know what a man is thinking.
I guess you felt embarrassed, right?”
The guy responded with a loud voice.
“$200 just for one night? That’s too much”
And all the people in the library looked at the girl in shock and the boy whispered in her ears.
I study law and I know how to make someone guilty.”
She gets out of bed
Three men and woman are travelling on a train
16.
A young female teacher, good looking and wearing a short and tight skirt, was giving an assignment to her class one day.
It was a big assignment, so she started writing high up on the whiteboard.
Suddenly, one boy in the class giggles.
She quickly turns and asks:
“What’s so funny, Michael?”
“Sorry teacher, but I just saw one of your garters,” he answers.
Get out of my classroom,” she yells, “I don’t want to see you for three days.”
The teacher turns back to the whiteboard after adjusting her skirt.
Realizing she had forgotten to title the assignment, she reaches to the very top to write it.
Suddenly there is an even louder giggle from another student.
She turns again and shouts:
“What’s so funny, Billy?”
“Well miss, I just saw both of your garters.”
His days are counted she, now furious, screams as loud as she can:
“Get out of my classroom!!” This time the punishment gets more severe.
“I don’t want to see you for three weeks.”
She fixes her skirt again.
Embarrassed and frustrated, she drops her marker when she turns towards the board, so she bends over to pick it up.
This time one of the kids bursts out laughing.
The teacher quickly turns around and sees little Johnny packing his things and heading for the classroom’s door.
“Where do you think you are going?” She asks.
Johnny turns around, still shocked, and answers: “Well, from what I just saw, my school days are pretty much over.”
A man and a woman meet
A blonde woman walking down the street
A young female teacher, good looking and wearing a short and tight skirt, was giving an assignment to her class one day.
It was a big assignment, so she started writing high up on the whiteboard.
Suddenly, one boy in the class giggles.
She quickly turns and asks:
“What’s so funny, Michael?”
“Sorry teacher, but I just saw one of your garters,” he answers.
Get out of my classroom,” she yells, “I don’t want to see you for three days.”
The teacher turns back to the whiteboard after adjusting her skirt.
Realizing she had forgotten to title the assignment, she reaches to the very top to write it.
Suddenly there is an even louder giggle from another student.
She turns again and shouts:
“What’s so funny, Billy?”
“Well miss, I just saw both of your garters.”
His days are counted she, now furious, screams as loud as she can:
“Get out of my classroom!!” This time the punishment gets more severe.
“I don’t want to see you for three weeks.”
She fixes her skirt again.
Embarrassed and frustrated, she drops her marker when she turns towards the board, so she bends over to pick it up.
This time one of the kids bursts out laughing.
The teacher quickly turns around and sees little Johnny packing his things and heading for the classroom’s door.
“Where do you think you are going?” She asks.
Johnny turns around, still shocked, and answers: “Well, from what I just saw, my school days are pretty much over.”
A man and a woman meet
A blonde woman walking down the street
17.
They had shared everything.
They had talked about everything.
They had kept no secrets from each other except that the little old woman had a shoe box in the top of her closet that she had cautioned her husband never to open or ask her about.
For all of these years, he had never thought about the box, but one day the little old woman got very sick and the doctor said she would not recover.
In trying to sort out their affairs, the little old man took down the shoe box and took it to his wife’s bedside.
She agreed that it was time that he should know what was in the box.
When he opened it, he found two crocheted dolls and a stack of money totaling $95,000.
He asked her about the contents.
‘When we were to be married,’ she said, my grandmother told me the secret of a happy marriage was to never argue.
She told me that if I ever got angry with you, I should just keep quiet and crochet a doll.
The little old man was so moved; he had to fight back tears. Only two Precious dolls were in the box.
She had only been angry with him two Times in all those years of living and loving.
He almost burst with Happiness.
‘Honey,’ he said, ‘that explains the doll, but what about all of this money? Where did it come from?’
‘Oh,’ she said, ‘that’s the money I made from selling the dolls.’
A man stopped at a flower shop
Ole and Sven go out squirrel hunting
They had shared everything.
They had talked about everything.
They had kept no secrets from each other except that the little old woman had a shoe box in the top of her closet that she had cautioned her husband never to open or ask her about.
For all of these years, he had never thought about the box, but one day the little old woman got very sick and the doctor said she would not recover.
In trying to sort out their affairs, the little old man took down the shoe box and took it to his wife’s bedside.
She agreed that it was time that he should know what was in the box.
When he opened it, he found two crocheted dolls and a stack of money totaling $95,000.
He asked her about the contents.
‘When we were to be married,’ she said, my grandmother told me the secret of a happy marriage was to never argue.
She told me that if I ever got angry with you, I should just keep quiet and crochet a doll.
The little old man was so moved; he had to fight back tears. Only two Precious dolls were in the box.
She had only been angry with him two Times in all those years of living and loving.
He almost burst with Happiness.
‘Honey,’ he said, ‘that explains the doll, but what about all of this money? Where did it come from?’
‘Oh,’ she said, ‘that’s the money I made from selling the dolls.’
A man stopped at a flower shop
Ole and Sven go out squirrel hunting
18.
A farmer decided he wanted to go to town and see a movie.
As he approached, the ticket agent asked,
“Sir, what’s that on your shoulder?”
The old farmer said,
“That’s my pet rooster Chuck wherever I go, Chuck goes.”
“I’m sorry, sir.” Said the ticket agent.
“We can’t allow animals in the theater.”
The old farmer went around the corner and stuffed Chuck down his overalls.
Then he returned to the booth, bought a ticket, and entered the theater.
He sat down next to two old widows named Mildred and Marge.
The movie started and the rooster began to squirm.
The old farmer unbuttoned his fly so Chuck could stick his head out and watch the movie.
“Marge.” Whispered Mildred.
“What?” Said Marge.
“I think the guy next to me is a pervert.”
“What makes you think so?” Asked Marge.
“He undid his pants and he has his thing out.” Whispered Mildred.
“Eh, don’t worry about it.” Said Marge.
“At our age we’ve seen ’em all.”
“I thought so too,” said Mildred.
“But this one’s eating’ my popcorn.”
A 6 year-old boy was in the market
Mrs Murphy and Mrs Cohen
A farmer decided he wanted to go to town and see a movie.
As he approached, the ticket agent asked,
“Sir, what’s that on your shoulder?”
The old farmer said,
“That’s my pet rooster Chuck wherever I go, Chuck goes.”
“I’m sorry, sir.” Said the ticket agent.
“We can’t allow animals in the theater.”
The old farmer went around the corner and stuffed Chuck down his overalls.
Then he returned to the booth, bought a ticket, and entered the theater.
He sat down next to two old widows named Mildred and Marge.
The movie started and the rooster began to squirm.
The old farmer unbuttoned his fly so Chuck could stick his head out and watch the movie.
“Marge.” Whispered Mildred.
“What?” Said Marge.
“I think the guy next to me is a pervert.”
“What makes you think so?” Asked Marge.
“He undid his pants and he has his thing out.” Whispered Mildred.
“Eh, don’t worry about it.” Said Marge.
“At our age we’ve seen ’em all.”
“I thought so too,” said Mildred.
“But this one’s eating’ my popcorn.”
A 6 year-old boy was in the market
Mrs Murphy and Mrs Cohen
19.
A man comes home with his little daughter,
whom he has just taken to work.
The little girl asks,
“I saw you in your office with your secretary.
Why do you call her a doll?”
Feeling his wife’s gaze upon him, the man explains,
“Well, honey, my secretary is a very hard-working girl.
She types like you wouldn’t believe,
she knows the computer system and is very efficient.”
“Oh,” says the little girl,
“I thought it was because she closed her eyes when you lay her down on the couch.”
Innocent Babies Conversation
I recently read that love is entirely a matter of chemistry
A man comes home with his little daughter,
whom he has just taken to work.
The little girl asks,
“I saw you in your office with your secretary.
Why do you call her a doll?”
Feeling his wife’s gaze upon him, the man explains,
“Well, honey, my secretary is a very hard-working girl.
She types like you wouldn’t believe,
she knows the computer system and is very efficient.”
“Oh,” says the little girl,
“I thought it was because she closed her eyes when you lay her down on the couch.”
Innocent Babies Conversation
I recently read that love is entirely a matter of chemistry
20.
A farmer decides its time to tell his son how he breeds the animals.
He explains about the cows and the bull, the mares and the stallion and the ewes and the ram.
But he also decides to tell his boy about their one lame pig.
‘Unfortunately she can’t walk far, so when she’s in heat I put her in the wheelbarrow and cart her down to my friend’s farm for some alone time with his boar’.
A few weeks go by, and the boy is looking out the window.
He says ‘dad, the pig is in heat’
The farmer peeps over his newspaper to look at his boy and says, ‘how can you possibly know that from just looking out the window’
‘Well’ says the boy, ‘she’s in the wheelbarrow.’
A boy was cycling with a basket of eggs
A woman went to a lawyer to discuss
A farmer decides its time to tell his son how he breeds the animals.
He explains about the cows and the bull, the mares and the stallion and the ewes and the ram.
But he also decides to tell his boy about their one lame pig.
‘Unfortunately she can’t walk far, so when she’s in heat I put her in the wheelbarrow and cart her down to my friend’s farm for some alone time with his boar’.
A few weeks go by, and the boy is looking out the window.
He says ‘dad, the pig is in heat’
The farmer peeps over his newspaper to look at his boy and says, ‘how can you possibly know that from just looking out the window’
‘Well’ says the boy, ‘she’s in the wheelbarrow.’
A boy was cycling with a basket of eggs
A woman went to a lawyer to discuss
21.
An old man finds a rubber pack in his grandson’s apartment and asks what it is.
“It’s a rubber pack,” replies the grandson, sheepishly.
“What do you use it for?” asks Grandpa.
The grandson is embarrassed, so he says, “I use it to keep my cigarettes dry when I smoke in the rain.”
Grandpa says, “That’s a great idea.”
He goes to the drug store and asks the pharmacist for a rubber pack.
“What size would you like?” asks the pharmacist.
“Big enough to fit a Camel.”
A newlywed couple on their honeymoon
Harry and his wife are driving
An old man finds a rubber pack in his grandson’s apartment and asks what it is.
“It’s a rubber pack,” replies the grandson, sheepishly.
“What do you use it for?” asks Grandpa.
The grandson is embarrassed, so he says, “I use it to keep my cigarettes dry when I smoke in the rain.”
Grandpa says, “That’s a great idea.”
He goes to the drug store and asks the pharmacist for a rubber pack.
“What size would you like?” asks the pharmacist.
“Big enough to fit a Camel.”
A newlywed couple on their honeymoon
Harry and his wife are driving
22.
One night a lady came home from her weekly prayer meeting, found she was being robbed, and she shouted out, “Acts 2:38: ‘Repent & be baptized & your sins will be forgiven.'”
The robber quickly gave up & the lady rang the police.
While handcuffing the criminal, a policeman said, “Gee mate, you gave up pretty easily.
How come you gave up so quickly?”
The robber said, “She said she had an axe and two 38’s!”
A radical feminist is getting on a bus
A drunk staggers into a Catholic Church
One night a lady came home from her weekly prayer meeting, found she was being robbed, and she shouted out, “Acts 2:38: ‘Repent & be baptized & your sins will be forgiven.'”
The robber quickly gave up & the lady rang the police.
While handcuffing the criminal, a policeman said, “Gee mate, you gave up pretty easily.
How come you gave up so quickly?”
The robber said, “She said she had an axe and two 38’s!”
A radical feminist is getting on a bus
A drunk staggers into a Catholic Church
23.
A woman’s husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months, yet she had stayed by his bedside every single day.
One day, when he came to, he motioned for her to come nearer.
As she sat by him, he whispered, eyes full of tears,
“You know what? You have been with me all through the bad times. When I got fired, you were there to support me.
When my business failed, you were there. When I got shot, you were by my side. When we lost the house, you stayed right here. When my health started failing, you were still by my side. You know what?” he concluded.
“What, dear?” she asked gently, smiling as her heart began to fill with warmth.
“I think you’re bad luck.”
A guy walks into a bar with his dog
A young boy and his dad went out fishing
A woman’s husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months, yet she had stayed by his bedside every single day.
One day, when he came to, he motioned for her to come nearer.
As she sat by him, he whispered, eyes full of tears,
“You know what? You have been with me all through the bad times. When I got fired, you were there to support me.
When my business failed, you were there. When I got shot, you were by my side. When we lost the house, you stayed right here. When my health started failing, you were still by my side. You know what?” he concluded.
“What, dear?” she asked gently, smiling as her heart began to fill with warmth.
“I think you’re bad luck.”
A guy walks into a bar with his dog
A young boy and his dad went out fishing
24.
A woman takes her 16-year-old daughter to the doctor.
“Okay, Mrs. Jones, what’s the problem?”
The mother says, “It’s my daughter, Debbie. She keeps getting these cravings, she’s putting on weight, and she is sick most mornings.”
The doctor gives Debbie a good examination, then turns to the mother and says, “Well, I don’t know how to tell you this, but your Debbie is pregnant about four months would be my guess.”
The mother says, “Pregnant?! She can’t be, she has never been left alone with a man! Have you, Debbie?”
Debbie says, “No mother! I’ve never even kissed a man!”
The doctor walked over to the window and stared outside.
About five minutes passed before the mother said, “Is there something wrong out there, doctor?”
The doctor replied, “No, not at it. It’s just that the last time anything like this happened, a star appeared in the east and three wise men came over the hill. I’m not going to miss it this time around!”
Bubba and Earl were driving down the road
Three old men are talking about
A woman takes her 16-year-old daughter to the doctor.
“Okay, Mrs. Jones, what’s the problem?”
The mother says, “It’s my daughter, Debbie. She keeps getting these cravings, she’s putting on weight, and she is sick most mornings.”
The doctor gives Debbie a good examination, then turns to the mother and says, “Well, I don’t know how to tell you this, but your Debbie is pregnant about four months would be my guess.”
The mother says, “Pregnant?! She can’t be, she has never been left alone with a man! Have you, Debbie?”
Debbie says, “No mother! I’ve never even kissed a man!”
The doctor walked over to the window and stared outside.
About five minutes passed before the mother said, “Is there something wrong out there, doctor?”
The doctor replied, “No, not at it. It’s just that the last time anything like this happened, a star appeared in the east and three wise men came over the hill. I’m not going to miss it this time around!”
Bubba and Earl were driving down the road
Three old men are talking about
25.
A chemist comes back from his lunch break.
He finds his assistant busy behind the counter, and a man twitching while leaning against the wall.
“What’s going on?” he asks. The assistant tells him that the man came in for some cough syrup.
“Well, did you give it to him?” asks the chemist.
“No, we didn’t have any,” replies the assistant. “So what *have* you given him?” asks the chemist.
“Laxatives,” replies the assistant.
The chemists stares at the assistant, then the man, then back again.
And the assistant says, “Well, he doesn’t want to cough now.”
Once there was a young man whose friends
While riding my Harley, I swerved to avoid hitting a deer
A chemist comes back from his lunch break.
He finds his assistant busy behind the counter, and a man twitching while leaning against the wall.
“What’s going on?” he asks. The assistant tells him that the man came in for some cough syrup.
“Well, did you give it to him?” asks the chemist.
“No, we didn’t have any,” replies the assistant. “So what *have* you given him?” asks the chemist.
“Laxatives,” replies the assistant.
The chemists stares at the assistant, then the man, then back again.
And the assistant says, “Well, he doesn’t want to cough now.”
Once there was a young man whose friends
While riding my Harley, I swerved to avoid hitting a deer
26.
A man went into a bar in a high rise.
He saw another man take a pill, take a drink, walk to the window and jump out.
He flew around for a minute and zipped back into the bar.
As the amazed newcomer watched, the man repeated this twice more. Finally the man asked if he could have a pill.
The flier said it was his last one.
The man offered five hundred dollars to no avail, so he made a final offer of a thousand dollars.
The man said that it was all he had on him.
The flier reluctantly gave in, took the cash, surrendered the pill, and turned back to the bar.
The man took the pill, took a drink, went to the window, and jumped out only to fall to his death.
The bartender walked over to the flier at the bar and, wiping a glass, said, “You sure are mean when you’re drunk, Superman.”
Little Johnny was eating breakfast
A couple had been married for 25 years
A man went into a bar in a high rise.
He saw another man take a pill, take a drink, walk to the window and jump out.
He flew around for a minute and zipped back into the bar.
As the amazed newcomer watched, the man repeated this twice more. Finally the man asked if he could have a pill.
The flier said it was his last one.
The man offered five hundred dollars to no avail, so he made a final offer of a thousand dollars.
The man said that it was all he had on him.
The flier reluctantly gave in, took the cash, surrendered the pill, and turned back to the bar.
The man took the pill, took a drink, went to the window, and jumped out only to fall to his death.
The bartender walked over to the flier at the bar and, wiping a glass, said, “You sure are mean when you’re drunk, Superman.”
Little Johnny was eating breakfast
A couple had been married for 25 years
27.
The local news station was interviewing an 80-year-old lady because she had just gotten married for the fourth time.
The interviewer asked her questions about her life, about what it felt like to be marrying again at 80, and then about her new husband’s occupation.. “He’s a funeral director,” she answered.
“Interesting,” the newsman thought… He then asked her if she wouldn’t mind telling him a little about her first three husbands and what they did for a living.
She paused for a few moments, needing time to reflect on all those years.
After a short time, a smile came to her face and she answered proudly, explaining that she had first married a banker when she was in her 20’s, then a circus ringmaster when in her 40’s, and a preacher when in her 60’s, and now in her 80’s a funeral director.
The interviewer looked at her, quite astonished, and asked why she had married four men with such diverse careers.
She smiled and explained, “I married one for the money, two for the show, three to get ready, and four to go.”
A man was crossing a road one day
A elderly guy gets pulled over by a speed cop
The local news station was interviewing an 80-year-old lady because she had just gotten married for the fourth time.
The interviewer asked her questions about her life, about what it felt like to be marrying again at 80, and then about her new husband’s occupation.. “He’s a funeral director,” she answered.
“Interesting,” the newsman thought… He then asked her if she wouldn’t mind telling him a little about her first three husbands and what they did for a living.
She paused for a few moments, needing time to reflect on all those years.
After a short time, a smile came to her face and she answered proudly, explaining that she had first married a banker when she was in her 20’s, then a circus ringmaster when in her 40’s, and a preacher when in her 60’s, and now in her 80’s a funeral director.
The interviewer looked at her, quite astonished, and asked why she had married four men with such diverse careers.
She smiled and explained, “I married one for the money, two for the show, three to get ready, and four to go.”
A man was crossing a road one day
A elderly guy gets pulled over by a speed cop
28.
An old man and an old woman are together every night.
They aren’t married, but for years and years they have spent every night together.
All they ever do is sit on the couch buck unclothed and watch TV while she holds his tool.
Every night, like clockwork, they do this sit on the couch watching TV while she holds his tool.
One night he doesn’t show up.
Then a second night goes by no show. She calls him up.
“Where you been?” “Oh … I’ve been down at what’s her name’s.” “What are you doing there?”
“Pretty much the same thing we do sitting unclothed on the couch watching TV while she holds my tool.”
“Well, what does she have that I don’t have?”
A mother was reading a book
A hot new secretary
An old man and an old woman are together every night.
They aren’t married, but for years and years they have spent every night together.
All they ever do is sit on the couch buck unclothed and watch TV while she holds his tool.
Every night, like clockwork, they do this sit on the couch watching TV while she holds his tool.
One night he doesn’t show up.
Then a second night goes by no show. She calls him up.
“Where you been?” “Oh … I’ve been down at what’s her name’s.” “What are you doing there?”
“Pretty much the same thing we do sitting unclothed on the couch watching TV while she holds my tool.”
“Well, what does she have that I don’t have?”
A mother was reading a book
A hot new secretary
29.
A doctor just finishes his check-up with a man.
Dr: I’ve got good new and bad news. Which do you want to hear first?
Patient: I guess the bad news.
Dr: Well, you only have about 3 months to live and there’s nothing else we can do. I’m sorry.
Patient: (starts crying).
Dr: Now, now I know you’re upset but remember, I also said there was good news.
Patient: Yes, I need some good news what is it?
Dr: Well, you know my nurse, Donna.
Patient: (cheering up) Yes?
Dr: You know, the one with the big fronts?
Patient: (more excited) Yes, yes.
Dr: You know the one that’s always flirting with you every time you come in for a checkup?
Patient: (very excited) Yes, yes what about her?
Dr: I finally had make love with her last night.
A salesman was trying to talk a farmer
A man walks into a butcher shop
A doctor just finishes his check-up with a man.
Dr: I’ve got good new and bad news. Which do you want to hear first?
Patient: I guess the bad news.
Dr: Well, you only have about 3 months to live and there’s nothing else we can do. I’m sorry.
Patient: (starts crying).
Dr: Now, now I know you’re upset but remember, I also said there was good news.
Patient: Yes, I need some good news what is it?
Dr: Well, you know my nurse, Donna.
Patient: (cheering up) Yes?
Dr: You know, the one with the big fronts?
Patient: (more excited) Yes, yes.
Dr: You know the one that’s always flirting with you every time you come in for a checkup?
Patient: (very excited) Yes, yes what about her?
Dr: I finally had make love with her last night.
A salesman was trying to talk a farmer
A man walks into a butcher shop
30.
A woman goes her young daughter to the doctor.
The doctor says, “Okay, Mrs. Jones, what’s the problem?”
The mother says, “It’s my daughter Darla. She keeps getting these cravings, she’s putting on weight, and is sick most mornings.”
The doctor gives Darla a good examination, then turns to the mother and says,
“Well, I don’t know how to tell you this, but your Darla is pregnant about 4 months, would be my guess.”
The mother says, “Pregnant?! She can’t be, she has never ever been left alone with a man! Have you, Darla?”
Darla says, “No mother! I’ve never even kissed a man!”
The doctor walked over to the window and just stares out of it.
About five minutes pass and finally the mother says,
“Is there something wrong out there doctor?”
The doctor replies, “No, not really, it’s just that the last time anything like this happened, a star appeared in the east and three wise men came over the hill. I’ll be darned if I’m going to miss it this time!”
A old lady was walking down the street
A city kid went to his grandpa farm
A woman goes her young daughter to the doctor.
The doctor says, “Okay, Mrs. Jones, what’s the problem?”
The mother says, “It’s my daughter Darla. She keeps getting these cravings, she’s putting on weight, and is sick most mornings.”
The doctor gives Darla a good examination, then turns to the mother and says,
“Well, I don’t know how to tell you this, but your Darla is pregnant about 4 months, would be my guess.”
The mother says, “Pregnant?! She can’t be, she has never ever been left alone with a man! Have you, Darla?”
Darla says, “No mother! I’ve never even kissed a man!”
The doctor walked over to the window and just stares out of it.
About five minutes pass and finally the mother says,
“Is there something wrong out there doctor?”
The doctor replies, “No, not really, it’s just that the last time anything like this happened, a star appeared in the east and three wise men came over the hill. I’ll be darned if I’m going to miss it this time!”
A old lady was walking down the street
A city kid went to his grandpa farm
Tags:
Eng Jokes
