1.
An old Italian man goes to church for confession, he starts “Father forgive me for I have sinned. During the war I hid a young Jewish girl in my cellar”.“That was a wonderful thing you did and needs no forgiveness”, Said the priest.“That's not all, we st
An old Italian man goes to church for confession, he starts “Father forgive me for I have sinned. During the war I hid a young Jewish girl in my cellar”.“That was a wonderful thing you did and needs no forgiveness”, Said the priest.“That's not all, we st
2.
There were five people aboard an airplane having engine trouble getting ready to crash, however, there were only four parachutes.Everyone wondered what should be done to determine who should get the parachutes.One person said that he was the smartest thin
There were five people aboard an airplane having engine trouble getting ready to crash, however, there were only four parachutes.Everyone wondered what should be done to determine who should get the parachutes.One person said that he was the smartest thin
3.
A group of tourists was visiting a crocodile farm and they were in a floating structure in the middle of a crocodile lake.The owner of the farm shouted:“Whoever jumps into the water and swims to shore, will receive 10 million dollars.”The silence was deaf
A group of tourists was visiting a crocodile farm and they were in a floating structure in the middle of a crocodile lake.The owner of the farm shouted:“Whoever jumps into the water and swims to shore, will receive 10 million dollars.”The silence was deaf
4.
Jerry was at a marriage seminar, and the leader of the seminar, a lady, was asking everybody how long they were married for.When it was Jerry's turn Jerry said that he was married for almost 50 years.“Wow,” the leader gushed, “that's amazing, perhaps you
Jerry was at a marriage seminar, and the leader of the seminar, a lady, was asking everybody how long they were married for.When it was Jerry's turn Jerry said that he was married for almost 50 years.“Wow,” the leader gushed, “that's amazing, perhaps you
5.
A woman takes her 16 year old daughter to the doctor.
The doctor says, “Okay, Mrs. Jones, what seems to be the problem?”
The mother says, “It’s my daughter Darla.
She keeps getting these cravings, she’s putting on weight and is sick most mornings
A woman takes her 16 year old daughter to the doctor.
The doctor says, “Okay, Mrs. Jones, what seems to be the problem?”
The mother says, “It’s my daughter Darla.
She keeps getting these cravings, she’s putting on weight and is sick most mornings
6.
An American on vacation in Paris is having breakfast at a cafe one morning (coffee, croissants, bread, butter and jam) when a Frenchman, chewing bubble-gum, sits down next to him.The American ignores the Frenchman who, nevertheless, starts a conversation.
An American on vacation in Paris is having breakfast at a cafe one morning (coffee, croissants, bread, butter and jam) when a Frenchman, chewing bubble-gum, sits down next to him.The American ignores the Frenchman who, nevertheless, starts a conversation.
7.
A husband and wife have four sons.The oldest three are tall with red hair and light skin while the youngest son is short with black hair and dark eyes.The father was on his deathbed when he turned to his wife and said,“Honey, before I die, be totally hone
A husband and wife have four sons.The oldest three are tall with red hair and light skin while the youngest son is short with black hair and dark eyes.The father was on his deathbed when he turned to his wife and said,“Honey, before I die, be totally hone
8.
“Dad, where did I come from?” asks this 10-years-old.
The father was shocked that a 10 year old would be asking a question like that.
He was hoping to wait a few more years before he would have to explain the facts of life, but he figured it was bet
“Dad, where did I come from?” asks this 10-years-old.
The father was shocked that a 10 year old would be asking a question like that.
He was hoping to wait a few more years before he would have to explain the facts of life, but he figured it was bet
9.
A small tourist hotel was all abuzz about an afternoon wedding where the groom was 95 years old and the bride was 23.
The groom looked pretty feeble and the feeling was that the wedding night might kill him, because his bride was a healthy, vivacious y
A small tourist hotel was all abuzz about an afternoon wedding where the groom was 95 years old and the bride was 23.
The groom looked pretty feeble and the feeling was that the wedding night might kill him, because his bride was a healthy, vivacious y
10.
Hints on how to liven up your idle hours to maintain a healthy level of insanity:1At lunch time, sit In your parked car with sunglasses on and point a hair dryer at passing carswatch them slow down.2On all your cheque stubs, write “For Marijuana”3Skip dow
Hints on how to liven up your idle hours to maintain a healthy level of insanity:1At lunch time, sit In your parked car with sunglasses on and point a hair dryer at passing carswatch them slow down.2On all your cheque stubs, write “For Marijuana”3Skip dow
11.
One evening, a beautiful 17 year old daughter came home, feeling slightly worried.
Her dad noticed that something was wrong, and repeatedly asked her if there was anything she wanted to talk about.
Finally, the daughter revealed what had been bother
One evening, a beautiful 17 year old daughter came home, feeling slightly worried.
Her dad noticed that something was wrong, and repeatedly asked her if there was anything she wanted to talk about.
Finally, the daughter revealed what had been bother
12.
One night a blonde nun was praying in her room when God appeared before her.
“My daughter, you have pleased me greatly.
Your heart is full of love for your fellow creatures and your actions and prayers are always for the benefit of others.
I have
One night a blonde nun was praying in her room when God appeared before her.
“My daughter, you have pleased me greatly.
Your heart is full of love for your fellow creatures and your actions and prayers are always for the benefit of others.
I have
13.
There was a farmer who had a herd of pigs.
One day someone went to the farm and asked the farmer:
“What do you use to feed your pigs?”
“Well, I give them acorn, corn, and things like that. Why?”
“Because I am from the Animals Protection Associ
There was a farmer who had a herd of pigs.
One day someone went to the farm and asked the farmer:
“What do you use to feed your pigs?”
“Well, I give them acorn, corn, and things like that. Why?”
“Because I am from the Animals Protection Associ
14.
A man and his wife are at a restaurant, and the husband keeps staring at an old drunken lady swigging her gin at a nearby table.His wife asks, “Do you know her?”“Yes,” sighs the husband.“She's my ex-wife.She took to drinking right after we divorced seven
A man and his wife are at a restaurant, and the husband keeps staring at an old drunken lady swigging her gin at a nearby table.His wife asks, “Do you know her?”“Yes,” sighs the husband.“She's my ex-wife.She took to drinking right after we divorced seven
15.
After being married for thirty years, a wife asked her husband to describe her.He looked at her for a while, and then said, “You're A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K.”She asked, “What does that mean?”He said, “Adorable, Beautiful, Cute, Delightful, Elegant,
After being married for thirty years, a wife asked her husband to describe her.He looked at her for a while, and then said, “You're A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K.”She asked, “What does that mean?”He said, “Adorable, Beautiful, Cute, Delightful, Elegant,
16.
A naturopathic doctor opens up a wellness clinicHe puts a sign outside that says ‘GET TREATMENT FOR $20 – IF NOT CURED, GET BACK $100.'A lawyer thinks this is a great opportunity to earn $100 and goes to the clinic.Lawyer: “I have lost my sense of taste.”
A naturopathic doctor opens up a wellness clinicHe puts a sign outside that says ‘GET TREATMENT FOR $20 – IF NOT CURED, GET BACK $100.'A lawyer thinks this is a great opportunity to earn $100 and goes to the clinic.Lawyer: “I have lost my sense of taste.”
17.
ON A KOREAN KITCHEN KNIFE:
Warning keep out of children.
ON A HAIR DRYER:
Do not use while sleeping.
ON A BAG OF FRITOS:
You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.
ON A BAR OF DIAL SOAP:
Directions: Use like regular
ON A KOREAN KITCHEN KNIFE:
Warning keep out of children.
ON A HAIR DRYER:
Do not use while sleeping.
ON A BAG OF FRITOS:
You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.
ON A BAR OF DIAL SOAP:
Directions: Use like regular
18.
The Birthday SurpriseDuring lunch at work, I ate 3 plates of beans (which I know I shouldn't).When I got home, my husband seemed excited to see me and exclaimed delightedly, “Darling I have a surprise for dinner tonight.”He then blindfolded me and led me
The Birthday SurpriseDuring lunch at work, I ate 3 plates of beans (which I know I shouldn't).When I got home, my husband seemed excited to see me and exclaimed delightedly, “Darling I have a surprise for dinner tonight.”He then blindfolded me and led me
19.
A blonde was summoned to court to appear as a witness in a lawsuitThe prosecutor opened his questioning with, “Where were you the night of August 24th?”“Objection!” said the defense attorney“Irrelevant!”“Oh, that's okay,” said the blonde from the witness
A blonde was summoned to court to appear as a witness in a lawsuitThe prosecutor opened his questioning with, “Where were you the night of August 24th?”“Objection!” said the defense attorney“Irrelevant!”“Oh, that's okay,” said the blonde from the witness
20.
All three sit down at the barThe bartender looks at the man and says, “What'll ya have?”The man says, “Gimme a beer.” The ostrich says, “I'll have one too.” The cat says, “I want two beers, but I'm only gonna pay half price.”The bartender serves up four b
All three sit down at the barThe bartender looks at the man and says, “What'll ya have?”The man says, “Gimme a beer.” The ostrich says, “I'll have one too.” The cat says, “I want two beers, but I'm only gonna pay half price.”The bartender serves up four b
21.
A cowboy, who just moved from Wyoming to Texas walks into a bar and orders three mugs of Bud.
He sits in the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn.
When he finishes them, he comes back to the bar and orders three more.
The bart
A cowboy, who just moved from Wyoming to Texas walks into a bar and orders three mugs of Bud.
He sits in the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn.
When he finishes them, he comes back to the bar and orders three more.
The bart
22.
A young naval student was being put through the paces by an old sea captain.“What would you do if a sudden storm sprang up on the starboard?”“Throw out an anchor, Sir.”“What would you do if another storm sprang up aft?”“Throw out another anchor, Sir.”“And
A young naval student was being put through the paces by an old sea captain.“What would you do if a sudden storm sprang up on the starboard?”“Throw out an anchor, Sir.”“What would you do if another storm sprang up aft?”“Throw out another anchor, Sir.”“And
23.
A guy is reading his paper when his wife walks up behind him and smacks him on the back of the head with a frying pan.He asks, “What was that for?”She says, “I found a piece of paper in your pocket with Betty Sue written on it.”He says, “Jeez, honey, reme
A guy is reading his paper when his wife walks up behind him and smacks him on the back of the head with a frying pan.He asks, “What was that for?”She says, “I found a piece of paper in your pocket with Betty Sue written on it.”He says, “Jeez, honey, reme
24.
He was a widower and she a widow.They had known each other for a number of years being high school classmates and having attended class reunions in the past without fail.This 60th anniversary of their class, the widower and the widow made a foursome with
He was a widower and she a widow.They had known each other for a number of years being high school classmates and having attended class reunions in the past without fail.This 60th anniversary of their class, the widower and the widow made a foursome with
25.
… complaining about their biggest regrets on getting old.The first old man said, “I'd give anything to take a good piss like I did when I was young. Every morning I get up it takes me 5 minutes to take a piss, and then it's only a small dribble.”The seco
… complaining about their biggest regrets on getting old.The first old man said, “I'd give anything to take a good piss like I did when I was young. Every morning I get up it takes me 5 minutes to take a piss, and then it's only a small dribble.”The seco
26.
A man is working in a d*ldo store, when a brunette walks in.
She asks him how much for the black d*ldo?
He replies $50 for the black one, $50 for the white one.
She leaves without purchasing anything.
A red head walks in and asks him how much
A man is working in a d*ldo store, when a brunette walks in.
She asks him how much for the black d*ldo?
He replies $50 for the black one, $50 for the white one.
She leaves without purchasing anything.
A red head walks in and asks him how much
27.
The boss is finally old enough to retire from the company.On his last day of work, he ordered a farewell party for himself.The boss wanted everyone to express their good feeling about him by writing on the farewell card,So later he could remember how his
The boss is finally old enough to retire from the company.On his last day of work, he ordered a farewell party for himself.The boss wanted everyone to express their good feeling about him by writing on the farewell card,So later he could remember how his
28.
This is something to think about when negative people are doing their best to rain on your paradeSo remember this story the next time someone who knows nothing, and cares less, tries to make your life miserable.A woman was at her hairdresser's getting her
This is something to think about when negative people are doing their best to rain on your paradeSo remember this story the next time someone who knows nothing, and cares less, tries to make your life miserable.A woman was at her hairdresser's getting her
29.
After a long, dry sermon, the minister announced that he wished to meet with the church's board following the close of the service.The first man to arrive and greet the minister was a total stranger.“You misunderstood my announcementThis is a meeting of t
After a long, dry sermon, the minister announced that he wished to meet with the church's board following the close of the service.The first man to arrive and greet the minister was a total stranger.“You misunderstood my announcementThis is a meeting of t
30.
“Bob, I'm sorryI've been riddled with guilt and I have to confess:I have been helping myself to your wife when you're not around, probably more than youIt's been so incredible and fun, I've not been
“Bob, I'm sorryI've been riddled with guilt and I have to confess:I have been helping myself to your wife when you're not around, probably more than youIt's been so incredible and fun, I've not been
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