Two men leave a store Funny Jokes 05

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Two men leave a store. One man walks to his Corvette, the other walks out to his moped.
The guy with the moped admires the Corvette and the owner lets him take a look at it.
The he gets on his moped, the other guy gets into his ‘Vette, and they both

2.



A farmer was taking three of his donkeys for sale to the market.
On the way, he saw a river and decided to have a dip.
Since he had only two ropes to tie the donkeys to a tree, he looked around wondering how to tie the third one.
He saw a sage an

3.



It was about a month ago when a woman in Amsterdam felt that he needed to confess, so went to his priest.“Forgive me Father, for I have sinnedDuring WWII I hid a refugee in my attic.”“Well,” answered the priest, “that's not a sin.”“But I made him agree to

4.



Daddy, how was I born ?
The father answers, ‘Well, son, I guess one day you will need to find out anyway!
Your Mom and I first got together in a chat room on Yahoo.
Then I set up a date via e-mail with your Mom and we met at a cyber-cafe.
We s

5.



Johnny comes back from school crying and says, “Mommy, all the kids in the school say I have a big head.”
His mother replies, “No, you don’t, Johnny.
You have a hideously deformed head.
The other children are merely hiding the truth to protect yo

6.



Four guys have been going on the same fishing trip for many years.A few days before the group's annual departure date, John's new wife puts her foot down and tells him he isn't allowed to go.John's fishing buddies are very upset that he can't go, but what

7.



A man and his wife are discussing what they think their son will be when he grows up.
“I have an idea,” says the father. He puts a ten-dollar bill, a bottle of whiskey, and a Bible on the coffee table.
“If he takes the money, he’ll be a banker. If h

8.



… and towards the end of the program had already won 500,000 euros.“You've done very well so far,” said Chris Tarrant, the show's presenter, “but for a million euros you've only got one lifeline left, phone a friend.  If you get the next question wrong, y

9.



The pilot announced, “Uh, Folks, we just experienced some turbulence, which caused some engine troubles on our left wing.  Luckily, this jet is equipped with 4 engines, and we still have 3 functional engines!  Because of the engine issues we will be arriv

10.



Wife: Doing her makeup early morning straight out from BedHusband: Are you crazyWife: Just shut up, I need to unlock my phone.Its on face recognition feature and it is not recognizing me.Husband: Laughing Loudly

11.



A drunken Irishman is driving through the city of Dublin and his car is weaving violently all over the road.
A cop pulls him over.
“So,” says the cop to the driver, “where have you been?”
“I’ve been to the pub,” slurs the drunk.
“Well,” says t

12.



If you think life is bad…
How would you like to be an egg?
You only get laid once.
You only get eaten once.
It takes 4 minutes to get hard.
Only 2 minutes to get soft.
You share your box with 11 other guys.
But worst of all…
The on

13.



The visiting church school supervisor asks little Johnny during Bible class who broke down the walls of Jericho.
Little Johnny replies that he does not know, but it definitely is not him.
The supervisor, taken aback by this lack of basic Bible knowl

14.



The day after his wife disappeared in a kayaking accident in the Bay of Fundy, Nova Scotia, a man answered his door to find two grim-faced Mounties.
“We know it’s late, sir, but we have some information about your wife,” said one of the Mounties.
“T

15.



The interviewer asks him, “Are you allergic to anything?”He replies, “Yes, caffeineI can't drink coffee.”“OK, have you ever been in the military service?”“Yes,” he says, “I was in Afghanistan for one tour.”The interviewer says, “That will give you 5 extra

16.



An old Man walked into the bank and stood in the queue, when it was his turn he handed his bank card to a bank teller and said, “I would like to withdraw £10.”The teller told him, “For withdrawals less than £100 please use the ATM.”The old man wanted to k

17.



The Mechanic Asks The Heart Surgeon… when he spotted a well-known heart surgeon in his shop.The surgeon was there waiting for the service manager to come take a look at his bike when the mechanic shouted across the garage, “Hey, Doc, can I ask you a quest

18.



A cat died and went to Heaven.
God met the animal at the Pearly Gates and said,
“You have been a good cat all of these years. Anything you want is yours for the asking.”
The cat thought for a moment and then said,
“All my life I lived on a far

19.



A little lizard is walking through the Australian bush when a voice calls“Hey lizard”The lizard looks up and perched in the tree is a koala smoking a joint.“Come on up and join me in a joint”So the lizard climbs the tree and the koala rolls him a joint an

20.



A farmer drove to a neighbor's farmhouse and knocked at the door.A boy, about 9, opened the door“Is your dad or mum home?” said the farmer.“No, they went to town.”“How about your brother, Howard? Is he here?”“No, he went with Mum and Dad.”The farmer stood

21.



A police officer came upon a terrible wreck where the driver and passenger had been killed.
As he looked upon the wreckage a little monkey came out of the brush and hopped around the crashed car.
The officer looked down at the monkey and said,
“I

22.



A noted psychiatrist was a guest speaker at an academic function where a politician happened to appear.
The politician took the opportunity to schmooze the good doctor a bit and asked him a question with which he was most at ease.
‘Would you mind te

23.



For my fortieth birthday this year, my wife (the dear) purchased a week of personal training at the local health club for meAlthough I am still in great shape since playing football 24 yrs ago, I decided it would be a good idea to go ahead and give it a t

24.



A little girl and her mother are at church when the little girl starts to feel sick.
Her mother tells her to go throw up in the bushes behind the church.
When the little girl returns, her mother asks her if she threw up.
“Yes,” the girl says.

25.



A man had just settled into his seat next to the window on the plane when another man sat down in the aisle seat and put his black Labrador Retriever in the middle seat next to the man.The first man looked very quizzically at the dog and asked why the dog

26.



A motorcycle police officer stops a driver for shooting through a red lightThe driver is a real bast..., steps out of his car and comes striding toward theofficer, demanding to know why he is being harassed by the Gestapo!So the officer calmly tells him o

27.



A married couple got into an accident and the husband's face was badly burnedThe doctor told him that they couldn't graft any skin from his body because he was too skinnySo the wife offered to donate some of her own skin.However, the only skin on her body

28.



The young wife went into labor while her husband was overseas serving in the war.The next day he got the news that his wife had delivered twins.He got to a phone and called her right away.“Oh honey, I'm so happy,” he said“Who took you to the hospital?”“Yo

29.



A leading local politician and member of the congregation was chosen to make the presentation and to give a little speech at the dinner.  However, he was delayed, so the Priest decided to say his own few words while they waited.“I got my first impression

30.



A hillbilly’s wife went into labor in the middle of the night and the doctor was called out to assist in the delivery.
Since there was no electricity, the doctor handed the father-to-be a lantern and said, ‘Here, you hold this high so I can see what I