1.
The subway car was packed.
It was rush hour, and many people were forced to stand.
One particularly cramped woman turned to the man behind her and said,
“Sir, if you don’t stop poking me with your thing, I’m going to the cops!”
“I don’t know w
The subway car was packed.
It was rush hour, and many people were forced to stand.
One particularly cramped woman turned to the man behind her and said,
“Sir, if you don’t stop poking me with your thing, I’m going to the cops!”
“I don’t know w
2.
There is a town in France, which was flooding.Some people escaped to the roof of the church.The priest, however, stayed and said, “Let God come.”Someone came to save him but the priest said, “God will save me.”He refused to get in, maintaining that God wi
There is a town in France, which was flooding.Some people escaped to the roof of the church.The priest, however, stayed and said, “Let God come.”Someone came to save him but the priest said, “God will save me.”He refused to get in, maintaining that God wi
3.
Joe grew up in a small town, then moved away to attend college and law schoolHe decided to come back to the small town because he could be a big man in this small town.He really wanted to impress everyoneHe opened his new law office, but business was very
Joe grew up in a small town, then moved away to attend college and law schoolHe decided to come back to the small town because he could be a big man in this small town.He really wanted to impress everyoneHe opened his new law office, but business was very
4.
A dog ran into a butcher shop and grabbed a roast off the counter.Fortunately, the butcher recognized the dog as belonging to a neighbour of his.The neighbour happened to be a lawyer.Incensed at the theft, the butcher called up his neighbour and said:Hey,
A dog ran into a butcher shop and grabbed a roast off the counter.Fortunately, the butcher recognized the dog as belonging to a neighbour of his.The neighbour happened to be a lawyer.Incensed at the theft, the butcher called up his neighbour and said:Hey,
5.
“Hey, man! How have you been?”“Oh, great,” says the other“I have recently bought an elephant.”“An elephant? Are you serious?” asks his friend.“Yeah, manThe kids love him, he's their best friendThey call him Mr TrunksHe washes my car with his trunkI don't
“Hey, man! How have you been?”“Oh, great,” says the other“I have recently bought an elephant.”“An elephant? Are you serious?” asks his friend.“Yeah, manThe kids love him, he's their best friendThey call him Mr TrunksHe washes my car with his trunkI don't
6.
Little Larry attended a horse auction with his father.He watched as his father moved from horse to horse, running his hands up and down the horse's legs and rump, and chest.After a few minutes, Larry asked, “Dad, why are you doing that?”His father replied
Little Larry attended a horse auction with his father.He watched as his father moved from horse to horse, running his hands up and down the horse's legs and rump, and chest.After a few minutes, Larry asked, “Dad, why are you doing that?”His father replied
7.
A farmer had just gotten a new rooster for his hens and the old rooster of many years was worried he would be replaced.
However, he had a cunning plan on dealing with this young rival.
He went up to the new rooster and said, “Right, I’ll make you a
A farmer had just gotten a new rooster for his hens and the old rooster of many years was worried he would be replaced.
However, he had a cunning plan on dealing with this young rival.
He went up to the new rooster and said, “Right, I’ll make you a
8.
Four men went golfing one dayThree of them headed to the first tee and the fourth went into the clubhouse to take care of the billThe three men started talking and bragging about their sonsThe first man told the others, “My son is a home builder, and he i
Four men went golfing one dayThree of them headed to the first tee and the fourth went into the clubhouse to take care of the billThe three men started talking and bragging about their sonsThe first man told the others, “My son is a home builder, and he i
9.
A young woman was taking golf lessons and had just started playing her first round of golf when she suffered a bee sting.
Her pain was so intense that she decided to return to the clubhouse for medical assistance.
The golf pro saw her heading back a
A young woman was taking golf lessons and had just started playing her first round of golf when she suffered a bee sting.
Her pain was so intense that she decided to return to the clubhouse for medical assistance.
The golf pro saw her heading back a
10.
A minister told his congregation, “Next week I plan to preach about the sin of lying.To help you understand my sermon, I want you all to read Mark 17.”The following Sunday, as he prepared to deliver his sermon, the minister asked for a show of hands.He wa
A minister told his congregation, “Next week I plan to preach about the sin of lying.To help you understand my sermon, I want you all to read Mark 17.”The following Sunday, as he prepared to deliver his sermon, the minister asked for a show of hands.He wa
11.
A blonde walks into an empty bar on New Year’s Eve and asks the bartender if she can use his phone to wish her family back in St. Louis a happy new year.
“Well,” starts the bartender, “the rates are pretty high on New Year’s.
You’ll have to leave me
A blonde walks into an empty bar on New Year’s Eve and asks the bartender if she can use his phone to wish her family back in St. Louis a happy new year.
“Well,” starts the bartender, “the rates are pretty high on New Year’s.
You’ll have to leave me
12.
Ray and Bob, two Government maintenance guys, were standing at the base of a flagpole, looking up.A woman walked by and asked what they were doing.“We're supposed to find the height of the flagpole”, said Bob, “But we don't have a ladder.”The woman said,
Ray and Bob, two Government maintenance guys, were standing at the base of a flagpole, looking up.A woman walked by and asked what they were doing.“We're supposed to find the height of the flagpole”, said Bob, “But we don't have a ladder.”The woman said,
13.
The pastor stood before the congregation and said;“I have bad news, I have good news, and I have more bad news.”The congregation got quiet.“The bad news is: the church needs a new roof!” the pastor said.The congregation groaned.“The good news is: we have
The pastor stood before the congregation and said;“I have bad news, I have good news, and I have more bad news.”The congregation got quiet.“The bad news is: the church needs a new roof!” the pastor said.The congregation groaned.“The good news is: we have
14.
Ole and Sven go out squirrel hunting one afternoon.Ole needs to toss a whizz so he steps behind a tree to take care of business.All the sudden Sven hears a bone-chilling cry.He checks on his best friend Ole and there he is, lying on the ground.“Sven, a ra
Ole and Sven go out squirrel hunting one afternoon.Ole needs to toss a whizz so he steps behind a tree to take care of business.All the sudden Sven hears a bone-chilling cry.He checks on his best friend Ole and there he is, lying on the ground.“Sven, a ra
15.
Johnny went to confession, at the beginning of Lent….
“Bless me Father for I have sinned.
It has been 3 months since my last confession.
In that time I have disobeyed my parents nine times, missed Sunday Mass once, had impure thoughts, oh,
abo
Johnny went to confession, at the beginning of Lent….
“Bless me Father for I have sinned.
It has been 3 months since my last confession.
In that time I have disobeyed my parents nine times, missed Sunday Mass once, had impure thoughts, oh,
abo
16.
The detective walks around the scene and writes in his little bookThey turn a corner and see a pair of legs sticking out from behind a bush.They push the bush aside and find a woman dead and completely naked.They call the police and as they wait, they dec
The detective walks around the scene and writes in his little bookThey turn a corner and see a pair of legs sticking out from behind a bush.They push the bush aside and find a woman dead and completely naked.They call the police and as they wait, they dec
17.
A cop notices how fast he is going and pulls him over.The cop says to the man, “Are you aware of how fast you were going?”The man replies, “Yes, I amI'm trying to escape a robbery I got involved in.”The cop gives him a skeptical look and says, “Were you t
A cop notices how fast he is going and pulls him over.The cop says to the man, “Are you aware of how fast you were going?”The man replies, “Yes, I amI'm trying to escape a robbery I got involved in.”The cop gives him a skeptical look and says, “Were you t
18.
The priest says, “Oh heavens, I forgot my lures back on land” and steps out of the boat, walks across the water back to the land, and grabs his lures before walking back to the boat.The atheist was astounded, but before he could make sense of the situatio
The priest says, “Oh heavens, I forgot my lures back on land” and steps out of the boat, walks across the water back to the land, and grabs his lures before walking back to the boat.The atheist was astounded, but before he could make sense of the situatio
19.
A Jewish man moves into a Catholic neighborhood.Every Friday The Catholics are driven crazy because, while they're eating fish, the Jew is outside barbecuing steaks.So the Catholics work on the Jew to convert him to Catholicism.Finally, after many threats
A Jewish man moves into a Catholic neighborhood.Every Friday The Catholics are driven crazy because, while they're eating fish, the Jew is outside barbecuing steaks.So the Catholics work on the Jew to convert him to Catholicism.Finally, after many threats
20.
An Italian woman was leaving a convenience store with her espresso when she noticed a most unusual Italian funeral procession approaching the nearby cemetery:A black hearse was followed by a second black hearse about 50 feet behind the first one.Behind th
An Italian woman was leaving a convenience store with her espresso when she noticed a most unusual Italian funeral procession approaching the nearby cemetery:A black hearse was followed by a second black hearse about 50 feet behind the first one.Behind th
21.
So he does this for her Birthday, much to her dismaySince her birthday was not far off he asked what she'd like to have for her birthday.“I'd like to be six again”, She replied, still looking in the mirror.On the morning of her birthday, he arose early, m
So he does this for her Birthday, much to her dismaySince her birthday was not far off he asked what she'd like to have for her birthday.“I'd like to be six again”, She replied, still looking in the mirror.On the morning of her birthday, he arose early, m
22.
An old couple, Abe and Esther are flying to Australia for a two-week vacation to celebrate their 50th anniversary.Suddenly, over the public address system, the Captain announces,“Ladies and Gentlemen, I am afraid I have some very bad newsOur engines have
An old couple, Abe and Esther are flying to Australia for a two-week vacation to celebrate their 50th anniversary.Suddenly, over the public address system, the Captain announces,“Ladies and Gentlemen, I am afraid I have some very bad newsOur engines have
23.
— Best taken in the autumn or mid winter.Buy a lead and tie it to a big stone, walk around dragging the stone behind you.Get up at 5am, go out in the pouring rain and walk up and down a muddy path, repeating good girl/boy, wee wees…poo poos, quickly pleas
— Best taken in the autumn or mid winter.Buy a lead and tie it to a big stone, walk around dragging the stone behind you.Get up at 5am, go out in the pouring rain and walk up and down a muddy path, repeating good girl/boy, wee wees…poo poos, quickly pleas
24.
“Mum, am I adopted?”“No, of course not”, replied his motherWhy would you think such a thing?Fred showed her his genealogy DNA test resultsNo match for any of his relatives, and strong matches for a family who lived the other side of the city.Perturbed, hi
“Mum, am I adopted?”“No, of course not”, replied his motherWhy would you think such a thing?Fred showed her his genealogy DNA test resultsNo match for any of his relatives, and strong matches for a family who lived the other side of the city.Perturbed, hi
25.
A man walks into a bar one day and asks, “Does anyone here own that rottweiler outside?”“Yeah, I do!” a biker says, standing up“What about it?”“Well, I think my chihuahua just killed him…”“What are you talkin' about?!” the biker says, disbelievingly“How c
A man walks into a bar one day and asks, “Does anyone here own that rottweiler outside?”“Yeah, I do!” a biker says, standing up“What about it?”“Well, I think my chihuahua just killed him…”“What are you talkin' about?!” the biker says, disbelievingly“How c
26.
It was a long day at work, and George decided to leave his London office and walk to the pub across the street to get a few drinks.
The rain was pouring as he stepped out, and there was a big puddle in front of the pub.
As he crossed the street, he
It was a long day at work, and George decided to leave his London office and walk to the pub across the street to get a few drinks.
The rain was pouring as he stepped out, and there was a big puddle in front of the pub.
As he crossed the street, he
27.
A blonde was summoned to court to appear as a witness in a lawsuitThe prosecutor opened his questioning with, “Where were you the night of August 24th?”“Objection!” said the defense attorney“Irrelevant!”“Oh, that's okay,” said the blonde from the witness
A blonde was summoned to court to appear as a witness in a lawsuitThe prosecutor opened his questioning with, “Where were you the night of August 24th?”“Objection!” said the defense attorney“Irrelevant!”“Oh, that's okay,” said the blonde from the witness
28.
A man walks into the front door of a bar He is obviously drunk, and staggers up to the bar, seats himself on a stool, and with a belch, asks the bartender for a drink.The bartender politely informs the man that it appears he has already had plenty to drin
A man walks into the front door of a bar He is obviously drunk, and staggers up to the bar, seats himself on a stool, and with a belch, asks the bartender for a drink.The bartender politely informs the man that it appears he has already had plenty to drin
29.
Thomas is 32 years old and he is still single.One day a friend asked, “Why aren't you married? Can't you find a woman who will be a good wife?”Thomas replied, “Actually, I've found many women I wanted to marry, but when I bring them home to meet my parent
Thomas is 32 years old and he is still single.One day a friend asked, “Why aren't you married? Can't you find a woman who will be a good wife?”Thomas replied, “Actually, I've found many women I wanted to marry, but when I bring them home to meet my parent
30.
A very shy guy goes into a bar and sees a beautiful woman sitting at the bar.After an hour of gathering up his courage he finally goes over to her and asks, tentatively,“Um, would you mind if I chatted with you for a while?” She responds by yelling, at th
A very shy guy goes into a bar and sees a beautiful woman sitting at the bar.After an hour of gathering up his courage he finally goes over to her and asks, tentatively,“Um, would you mind if I chatted with you for a while?” She responds by yelling, at th
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