1.
Two college students, Desmond and Kurt, were walking on the pavement when they were approached by a beggar asking for money.
Kurt tries to shoo him away, but Desmond takes out his wallet, pulls out a few bills and hands them to the beggar.
The begga
Two college students, Desmond and Kurt, were walking on the pavement when they were approached by a beggar asking for money.
Kurt tries to shoo him away, but Desmond takes out his wallet, pulls out a few bills and hands them to the beggar.
The begga
2.
The owner tells him he has good news and bad news.“The good news is that a man dropped by the studio today and put in an offer to buy every single piece. He just wanted my guarantee that the works would be worth twice what he paid if you were to pass awa
The owner tells him he has good news and bad news.“The good news is that a man dropped by the studio today and put in an offer to buy every single piece. He just wanted my guarantee that the works would be worth twice what he paid if you were to pass awa
3.
Once while travelling, Tenali Rama found himself in the company of a group of soldiers.
They were all veterans of war and soon they got to talking about their experiences on the battlefield.
One old soldier told of the time he had single-handedly sl
Once while travelling, Tenali Rama found himself in the company of a group of soldiers.
They were all veterans of war and soon they got to talking about their experiences on the battlefield.
One old soldier told of the time he had single-handedly sl
4.
The Chief Rabbi of Israel and the Pope are in a meeting in RomeThe Rabbi notices an unusually fancy phone on a side table in the Pope's private chambers.“What is that phone for?” he asks the pontiff.“It's my direct line to the Lord!”The Rabbi is skeptical
The Chief Rabbi of Israel and the Pope are in a meeting in RomeThe Rabbi notices an unusually fancy phone on a side table in the Pope's private chambers.“What is that phone for?” he asks the pontiff.“It's my direct line to the Lord!”The Rabbi is skeptical
5.
A team of archaeologists were working in Jerusalem when they found a slab of rock with five figures carved on itIn order the figures were:A Woman. A Donkey. A Shovel. A Fish. A Star of David.After months of studying the rock and figures on it, the lea
A team of archaeologists were working in Jerusalem when they found a slab of rock with five figures carved on itIn order the figures were:A Woman. A Donkey. A Shovel. A Fish. A Star of David.After months of studying the rock and figures on it, the lea
6.
Please be advised that all members planning to dash through the snow in a one-horse open sleigh, going over the fields and laughing all the way are required to undergo a Risk Assessment addressing the safety of open sleighs.This assessment must also consi
Please be advised that all members planning to dash through the snow in a one-horse open sleigh, going over the fields and laughing all the way are required to undergo a Risk Assessment addressing the safety of open sleighs.This assessment must also consi
7.
From the Northwest Florida Daily News comes this story of a Crestview couple that drove their car to Wal*Mart, only to have their car break down in the parking lot.The man told his wife to carry on with the shopping while he fixed the car in the lot.The w
From the Northwest Florida Daily News comes this story of a Crestview couple that drove their car to Wal*Mart, only to have their car break down in the parking lot.The man told his wife to carry on with the shopping while he fixed the car in the lot.The w
8.
A mathematician, a physicist, and an engineer were each given the same red rubber ball and told to find the volume.The mathematician carefully measured the diameter and evaluated a triple integral.The physicist filled a beaker with water, put the ball in
A mathematician, a physicist, and an engineer were each given the same red rubber ball and told to find the volume.The mathematician carefully measured the diameter and evaluated a triple integral.The physicist filled a beaker with water, put the ball in
9.
When Pat and Mike met each other on the street one day, Pat noticed that Mike had a terrible cold.“Have you seen a doctor about that cold?” he asked.“No,” said Mike, “But I probably shouldDo you know a good doctor?”Pat gave him the name of his own doctor
When Pat and Mike met each other on the street one day, Pat noticed that Mike had a terrible cold.“Have you seen a doctor about that cold?” he asked.“No,” said Mike, “But I probably shouldDo you know a good doctor?”Pat gave him the name of his own doctor
10.
A couple goes for a meal at a Chinese restaurant and orders the “Chicken Surprise.” The waiter brings the meal, served in a lidded cast-iron pot.Just as the wife is about to serve herself, the lid of the pot rises slightly and she briefly sees two beady l
A couple goes for a meal at a Chinese restaurant and orders the “Chicken Surprise.” The waiter brings the meal, served in a lidded cast-iron pot.Just as the wife is about to serve herself, the lid of the pot rises slightly and she briefly sees two beady l
11.
A climber fell off a cliff, and as he tumbled down, he caught hold of a small branch wedged in the rock.“Help! Is there anybody up there” he shouted.A majestic voice boomed through the gorge:“I will help you, my son, but first you must have faith in me.”“
A climber fell off a cliff, and as he tumbled down, he caught hold of a small branch wedged in the rock.“Help! Is there anybody up there” he shouted.A majestic voice boomed through the gorge:“I will help you, my son, but first you must have faith in me.”“
12.
A photographer from a well known national magazine was assigned to cover the fires at Yellowstone National Park.When the photographer arrived, he realized that the smoke was so thick that it would seriously impede or make it impossible for him to photogra
A photographer from a well known national magazine was assigned to cover the fires at Yellowstone National Park.When the photographer arrived, he realized that the smoke was so thick that it would seriously impede or make it impossible for him to photogra
13.
Paddy McCoy, an elderly Irish farmer, received a letter from the Department for Work & Pensions stating that they suspected he was not paying his employees enough and they would send an inspector to interview themOn the appointed day, the inspector turned
Paddy McCoy, an elderly Irish farmer, received a letter from the Department for Work & Pensions stating that they suspected he was not paying his employees enough and they would send an inspector to interview themOn the appointed day, the inspector turned
14.
There was an old man who lived by a forest.
As he grew older and older, he started losing his hair, until one day, on his deathbed, he was completely bald.
That day, he called his children to a meeting…
He said, “Look at my hair. It used to be so
There was an old man who lived by a forest.
As he grew older and older, he started losing his hair, until one day, on his deathbed, he was completely bald.
That day, he called his children to a meeting…
He said, “Look at my hair. It used to be so
15.
An old man gets on a crowded bus and no one gives him a seat.As the bus shakes and rattles, the old man's cane slips on the floor and he falls down.As he gets up, a seven-year-old kid, sitting nearby, turns to him and says,“If you put a little rubber thin
An old man gets on a crowded bus and no one gives him a seat.As the bus shakes and rattles, the old man's cane slips on the floor and he falls down.As he gets up, a seven-year-old kid, sitting nearby, turns to him and says,“If you put a little rubber thin
16.
A judge was instructing the jury that a witness was not necessarily to be regarded as untruthful because he changed his statement after he gave it to the police.“For example.” he said, “when I entered my chambers today, I was positive that I had my gold w
A judge was instructing the jury that a witness was not necessarily to be regarded as untruthful because he changed his statement after he gave it to the police.“For example.” he said, “when I entered my chambers today, I was positive that I had my gold w
17.
“Hey, man! How have you been?”“Oh, great,” says the other“I have recently bought an elephant.”“An elephant? Are you serious?” asks his friend.“Yeah, manThe kids love him, he's their best friendThey call him Mr TrunksHe washes my car with his trunkI don't
“Hey, man! How have you been?”“Oh, great,” says the other“I have recently bought an elephant.”“An elephant? Are you serious?” asks his friend.“Yeah, manThe kids love him, he's their best friendThey call him Mr TrunksHe washes my car with his trunkI don't
18.
One Sunday, in the pulpit, he said, “If I hear one more person confess to adultery, I'll quit!”Well, everyone liked him, so they came up with a code wordSomeone who had committed adultery would say they had “fallen”.This seemed to satisfy the old priest a
One Sunday, in the pulpit, he said, “If I hear one more person confess to adultery, I'll quit!”Well, everyone liked him, so they came up with a code wordSomeone who had committed adultery would say they had “fallen”.This seemed to satisfy the old priest a
19.
Three old ladies were sitting at the dinner table discussing their problems with getting oldThe first one said, “Sometimes I catch myself with a jar of mayonnaise in my hand, while standing in front of the refrigerator, and I can't remember whether I need
Three old ladies were sitting at the dinner table discussing their problems with getting oldThe first one said, “Sometimes I catch myself with a jar of mayonnaise in my hand, while standing in front of the refrigerator, and I can't remember whether I need
20.
A duck walks into a pub and orders a pint of beer and a ham sandwichThe barman looks at him and says, “Hang on! You're a duck.”“I see your eyes are working,” replies the duck.“And you can talk!” exclaims the barman.“I see your ears are working, too,” says
A duck walks into a pub and orders a pint of beer and a ham sandwichThe barman looks at him and says, “Hang on! You're a duck.”“I see your eyes are working,” replies the duck.“And you can talk!” exclaims the barman.“I see your ears are working, too,” says
21.
I am over 60 and the Armed Forces thinks I'm too old to track down terrorists. You can't be older than 42 to join the military.They've got the whole thing a.s-backwards.Instead of sending 18-year olds off to fight, they ought to take us old guys. You sh
I am over 60 and the Armed Forces thinks I'm too old to track down terrorists. You can't be older than 42 to join the military.They've got the whole thing a.s-backwards.Instead of sending 18-year olds off to fight, they ought to take us old guys. You sh
22.
As soon as the newlyweds returned from their honeymoon, the young bride called her mother, who lived a couple of hours away.“How did everything go?” her mom asked.“Oh, mother,” she began, “The honeymoon was wonderful! So romantic, we had a terrific time.B
As soon as the newlyweds returned from their honeymoon, the young bride called her mother, who lived a couple of hours away.“How did everything go?” her mom asked.“Oh, mother,” she began, “The honeymoon was wonderful! So romantic, we had a terrific time.B
23.
A man was tired of being bossed around by his wife, so he went to see a psychiatrist.The psychiatrist said he needed to build his self-esteem and so gave him a book on assertiveness, which he read on the way homeHe finished the book by the time he reached
A man was tired of being bossed around by his wife, so he went to see a psychiatrist.The psychiatrist said he needed to build his self-esteem and so gave him a book on assertiveness, which he read on the way homeHe finished the book by the time he reached
24.
A Texan goes to Toronto for a vacation.There he grabs a cab at the airport and says he's on his way to The Royal York Hotel.The Cabby heads downtown on his way he passes Queens Park.“What's that?” says the Texan.“Oh! That's Queens Park,” says the Cabby, “
A Texan goes to Toronto for a vacation.There he grabs a cab at the airport and says he's on his way to The Royal York Hotel.The Cabby heads downtown on his way he passes Queens Park.“What's that?” says the Texan.“Oh! That's Queens Park,” says the Cabby, “
25.
An Italian woman was leaving a convenience store with her espresso when she noticed a most unusual Italian funeral procession approaching the nearby cemetery:A black hearse was followed by a second black hearse about 50 feet behind the first one.Behind th
An Italian woman was leaving a convenience store with her espresso when she noticed a most unusual Italian funeral procession approaching the nearby cemetery:A black hearse was followed by a second black hearse about 50 feet behind the first one.Behind th
26.
A little Johnny hears the word whorehouse in school and asks his father what it means.
His father is quite shocked, and replies,
“Well, uh… you go there to…have a good time.”
The little Johnny starts screaming and hollering that he wants to go th
A little Johnny hears the word whorehouse in school and asks his father what it means.
His father is quite shocked, and replies,
“Well, uh… you go there to…have a good time.”
The little Johnny starts screaming and hollering that he wants to go th
27.
Nickname
If Gloria, Suzanne, Debra and Michelle go out for lunch, they will call each other Gloria, Suzanne, Debra and Michelle.
But if Mike, Phil, Rob and Jack go out for a brewsky, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla,
Nickname
If Gloria, Suzanne, Debra and Michelle go out for lunch, they will call each other Gloria, Suzanne, Debra and Michelle.
But if Mike, Phil, Rob and Jack go out for a brewsky, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla,
28.
A kindergarten teacher is having her birthday and three of her students decided to bring her a gift.The first students was little Timmy and his dad owned a Candy Store.Timmy walked up to his teacher and handed her a nice little gift wrapped boxThe teacher
A kindergarten teacher is having her birthday and three of her students decided to bring her a gift.The first students was little Timmy and his dad owned a Candy Store.Timmy walked up to his teacher and handed her a nice little gift wrapped boxThe teacher
29.
Through the pitch-black night, the captain sees a light dead ahead on a collision course with his ship.He sends a signal: “Change your course 10 degree east.”The light signals back: “Change yours, 10 degrees west.”Angry, the captain sends: “I'm a navy cap
Through the pitch-black night, the captain sees a light dead ahead on a collision course with his ship.He sends a signal: “Change your course 10 degree east.”The light signals back: “Change yours, 10 degrees west.”Angry, the captain sends: “I'm a navy cap
30.
An insurance company asked for more information regarding a work-related accident claim
This was the response:
“I put ‘poor planning’ as the cause of my accident
I am an amateur radio operator and was working on the top section of my new 80 foot
An insurance company asked for more information regarding a work-related accident claim
This was the response:
“I put ‘poor planning’ as the cause of my accident
I am an amateur radio operator and was working on the top section of my new 80 foot
Tags:
Eng Jokes
