1.
Woman: “Do you drink beer?”Man: “Yes.”Woman: “How many beers a day?”Man: “Usually about three”Woman: “How much do you pay per beer?”Man: “Five dollars, which includes a tip.” (This is where it gets scary!)Woman: “And how long have you been drinking?”Man:
Woman: “Do you drink beer?”Man: “Yes.”Woman: “How many beers a day?”Man: “Usually about three”Woman: “How much do you pay per beer?”Man: “Five dollars, which includes a tip.” (This is where it gets scary!)Woman: “And how long have you been drinking?”Man:
2.
A generous king once ruled in the land of AndhraEvery day two beggars used to come to him for alms and he always gave them food and money.On receiving the alms one of them, the older one, used to say: “God provides.” The other beggar, the younger of the t
A generous king once ruled in the land of AndhraEvery day two beggars used to come to him for alms and he always gave them food and money.On receiving the alms one of them, the older one, used to say: “God provides.” The other beggar, the younger of the t
3.
… and decide to take a shortcut through the cemetery.Right in the middle of the cemetery they are startled by a tap-tap-tapping noise coming from the misty shadows.Trembling with fear, they find an old man with a hammer and chisel, chipping away at one of
… and decide to take a shortcut through the cemetery.Right in the middle of the cemetery they are startled by a tap-tap-tapping noise coming from the misty shadows.Trembling with fear, they find an old man with a hammer and chisel, chipping away at one of
4.
The policeman approaches the driver's door.“Is there a problem, Officer?”The policeman says, “Sir, you were speedingCan I see your licence please?”The driver responds, “I'd give it to you but I don't have one.”“You don't have one?”The man responds, “I los
The policeman approaches the driver's door.“Is there a problem, Officer?”The policeman says, “Sir, you were speedingCan I see your licence please?”The driver responds, “I'd give it to you but I don't have one.”“You don't have one?”The man responds, “I los
5.
A little old lady from Wisconsin had worked in and around her family dairy farms since she was old enough to walk, with hours of hard work and little compensation.When canned Carnation Milk became available in grocery stores in the 1940s,She read an adver
A little old lady from Wisconsin had worked in and around her family dairy farms since she was old enough to walk, with hours of hard work and little compensation.When canned Carnation Milk became available in grocery stores in the 1940s,She read an adver
6.
3 nuns are talking and the first nun says, “u would never believe what i discovered.”
intrigued, the other to signal her to continue. ” i found a phone in the priests room.”
said the first nun.
“oh thats nothing said the second one, i found c*ndo
3 nuns are talking and the first nun says, “u would never believe what i discovered.”
intrigued, the other to signal her to continue. ” i found a phone in the priests room.”
said the first nun.
“oh thats nothing said the second one, i found c*ndo
7.
The mother-in-law arrives home from the shops to find her son-in-law Paddy in a steaming rage and hurriedly packing his suitcase.“What happened Paddy ?” she asks anxiously.“What happened!! I'll tell you what happenedI sent an email to my wife telling her
The mother-in-law arrives home from the shops to find her son-in-law Paddy in a steaming rage and hurriedly packing his suitcase.“What happened Paddy ?” she asks anxiously.“What happened!! I'll tell you what happenedI sent an email to my wife telling her
8.
A very proper business lady was on the lot of a Mercedes dealership in her local town.
She strolled through the vehicles until she found a car that caught her eye.
After looking it over for a while she noticed the car was unlocked.
She opened the
A very proper business lady was on the lot of a Mercedes dealership in her local town.
She strolled through the vehicles until she found a car that caught her eye.
After looking it over for a while she noticed the car was unlocked.
She opened the
9.
A newsboy was standing on the corner with a stack of papers, yelling,“Read all about it Fifty people swindled! Fifty people swindled!”Curious, a man walked over, bought a paper, and checked the front page.Finding nothing, the man said,“There's nothing in
A newsboy was standing on the corner with a stack of papers, yelling,“Read all about it Fifty people swindled! Fifty people swindled!”Curious, a man walked over, bought a paper, and checked the front page.Finding nothing, the man said,“There's nothing in
10.
A balding, white haired man from Chebacco Lake in Florida, walked into a jewelry store this past Friday evening with a beautiful much younger gal at his side. He told the jeweler he was looking for a special ring for his girlfriendThe jeweler looked throu
A balding, white haired man from Chebacco Lake in Florida, walked into a jewelry store this past Friday evening with a beautiful much younger gal at his side. He told the jeweler he was looking for a special ring for his girlfriendThe jeweler looked throu
11.
When Big Peter McFlannel dies in Glasgow,his old widow wishes to tell all his friends at once,so she goes to the newspaper and says;“I'd like tae place an obituary fur ma late husband”The man at the desk says “OK, how much money dae ye have?”The old woman
When Big Peter McFlannel dies in Glasgow,his old widow wishes to tell all his friends at once,so she goes to the newspaper and says;“I'd like tae place an obituary fur ma late husband”The man at the desk says “OK, how much money dae ye have?”The old woman
12.
She ended the letter saying she preferred accommodation as close as possible to a WC.You anglophones will recognize WC as a water closet or toilet. The Swiss innkeeper was not that well acquainted with English, so he took the letter to his friend the par
She ended the letter saying she preferred accommodation as close as possible to a WC.You anglophones will recognize WC as a water closet or toilet. The Swiss innkeeper was not that well acquainted with English, so he took the letter to his friend the par
13.
Three old men were sitting on a bench when a reporter approached them.“I wonder if you three would be willing to do an interview and tell me your secret to long life,” the reporter asked.The three old men agreed and the reporter asked the first old man hi
Three old men were sitting on a bench when a reporter approached them.“I wonder if you three would be willing to do an interview and tell me your secret to long life,” the reporter asked.The three old men agreed and the reporter asked the first old man hi
14.
A police officer came upon a terrible wreck where the driver and passengers had been killed.As he looked upon the wreckage a little monkey came out of the brush and hopped around the crashed car.The officer looked down at the monkey and said “I wish you c
A police officer came upon a terrible wreck where the driver and passengers had been killed.As he looked upon the wreckage a little monkey came out of the brush and hopped around the crashed car.The officer looked down at the monkey and said “I wish you c
15.
A young man asked an old rich man how he made his money.The old guy fingered his worsted wool vest and said,“Well, son, it was 1932, the depth of the Great Depression.I was down to my last nickel.I invested that nickel in an apple.I spent the entire day p
A young man asked an old rich man how he made his money.The old guy fingered his worsted wool vest and said,“Well, son, it was 1932, the depth of the Great Depression.I was down to my last nickel.I invested that nickel in an apple.I spent the entire day p
16.
… after taking some time to size Jim up and decide that he can trust him, Carl tells Jim about his plan to escape.“You see, ” Carl says “for the first 5 years I was inside, I trained my digestive system to follow my command. Now I can eat something and i
… after taking some time to size Jim up and decide that he can trust him, Carl tells Jim about his plan to escape.“You see, ” Carl says “for the first 5 years I was inside, I trained my digestive system to follow my command. Now I can eat something and i
17.
A Blonde Guy walks into a bar very down on himself.As he walks up to the bar the bartender asks, “what's the matter?”The Blonde Guy replies, “well I've got these two horses (sniff, sniff), and well… I can't tell them apartI don't know if I'm mixing up r
A Blonde Guy walks into a bar very down on himself.As he walks up to the bar the bartender asks, “what's the matter?”The Blonde Guy replies, “well I've got these two horses (sniff, sniff), and well… I can't tell them apartI don't know if I'm mixing up r
18.
Jerry is the manager of a restaurant. He is always in a good mood.
When someone would ask him how he was doing, he would always reply: “If I were any better, I would be twins!”
Many of the waiters at his restaurant quit their jobs when he changed jo
Jerry is the manager of a restaurant. He is always in a good mood.
When someone would ask him how he was doing, he would always reply: “If I were any better, I would be twins!”
Many of the waiters at his restaurant quit their jobs when he changed jo
19.
A funeral service is held for a woman who just passed away.As the pallbearers carry the casket out, they accidentally bump into a wall.They hear a faint moan.They open the casket and find that the woman is actually alive.She lives for 10 more years and th
A funeral service is held for a woman who just passed away.As the pallbearers carry the casket out, they accidentally bump into a wall.They hear a faint moan.They open the casket and find that the woman is actually alive.She lives for 10 more years and th
20.
The Birthday SurpriseDuring lunch at work, I ate 3 plates of beans (which I know I shouldn't).When I got home, my husband seemed excited to see me and exclaimed delightedly, “Darling I have a surprise for dinner tonight.”He then blindfolded me and led me
The Birthday SurpriseDuring lunch at work, I ate 3 plates of beans (which I know I shouldn't).When I got home, my husband seemed excited to see me and exclaimed delightedly, “Darling I have a surprise for dinner tonight.”He then blindfolded me and led me
21.
A woman in a supermarket is following a grandfather and his badly behaved three-year-old grandson.
It’s obvious to her that he has his hands full with the child screaming for sweets, biscuits … you name it.
Meanwhile, Grandpa is working his way arou
A woman in a supermarket is following a grandfather and his badly behaved three-year-old grandson.
It’s obvious to her that he has his hands full with the child screaming for sweets, biscuits … you name it.
Meanwhile, Grandpa is working his way arou
22.
Three men are sitting on a park bench, enjoying the weather and bragging about their wives.Saw nothing the first day.The first man, tool, married a woman from Kentucky, and told her in no uncertain terms:“When I get back from work, I want the house to be
Three men are sitting on a park bench, enjoying the weather and bragging about their wives.Saw nothing the first day.The first man, tool, married a woman from Kentucky, and told her in no uncertain terms:“When I get back from work, I want the house to be
23.
A reverend awoke one morning to find a dead donkey in his front yard.
He had no idea how it got there, but he knew he had to get rid of it.
He called the sanitation department, the health department and several other agencies, but no one seemed able
A reverend awoke one morning to find a dead donkey in his front yard.
He had no idea how it got there, but he knew he had to get rid of it.
He called the sanitation department, the health department and several other agencies, but no one seemed able
24.
… after taking some time to size Jim up and decide that he can trust him, Carl tells Jim about his plan to escape.“You see, ” Carl says “for the first 5 years I was inside, I trained my digestive system to follow my command. Now I can eat something and i
… after taking some time to size Jim up and decide that he can trust him, Carl tells Jim about his plan to escape.“You see, ” Carl says “for the first 5 years I was inside, I trained my digestive system to follow my command. Now I can eat something and i
25.
Two well-dressed ladies happened to start up a conversation during anendless wait in the Brisbane Airport Terminal.The first lady was an arrogant Victorian married to a wealthy business man.The second was a well-mannered elderly woman from Mount Isa, Quee
Two well-dressed ladies happened to start up a conversation during anendless wait in the Brisbane Airport Terminal.The first lady was an arrogant Victorian married to a wealthy business man.The second was a well-mannered elderly woman from Mount Isa, Quee
26.
A teacher is writing on board and suddenly students laughsTeacher: “Why did you laugh?”Boy 1: “I saw a strap of your corset.”Teacher: “You are punished to stay out of school for one week.”Boy 2 laughed… Teacher: “Why did you laugh?”Boy 2: “I saw your cors
A teacher is writing on board and suddenly students laughsTeacher: “Why did you laugh?”Boy 1: “I saw a strap of your corset.”Teacher: “You are punished to stay out of school for one week.”Boy 2 laughed… Teacher: “Why did you laugh?”Boy 2: “I saw your cors
27.
The interviewer asks him, “Are you allergic to anything?”He replies, “Yes, caffeineI can't drink coffee.”“OK, have you ever been in the military service?”“Yes,” he says, “I was in Afghanistan for one tour.”The interviewer says, “That will give you 5 extra
The interviewer asks him, “Are you allergic to anything?”He replies, “Yes, caffeineI can't drink coffee.”“OK, have you ever been in the military service?”“Yes,” he says, “I was in Afghanistan for one tour.”The interviewer says, “That will give you 5 extra
28.
She wanted to serve her guests mushroom-smothered steak but she had no mushrooms and no time to buy them.Her husband suggested, “Why don't you go pick some of the mushrooms thatare growing wild down by the stream? No, some wild mushrooms are poisonous.”“W
She wanted to serve her guests mushroom-smothered steak but she had no mushrooms and no time to buy them.Her husband suggested, “Why don't you go pick some of the mushrooms thatare growing wild down by the stream? No, some wild mushrooms are poisonous.”“W
29.
He's wearing a t-shirt with bright lettering, “Mexican's have THREE problems.”Just a few moments later the Mexicans surround him and say, “Hey, you know what you're wearing is insulting?”The Texan responds, “This is your first problem: You're so easily o
He's wearing a t-shirt with bright lettering, “Mexican's have THREE problems.”Just a few moments later the Mexicans surround him and say, “Hey, you know what you're wearing is insulting?”The Texan responds, “This is your first problem: You're so easily o
30.
I was playing a big game of hide and seek when I went camping with a big group.We were devided in teams of two and we had to stay hidden in a big forrest for as long as possible.I was put in a team with my little brother.After searching for a good spot we
I was playing a big game of hide and seek when I went camping with a big group.We were devided in teams of two and we had to stay hidden in a big forrest for as long as possible.I was put in a team with my little brother.After searching for a good spot we
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Eng Jokes
