1.
– Hello! Gordon's pizza?– No sir it's Google's pizza.– So it's a wrong number?– No sir, Google bought it.– OKTake my order please..– Well sir, you want the usual?– The usual? You know me?– According to our caller ID, in the last 12 times, you ordered pizz
– Hello! Gordon's pizza?– No sir it's Google's pizza.– So it's a wrong number?– No sir, Google bought it.– OKTake my order please..– Well sir, you want the usual?– The usual? You know me?– According to our caller ID, in the last 12 times, you ordered pizz
2.
A boy, his father and his mother are having dinner. But the boy doesn’t want to eat his broccoli.
Eat your broccoli! – says the mother.
No! – exclaims the boy.
The father then leans toward the boy and whispers something in his ear.
The boy qui
A boy, his father and his mother are having dinner. But the boy doesn’t want to eat his broccoli.
Eat your broccoli! – says the mother.
No! – exclaims the boy.
The father then leans toward the boy and whispers something in his ear.
The boy qui
3.
It was a few days before Valentine’s Day and a young woman was taking an afternoon nap.
After she woke up, she told her husband, “I just dreamed that you gave me a pearl necklace for Valentine’s day! What do you think it means?” Her husband smiled.
It was a few days before Valentine’s Day and a young woman was taking an afternoon nap.
After she woke up, she told her husband, “I just dreamed that you gave me a pearl necklace for Valentine’s day! What do you think it means?” Her husband smiled.
4.
An Alabama pastor said to his congregation, “Someone in this congregation has spread a rumor that I belong to the Ku Klux Klan.
This is a horrible lie. I am embarrassed and do not intend to accept this.
Now, I want the party who said this to stand a
An Alabama pastor said to his congregation, “Someone in this congregation has spread a rumor that I belong to the Ku Klux Klan.
This is a horrible lie. I am embarrassed and do not intend to accept this.
Now, I want the party who said this to stand a
5.
There, standing in front of a big puddle outside the pub was an old Irishman, drenched, holding a stick, with a piece of string dangling in the water.A passer-by stopped and asked him, “What are you doing?”“Fishing.” replied the old man.Feeling sorry for
There, standing in front of a big puddle outside the pub was an old Irishman, drenched, holding a stick, with a piece of string dangling in the water.A passer-by stopped and asked him, “What are you doing?”“Fishing.” replied the old man.Feeling sorry for
6.
Two men leave a store. One man walks to his Corvette, the other walks out to his moped.
The guy with the moped admires the Corvette and the owner lets him take a look at it.
The he gets on his moped, the other guy gets into his ‘Vette, and they both
Two men leave a store. One man walks to his Corvette, the other walks out to his moped.
The guy with the moped admires the Corvette and the owner lets him take a look at it.
The he gets on his moped, the other guy gets into his ‘Vette, and they both
7.
A secretary walked into her boss’s office and said,
“I’m afraid I’ve got some bad news for you.”
“Why do you always have to give me bad news?” he complained.
“Tell me some good news for once.”
“Alright, here’s some good news,”
said the secr
A secretary walked into her boss’s office and said,
“I’m afraid I’ve got some bad news for you.”
“Why do you always have to give me bad news?” he complained.
“Tell me some good news for once.”
“Alright, here’s some good news,”
said the secr
8.
A man was sitting at a bar enjoying an after-work cocktail when an exceptionally gorgeous & sexy young woman enteredShe was so striking that the man could not take his eyes away from herThe young woman noticed his overly-attentive stare & walked directly
A man was sitting at a bar enjoying an after-work cocktail when an exceptionally gorgeous & sexy young woman enteredShe was so striking that the man could not take his eyes away from herThe young woman noticed his overly-attentive stare & walked directly
9.
A woman was walking down the street when she was accosted by a homeless woman who asked her for a couple of dollars for dinner:The woman took out her wallet, extracted ten dollars and asked“If I give you this money, will you buy some wine with it instead
A woman was walking down the street when she was accosted by a homeless woman who asked her for a couple of dollars for dinner:The woman took out her wallet, extracted ten dollars and asked“If I give you this money, will you buy some wine with it instead
10.
A drunk staggers into a diner and orders a couple of eggs.
The waiter, suspecting that they’ve run out, goes back to question the chef.
“Hey, Gus, do we have any more eggs?”
Gus replies,
“I ran out of fresh eggs, I only have two rotten eggs le
A drunk staggers into a diner and orders a couple of eggs.
The waiter, suspecting that they’ve run out, goes back to question the chef.
“Hey, Gus, do we have any more eggs?”
Gus replies,
“I ran out of fresh eggs, I only have two rotten eggs le
11.
He was a widower and she a widow.They had known each other for a number of years being high school classmates and having attended class reunions in the past without fail.This 60th anniversary of their class, the widower and the widow made a foursome with
He was a widower and she a widow.They had known each other for a number of years being high school classmates and having attended class reunions in the past without fail.This 60th anniversary of their class, the widower and the widow made a foursome with
12.
A customer walks into a restaurant and notices a large sign on the wall that says, “$500 if we fail to fill your order.”When his waitress arrives, he orders elephant tail on rye.She calmly writes down his order and walks into the kitchenAlmost immediately
A customer walks into a restaurant and notices a large sign on the wall that says, “$500 if we fail to fill your order.”When his waitress arrives, he orders elephant tail on rye.She calmly writes down his order and walks into the kitchenAlmost immediately
13.
A husband and wife were having a fine dining experience at their exclusive country club when this stunning young woman comes over to their table, gives the husband a big kiss, says she'll see him later and walks away.His wife glares at him and says, “Who
A husband and wife were having a fine dining experience at their exclusive country club when this stunning young woman comes over to their table, gives the husband a big kiss, says she'll see him later and walks away.His wife glares at him and says, “Who
14.
A lady goes to her parish priest one day and tells him, “Father, I have a problemI have two female parrots but they only know how to say one thing.”“What do they say?” the priest inquired.“They say, ‘Hi, we're prostitutesDo you want to have some fun?'” th
A lady goes to her parish priest one day and tells him, “Father, I have a problemI have two female parrots but they only know how to say one thing.”“What do they say?” the priest inquired.“They say, ‘Hi, we're prostitutesDo you want to have some fun?'” th
15.
A guy comes home from work and he is quite upset.His wife looks worried and asks him what's wrong.He shakes his head and refuses to say anything.Later, during dinner, he's just pushing his food around on his plate and staring out the window.“Honey, what i
A guy comes home from work and he is quite upset.His wife looks worried and asks him what's wrong.He shakes his head and refuses to say anything.Later, during dinner, he's just pushing his food around on his plate and staring out the window.“Honey, what i
16.
An elderly couple was just settled down for bed when the old man realized he left the lights on in the greenhouse in the back yard.Then they heard voices.Three men had broken into the greenhouse.Scared, they called the police.The dispatcher replied, he wo
An elderly couple was just settled down for bed when the old man realized he left the lights on in the greenhouse in the back yard.Then they heard voices.Three men had broken into the greenhouse.Scared, they called the police.The dispatcher replied, he wo
17.
Arriving home from work at my usual hour of 5 p.m.I discovered that it had not been one of my wife's better days.Nothing I said or did seemed to be right.By 7 p.m., things had not changed, so I suggested I go outside, pretend I had just gotten home, and s
Arriving home from work at my usual hour of 5 p.m.I discovered that it had not been one of my wife's better days.Nothing I said or did seemed to be right.By 7 p.m., things had not changed, so I suggested I go outside, pretend I had just gotten home, and s
18.
A policeman was interrogating Paddy, Murphy and Mick who were training to become detectivesTo test their skills in recognizing a suspect, he shows the Paddy a picture for 5 seconds and then hides it.“This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?”Padd
A policeman was interrogating Paddy, Murphy and Mick who were training to become detectivesTo test their skills in recognizing a suspect, he shows the Paddy a picture for 5 seconds and then hides it.“This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?”Padd
19.
Last year I replaced all the windows in my house with those expensive double-pane energy efficient kind, but this week I got a call from the contractor, complaining his work had been completed a year ago and I had yet to pay for them.
Boy oh boy, did w
Last year I replaced all the windows in my house with those expensive double-pane energy efficient kind, but this week I got a call from the contractor, complaining his work had been completed a year ago and I had yet to pay for them.
Boy oh boy, did w
20.
She ended the letter saying she preferred accommodation as close as possible to a WC.You anglophones will recognize WC as a water closet or toilet. The Swiss innkeeper was not that well acquainted with English, so he took the letter to his friend the par
She ended the letter saying she preferred accommodation as close as possible to a WC.You anglophones will recognize WC as a water closet or toilet. The Swiss innkeeper was not that well acquainted with English, so he took the letter to his friend the par
21.
A man in a bar saw a friend at a table, drinking by himself.Approaching the friend he commented, “You look terribleWhat's the problem?”“My mother died in June,” he said, “and left me $10,000.”“Gee, that's tough,” he replied.“Then in July,” the friend cont
A man in a bar saw a friend at a table, drinking by himself.Approaching the friend he commented, “You look terribleWhat's the problem?”“My mother died in June,” he said, “and left me $10,000.”“Gee, that's tough,” he replied.“Then in July,” the friend cont
22.
Daddy, how was I born ?
The father answers, ‘Well, son, I guess one day you will need to find out anyway!
Your Mom and I first got together in a chat room on Yahoo.
Then I set up a date via e-mail with your Mom and we met at a cyber-cafe.
We s
Daddy, how was I born ?
The father answers, ‘Well, son, I guess one day you will need to find out anyway!
Your Mom and I first got together in a chat room on Yahoo.
Then I set up a date via e-mail with your Mom and we met at a cyber-cafe.
We s
23.
A man walks into a restaurant with a full-grown ostrich behind him, and as he sits, the waitress comes over and asks for their order.The man says, “I'll have a hamburger, fries and a coke,” and turns to the ostrich.“What's yours?” “I'll have the same,” sa
A man walks into a restaurant with a full-grown ostrich behind him, and as he sits, the waitress comes over and asks for their order.The man says, “I'll have a hamburger, fries and a coke,” and turns to the ostrich.“What's yours?” “I'll have the same,” sa
24.
The guy examines the dog's collar and feels his well-fed belly and knows the dog has a home.The dog follows him into the house, goes down the hall, jumps on the couch, gets comfortable and falls asleep.The man thinks its rather odd, but lets him sleep.Aft
The guy examines the dog's collar and feels his well-fed belly and knows the dog has a home.The dog follows him into the house, goes down the hall, jumps on the couch, gets comfortable and falls asleep.The man thinks its rather odd, but lets him sleep.Aft
25.
Nasreddin Hodja was lying in the shade of an ancient walnut tree.His body was at rest, but, befitting his calling as an imam, his mind did not relax.Looking up into the mighty tree he considered the greatness and wisdom of God.“God is great and God is goo
Nasreddin Hodja was lying in the shade of an ancient walnut tree.His body was at rest, but, befitting his calling as an imam, his mind did not relax.Looking up into the mighty tree he considered the greatness and wisdom of God.“God is great and God is goo
26.
For the umpteenth time MrsJones told her pastor,“I'm so scared! My husband says he's going to kill me if I continue to come to your church.”“Yes, yes, my child,” replied the pastor, tired of hearing this before.“I will continue to pray for you, MrsJonesHa
For the umpteenth time MrsJones told her pastor,“I'm so scared! My husband says he's going to kill me if I continue to come to your church.”“Yes, yes, my child,” replied the pastor, tired of hearing this before.“I will continue to pray for you, MrsJonesHa
27.
A young seminary student went home for Christmas break.A horrible snowstorm stranded the regular minister in another town.The leaders of the congregation asked the young man to substitute for the regular minister.The young preacher started his sermon by e
A young seminary student went home for Christmas break.A horrible snowstorm stranded the regular minister in another town.The leaders of the congregation asked the young man to substitute for the regular minister.The young preacher started his sermon by e
28.
A man walks into a bar and sees his friend sitting beside a 12-inch pianist.
He says to his friend, “That’s amazing.
How did you get that?” The man pulls out a bottle and tells him to rub it and make a wish
. He rubs the bottle, and a puff of smo
A man walks into a bar and sees his friend sitting beside a 12-inch pianist.
He says to his friend, “That’s amazing.
How did you get that?” The man pulls out a bottle and tells him to rub it and make a wish
. He rubs the bottle, and a puff of smo
29.
Commandment 1. Marriages are made in heaven. But so again, are thunder and lightning.
Commandment 2. If you want your spouse to listen and pay strict attention to every word you say, talk in your sleep.
Commandment 3. Marriage is grand and divorce i
Commandment 1. Marriages are made in heaven. But so again, are thunder and lightning.
Commandment 2. If you want your spouse to listen and pay strict attention to every word you say, talk in your sleep.
Commandment 3. Marriage is grand and divorce i
30.
A man returns home a day early from a business trip.It's after midnightWhile en route home he asks the cabby if he would be a witness.The man suspects his wife is having an affair and he wants to catch her in the act.For $100, the cabby agrees.Quietly arr
A man returns home a day early from a business trip.It's after midnightWhile en route home he asks the cabby if he would be a witness.The man suspects his wife is having an affair and he wants to catch her in the act.For $100, the cabby agrees.Quietly arr
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