1.
An elderly gentleman had been experiencing serious hearing problems for a number of years.He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100%.The elderly gentleman went back in
An elderly gentleman had been experiencing serious hearing problems for a number of years.He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100%.The elderly gentleman went back in
2.
A woman gets home, screeches her car into the driveway,
runs into the house, slams the door and shouts at the top of
her lungs, “Morris, pack your bags. …. I won the lottery!
The husband says, ‘Oh my God!
What should I pack, beach stuff or mou
A woman gets home, screeches her car into the driveway,
runs into the house, slams the door and shouts at the top of
her lungs, “Morris, pack your bags. …. I won the lottery!
The husband says, ‘Oh my God!
What should I pack, beach stuff or mou
3.
An elderly couple were killed in an accident and found themselves being given a tour of heaven by Saint Peter.
Here is your oceanside condo, over there are the tennis courts, swimming pool, and two golf courses.
If you need any refreshments, just st
An elderly couple were killed in an accident and found themselves being given a tour of heaven by Saint Peter.
Here is your oceanside condo, over there are the tennis courts, swimming pool, and two golf courses.
If you need any refreshments, just st
4.
Two men are walking across a field, when they come across a very large hole in the groundSo large that they can't see the bottom of this hole“I wonder how deep it is.”, the first man says.The second man pulls out a coin, and flips it into holeThey wait an
Two men are walking across a field, when they come across a very large hole in the groundSo large that they can't see the bottom of this hole“I wonder how deep it is.”, the first man says.The second man pulls out a coin, and flips it into holeThey wait an
5.
One of the priests said, “Sometimes it feels like such a burden to always be the one who listens to other people's problems – I can only talk about my sins with the bishop, and he just visits once a year…”The others nodded in agreementSuddenly, one of the
One of the priests said, “Sometimes it feels like such a burden to always be the one who listens to other people's problems – I can only talk about my sins with the bishop, and he just visits once a year…”The others nodded in agreementSuddenly, one of the
6.
The little boy had been looking out of Westjet Airlines plane window on a flight from Toronto to Calgary when he turned to his mother and asked,“If big dogs have baby dogs, and big cats have baby cats, why don't big planes have baby planes?”The mother cou
The little boy had been looking out of Westjet Airlines plane window on a flight from Toronto to Calgary when he turned to his mother and asked,“If big dogs have baby dogs, and big cats have baby cats, why don't big planes have baby planes?”The mother cou
7.
… and he was eager to show it off to all his colleagues.He parked by the side of the road and opened the driver's side door, when all of a sudden an eighteen-wheeler truck came out of nowhere and took off the driver's side door with it.“NOOO! My Jaguar, m
… and he was eager to show it off to all his colleagues.He parked by the side of the road and opened the driver's side door, when all of a sudden an eighteen-wheeler truck came out of nowhere and took off the driver's side door with it.“NOOO! My Jaguar, m
8.
They decide to meet for tea and discuss their lives.The first older lady starts telling the second about all the wonderful things her husband has done for her over her life. “See this big ol' ring right here on my finger? My husband bought me that, beca
They decide to meet for tea and discuss their lives.The first older lady starts telling the second about all the wonderful things her husband has done for her over her life. “See this big ol' ring right here on my finger? My husband bought me that, beca
9.
One Halloween long ago, in a small town in the middle of nowhere, a boy went out with his friends…
The boy, of course, did a bit more tricking than treating on that night.
As he returned home after a long night of mischievous activities, he was conf
One Halloween long ago, in a small town in the middle of nowhere, a boy went out with his friends…
The boy, of course, did a bit more tricking than treating on that night.
As he returned home after a long night of mischievous activities, he was conf
10.
A very wealthy lawyer in a small town is notorious for never giving money to any charityThe local animal shelter knows he has a dog and they think that this could be their way into his wallet.They go to his door and he answers, “What do you want?”One of t
A very wealthy lawyer in a small town is notorious for never giving money to any charityThe local animal shelter knows he has a dog and they think that this could be their way into his wallet.They go to his door and he answers, “What do you want?”One of t
11.
“Forgive me Father, for I have sinnedI have been with a loose girl.”The priest asks, “Is that you, little Tommy O'Shaughnessy?”‘Yes, Father, it is.”“And who was the girl you were with?”“I can't tell you, FatherI don't want to ruin her reputation.”“Well, T
“Forgive me Father, for I have sinnedI have been with a loose girl.”The priest asks, “Is that you, little Tommy O'Shaughnessy?”‘Yes, Father, it is.”“And who was the girl you were with?”“I can't tell you, FatherI don't want to ruin her reputation.”“Well, T
12.
A man is at work one day when he notices that his co-worker is wearing an earring.This man knows his co-worker to be a normally conservative fellow,and is curious about his sudden change in “fashion sense.”The man walks up to him and says,“I didn't know y
A man is at work one day when he notices that his co-worker is wearing an earring.This man knows his co-worker to be a normally conservative fellow,and is curious about his sudden change in “fashion sense.”The man walks up to him and says,“I didn't know y
13.
A 91-year-old lady comes to the dentist’s office in North Dakota.
She claimed it was an emergency, so the young doctor working in the clinic prepared himself for the worst.
The old lady walks into the dentist’s office with her cane in one hand, stru
A 91-year-old lady comes to the dentist’s office in North Dakota.
She claimed it was an emergency, so the young doctor working in the clinic prepared himself for the worst.
The old lady walks into the dentist’s office with her cane in one hand, stru
14.
A young lady came home from a date, rather sad.
She told her mother, “Jeff proposed to me an hour ago.”
“Then why are you so sad?” her mother asked.
Because he also told me he is not believe in god.
“Mom, he doesn’t even believe there’s a hell
A young lady came home from a date, rather sad.
She told her mother, “Jeff proposed to me an hour ago.”
“Then why are you so sad?” her mother asked.
Because he also told me he is not believe in god.
“Mom, he doesn’t even believe there’s a hell
15.
St. Peter and Satan were having an argument one day about baseball.
Satan proposed a game to be played on neutral grounds between a select team from the heavenly host and his own hand-picked boys.
“Very well,” said the gatekeeper of Heaven.
“But
St. Peter and Satan were having an argument one day about baseball.
Satan proposed a game to be played on neutral grounds between a select team from the heavenly host and his own hand-picked boys.
“Very well,” said the gatekeeper of Heaven.
“But
16.
A man was driving at 80 kph one day when he was passed by a 3-legged chicken.He accelerated and passed the chicken.Three minutes later the chicken passed him again as he was driving at 100 kph.The man tried to catch the chicken but it ran down a side road
A man was driving at 80 kph one day when he was passed by a 3-legged chicken.He accelerated and passed the chicken.Three minutes later the chicken passed him again as he was driving at 100 kph.The man tried to catch the chicken but it ran down a side road
17.
An atheist became incensed over Christmas holiday preparations.
He filed a lawsuit about the constant celebrations given to Christians and Jews while atheists had no holiday to celebrate.
The case was brought before a judge. After listening to the l
An atheist became incensed over Christmas holiday preparations.
He filed a lawsuit about the constant celebrations given to Christians and Jews while atheists had no holiday to celebrate.
The case was brought before a judge. After listening to the l
18.
A secretary walked into her boss’s office and said,
“I’m afraid I’ve got some bad news for you.”
“Why do you always have to give me bad news?” he complained.
“Tell me some good news for once.”
“Alright, here’s some good news,”
said the secr
A secretary walked into her boss’s office and said,
“I’m afraid I’ve got some bad news for you.”
“Why do you always have to give me bad news?” he complained.
“Tell me some good news for once.”
“Alright, here’s some good news,”
said the secr
19.
Bill Gates goes to purgatory.
St. Peter says, “Now Bill, you have done some good things, and you have done some bad things.
Now I am going to let you decide where you want to go”.
First, St. Peter shows Bill an image of Hell with beautiful women
Bill Gates goes to purgatory.
St. Peter says, “Now Bill, you have done some good things, and you have done some bad things.
Now I am going to let you decide where you want to go”.
First, St. Peter shows Bill an image of Hell with beautiful women
20.
A Catholic goes to confession. “Forgive me father for I have sinned.” He begins.
“Go on my son.” says the priest. “I swore the other day, in the most profane way.
” says the man. “Continue.” says the priest.
“I was on the golf course and I hit my
A Catholic goes to confession. “Forgive me father for I have sinned.” He begins.
“Go on my son.” says the priest. “I swore the other day, in the most profane way.
” says the man. “Continue.” says the priest.
“I was on the golf course and I hit my
21.
The librarian handed the chicken a book and the bird left.Ten minutes later, the chicken returned, tossed the book on the desk and said: ‘book, book, book, book'.The librarian handed the chicken a different book and the chicken left.Ten minutes later, the
The librarian handed the chicken a book and the bird left.Ten minutes later, the chicken returned, tossed the book on the desk and said: ‘book, book, book, book'.The librarian handed the chicken a different book and the chicken left.Ten minutes later, the
22.
When I first met my wife we went on our first date and I was pretty nervous.
I wanted to take her somewhere different to break the monotonous “first date” vibe of coffee or drinks so we decided to go to a local apiary to help transplant some bees to a
When I first met my wife we went on our first date and I was pretty nervous.
I wanted to take her somewhere different to break the monotonous “first date” vibe of coffee or drinks so we decided to go to a local apiary to help transplant some bees to a
23.
Tiger Woods shocks the gas station attendant when he says thisThe pump attendant obviously knows nothing about golf, greets him in a typical Irish manner completely unaware of who the golfing pro is“Top of the mornin' to yer, Sir” says the attendant.Tiger
Tiger Woods shocks the gas station attendant when he says thisThe pump attendant obviously knows nothing about golf, greets him in a typical Irish manner completely unaware of who the golfing pro is“Top of the mornin' to yer, Sir” says the attendant.Tiger
24.
The young man says to his date, “I really like the perfume you're wearingWhat's it called?”The young lady looks puzzled for a minute then searches through her purse, finally dumping the contents on the table between them.She searches through the pile and
The young man says to his date, “I really like the perfume you're wearingWhat's it called?”The young lady looks puzzled for a minute then searches through her purse, finally dumping the contents on the table between them.She searches through the pile and
25.
A man is in a bar and falling off his stool every couple of minutes.He is obviously drunkSo the bartender says to another man in the bar:“Why don't you be a good Samaritan and take him home.”The man takes the drunk out the door and to his car and he stumb
A man is in a bar and falling off his stool every couple of minutes.He is obviously drunkSo the bartender says to another man in the bar:“Why don't you be a good Samaritan and take him home.”The man takes the drunk out the door and to his car and he stumb
26.
A team of archaeologists were working in Jerusalem when they found a slab of rock with five figures carved on itIn order the figures were:A Woman. A Donkey. A Shovel. A Fish. A Star of David.After months of studying the rock and figures on it, the lea
A team of archaeologists were working in Jerusalem when they found a slab of rock with five figures carved on itIn order the figures were:A Woman. A Donkey. A Shovel. A Fish. A Star of David.After months of studying the rock and figures on it, the lea
27.
The boss of a big company needed to call one of his employees about an urgent problem with one of the main computersHe dialed the employee's home phone number and was greeted with a child's whispered, “Hello?”Feeling put out at the inconvenience of having
The boss of a big company needed to call one of his employees about an urgent problem with one of the main computersHe dialed the employee's home phone number and was greeted with a child's whispered, “Hello?”Feeling put out at the inconvenience of having
28.
A Texan farmer goes to Australia for a vacation.
There he meets an Aussie farmer and gets talking.
The Aussie shows off his big wheat field and the Texan says, “Oh! We have.
wheat fields that are at least twice as large.”
Then they walk around
A Texan farmer goes to Australia for a vacation.
There he meets an Aussie farmer and gets talking.
The Aussie shows off his big wheat field and the Texan says, “Oh! We have.
wheat fields that are at least twice as large.”
Then they walk around
29.
A group of tourists was visiting a crocodile farm and they were in a floating structure in the middle of a crocodile lake.The owner of the farm shouted:“Whoever jumps into the water and swims to shore, will receive 10 million dollars.”The silence was deaf
A group of tourists was visiting a crocodile farm and they were in a floating structure in the middle of a crocodile lake.The owner of the farm shouted:“Whoever jumps into the water and swims to shore, will receive 10 million dollars.”The silence was deaf
30.
… after taking some time to size Jim up and decide that he can trust him, Carl tells Jim about his plan to escape.“You see, ” Carl says “for the first 5 years I was inside, I trained my digestive system to follow my command. Now I can eat something and i
… after taking some time to size Jim up and decide that he can trust him, Carl tells Jim about his plan to escape.“You see, ” Carl says “for the first 5 years I was inside, I trained my digestive system to follow my command. Now I can eat something and i
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Eng Jokes
