1.
A man was out hunting.
He just happened to be hunting bears.
As he trudged through the forest looking for the beasts, he came upon a large and steep hill.
Thinking that perhaps there would be bear on the other side of the hill, he climbed up the steep incline and, just as he was pulling himself up over the last outcropping of rocks, a huge bear met him nose to nose.
The bear roared fiercely.
The man was so scared that he lost his balance and fell down the hill with the bear not far behind.
As he tumbled down the hill, the man lost his gun.
When he finally stopped at the bottom, he found that he had a broken leg.
Escape was impossible and so the man, who had never been particularly religious in fact this just happened to be a Sunday morning, prayed, “God, if you will make this bear a Christian I will be happy with whatever lot you give me for the rest of my life.”
The bear was no more than three feet away from the man when it stopped dead in its tracks… looked up to the heavens quizzically… and then fell to its knees and prayed in a loud voice, “O Lord, bless this food of which I am about to partake.”
A man was in a bad accident
A student comes to a young professors office
A man was out hunting.
He just happened to be hunting bears.
As he trudged through the forest looking for the beasts, he came upon a large and steep hill.
Thinking that perhaps there would be bear on the other side of the hill, he climbed up the steep incline and, just as he was pulling himself up over the last outcropping of rocks, a huge bear met him nose to nose.
The bear roared fiercely.
The man was so scared that he lost his balance and fell down the hill with the bear not far behind.
As he tumbled down the hill, the man lost his gun.
When he finally stopped at the bottom, he found that he had a broken leg.
Escape was impossible and so the man, who had never been particularly religious in fact this just happened to be a Sunday morning, prayed, “God, if you will make this bear a Christian I will be happy with whatever lot you give me for the rest of my life.”
The bear was no more than three feet away from the man when it stopped dead in its tracks… looked up to the heavens quizzically… and then fell to its knees and prayed in a loud voice, “O Lord, bless this food of which I am about to partake.”
A man was in a bad accident
A student comes to a young professors office
2.
Once upon a time an old man and a young man were living nearby.
The old man spread rumors that his young neighbor was a thief.
As a result, the young man was arrested by the police and brought to magistrate.
Days later the young man was proven innocent.
After been released he sued the old man for wrongly accusing him.
In court the old man told the Judge: He just made comments, didn’t harm anyone.
The judge, before passing sentence on the case, told the old man: Write all the things you said about him on a piece of paper.
Cut them up and on the way home, throw the pieces of paper out.
Tomorrow, come back to hear the sentence.
The next day, the judge told the old man: Before receiving the sentence, you will have to go out and gather all the pieces of paper that you threw out yesterday.
The old man said: I can’t do that ! The wind spread them and I won’t know where to find them.
The judge then replied: The same way, simple comments may destroy the honor of a man to such an extent that one is not able to fix it.
“If you can’t speak well of someone, rather don’t say anything.”
Let’s all be masters of our mouths, so that we won’t be slaves of our words.
A elderly man is stopped
Here I was sitting at the bar
Once upon a time an old man and a young man were living nearby.
The old man spread rumors that his young neighbor was a thief.
As a result, the young man was arrested by the police and brought to magistrate.
Days later the young man was proven innocent.
After been released he sued the old man for wrongly accusing him.
In court the old man told the Judge: He just made comments, didn’t harm anyone.
The judge, before passing sentence on the case, told the old man: Write all the things you said about him on a piece of paper.
Cut them up and on the way home, throw the pieces of paper out.
Tomorrow, come back to hear the sentence.
The next day, the judge told the old man: Before receiving the sentence, you will have to go out and gather all the pieces of paper that you threw out yesterday.
The old man said: I can’t do that ! The wind spread them and I won’t know where to find them.
The judge then replied: The same way, simple comments may destroy the honor of a man to such an extent that one is not able to fix it.
“If you can’t speak well of someone, rather don’t say anything.”
Let’s all be masters of our mouths, so that we won’t be slaves of our words.
A elderly man is stopped
Here I was sitting at the bar
3.
A young lady was waiting for her flight in the boarding room of a big airport.
As she would need to wait for a long time, she decided to buy a book to read and a packet of cookies to snack on.
She sat down in an armchair in the VIP room of the airport to relax and read in peace.
A man sat down in the next seat, opened his magazine and started reading.
When she took out the first cookie, the man took one also.
She felt irritated but said nothing.
She just thought: “What a nerve! If I wasn’t so nice, I would blacken his eye.”
For each cookie she took, the man took one too this was infuriating her but she didn’t want to cause a scene.
When only one cookie remained, she thought: “Aaah… What will this rude man do now?”
Then the man, taking the last cookie, divided it into half, giving her one-half that was too much! She was really angry now.
In a huff, she took her book, the rest of her things and stormed off to the boarding place.
For the next hours, she found it hard to forget what happened.
She couldn’t even focus reading her book how dare that guy, right?
When she sat down in her seat on the plane, she looked into her purse to take out her reading glasses, and to her surprise, her packet of cookies was there, untouched and unopened.
She felt so ashamed.
She realized that she was wrong.
She had forgotten that her cookies were kept in her purse.
The man had divided his cookies with her, without feeling angered or bitter, while she had been very angry, thinking that she was dividing her cookies with him.
And now there was no chance to explain herself… nor to apologize have you ever lost your cool and then realized later that you were in the wrong?
I’m sure that most of us have let’s save ourselves some embarrassment and make sure that we are in possession of all of the facts before reacting.
There are four things you can never recover… The stone after the throw;
The word after it’s said; The occasion after the loss, and the time after it’s gone.
Who Is Doing All The Work
A stingy old lawyer
A young lady was waiting for her flight in the boarding room of a big airport.
As she would need to wait for a long time, she decided to buy a book to read and a packet of cookies to snack on.
She sat down in an armchair in the VIP room of the airport to relax and read in peace.
A man sat down in the next seat, opened his magazine and started reading.
When she took out the first cookie, the man took one also.
She felt irritated but said nothing.
She just thought: “What a nerve! If I wasn’t so nice, I would blacken his eye.”
For each cookie she took, the man took one too this was infuriating her but she didn’t want to cause a scene.
When only one cookie remained, she thought: “Aaah… What will this rude man do now?”
Then the man, taking the last cookie, divided it into half, giving her one-half that was too much! She was really angry now.
In a huff, she took her book, the rest of her things and stormed off to the boarding place.
For the next hours, she found it hard to forget what happened.
She couldn’t even focus reading her book how dare that guy, right?
When she sat down in her seat on the plane, she looked into her purse to take out her reading glasses, and to her surprise, her packet of cookies was there, untouched and unopened.
She felt so ashamed.
She realized that she was wrong.
She had forgotten that her cookies were kept in her purse.
The man had divided his cookies with her, without feeling angered or bitter, while she had been very angry, thinking that she was dividing her cookies with him.
And now there was no chance to explain herself… nor to apologize have you ever lost your cool and then realized later that you were in the wrong?
I’m sure that most of us have let’s save ourselves some embarrassment and make sure that we are in possession of all of the facts before reacting.
There are four things you can never recover… The stone after the throw;
The word after it’s said; The occasion after the loss, and the time after it’s gone.
Who Is Doing All The Work
A stingy old lawyer
4.
Some scientists created a machine that automatically counts people’s swears when it’s near them, the machine was a big circle with arrows in the middle that would point to the number of swears.
So they bring it to a office building and after a couple days they come back and see the counter is in the 80s.
They then take it to a restaurant and when they come back it’s up around 150.
Finnally the bring it to a daycare center when they come back a couple days later, they can’t find the machine anywhere so they ask a kid hey where did our counter5000 go.
To which the kid replies “oh that, it’s arrows started spinning like a helicopter and it flew away”
Sorry this joke was originally in Russian I tried my best to translate
Two cannibals were walling down the street
An ant is lying in its deathbed in North Korea
Some scientists created a machine that automatically counts people’s swears when it’s near them, the machine was a big circle with arrows in the middle that would point to the number of swears.
So they bring it to a office building and after a couple days they come back and see the counter is in the 80s.
They then take it to a restaurant and when they come back it’s up around 150.
Finnally the bring it to a daycare center when they come back a couple days later, they can’t find the machine anywhere so they ask a kid hey where did our counter5000 go.
To which the kid replies “oh that, it’s arrows started spinning like a helicopter and it flew away”
Sorry this joke was originally in Russian I tried my best to translate
Two cannibals were walling down the street
An ant is lying in its deathbed in North Korea
5.
Dylan was practicing his golf swing in his front yard when he swung a little too hard and sent the ball through his neighbors window.
Dylan ran over and rang the doorbell three times.
After no one answered for a few minutes, he opened the door to see broken glass everywhere, a lamp lying on the ground, and a huge fat Arabian man wearing a turban sitting on the couch.
Dylan asked, “Who are you?”
The fat man replied, “I am a genie you have freed from that lamp.”
Dylan questioned, “Oh man, do I get three wishes?”
The genie replied, “Since you freed me by accident you only get two and I get one.”
Dylan thought about it and realized what he wanted, “I want to be the best golfer ever.”
The surprised genie said, “You sure?
Most people wish for money, but okay.
Now your wife gets one wish.”
Dylan brought over his wife who wished right away, “I want a million dollars every week of my life.”
The genie said, “Granted. And now for my wish, I have been cramped up in that lamp for many years so its been a while since I’ve been with a woman. I want one day of wild, crazy sex with your wife, Dylan.”
Dylan said, “No way!”
The genie replied, “Not even for a million dollars a week?”
Dylan turned to his wife, who said, “I guess for all that, I should. Well, not until Dylan leaves.”
Dylan said, “Okay, have fun, I guess,” and left.
Dylan’s wife then proceeded to have wild make love for the rest of the day with the genie.
When they were finished, the genie asked how old her husband was.
She said, “Forty-five.”
The Genie laughed and said, “Isn’t he a little old to be believing in genies?”
Bill and Tom went to a restaurant for dinner
They each go into the woods find a bear
Dylan was practicing his golf swing in his front yard when he swung a little too hard and sent the ball through his neighbors window.
Dylan ran over and rang the doorbell three times.
After no one answered for a few minutes, he opened the door to see broken glass everywhere, a lamp lying on the ground, and a huge fat Arabian man wearing a turban sitting on the couch.
Dylan asked, “Who are you?”
The fat man replied, “I am a genie you have freed from that lamp.”
Dylan questioned, “Oh man, do I get three wishes?”
The genie replied, “Since you freed me by accident you only get two and I get one.”
Dylan thought about it and realized what he wanted, “I want to be the best golfer ever.”
The surprised genie said, “You sure?
Most people wish for money, but okay.
Now your wife gets one wish.”
Dylan brought over his wife who wished right away, “I want a million dollars every week of my life.”
The genie said, “Granted. And now for my wish, I have been cramped up in that lamp for many years so its been a while since I’ve been with a woman. I want one day of wild, crazy sex with your wife, Dylan.”
Dylan said, “No way!”
The genie replied, “Not even for a million dollars a week?”
Dylan turned to his wife, who said, “I guess for all that, I should. Well, not until Dylan leaves.”
Dylan said, “Okay, have fun, I guess,” and left.
Dylan’s wife then proceeded to have wild make love for the rest of the day with the genie.
When they were finished, the genie asked how old her husband was.
She said, “Forty-five.”
The Genie laughed and said, “Isn’t he a little old to be believing in genies?”
Bill and Tom went to a restaurant for dinner
They each go into the woods find a bear
6.
There was this guy at a bar, just looking at his drink.
He stays like that for half of an hour.
Then, this big trouble-making truck driver steps next to him, takes the drink from the guy, and just drinks it all down.
The poor man starts crying.
The truck driver says, “Come on man, I was just joking. Here, I’ll buy you another drink. I just can’t stand to see a man cry.”
“No, it’s not that. This day is the worst of my life. First, I fall asleep, and I go late to my office. My boss, outrageous, fires me. When I leave the building, to my car, I found out it was stolen. The police said that they can do nothing. I get a cab to return home, and when I leave it, I remember I left my wallet and credit cards there. The cab driver just drives away.”
“I go home, and when I get there, I find my wife in bed with the gardener. I leave home, and come to this bar. And just when I was thinking about putting an end to my life, you show up and drink my poison.”
A young blonde visiting her doctor
At the pearly gates he was asked
There was this guy at a bar, just looking at his drink.
He stays like that for half of an hour.
Then, this big trouble-making truck driver steps next to him, takes the drink from the guy, and just drinks it all down.
The poor man starts crying.
The truck driver says, “Come on man, I was just joking. Here, I’ll buy you another drink. I just can’t stand to see a man cry.”
“No, it’s not that. This day is the worst of my life. First, I fall asleep, and I go late to my office. My boss, outrageous, fires me. When I leave the building, to my car, I found out it was stolen. The police said that they can do nothing. I get a cab to return home, and when I leave it, I remember I left my wallet and credit cards there. The cab driver just drives away.”
“I go home, and when I get there, I find my wife in bed with the gardener. I leave home, and come to this bar. And just when I was thinking about putting an end to my life, you show up and drink my poison.”
A young blonde visiting her doctor
At the pearly gates he was asked
7.
A mobile phone on a bench rings, and a man puts the phone on speaker and begins to talk as he puts on his golf shoes.
Everyone else in the room stops to listen.
Man: “Hello?”
Woman: “Honey, its me. Are you at the club?”
Man: “Yes.”
Woman: “I’m at the mall now and found this beautiful leather coat.
It’s only 1200 dollars right now, down from 1900
Is it okay if I buy it?”
Man: “Sure, go ahead if you like it that much.”
Woman: “Oh, thanks so very much. I also stopped by the Mercedes garage this morning and saw the new models. There was one that I really, really liked.”
Man: “How much?”
Woman: “80.000.”
Man: “OK, but for that price I want it with all the optional extras.”
Woman: “Great! Oh, and one more thing. The house that we looked at last year is back on the market. They’re asking 1,500,000.”
Man: “Well then, go ahead and make them an offer, but no more than 1,250,000.”
Woman: “Wow, great! I’ll see you later! I love you!”
Man: “Love you too, bye!”
The man hangs up. The other men in the locker room are looking at him in absolute astonishment.
Then he smiles and asks, “Anyone know whose phone this is?”
A Blonde Guy walks into a bar
I left three envelopes in your desk
A mobile phone on a bench rings, and a man puts the phone on speaker and begins to talk as he puts on his golf shoes.
Everyone else in the room stops to listen.
Man: “Hello?”
Woman: “Honey, its me. Are you at the club?”
Man: “Yes.”
Woman: “I’m at the mall now and found this beautiful leather coat.
It’s only 1200 dollars right now, down from 1900
Is it okay if I buy it?”
Man: “Sure, go ahead if you like it that much.”
Woman: “Oh, thanks so very much. I also stopped by the Mercedes garage this morning and saw the new models. There was one that I really, really liked.”
Man: “How much?”
Woman: “80.000.”
Man: “OK, but for that price I want it with all the optional extras.”
Woman: “Great! Oh, and one more thing. The house that we looked at last year is back on the market. They’re asking 1,500,000.”
Man: “Well then, go ahead and make them an offer, but no more than 1,250,000.”
Woman: “Wow, great! I’ll see you later! I love you!”
Man: “Love you too, bye!”
The man hangs up. The other men in the locker room are looking at him in absolute astonishment.
Then he smiles and asks, “Anyone know whose phone this is?”
A Blonde Guy walks into a bar
I left three envelopes in your desk
8.
An 80-year-old woman walks into a tattoo shop, looks directly at the artist and says, “I want to get a tattoo”.
The artist hesitantly replies “Well, ok where would you like this tattoo?”
Old lady: “actually I want two, one on the inside of my left thigh and one and the inside of my right thigh.”
Artist: “you know how much this will hurt? Are you really sure you want them there?”
Old lady barks at him: “of course I know that’s where I want them! I don’t care how much it will hurt!”
Artist: “okay, whatever you want then. Let’s take a look at art the art book to see if there is something you want.”
Old lady: “I already know what I want. I want a Christmas tree on my left thigh, and a turkey on my right thigh”
Artist: “uhhhh ok, I will do that, but could you answer me as to why you would want such a thing?”
Old lady: “because in sick of my husband complaining there is nothing to eat between Christmas and Thanksgiving!
A teacher was testing the children in her Sunday
A man was in hurry to catch a train
An 80-year-old woman walks into a tattoo shop, looks directly at the artist and says, “I want to get a tattoo”.
The artist hesitantly replies “Well, ok where would you like this tattoo?”
Old lady: “actually I want two, one on the inside of my left thigh and one and the inside of my right thigh.”
Artist: “you know how much this will hurt? Are you really sure you want them there?”
Old lady barks at him: “of course I know that’s where I want them! I don’t care how much it will hurt!”
Artist: “okay, whatever you want then. Let’s take a look at art the art book to see if there is something you want.”
Old lady: “I already know what I want. I want a Christmas tree on my left thigh, and a turkey on my right thigh”
Artist: “uhhhh ok, I will do that, but could you answer me as to why you would want such a thing?”
Old lady: “because in sick of my husband complaining there is nothing to eat between Christmas and Thanksgiving!
A teacher was testing the children in her Sunday
A man was in hurry to catch a train
9.
Haggling over a pricing structure with Dwayne Johnson
Dwayne Johnson recently came to the arts and crafts store I own looking to buy equipment for the wardrobe department for his latest movie.
He asked if we could quickly fill a large order of cloth-cutting shears.
I told him yes, but given the rush, we couldn’t offer a bulk discount.
For the next hour, Mr. Johnson haggled with me, insisting on paying a single, reduced price for the order of shears rather than the standard per-item price.
With my frustration growing, Mr. Johnson wouldn’t back down.
Finally, he made a desperate attempt to get the deal he wanted: he suggested we play any simple game of my choice; winner sets the price structure for the shears.
He then asked me what I wanted to play.
Unable to hold back my aggravation, I shouted: ROCK, PAPER, SCISSORS!
A hideous little orc is in the kingdom’s capital
A scientist is asked by the government
Haggling over a pricing structure with Dwayne Johnson
Dwayne Johnson recently came to the arts and crafts store I own looking to buy equipment for the wardrobe department for his latest movie.
He asked if we could quickly fill a large order of cloth-cutting shears.
I told him yes, but given the rush, we couldn’t offer a bulk discount.
For the next hour, Mr. Johnson haggled with me, insisting on paying a single, reduced price for the order of shears rather than the standard per-item price.
With my frustration growing, Mr. Johnson wouldn’t back down.
Finally, he made a desperate attempt to get the deal he wanted: he suggested we play any simple game of my choice; winner sets the price structure for the shears.
He then asked me what I wanted to play.
Unable to hold back my aggravation, I shouted: ROCK, PAPER, SCISSORS!
A hideous little orc is in the kingdom’s capital
A scientist is asked by the government
10.
A mathematician found out that a pipe was leaking, so he called a plumber.
The plumber changed a gasket and asked for $100.
“But how is it possible? You’ve been working for only 10 minutes and it takes me full week to earn $100”, exclaimed the mathematician.
“Well, that’s why I became a plumber but let me tell you something – I’ll give you the address of my company go there and say that you want to work as a plumber and don’t mention that you are a mathematician.”
And so the mathematician did soon he earned quite a lot of money.
But the company decided to educate the plumbers and send them to primary school on the first day the mathematician was asked to write the equation for the surface of a circle on the blackboard.
He could not remember it, but he wanted to use integral calculus to derive it.
However, he made some error and obtained a negative result.
He repeated the calculations twice, thrice – and still obtained a negative result.
He looked stressed at the class and found all the fellow plumbers shouting to him, “Change the range of integration! Change the range of integration!”
Dave Smith is on his death bed
Darryl and Harold were the best patients
A mathematician found out that a pipe was leaking, so he called a plumber.
The plumber changed a gasket and asked for $100.
“But how is it possible? You’ve been working for only 10 minutes and it takes me full week to earn $100”, exclaimed the mathematician.
“Well, that’s why I became a plumber but let me tell you something – I’ll give you the address of my company go there and say that you want to work as a plumber and don’t mention that you are a mathematician.”
And so the mathematician did soon he earned quite a lot of money.
But the company decided to educate the plumbers and send them to primary school on the first day the mathematician was asked to write the equation for the surface of a circle on the blackboard.
He could not remember it, but he wanted to use integral calculus to derive it.
However, he made some error and obtained a negative result.
He repeated the calculations twice, thrice – and still obtained a negative result.
He looked stressed at the class and found all the fellow plumbers shouting to him, “Change the range of integration! Change the range of integration!”
Dave Smith is on his death bed
Darryl and Harold were the best patients
11.
A man walked into work on Monday with two black eyes.
His boss asked what happened.
The man said, “I was sitting behind a big woman at church.
When we stood up to sing hymns, I noticed that her dress was caught in her crack, so I pulled it out.
She turned around and punched me square in the eye.”
“Where did you get the other shiner?” the boss asked.
“Well,” the man said, “I figured she didn’t want it out, so I pushed it back in.”
Jack wakes up with a huge hangover
A woman was terribly overweight
A man walked into work on Monday with two black eyes.
His boss asked what happened.
The man said, “I was sitting behind a big woman at church.
When we stood up to sing hymns, I noticed that her dress was caught in her crack, so I pulled it out.
She turned around and punched me square in the eye.”
“Where did you get the other shiner?” the boss asked.
“Well,” the man said, “I figured she didn’t want it out, so I pushed it back in.”
Jack wakes up with a huge hangover
A woman was terribly overweight
12.
A student comes to a young professor’s office hours.
She glances down the hall, closes his door, kneels pleadingly.
“I would do anything to pass this exam.”
She leans closer to him, flips back her hair, gazes meaningfully into his eyes.
“I mean…” she whispers, “…I would do…anything.”
He returns her gaze. “Anything?”
“Anything.”
His voice softens. “Anything??”
“Absolutely anything.”
His voice turns to a whisper. “Would you…study?”
A man was out hunting
A man walking along the beach
A student comes to a young professor’s office hours.
She glances down the hall, closes his door, kneels pleadingly.
“I would do anything to pass this exam.”
She leans closer to him, flips back her hair, gazes meaningfully into his eyes.
“I mean…” she whispers, “…I would do…anything.”
He returns her gaze. “Anything?”
“Anything.”
His voice softens. “Anything??”
“Absolutely anything.”
His voice turns to a whisper. “Would you…study?”
A man was out hunting
A man walking along the beach
13.
A young woman was taking an afternoon nap.
After she woke up, she told her husband, “I just dreamed that you gave me a pearl necklace for Valentine’s day. What do you think it means?”
“You’ll know tonight”, he said.
That evening, the man came home with a small package and gave it to his wife.
Delighted, she opened it – only to find a book entitled “The meaning of dreams”.
A wife found her husband standing
The old man says to the woman
A young woman was taking an afternoon nap.
After she woke up, she told her husband, “I just dreamed that you gave me a pearl necklace for Valentine’s day. What do you think it means?”
“You’ll know tonight”, he said.
That evening, the man came home with a small package and gave it to his wife.
Delighted, she opened it – only to find a book entitled “The meaning of dreams”.
A wife found her husband standing
The old man says to the woman
14.
Frank was excited about his new rifle and decided to try bear hunting.
He travels up to Alaska, spots a small brown bear and shoots it.
Right afterwards, there was a tap on his shoulder and he turned around to see a big black bear.
The black bear said, “That was a very bad mistake.
That was my cousin and I’m going to give you two choices either I maul you to death or we have making love.”
After considering briefly, Frank decided to accept the latter alternative.
So the black bear has his way with Frank, Even though he felt sore for two weeks, Frank soon recovered and vowed revenge.
He headed out on another trip back to Alaska where he found the black bear and shot it dead.
Right afterwards, there was another tap on his shoulder this time a huge grizzly bear stood right next to him.
The grizzly said, “That was a big mistake, Frank.
That was my cousin and you’ve got two choices, Either I maul you to death or we have rough make love.”
Again, Frank thought it was better to cooperate with the grizzly bear than be mauled to death.
So the grizzly has his way with Frank.
Although he survived, it took several months before Frank fully recovered.
Now Frank is completely outraged, so he headed back to Alaska and managed to track down the grizzly bear and shoot it.
He felt sweet revenge, but then moments later, there was a tap on his shoulder.
He turned around to find a giant polar bear standing there.
The polar bear looked at him and said, “Admit it Frank, you don’t come here for the hunting do you?
A 24 year old boy
A hotel guest calls the front desk
Frank was excited about his new rifle and decided to try bear hunting.
He travels up to Alaska, spots a small brown bear and shoots it.
Right afterwards, there was a tap on his shoulder and he turned around to see a big black bear.
The black bear said, “That was a very bad mistake.
That was my cousin and I’m going to give you two choices either I maul you to death or we have making love.”
After considering briefly, Frank decided to accept the latter alternative.
So the black bear has his way with Frank, Even though he felt sore for two weeks, Frank soon recovered and vowed revenge.
He headed out on another trip back to Alaska where he found the black bear and shot it dead.
Right afterwards, there was another tap on his shoulder this time a huge grizzly bear stood right next to him.
The grizzly said, “That was a big mistake, Frank.
That was my cousin and you’ve got two choices, Either I maul you to death or we have rough make love.”
Again, Frank thought it was better to cooperate with the grizzly bear than be mauled to death.
So the grizzly has his way with Frank.
Although he survived, it took several months before Frank fully recovered.
Now Frank is completely outraged, so he headed back to Alaska and managed to track down the grizzly bear and shoot it.
He felt sweet revenge, but then moments later, there was a tap on his shoulder.
He turned around to find a giant polar bear standing there.
The polar bear looked at him and said, “Admit it Frank, you don’t come here for the hunting do you?
A 24 year old boy
A hotel guest calls the front desk
15.
A man and his wife arrive from a business trip and go to his favorite steakhouse unaware of the mad cow outbreak in his town.
The waiter sits them and says, “Our special today is duck or shrimp.”
The man replies, “I want a T-bone steak medium-well.”
The waiter, a bit miffed continues, “What about the mad cow?”
The man looks at the waiter and says, “She can order for herself.”
A father is talking to his son about girls
Susie asks her mummy
A man and his wife arrive from a business trip and go to his favorite steakhouse unaware of the mad cow outbreak in his town.
The waiter sits them and says, “Our special today is duck or shrimp.”
The man replies, “I want a T-bone steak medium-well.”
The waiter, a bit miffed continues, “What about the mad cow?”
The man looks at the waiter and says, “She can order for herself.”
A father is talking to his son about girls
Susie asks her mummy
16.
One night, Little johnny wakes up and decides he needs to take a p!ss.
So he gets out of bed and on his way to the toilet he stops by his mom and dad’s room and catches them having lovemaking, he then says “Dad what are you doing with mom?”
His dad replies “I’m playing poker, your mum my partner now get lost!”
Then he stops by his sister’s room and this time catches her and her boyfriend having lovemaking and says “What are you doing?”
To which she replies: “I’m playing poker, my boyfriends my partner now go to bed you little freak!”
About an hour later little johnny’s Dad walks into his bedroom and says: “Johnny what are you doing.”
Johnny replies I’m playing poker, why?
“Who’s your partner then?” his dad asks.
To which Johnny says: “Who needs a partner when you’ve got a good hand.”
A depressed man walks into a bar
A father is talking to his son about girls
One night, Little johnny wakes up and decides he needs to take a p!ss.
So he gets out of bed and on his way to the toilet he stops by his mom and dad’s room and catches them having lovemaking, he then says “Dad what are you doing with mom?”
His dad replies “I’m playing poker, your mum my partner now get lost!”
Then he stops by his sister’s room and this time catches her and her boyfriend having lovemaking and says “What are you doing?”
To which she replies: “I’m playing poker, my boyfriends my partner now go to bed you little freak!”
About an hour later little johnny’s Dad walks into his bedroom and says: “Johnny what are you doing.”
Johnny replies I’m playing poker, why?
“Who’s your partner then?” his dad asks.
To which Johnny says: “Who needs a partner when you’ve got a good hand.”
A depressed man walks into a bar
A father is talking to his son about girls
17.
A man goes inside a pet shop and starts to move around the cages to scout the pets.
He sees a monkey with a price of 5000$ and goes to the merchant to ask for details.
Hey mister, the monkey…what does it know to worth that much money?
Well, it knows Windows 95, 98, 2000, and also knows Word, C++, Visual Basic and last but not least, it knows how to play computer games.
Good monkey, it’s worth the money.
He goes and finds another monkey with a price of 10000$ and again he will ask the merchant.
“What does this monkey know?”
“It knows Linux, Unix, Co rel and Auto-cad.”
“Nice, even I don’t know those things.”
On a last scout run he finds another monkey just sitting there with a price 20000$.
The story repeats, and he goes with a lack of confidence to ask the merchant for details.
“And what does this monkey do for that ridiculous amount of money?”
“I never saw her doing anything, but the other two call her Project Manager!”
A security guard has a dream
The bank robber
A man goes inside a pet shop and starts to move around the cages to scout the pets.
He sees a monkey with a price of 5000$ and goes to the merchant to ask for details.
Hey mister, the monkey…what does it know to worth that much money?
Well, it knows Windows 95, 98, 2000, and also knows Word, C++, Visual Basic and last but not least, it knows how to play computer games.
Good monkey, it’s worth the money.
He goes and finds another monkey with a price of 10000$ and again he will ask the merchant.
“What does this monkey know?”
“It knows Linux, Unix, Co rel and Auto-cad.”
“Nice, even I don’t know those things.”
On a last scout run he finds another monkey just sitting there with a price 20000$.
The story repeats, and he goes with a lack of confidence to ask the merchant for details.
“And what does this monkey do for that ridiculous amount of money?”
“I never saw her doing anything, but the other two call her Project Manager!”
A security guard has a dream
The bank robber
18.
A couple attended marriage counseling to resolve communication problems.
The fighting and bickering during the session was so bad the counselor called for a timeout and told them he was ending the session early but had an assignment for the husband.
“John,” the marriage counselor said, “you’re an athletic guy here’s what I want you to do. I want you to jog 10 miles everyday for the next 30 days. At the end of the 30 days call me and let me know how things are going.”
John agreed.
At the end of the 30 days, John called the marriage counselor very excited.
“I did just as you said and I have never felt better in my life!” he exclaimed over the phone.
“Great!” replied the counselor, “And how’s your wife?”
John paused and then replied with agitated dismay, “How should I know, I’m 300 miles from home!”
A little boy asked his dad
A couple are sitting in their living room
A couple attended marriage counseling to resolve communication problems.
The fighting and bickering during the session was so bad the counselor called for a timeout and told them he was ending the session early but had an assignment for the husband.
“John,” the marriage counselor said, “you’re an athletic guy here’s what I want you to do. I want you to jog 10 miles everyday for the next 30 days. At the end of the 30 days call me and let me know how things are going.”
John agreed.
At the end of the 30 days, John called the marriage counselor very excited.
“I did just as you said and I have never felt better in my life!” he exclaimed over the phone.
“Great!” replied the counselor, “And how’s your wife?”
John paused and then replied with agitated dismay, “How should I know, I’m 300 miles from home!”
A little boy asked his dad
A couple are sitting in their living room
19.
Wife’s Diary: Tonight, I thought my husband was acting weird.
We had made plans to meet at a nice restaurant for dinner.
I was shopping with my friends all day long, so I thought he was upset at the fact that I was a bit late, but he made no comment on it.
The conversation wasn’t flowing, so I suggested that we go somewhere quiet so we could talk.
He agreed, but he didn’t say much.
I asked him what was wrong; He said, “nothing.”
I asked him if it was my fault that he was upset.
He said he wasn’t upset, that it had nothing to do with me, and not to worry about it.
On the way home, I told him that I loved him.
He smiled slightly and kept driving. I can’t explain his behavior.
I don’t know why he didn’t say, ‘I love you, too.’
When we got home, I felt as if I had lost him completely, as if he wanted nothing to do with me anymore.
He just sat there quietly and watched TV.
He continued to seem distant and absent.
Finally, with silence all around us, I decided to go to bed.
About 15 minutes later, he came to bed.
But I still felt that he was distracted, and his thoughts were somewhere else.
He fell asleep; I cried. I don’t know what to do.
I’m almost sure that his thoughts are with someone else.
My life is a disaster.
Husband’s Diary, same day: A two-foot putt… Who the hell misses a two-foot putt?
A child asked his father
Wife had delivered twins
Wife’s Diary: Tonight, I thought my husband was acting weird.
We had made plans to meet at a nice restaurant for dinner.
I was shopping with my friends all day long, so I thought he was upset at the fact that I was a bit late, but he made no comment on it.
The conversation wasn’t flowing, so I suggested that we go somewhere quiet so we could talk.
He agreed, but he didn’t say much.
I asked him what was wrong; He said, “nothing.”
I asked him if it was my fault that he was upset.
He said he wasn’t upset, that it had nothing to do with me, and not to worry about it.
On the way home, I told him that I loved him.
He smiled slightly and kept driving. I can’t explain his behavior.
I don’t know why he didn’t say, ‘I love you, too.’
When we got home, I felt as if I had lost him completely, as if he wanted nothing to do with me anymore.
He just sat there quietly and watched TV.
He continued to seem distant and absent.
Finally, with silence all around us, I decided to go to bed.
About 15 minutes later, he came to bed.
But I still felt that he was distracted, and his thoughts were somewhere else.
He fell asleep; I cried. I don’t know what to do.
I’m almost sure that his thoughts are with someone else.
My life is a disaster.
Husband’s Diary, same day: A two-foot putt… Who the hell misses a two-foot putt?
A child asked his father
Wife had delivered twins
20.
One day while passing a nursing home I noticed six old ladies lying undressed on the grass.
I thought this was a bit unusual but I continued on my way to the store.
On my return trip, I passed the same nursing home with the same six old ladies laying on the lawn.
This time my curiosity got the best of me and I went inside to talk to the manager.
“Do you know there are six ladies laying undressed on your front lawn?”
“Yes,” he said.
“They are retired call girl and they’re having a yard sale!”
Undressing
Biker In A Roadside Bar
One day while passing a nursing home I noticed six old ladies lying undressed on the grass.
I thought this was a bit unusual but I continued on my way to the store.
On my return trip, I passed the same nursing home with the same six old ladies laying on the lawn.
This time my curiosity got the best of me and I went inside to talk to the manager.
“Do you know there are six ladies laying undressed on your front lawn?”
“Yes,” he said.
“They are retired call girl and they’re having a yard sale!”
Undressing
Biker In A Roadside Bar
21.
Sixty is the worst age to be,” said the 60-year-old man.
“You always feel like you have to pee and most of the time you stand there and nothing comes out.”
“Ah, that’s nothing,” said the 70-year-old.
“When you’re seventy, you don’t have a bowel movement any more.
You take laxatives, eat bran, sit on the toilet all day and nothing’ comes out!”
“Actually,” said the 80-year -old,
“Eighty is the worst age of all.”
“Do you have trouble peeing, too?”
asked the 60-year old.
“No, I pee every morning at 6:00. I pee like a racehorse on a flat rock; no problem at all.”
“So, do you have a problem with your bowel movement?”
“No, I have one every morning at 6:30.”
Exasperated, the 60-year-old said,
“You pee every morning at 6:00 and crap every morning at 6:30. So what’s so bad about being 80?”
“I don’t wake up until 7:00.”
A guy phones up his Boss
Bob was fixing a door
Sixty is the worst age to be,” said the 60-year-old man.
“You always feel like you have to pee and most of the time you stand there and nothing comes out.”
“Ah, that’s nothing,” said the 70-year-old.
“When you’re seventy, you don’t have a bowel movement any more.
You take laxatives, eat bran, sit on the toilet all day and nothing’ comes out!”
“Actually,” said the 80-year -old,
“Eighty is the worst age of all.”
“Do you have trouble peeing, too?”
asked the 60-year old.
“No, I pee every morning at 6:00. I pee like a racehorse on a flat rock; no problem at all.”
“So, do you have a problem with your bowel movement?”
“No, I have one every morning at 6:30.”
Exasperated, the 60-year-old said,
“You pee every morning at 6:00 and crap every morning at 6:30. So what’s so bad about being 80?”
“I don’t wake up until 7:00.”
A guy phones up his Boss
Bob was fixing a door
22.
An old Doberman starts chasing rabbits and before long, discovers that he’s lost.
Wandering about, he notices a panther heading rapidly in his direction with the intention of having lunch.
The old Doberman thinks, “Oh, oh! I’m in it now!”
Noticing some bones on the ground close by, he immediately settles down to chew on the bones with his back to the approaching cat.
Just as the panther is about to leap, the old Doberman exclaims loudly, “Boy, that was one delicious panther! I wonder, if there are any more around here?”
Hearing this, the young panther halts his attack in mid-strike, a look of terror comes over him and he slinks away into the trees.
“Whew!,” says the panther, “That was close! That old Doberman nearly had me!”
Meanwhile, a squirrel who had been watching the whole scene from a nearby tree, figures he can put this knowledge to good use and trade it for protection from the panther.
So, off he goes.
The squirrel soon catches up with the panther, spills the beans and strikes a deal for himself with the panther.
The young panther is furious at being made a fool of and says, “Here, squirrel, hop on my back and see what’s going to happen to that conniving canine!”
Now, the old Doberman sees the panther coming with the squirrel on his back and thinks, “What am I going to do now?,” but instead of running, the dog sits down with his back to his attackers, pretending he hasn’t seen them yet, and just when they get close enough to hear, the old Doberman says …….
“Where’s that squirrel? I sent him off an hour ago to bring me another panther!”
Moral of this story Don’t mess with the old dogs Age and skill will always overcome youth and treachery! and brilliance only come with age and experience.
A blind guy on a bar stool shouts
There was a man sitting at a bar
An old Doberman starts chasing rabbits and before long, discovers that he’s lost.
Wandering about, he notices a panther heading rapidly in his direction with the intention of having lunch.
The old Doberman thinks, “Oh, oh! I’m in it now!”
Noticing some bones on the ground close by, he immediately settles down to chew on the bones with his back to the approaching cat.
Just as the panther is about to leap, the old Doberman exclaims loudly, “Boy, that was one delicious panther! I wonder, if there are any more around here?”
Hearing this, the young panther halts his attack in mid-strike, a look of terror comes over him and he slinks away into the trees.
“Whew!,” says the panther, “That was close! That old Doberman nearly had me!”
Meanwhile, a squirrel who had been watching the whole scene from a nearby tree, figures he can put this knowledge to good use and trade it for protection from the panther.
So, off he goes.
The squirrel soon catches up with the panther, spills the beans and strikes a deal for himself with the panther.
The young panther is furious at being made a fool of and says, “Here, squirrel, hop on my back and see what’s going to happen to that conniving canine!”
Now, the old Doberman sees the panther coming with the squirrel on his back and thinks, “What am I going to do now?,” but instead of running, the dog sits down with his back to his attackers, pretending he hasn’t seen them yet, and just when they get close enough to hear, the old Doberman says …….
“Where’s that squirrel? I sent him off an hour ago to bring me another panther!”
Moral of this story Don’t mess with the old dogs Age and skill will always overcome youth and treachery! and brilliance only come with age and experience.
A blind guy on a bar stool shouts
There was a man sitting at a bar
23.
The bride tells her husband, “Honey, you know I’m a pure and I don’t know anything about lovemaking. Can you explain it to me first?”
“OK, Sweetheart. Putting it simply, we will call your private place ‘the prison’ and call my private thing ‘the prisoner’. So what we do is: put the prisoner in the prison.
And then they made love for the first time.
Afterwards, the guy is lying face up on the bed, smiling with satisfaction.
Nudging him, his bride giggles, “Honey the prisoner seems to have escaped.”
Turning on his side, he smiles.
“Then we will have to re-imprison him.”
After the second time they spent, the guy reaches for his cigarettes but the girl, thoroughly enjoying the new experience of lovemaking, gives him a suggestive smile, “Honey, the prisoner is out again!”
The man rises to the occasion, but with the unsteady legs of a recently born foal.
Afterwards, he lays back on the bed, totally exhausted.
She nudges him and says, “Honey, the prisoner escaped again.”
Limply turning his head, He yells at her, “Hey, its not a life sentence, OK!”
A husband and wife decided
A young couple decided to wed
The bride tells her husband, “Honey, you know I’m a pure and I don’t know anything about lovemaking. Can you explain it to me first?”
“OK, Sweetheart. Putting it simply, we will call your private place ‘the prison’ and call my private thing ‘the prisoner’. So what we do is: put the prisoner in the prison.
And then they made love for the first time.
Afterwards, the guy is lying face up on the bed, smiling with satisfaction.
Nudging him, his bride giggles, “Honey the prisoner seems to have escaped.”
Turning on his side, he smiles.
“Then we will have to re-imprison him.”
After the second time they spent, the guy reaches for his cigarettes but the girl, thoroughly enjoying the new experience of lovemaking, gives him a suggestive smile, “Honey, the prisoner is out again!”
The man rises to the occasion, but with the unsteady legs of a recently born foal.
Afterwards, he lays back on the bed, totally exhausted.
She nudges him and says, “Honey, the prisoner escaped again.”
Limply turning his head, He yells at her, “Hey, its not a life sentence, OK!”
A husband and wife decided
A young couple decided to wed
24.
There was a farmer who sold a pound of butter to the baker.
One day the baker decided to weigh the butter to see if he was getting a pound and he found that he was not.
This angered him and he took the farmer to court.
The judge asked the farmer if he was using any measure.
The farmer replied, your Honor,
“I am primitive
I don’t have a proper measure, but I do have a scale.”
The judge asked, “Then how do you weigh the butter?”
The farmer replied; “Your Honor, long before the baker started buying butter from me, I have been buying a pound loaf of bread from him.
Every day when the baker brings the bread, I put it on the scale and give him the same weight in butter
If anyone is to be blamed, it is the baker.”
What is the moral of the story?
We get back in life what we give to others
Whenever you take an action, ask yourself this question:
Am I giving fair value for the wages or money I hope to make?
Honesty and dishonesty become a habit
Some people practice dishonesty and can lie with a straight face.
Others lie so much that they don’t even know what the truth is anymore
But who are they deceiving? Themselves.
A wood-chopping contest
Share! Share!
There was a farmer who sold a pound of butter to the baker.
One day the baker decided to weigh the butter to see if he was getting a pound and he found that he was not.
This angered him and he took the farmer to court.
The judge asked the farmer if he was using any measure.
The farmer replied, your Honor,
“I am primitive
I don’t have a proper measure, but I do have a scale.”
The judge asked, “Then how do you weigh the butter?”
The farmer replied; “Your Honor, long before the baker started buying butter from me, I have been buying a pound loaf of bread from him.
Every day when the baker brings the bread, I put it on the scale and give him the same weight in butter
If anyone is to be blamed, it is the baker.”
What is the moral of the story?
We get back in life what we give to others
Whenever you take an action, ask yourself this question:
Am I giving fair value for the wages or money I hope to make?
Honesty and dishonesty become a habit
Some people practice dishonesty and can lie with a straight face.
Others lie so much that they don’t even know what the truth is anymore
But who are they deceiving? Themselves.
A wood-chopping contest
Share! Share!
25.
A new nurse at a hospital was perplexed by Dr. Smith’s behavior.
Off and on throughout her shift Dr. Smith would run up and down the hallway, yelling, “Tetanus, measles, flu!”
Very curious, the nurse asked the head nurse, “Why does Dr. Smith keep doing that?”
“Oh, just ignore him,” the head nurse said.
“He thinks he calls all the shots around here.”
A man was brought to Mercy Hospital
A doctor and engineer were in love with same woman
A new nurse at a hospital was perplexed by Dr. Smith’s behavior.
Off and on throughout her shift Dr. Smith would run up and down the hallway, yelling, “Tetanus, measles, flu!”
Very curious, the nurse asked the head nurse, “Why does Dr. Smith keep doing that?”
“Oh, just ignore him,” the head nurse said.
“He thinks he calls all the shots around here.”
A man was brought to Mercy Hospital
A doctor and engineer were in love with same woman
26.
During a visit to a closed institution, a visitor asks the director what criteria are used to decide whether someone has to be admitted or not.
The director says, “Well, we fill a bathtub, give the candidate a teaspoon, a cup and a bucket, and ask him to empty the bathtub.
The visitor:” Ah, I see, and a normal person would take the bucket with it it goes faster, yes? ”
Director:” No, a normal person would pull the plug …
Would you like a room with or without a balcony? “
A Man wishes every night
After 50 Years of Marriage, A Couple Was in Bed at Night, Then Wife Felt Something
During a visit to a closed institution, a visitor asks the director what criteria are used to decide whether someone has to be admitted or not.
The director says, “Well, we fill a bathtub, give the candidate a teaspoon, a cup and a bucket, and ask him to empty the bathtub.
The visitor:” Ah, I see, and a normal person would take the bucket with it it goes faster, yes? ”
Director:” No, a normal person would pull the plug …
Would you like a room with or without a balcony? “
A Man wishes every night
After 50 Years of Marriage, A Couple Was in Bed at Night, Then Wife Felt Something
27.
Two friends went to interview for the same job.
They were both in the waiting area when the first friend got called for his interview.
The second friend gave him a thumbs-up as he headed into the interview room.
The interviewer reviewed the man’s resume and then asked him a few questions.
The interview was going well until the interviewer asked, “So if you are on a moving train and it was very hot, what would you do?”
The man thought about it for a second and responded, “Well, I would open the window.”
“Amazing!” exclaimed the interviewer and asked, “Let’s say the train is traveling at 100 miles per hour, and the window is 1.25 sq ft. How much air would enter your cabin in a minute?”
The man thought about the equation for a while, tried to answer it but failed. So he was rejected and returned to the waiting room and his friend in despair.
He quickly told his friend about the interviewer’s question so he wouldn’t suffer the same fate.
The second friend was called into the interview room.
The interviewer reviewed his resume and began with a few mundane questions before asking, “If you are a train and it was very hot, what would you do?”
“Uh, well,” the friend stumbled on the question, “I would take my jacket off, of course.”
The interviewer responded, “Well, what if it was still too hot?”
“I would take off my shirt!” exclaimed the friend.
The interview then asks again, “What if it is still too hot, even without a jacket and your shirt?”
The man then said, “I would take off all my clothes, but I would not open the window!”
One night a blonde nun was praying
Two blonde girls walk into a store
Two friends went to interview for the same job.
They were both in the waiting area when the first friend got called for his interview.
The second friend gave him a thumbs-up as he headed into the interview room.
The interviewer reviewed the man’s resume and then asked him a few questions.
The interview was going well until the interviewer asked, “So if you are on a moving train and it was very hot, what would you do?”
The man thought about it for a second and responded, “Well, I would open the window.”
“Amazing!” exclaimed the interviewer and asked, “Let’s say the train is traveling at 100 miles per hour, and the window is 1.25 sq ft. How much air would enter your cabin in a minute?”
The man thought about the equation for a while, tried to answer it but failed. So he was rejected and returned to the waiting room and his friend in despair.
He quickly told his friend about the interviewer’s question so he wouldn’t suffer the same fate.
The second friend was called into the interview room.
The interviewer reviewed his resume and began with a few mundane questions before asking, “If you are a train and it was very hot, what would you do?”
“Uh, well,” the friend stumbled on the question, “I would take my jacket off, of course.”
The interviewer responded, “Well, what if it was still too hot?”
“I would take off my shirt!” exclaimed the friend.
The interview then asks again, “What if it is still too hot, even without a jacket and your shirt?”
The man then said, “I would take off all my clothes, but I would not open the window!”
One night a blonde nun was praying
Two blonde girls walk into a store
28.
A farm labourer with a sick wife, asked a Buddhist monk to say a series of prayers.
The priest began to pray, asking God to cure all those who were ill “Just a moment,” said the farm labourer.
“I asked you to pray for my wife and there you are praying for everyone who’s ill.”
“I’m praying for her too.”
“Yes, but you’re praying for everyone you might end up helping my neighbour, who’s also ill, and I don’t even like him.”
“You understand nothing about healing,” said the monk, moving off.
“By praying for everyone, I am adding my prayers to those of the millions of people who are also praying for their sick.”
“Added together, those voices reach God and benefit everyone separately, they lose their strength and go nowhere.”
The Bartender Is Impressed
She called in a repairman
A farm labourer with a sick wife, asked a Buddhist monk to say a series of prayers.
The priest began to pray, asking God to cure all those who were ill “Just a moment,” said the farm labourer.
“I asked you to pray for my wife and there you are praying for everyone who’s ill.”
“I’m praying for her too.”
“Yes, but you’re praying for everyone you might end up helping my neighbour, who’s also ill, and I don’t even like him.”
“You understand nothing about healing,” said the monk, moving off.
“By praying for everyone, I am adding my prayers to those of the millions of people who are also praying for their sick.”
“Added together, those voices reach God and benefit everyone separately, they lose their strength and go nowhere.”
The Bartender Is Impressed
She called in a repairman
29.
This woman’s husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months, yet she had stayed by his bedside every single day.
One day, when he came to, he motioned for her to come nearer.
As she sat by him, he whispered, eyes full of tears, “You know what?
You have been with me through all the bad times.
When I got fired, you were there to support me.
When my business failed, you were there.
When I got shot, you were by my side.
When we lost the house, you stayed right here.
When my health started failing, you were still by my side…
You know what?” “What dear,” she gently asked, smiling as her heart began to fill with warmth.
“I think you’re bad luck..
I wake up and my dog is with a rabbit in her mouth
A man took his pregnant wife to the hospital
This woman’s husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months, yet she had stayed by his bedside every single day.
One day, when he came to, he motioned for her to come nearer.
As she sat by him, he whispered, eyes full of tears, “You know what?
You have been with me through all the bad times.
When I got fired, you were there to support me.
When my business failed, you were there.
When I got shot, you were by my side.
When we lost the house, you stayed right here.
When my health started failing, you were still by my side…
You know what?” “What dear,” she gently asked, smiling as her heart began to fill with warmth.
“I think you’re bad luck..
I wake up and my dog is with a rabbit in her mouth
A man took his pregnant wife to the hospital
30.
Two buddies Bob and Earl were two of the biggest baseball fans in America.
For their entire adult lives, Bob and Earl discussed baseball history in the winter and they pored over every box score during the season.
They went to 60 games a year.
They even agreed that whoever died first would try to come back and tell the other if there was baseball in heaven.
One fall night, Bob passed away in his sleep after watching the Yankees victory earlier in the evening.
He died happy.
A few nights later, his buddy Earl awoke to the sound of Bob’s voice from beyond.
“Bob is that you?” Earl asked.
“Of course it me,” Bob replied.
“This is unbelievable!” Earl exclaimed.
“So tell me, is there baseball in heaven?”
“Well I have some good news and some bad news for you. Which do you want to hear first?”
“Tell me the good news first.”
“Well, the good news is that, yes, there is baseball in heaven, Earl.”
“Oh, that is wonderful! So what could possibly be the bad news?”
“You’re pitching tomorrow night.”
A nun and a priest were traveling
A man enters a barber shop
Two buddies Bob and Earl were two of the biggest baseball fans in America.
For their entire adult lives, Bob and Earl discussed baseball history in the winter and they pored over every box score during the season.
They went to 60 games a year.
They even agreed that whoever died first would try to come back and tell the other if there was baseball in heaven.
One fall night, Bob passed away in his sleep after watching the Yankees victory earlier in the evening.
He died happy.
A few nights later, his buddy Earl awoke to the sound of Bob’s voice from beyond.
“Bob is that you?” Earl asked.
“Of course it me,” Bob replied.
“This is unbelievable!” Earl exclaimed.
“So tell me, is there baseball in heaven?”
“Well I have some good news and some bad news for you. Which do you want to hear first?”
“Tell me the good news first.”
“Well, the good news is that, yes, there is baseball in heaven, Earl.”
“Oh, that is wonderful! So what could possibly be the bad news?”
“You’re pitching tomorrow night.”
A nun and a priest were traveling
A man enters a barber shop
Tags:
Eng Jokes
